The story opens with Rachel learning that the first episode of “That’s So Rachel” was the first network show in history to get a zero share.

Paul , the executive who lured Rachel away from Broadway, has been fired–and so has she. “I’ll probably run another network.” says Paul. Network execs. Always failing upwards.  When Rachel asks what she should do, Paul suggests that she “blame everyone else, and then go home.”

Rachel packs her things, including her gold star. She’s escorted off of the studio lot, as she sings Alanis Morissette’s  “Uninvited.”  As a golf cart drives her away from her dreams, Rachel lets out  gut wrenching note.  Cut to the McKinley auditorium, where she’s singing, alone.

http://youtu.be/yDzxv1m2cuM

Adding insult to injury, when Rachel arrives home, she finds out the terrible news that her dads are divorcing. Only Leroy is there to greet her. He says that she can live in her old room as long as she wants…that is until the house, which was just put on the market, is sold. Words of wisdom from Leroy: “They say you really have to lose everything before you can find yourself.”

Cut to Rachel in a hat and sunglasses at the Lima bean.  As bad luck would have it, former principal Figgins is the barista and makes sure that every human in the shop knows that she’s back. Blaine is standing in line behind her. The two friends reunite

Glee time is so confusing. It looks like early fall in Ohio, but we learn that after Rachel was fired, she went into hiding for “months.” If you figure season 5 ended the spring before, when did “That’s So Rachel” premiere? Things that make you go Hm.

ANYWAY. Blaine feels for Rachel. He’s going through some rough times too. He’s back in Lima after a bad break up with Kurt. After everyone left, the couple bickered constantly. “I guess we were too young.” laments Blaine.  After the split, depression set in. Blaine’s grades slipped and he was cut from NYADA.  Now he’s home, licking his wounds. In the meantime, he’s the coach of his old glee club, The Dalton Warblers.

“Don’t you need a college degree to do that?” asks Rachel. NOT IN GLEE LAND APPARENTLY.  And, not when the Warblers faculty advisor comes down with Ebola and somebody needs to step in, stat!

The two clutch each other’s hands and vow to turn “these lemons into lemonade.”  That’s the cue to launch into a performance of “Suddenly Seymour” from Little Shop of Horrors. Blaine begins at the piano singing live, before Rachel steps in. They sing holding hands as they walk along the sidewalk, they croon amongst the instruments in a music store. Best friends forever! Things are already looking up.

http://youtu.be/svalf2u38_U

Cut to Sue Sylvester who has been running McKinley High with an iron fist. The cheerleaders, the football team and academics are all the “winningest” in the state. But she’s banned art and music completely.  So thoroughly, she helped Will find a new job as the coach of Vocal Adrenaline, and forced the remaining Glee club members to transfer out (Pretty lame way to write the actors out of the show. I suppose Sue also fired Marley’s mother from the cafeteria.)

Sue regularly patrols the halls with hounds, instituted mandatory weigh ins, force feeds the students kale. The Sue shtick is wearing thinner than ever. As Sue embarks on one of her rants, Rachel is standing by, listening, horrified.

And we’re back in New York City! Kurt reveals in voice over that it’s his 3rd year at NYADA and he’ll be spending it working with the old folks at the retirement home from “Old Dogs New Tricks,” mounting a production of “The Real Housewives.”  As NYADA is supposedly a prestigious performing arts school, this scenario is laughable. But we know it’s just a set up for Kurt to eventually spend his work study in Ohio, working at McKinley.

Months after breaking up with Blaine, Kurt is ready to get back into the dating scene. At a speed dating event, he meets a variety of guys. But one, who introduces himself as a psychic, zeroes in on the truth. “You’re not over this dude,” he says. ‘And I don’t need to be a psychic to tell you.” This gives Kurt pause.

