So You Think You Can Dance Judge, Mary Murphy’s Abusive Past

So You Think You Can Dance Judge, Mary Murphy details a nine-year abusive first marriage for a US magazine cover story:

Really, I have no words for what’s she’s describing here:

Where in the World is Joana Ceddia?...
Where in the World is Joana Ceddia? Beloved YouTuber Deletes Channel

She tells Us Weekly her ex-husband – whose name is being withheld but who says Murphy’s claims are “flat-out lies” – raped her for the first time three months after they wed.

“We’d had another jealous fight, screaming, crashing over furniture, and he said, ‘I want to have sex, ‘” Murphy, 51, tells Us Weekly. “I was like, ‘Are you kidding me?! We’re fighting here!’ He said, ‘You’re my wife, and you’ll do what I tell you!’ I pulled out a kitchen knife and screamed, ‘You’re going to have to stab me, because I’m not having sex with you!’ He knocked it out of my hands, held me down and raped me.”

After countless rapes, bruises and black eyes, and a 1982 miscarriage, Mary ended the cycle of abuse, making the decision to leave the marriage after she found out her husband, from a wealthy, prominent family in the Middle East, had proposed to another woman on one of his trips back home.

You can read more of the gory details HERE, or pick up the magazine at your newsstands now.

About mj santilli 33678 Articles
Founder and editor of mjsbigblog.com, home of the awesomest fan community on the net. I love cheesy singing shows of all kinds, whether reality or scripted. I adore American Idol, but also love The Voice, Glee, X Factor and more!

27 Comments

  1. Speaking of abuse, did anyone see how Leona Lewis was punched and slapped at a book signing today.

  2. Abuse is horrible. Period. Did you notice that she decided to leave only after she heard that another woman was involved. The sad part is that a lot of women will stay and take the abuse until another women is in the picure. Sometimes I think the mental and emotional abuse is far worse than the physical. Very sad.

  3. dflowers says Sometimes I think the mental and emotional abuse is far worse than the physical. Very sad.

    Yeah when a woman has a low or no self asteem they stay with the abuser. :(

  4. That’s horrible. I’m glad she was able to get out and hopefully is happy now.

  5. That makes me sick…..I’ve never heard that most women decide to leave only once they find out another woman is involved. Is that really common?

    Also, WTF Jen is back with John???? Is she on crack??!!

    Jen and John is just a booty call. They’ll be broken up once the sheets are cold.

  6. Let’s not forget Rhianna…

    Good thing Mary is a strong woman. DAMMIT IT ALL TO HELL. This makes me enraged.

  7. That makes me sick’ ¦..I’ve never heard that most women decide to leave only once they find out another woman is involved. Is that really common?

    No. That is not true at all. Most women stay in abusive relationships out of fear. Fear that if they leave, their abuser will finally kill them like he’s been saying all along. And, since most women who die in domestic violence relationships do in fact meet that end after they’ve found the courage to leave, the fear is very real.

  8. Oh goodness. It would be easy for me to say “why didn’t she just leave”, but unless you’ve been in that situation, you don’t know what you would do. That is probably why she would get so emotional when there was choreography that depicted abuse on SYTYCD. Glad to see she is doing great now.

  9. That’s awful, poor Mary. It’s hard to break out of that cycle, i’m glad she was able to do it.

  10. No. That is not true at all. Most women stay in abusive relationships out of fear. Fear that if they leave, their abuser will finally kill them like he’s been saying all along. And, since most women who die in domestic violence relationships do in fact meet that end after they’ve found the courage to leave, the fear is very real.

    This is absolutely true and so, so tragic. Leaving or attempts at leaving is what in the vast majority of cases escalates the violence and murder ends up being the end result all too often. I’m so glad she got out of the horrific situation and was able to rebuild her life.

  11. Wow. That’s sad. Really sad.

    One of my friends from college who now lives in Tulsa posted that spousal abuse is considered a pre-existing condition in Oklahoma. I had a fight with some dude on facebook about this because he seemed to think that was valid and the husband should pay. Right. Really likely. Apart from the sheer incompassionate nature of that, it seems like one more barrier for a woman to come forth and get out of such a situation. Gah.

  12. Right. Really likely. Apart from the sheer incompassionate nature of that, it seems like one more barrier for a woman to come forth and get out of such a situation. Gah.

    And one more reason her husband’s going to beat the shit out of her tonight.

    The only way to stop the violence is to get out. But to do that, these women understand that they’re taking a chance with their life. It’s a difficult and couragous decision made by a woman who’s already mentally beaten down. What those women need is support, not judgement.

  13. SPENSERJ

    No. That is not true at all. Most women stay in abusive relationships out of fear. Fear that if they leave, their abuser will finally kill them like he’s been saying all along. And, since most women who die in domestic violence relationships do in fact meet that end after they’ve found the courage to leave, the fear is very real.

    I didn’t mean that ALL women stay until another woman comes into the picture. It’s true that Fear is the number one reason they stay, but SOME women DO suffer the abuse and fear and humiliation, but the other woman is the last straw in their minds. They have been beaten so low mentally that that seems to be the only thing that finally makes them leave. I have seen it first hand.

