Tonight, it’s the Wild Card acts on America’s Got Talent. Contestants who didn’t make the cut at various stages of the competition get another chance. Each of the judges chose 4 acts for a do over.
Hm. With a couple of exceptions, there was a reason why each of these acts didn’t make it the first time. My picks for acts to make it through: Yellow Designs Stunt Team, Landon Swank (the best acts) and then…
The Kenetic King – Brought back by Piers – This is the nerdy guy with the elaborate card trick that went terribly wrong a couple of weeks ago. I felt really bad for him. I’m glad he’s getting another chance. Poor dude has worked even more obsessively to make the trick work. Tonight’s trick is with sticks, ping pong balls and soda cans. Balloons too! And trash cans. It is sort of a train wreck, but in a good way. REDEMPTION! He’s not going to make it to the next round, but at least he leaves the show a success.
Those Funny Little People – Brought back by Howie – I think Howie brought these silly puppets back just to annoy Piers. It’s good TV, people. Wow shots of the little people in front of urinals. The comedy just won’t stop. Lip syncing to They Might Be Giants “Constantinople”. What a waste of a perfectly good song. Shots of Piers with his hands over his face. This is all about the Piers/Howie relationship. Ha ha. Howie pretty much admits that he brought them back to piss Piers off.
Avery and the Calico Hearts – Brought back by Sharon – Erm. These are the pre-tween pageant-bot kid group. Fresh off the Toddler’s and Tiaras circuit, I’m sure they are so well rehearsed, it’s scary. They sing Dynomite in 3 part chipmunk harmony. Piers buzzed them. Oh mean! Ha. This makes me want to punch myself in the head. I hope they don’t advance. Piers buzzed them because he doesn’t think they are too young. YOU ARE CORRECT SIR. Howie thought it was rude to buzz them.
Seth Grabel – Brought back by Howie – Magician was surprised when he didn’t make it to the next round. Howie felt guilty cutting him, so he brought him back. Why don’t I remember this guy? So…he’s a tumbler too? I don’t understand this act. He made a car appear with and 3 mini judges got out. Sorry. I didn’t get it. Piers says there was no content in the act, and he is exactly right.
Shevonn – Brought back by Sharon – I don’t remember her at all, because this singer was cut in Vegas. She went home back to her day job. Sharon brought her back because she’s “different”. Well she has crazy hair and she plays guitar. Does that make her different? Actually, she’s not bad. Oh wait. Until she hits the chorus. She’s totally flat. And why the hell is pyro part of her stage act? Well kiddo, hope you enjoyed your short break from you day job. Sharon is making excuses for her, because she’s the only one who has not performed in the studio yet. Howie thinks they made a mistake letting her go. Geez. They all liked her.
West Springfield Dance Team – Brought back by Sharon – The team put this together in 5 days. More spooky stuff danced to Marilyn Manson’s “The Beautiful People”. It’s not much of a stretch beyond what they did last week. They appear to be one trick ponies. Sharon thinks there is an audience for a “horror dance group”. Howie said this performance didn’t ramp it up to the next level. YOU WOULD BE CORRECT SIR. Piers agrees.
J. Chris Newberg – Brought back by Howie – Deadpan comic roasts Piers Morgan and the crusty judge…liked it. He really really liked it.
Yellow Designs Stunt Team – Brought back by Sharon – I thought these BMX bike guys were pretty entertaining and was surprised they didn’t advance the first time. Ohhh. Great theme! Ya can’t go wrong with PIRATES! Smart move. Even better than last time. They judges really liked it. Maybe they’ll make it this time.
Charles Peachock – Brought back by Piers – Yay chainsaws? This guy played piano with a tennis balls last time. Now he’s juggling swords and shit. And not very well. It’s still boring. The best part of his last act was when he ripped off his shirt We need more of that right about now. Piers thought he blew it, because he dropped something.
Fiddleheads – Brought back by Howie – These guys do bluegrass versions of popular hits. Tonight they perform Bruno Mars’ “Grenade”. The singing isn’t very good, and I wish the bluegrass had been brought more to the forefront-kind of boring, actually. Piers buzzed them. He doesn’t think they work and the audience is booing like crazy. Sharon and Howie loved them.
Summerwind Skippers – Brought back by Piers – Double dutch jump ropers jump roping to Ke$sha. Oooh. edgy. (not really) Ooops. They messed up. Bummer. Ohh. They are jumping with fire now. BOOM FIYAH. I dunno, I find jump roping inherently boring, but they aren’t bad for what they do. They judges all liked it. They could get through.
Landon Swank – Brought back by Piers – Landon does a Houdini-style escape from water trick. Landon is padlocked and ready to hold his breath. If he doesn’t escape from the tank of water in a minute, the “safety team” will rush in to save him. Hidden behind a curtain, it raises to reveal Landon free from his chains, and his female assistant in the tank instead. That was pretty slick. Piers was all gloaty gloat that his magician was so good. Howie has to admit the trick was good, but thinks two magicians could make it through. Maybe. But that would be assuming the act Howie picked didn’t suck.