Cut to Rachel and Blaine walking the halls of Dalton. Rachel may have failed at TV, but she’s a “show choir genius.”  Blaine wants her notes. As they enter the Great Room, the Warblers launch into Ed Sheeran’s “Sing.” Eventually, Blaine can’t resist joining them. They actually have a Warbler blazer and a bunch of bow ties in what looks like a glass fire box. Ha. Rachel can’t wipe the smile off of her face. After it’s over she laughs, “I think you are well beyond the maximum age to perform with these guys!” Ha. I’d say never, please.

http://youtu.be/V6Ke0pp93R8

The next day, Rachel is hanging out at football practice, where Coach Beiste puts the team through their paces.  Rachel overhears one of the players use a homophobic slur.  She proceeds to lay into him. Sam, who we learn is now an assistant coach for the team, tells her it’s cool because the newbie is gay.

“I’m a post modern gay teen.”  the newbie, Spencer, explains.  “Positive representations of gays in mass media gave me the confidence to be myself. ”

“Which,” he says before throwing a cup of water at Sam’s head, “is kind of a jerk.”

Noticing that Sue has turned the football team into a powerhouse, Rachel laments the absence of music and art at McKinley.  Sam agrees, but admits he’s powerless to do anything. He suggests Rachel take it up with Sue.

The eventual confrontation goes as you would expect. Sue calls Rachel an example of why it’s a good thing the arts have been banned from McKinley. “You were the best the arts had to offer, which means the arts don’t have much to offer, do they?”  There really is no rhyme or reason for Sue’s hatred of the Glee club at this point. The same tropes get played over and over and over again in Glee land. How many times has Sue had a change of heart about Glee, only to about face and hate them again? Sue has turned into the dumbest of useless caricatures.

Cut back to New York City. Kurt is waiting in a restaurant for a date. But his mind drifts. He remembers a rainy night. Blaine meets him. He’s a little late because he stopped by Mercer Kitchen. It’s available for a wedding on Labor Day. “Why am I always the first one to arrive,” says Kurt, obviously NOT wanting to talk about their wedding. “Let’s just order,  I’m starving.”  Blaine feels like all the wedding planning is falling on him. Kurt rolls his eyes.”What’s the matter?” implores Blaine. “Are you having second thoughts?” And indeed Kurt is. He hates the way they constantly bicker. How exhausting it is. “Living together is supposed to be a trial run,” says Kurt, angry now. “I think we are failing it.”  Blaine is angry now too. He feels constantly judged by Kurt. When Blaine asks if he even wants to marry him. Kurt blurts out “Maybe I don’t!” Blaine is devastated. He wants to know what’s changed. He loves Kurt.  He wants to make it work.  “I love you too.” says Kurt. “We’re kids.” Kurt sighs. “Let’s call it quits before we completely hate each other.”  Blaine is crying, devastated. He swears that he’ll never forgive Kurt. Ever.

Cut back to Kurt.  His date arrives. With tears streaming down his face he excuses himself.  The scene is DEVASTATING.  Really well acted too, especially by Chris Colfer who brings nuance and realness to every scene he’s in. Chris can speak volumes with the tiniest of gestures.

Once again, Klaine breaks up. Ryan Murphy loves to trash couples, over and over again, because he has no idea how to tell a romantic story.  A couple is either on or it’s off. There’s no organic development that gets them from A to Z.

On to happier moments. It’s Will Schuster and his adorable red headed baby. Little Danny gurgles and coos while Will runs a few show choir ideas by him. It’s the CUTEST thing. “Vocal Adrenaline isn’t like the New Directions,” Will says as Danny giggles. “I can’t rely on my old tricks if I want to win at sectionals. Which means no waiting until the last minute. No Mercedes to park and bark and no Journey!” Will looks so sad. But then: “Why do I worry when I get to come home every night and see that face!” he says.

