WHY WASN’T THIS ON OUR TVs?
See you at 9/8c.
I find that it says a lot about the strength of my character and the state of our society when I fully expect a “Southern Belle Brunch” to be hosted by Phaedra Parks. Alas, this isn’t Atlanta, and Tim Gunn would never be caught dead in the presence of someone whose partial claim to fame involves the phrase “donkey booty.” (You totally want to have Southern Belle brunch with Tim though, right?)
The purpose of the brunch is to introduce the designers to southern culture so they can properly design a garment suited to a modern Southern belle.
Let us address what comes to mind when I hear the phrase “Southern Belle:”
-The aforementioned Phaedra Parks.
– A Streetcar Named Desire
– Gone With The Wind
– Butterfinger Snackers
– Amy from Big Brother 3.
Being that four of those women were crazy and one is not a person but a high-fructose riddled sugar product, I think I might have fared terribly at this. I also cannot sew or design things. I also don’t wear clothes. That’s not true.
Of course, perpetual opposite of a wallflower Ken takes every opportunity to remind anyone who’ll listen about just how knowledgeable he is about the South due to the virtue of having been born there, which on this show either means he wins, or else bombs so miserably that he moves to a small town in Washington state and begins clipping the “o” in “Minnesota.”
Oh, and again, someone usurped Alexander’s print. Maybe he shouldn’t work with plaid.
[NOTE: Due to a Cable Outage in southern Florida (undoubtedly trying to keep me from watching Southern culture be skewered to pieces) a portion of the episode – including TIMSULTATIONS – was missing from my recording, and therefore from this recap. I’ll make it up to you next time with Butterfinger Snackers.]
THE RUNWAY! At least I get to see the finished product! From Ken’s McDonald’s inspired Grimace dress to Helen’s floral, to Justin’s stunning coral cocktail dress, allowing the designers to work with actual fabrics turned out what I believe to be the season’s strongest work. Even Alexander and Bradon’s picnic blanket inspired looks come off sophisticated. The only obvious failure is Jeremy’s mother-of-the-bride outfit, which is neither sexy nor particularly southern. He lands in the bottom, along with Dom’s aquarium Homecoming Queen gown, and Ken’s purple frock – a decision that causes a major uproar in the back of Ken’s eyes, but that only materializes as a soft “……itsnotimportantrightnow.” (Bradon won.)
BUT WAIT! It becomes clear through the judges’ interrogation that they felt some contestants didn’t understand the challenge clearly, so – in an unprecedented twist – they send the bottom three back to the workroom to retool their garments. They have one hour and all of the leftover fabric to fix their looks, and are allowed to use the help of one designer. 60 minutes and several potential Keystone Cop montages later, the new dresses take the stage.
THE RUNWAY (PART TWO)! Ken merely recut his dress into a sexy brunch look with a flowy sleeve. Dom reverted to an earlier, discarded idea with a black and white print that is stunning and much better suited to the challenge. Jeremy does the same, slightly less successfully thanks to the fact his fabric looks like a lost remnants of an Inca death tomb – and becomes the night’s default casualty, unable to separate himself from his mumsy tendencies.
NEXT WEEK: Jeremy vs. Alexander throw irons at each other while wearing face masks. This is not a joke.