Kiddie Ki-Ki
The queens gather to de-drag and read Serena’s farewell message. Monica is relieved to have told everyone her secret: that she is a transgender woman (which means that she’s in the process of having a sex change). The others reassure her that they all love her.
The She-Mail message tells the queens to embrace their inner child. RuPaul arrives to explain what that means. To start, they will do a mini-challenge in teams of two to transform a child size mannequin into a toddler-in-tiara.
Alaska plays it up by turning into a pageant mother, scolding her mannequin and threatening to without a juice box unless the girl wins. Roxxy and Detox create “Vaxeline Androzz Zoe,” with Detox parodying super stylist to the stars Rachel Zoe. (I had to look up that reference!) Jinkx and Jade present their child, “Tina Lou Deveroux,” wearing a red prom dress. Ivy and Vivienne’s child is “Watermelon Sunshine.” She is wearing a red fairy dress and has prominent buck teeth.
Alyssa and Honey’s child is “Savannah Lee,” with pink star sunglasses. RuPaul laughs hysterically as Alaska and Lineysha present “Li’l Pound Cake.” Alaska describes the child’s first words as “You ain’t my daddy!” while Lineysha bends the girl’s hand in the finger gesture. Finally, Coco and Monica show “Patty Park Place” who, as Coco mentions, completed her reign as Junior Pageant Queen.
We see the obligatory bitch face from Alyssa at Coco’s throwing shade at her.
The winners are (obviously) Alaska and LIneysha. They become the team captains for the main challenge, which is to create a kid’s show in drag. Think Peewee’s Playhouse, but in drag… okay, just think Peewee’s Playhouse.
Alaska’s team (Detox, Roxxy, Monica, and Alyssa) put together “The Barnyard Bunch.” Alyssa pulls another bitch face when she’s assigned to play the cross-dressing uncle.
On Lineysha’s team (Honey, Coco, Jinkx, Ivy, and Jade), Coco gets frustrated at being cast as a ventriloquist’s doll. She and Honey try to write material, but Coco soon wanders off.
RuPaul tours the dressing room, asking the teams about their shows. Neither one sounds promising, but RuPaul is unable to come up with much advice, either.
We get another drama moment as Coco and Alyssa confront each other about the Miss Gay America pageant. Nothing is resolved and I am getting really tired of the whole thing.
Alaska’s team is the first to shoot their video. RuPaul (with Michelle Visage at his side) is shocked to see Alaska arrive wearing boy clothes as “Buffalo Bill.” Detox plays a chicken, Alyssa wears a five o’clock shadow, and Monica and Vivienne are pretty. That’s about all I can say about the shoot, except that Detox and Vivienne strong remind me of Raven and Jujubee in Season Two’s “Country Chicken” video challenge. I mean, it’s weird how similar they look.
It doesn’t seem possible, but LIneysha’s team is even worse at their video. Jinkx is good, playing a demented Glenn Close, but reveals the hidden word (“blow”) too soon, which throws Jade off. Lineysha and Ivy do a segment on bananas in both English and Spanish, which doesn’t seem that funny. When Honey and Coco do their bit, Coco is completely checked out. Michelle Visage rolls her eyes in despair as the shoot ends.
Now, these video shoots are usually something of a trainwreck. Very few competitors on RuPaul’s Drag Race come with television experience, so they always make newbie mistakes, but this one looked especially bad.
And so it’s proved on when the videos are shown to the judges. Alaska’s show gets polite laughter at the end, but when Lineysha’s is shown, the only response is a half-clap from Michelle. The guest judges, Paulina Porizkova and Coco (a different, female Coco), sit in horrified silence.
At this point, it has to come down to the runway. The theme is “Pretty in Pink,” which the queens do complete justice to. Roxxy is gorgeous in a flowing pink kaftan. She ends up in the top three. Detox wins for her look and for playing the chicken character.
Jinkx is a strong finisher — Michelle Visage declares her the one bright spot in Lineysha’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad video. Alaska is scolded for not doing drag in the video, but declared safe. Vivienne is safe, but with a stern warning from RuPaul: It’s not enough to be pretty. Step up!
When Coco is judged, she starts crying about Alyssa’s presence throwing off her game. Even RuPaul looks bored at the excuse. She and Monica are up for elimination.
They lip-sync to “When I Grow Up,” by the Pussycat Dolls. Monica says she’s going to bring it, but her energy is low. Coco strips her pink baby doll dress to reveal a pink “seven” shirt and white lace bloomers. She looks like a cheerleader (with a lingerie fetish) and pulls off a charming, high-energy performance. Monica blows Coco a kiss at the end that says, “I’m ready to go.”
And go she does, having served her purpose on the show. She gives her final interview looking beautiful and sophisticated in her evening gown and writes “Never be a victim” on the mirror.
