We begin in Denver, as a hopefuls get ready for their big day…in the shower! Cut to the Denver venue, where Mario is on hand to greet us. Once again, in case we didn’t get it yesterday, Mario explains the categories–girls, boys, over 25s and groups. Thousands of Denver citizens have arrived to audition.
Yosselin Marquez. – 21 – “Only Girl” by Rihanna – She’s a BIG fan of Paulina. Her dream is to become FAMOUS just like her hero. Yosselin is a model in Denver. Oh. She has no idea who Simon is. Oy. She reads lyrics from a smart phone and she’s excruciatingly off key. Wait, what is she singing? I can barely tell. She must be kidding. SHE MUST BE. Of course, it’s 4 big nos. “I think that guy got mad because I asked him his name…WHATEVER,” she says.
Next is a montage of terrible, terrible auditions, Thomas Weiderspoon – 19 – “Your Man” – He’s like Scotty McCreery. Only not. Carrigan Bradley – Whoa. No. Kelly says she wanted to see more edge. Simon says it would be like trying to chop down a tree with a banana. Huh? What she needs is to not kill my eardrums. Amber Ferrari – Sceemy McScreamerton is a screamer. OK why am I blogging these horrible people? Sean Harris butchers “Amazing Grace”. Demi imitates Simon, in her best British accent. “This is the worst session,” says Ryan.
Rylie Brown – 15 – “Clarity” by Zedd – This chick was part of the preview I watched. She’s there with her momma. She forgets the words. Oh no. She wanders around the stage, trying to compose herself. She begins again, and finally gets in the groove. The vocals aren’t great, but she pours feeling into it. The audience is buying it. She’s so pitchy though. Yikes. Simon acknowledges that she messed up, but says, “Who cares, when you’ve got a voice like that.” He liked the maturity and control in her voice. Were we listening to the same singer? Paulina says her life is about to change FOREVER. Demi likes her tone. Kelly is willing to coach her. It’s 4 yeses. This girl is NOT ready for primetime.
Jeff Brinkman – 36 – “You Are So Beautiful” – Dude runs a doggie day care, which really excites Kelly for some reason. His daughter was born 6 weeks early, conveniently NOT interrupting his big opportunity! He’s got that Joe Cocker-like raspy voice, but without any range. His voice is so limited, he can’t finish phrases. He sounds choppy. Eh. He gets a standing o for that. Hm. Kelly loves Jeff’s sincerity. Paulina loves his raspy voice. Fresh and original? Really Paulina? Demi thinks he’s got a great recording voice. Simon calls it a brilliant vocal. Really? I feel like I’m living in some alterna-universe here.
Now we’re in Long Island
Jocelyn Hinton – 34 – “Firework” – She’s very proud to be from Pittsburgh. The black and gold. Hooray. She’s sure she can win. Which is a pretty good indication she’ll be awful. Also, picking the difficult “Firework” to sing is always a bad move. And indeed, she’s off key and can’t remember the words. “I got it I got it!” she says. Uh, no you don’t. Simon says the best part is when she forgot the words. She begins shouting another song “Saving All My Love for You.” Still horrible. Paulina begs her to stop. “I’m holding the microphone too close,” says Jocelyn, who continues to refuse to stop. She begs for a chance. “It’s not going to happen,” says Simon. Ha. Simon heads on stage to pull Jocelyn off. He puts his arm around her and leads her backstage. “When you watch this back, you’ll understand,” says Simon.
Now, a montage of singers DISAGREEING VEHEMENTLY WITH THE JUDGES.
Rachel Potter – 29 – “Somebody to Love” – She’s been afraid to go after her dreams of being a country singer. She’s a bartender in Nashville, and feels she needs X Factor, because it’s hard to compete with the teens and 20 somethings getting record deals. Kelly tells her, “Why be a spring chicken when you can be a fine wine?” Rachel explains she’ll be singing a country version of this Queen classic. But other than a little twang, it doesn’t sound very country at all. Kelly whispers to Simon that she has good control. She mostly does. She’s got a strong voice and a nice tone. She hits a money note and the crowd goes wild. I would have preferred to hear her solidly in her genre, though. “Amazing powerful future,” says Paulina. Kelly calls her a “beast.” Simon says she proved a point with her powerful performance. Demi says, “This industry is ready for you.” Simon says, “It’s 4 big fat yesses.”
OK Sir Mac is in the house. He’s taking over
That awkward moment where you forget the show you’re responsible for has a two night premiere? Yeah. That’s my awkward moment. Really long montage of the girl judges not agreeing with Simon. Filler.
Jorge Pena- 22 –
Is in love with Demi. He thinks his charm is going to be a huge hit with the ladies. He’s overly cocky. Kelly isn’t having it, before he even sings.He sings in Spanish. It’s alright. Nothing special. No girls cheer for him. He tells Demi over and over “tell me woman”. Demi tells him that whats really sexy is humility. Kelly calls him and agrees with Demi. He’s making it so hard for anyone to say yes to him. Demi says Yes. Paulina tells him he needs to change his attitude. He’s not a star yet. Paulina says Yes. Kelly agrees with Paulina. Yes. Simon gives him a yes, but wants ice cream.
Simone Torres- 19- Mustang Sally
She’s from Long Island. She likes to speed rap. She’s got a cool alto voice. She’s got a cleaner voice than Amy Winehouse, but it’s a little bit like that… if Amy Winehouse’s voice had been cleaner. The crowd goes wild for her at the end, and Simone starts crying. She has a unique voice. Yes from all four judges.
Russ Pouliot- 56- I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You
Oh lord. He’s studied with a private voice teacher for four years. He thinks he’s the next Andrea Boccelli. Excuse me while I jump from my roof. He’s awful. Like, I want to find his voice teacher and punch him in the face. Demi tries to get Simon to sing. Kelly goes up and steals the mic from Russ. We might hear Simon sing. COMMERCIAL BREAK! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! Simon sings, and mimics Russ’s voice. Russ is a No. LOL.
Roxxy Montana- Group (20,21,22)- One Night Only from Dreamgirls
Three Sisters. Their parents don’t don’t know they are here auditioning. They’re really good singers, but they CANNOT hear the music. They are all over the place. What a shame. Simon tells Temperence (one of the sisters) that her voice is better than her sisters. Kelly asks them to sing acapella. That was better. Simon thinks they are good, but Temperence is the secret weapon. Simon thinks they’re the best non-manufactured group that’s auditioned. They’re through to the next round.
Al Calderon-19- Sarah’s Smile by Hall and Oates
“and what category are you?” “I’m a boy.” LOL. His dad is proud of him. He wants to quit his job and pursue music. Kelly says his eyes are gorgeous. Starts off a little flat in places. This kid doesn’t do much for me. He’s OK. Not great. His vocal olympics are too much. He should get put into a boyband, not a solo act. He gets four Yes’s.
Denise Weeks- 41- The Greatest Love Of All
Subway singer. Sings for tips. Crap. She’s not very good. I really wanted her to be good. Simon stops her, and then asks her to do it acapella. When she gets up high it gets a bit better. I don’t think she’s amazing, and Lillie will eat her alive. She finishes strong though. Good not great. Seems like a very nice person though. Denise seems ashamed to tell Simon that she’s a subway singer. Demi has a friend who lived in Grand Central Station. Four Yes votes.
Another audition montage. Join me Wednesday for more X-Factor (and Thursday of next week!)