  14. No. That is not true at all. Most women stay in abusive relationships out of fear. Fear that if they leave, their abuser will finally kill them like he’s been saying all along. And, since most women who die in domestic violence relationships do in fact meet that end after they’ve found the courage to leave, the fear is very real.

    Just happened here in Mpls a few weeks ago. The woman did everything by the book to get out of the relationship and now she’s dead after 22 years of abuse.
    http://www.startribune.com/local/north/63253237.html?elr=KArksUUUoDEy3LGDiO7aiU

    Hopefully the courts will start to consider “lethality” like it is suggested in the article.

  15. I don’t know that there’s any one way it happens. An emotionally abuse spouse can wreck havoc on a spouse’s life. Sure she may not fear for her life, but she’s been taught that her life isn’t worth living. The sad thing is that she believes it. So I’d say everybody is right here. Some women (at least one I know personally) don’t leave until there’s another woman. Some women fear for their lives. In any event it’s a heinous act of a coward that causes all the anguish.

  16. My heart goes out to Mary. Congratulations to her for all that she’s accomplished in her life despite such a long horrible experience.

    I will never get annoyed with her screeching again…

  17. Alright so Mary won’t mention his name but his picture is on the cover?

  18. rockvixen
    October 14, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    Alright so Mary won’t mention his name but his picture is on the cover?

    Not knowing if Mary had anything to do with the cover, I’d still say that if so, it shows her fear. If not her, I do know that this kind of thing causes a bunch of women fear. My scenario is “Well I’m not dead or even half so. Why would anybody even believe me?” I’m totally fucked.” Maybe he will beat the shit out of me. Will anybody care then?” No, why would anybody care about me.”

    Maybe (as I fear you might be intimating) that she’s full of shit, but if not her, believe me, it happens to women. Maybe the name is too piercing to her still. I just can’t judge. Nor can I say without certain that it did happen to her. But it does happen. I know from horrible experience. Nobody deserves the kind of treatment portrayed here…nobody.

  19. I’m glad Mary is smiling. But she has everything in her favor to overcome. I feel sorry for the women with no voice or no means to make a living.

    I’m just kind of annoyed with celebrities sharing their hardships. Try making a living on minimum wage and over coming life’s hardships. Maybe People should put on their cover regular women.

    Mary has a great job. A great opportunity. A million in one opportunity.
    Good for her. I don’t see her as a role model for regular struggling women.

  20. The whole thing’s so complicated. It seems as if the choices are easy ‘“ but life always gets in the way of logic. I had a friend in college whose boyfriend abused her. She wasn’t married to him – yet she put up with his hitting her. One day he made the mistake of doing it in front of me. I stood up to the bastard – backed him off. Told him to try hitting someone who’d hit back. We had been in a group – 10 or more people – yet there I was, alone – the only one who bothered to actually DO something. My friend was on the ground – our other friends backing away from her – leaving me to face down a man twice my size. But I did it. I did it out of instinct. I was abused as a child. Then I was too damn little to stand up for myself. That was NOT the case with my friend. I COULD do something ‘“ so I did. Perhaps it was stupid (he really WAS a bruiser) – but then I really didn’t expect everyone else to not interfere.

    End result? He sputtered, threatened ‘“ and backed the fuck off. He knew I’d hit back, you see (we took karate together). Know what my friend did? She ran after him asking him not to be mad at her. The very next week he put her in the hospital. I found out through some other friends. She’d dropped me, you see. I’d ‘upset her boyfriend’ ‘“ and he’d ordered her to not see me any more ‘“ so she ended the friendship. You know – I didn’t get it back then ‘“ why she clung to him. In many ways I still don’t ‘“ but I try not to judge. Perhaps that’s all she felt she deserved. God knows I came out of my childhood with a boatload of issues (many of which I still deal with). I do still step in when I see any kind of abuse, BTW. Someone has too. Far too many do what the rest of my friends did ‘“ turn a blind eye. I may get told to go to hell ‘“ but at least I step up to the plate. No one helped me as a child. I’m damned if I’ll ever allow that to happen if there’s anything I can do to stop it. So good on Mary for changing her life! Thank god she got out (whatever the reason). Abusers are like child molesters, you know ‘“ they never, ever change their stripes.

  21. Excellent post TFLS, and I can relate. I would probably respond in a similar manner, especially if the vistim is a child.

    iluvai , you also make reference to why some women stay in an abusive relationship. They cannot afford to leave. Add children, and being independent is even more difficult. I am glad Mary had a career to fall back on. Many women don’t.

  22. True, Grammie Kari. Add lack of health insurance to the list and you’ve hit the trifecta. If you or your child is chronically ill – that health insurance may be the only thing standing between you, your child, and death. Abuse may seem tolerable under those circumstances. So many women would walk out tomorrow if they could be sure their families health needs were taken care of. Funny that THAT’S never been mentioned in all the health care bumfuzzel – not needing to stay with an abusive spouse for the health insurance. What of your child has cancer? What do you do? Trying to find appropriate government programs (providing there are any) can take a year or more. Who pays for the treatment in the mean time? No – more women stay out of necessity than inclination. Mary had a well paying career. A woman with a sick child cannot find work. Who’ll hire someone who has to miss work on a regular basis? No – it’s a bad situation all ’round.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.