As Will picks Danny up out of his chair, he counts off, and we’re at Carmel High School, where the robo-bots that are Vocal Adrenaline perform a precision performance of “Dance the Night Away.”  New Direction’s secret weapon was their heart. You’d think Will would impart some of that on his new charges. Nope. Oh look! It’s Max George from The Wanted singing lead!

http://youtu.be/g60t7Ak6TeY

Rachel arrives for a little pep talk from Will. She’s a little upset that he’s teaching the enemy, but he explains that Carmel pays 5 times the salary that McKinley did, and he has all the resources he needs. He’s got a family to worry about now.

Her TV show was one misstep, he says.  And then he makes an analogy about a guy shooting a bow and arrow.  That the more a bow is bent, the more potential is created. Life’s challenges are like the bending of a bow. Or something.  He suggests she find a purpose–an arrow to put in her bow. Rachel says her bow didn’t just bend, it broke.

Cut to Rachel’s living room, where Leroy, Sam, Blaine and Will force her to watch “That’s So Rachel.”  It really wasn’t that bad! But then on second thought. Yeah it was. I laughed out loud at Jim J Bullock as  “Cert”,  and Carrot Top in a wheelchair playing “Blartie”.  Cert says: “I just fed my worm to a Warbler.” What?  And there is a wagon full of cats with cancer who nearly get killed when a light fixture falls on Jim J. Bullock.

The others move to cheer her up. “You’re not going to be defined by this failure,” says Will “The future will judge you by what you do to come back from it.” Rachel takes that to heart.

Boldly, she visits the superintendent of Lima schools and convinces him to revive Glee club. She’s even willing to invest the money she’s saved from her TV show. The thought of bringing Sue down a peg (she’s after his job, of course) appeals to him and he agrees. The only catch? Rachel has to run it.

Rachel arrives at home to find a weepy Kurt in her bedroom. Remember when the kids vowed, at the end of season 5, to meet up in front of the loft 6 months later? Kurt showed up, in the rain, and nobody was there.  Kurt feels like he blew it. “Blaine is the love of my life,” he says. He’s come home to win him back. Kurt is in therapy and has learned that, unlike Blaine, he’s afraid of intimacy.

Really? Kurt internalizes his emotions, but he’s never struck me as a guy who is afraid of intimacy. Blaine, on the other hand, has demonstrated a tendency to co-dependency, which I would not confuse with a healthy attitude about intimacy. Kurt’s breakup with Blaine was harsh. I felt for Blaine. But it was as if Kurt was finally listening to his instincts, which have been telling him all along that they WERE too young.

Back to our story. Winning Blaine back will require time in Ohio. Rachel suggests that he help her run the Glee club.

Rachel and Kurt arrive at McKinley to get things set up. They promise to learn the names of the AV crew and the band this time. Hee. Sue arrives and is enraged that her state of the art computer room is being dismantled, and that Rachel and Kurt are GASP reviving Glee club. She calls them both washed up has beens, but somehow, the duo is unphased–even as Sue threatens annihilation.

The action moves to the gay bar, Scandals. Since good things never seem to happen there, it feels ominous. Kurt, waiting at the bar for Blaine, has an internal dialog running. “Just be cool,” he says to himself. Blaine arrives and greets him with a REALLY awkward hug. Blaine stops himself, just short of a kiss. Kurt cuts right to the chase. He’s returned home to win Blaine back. “I’m going to get your forgiveness,” says Kurt. “Then I’m going to get your heart back.”

“I’m seeing someone,” Blaine blurts, awkwardly. Kurt is devastated. But the worst is yet to come.  “I wanted to tell you in person. Especially because you know him,” Blaine says. “Please don’t say Sebastian Smythe!” Kurt says to himself.  Oh. No. SO MUCH WORSE.

And at that moment. DAVE KAROFSKY enters. Slaps Kurt on the back. That’s right. Blaine is dating Kurt’s former tormenter. The guy who threw him against lockers and hate kissed him. Sure he apologized for all that. But still. Dave kisses Blaine on the cheek. Kurt looks like he’s going to throw up.

A panicked dialog runs through Kurt’s head as he keeps a brave face. Blaine explains that the two connected at the club during “country bear” night. When did Blaine start liking bears? Kurt asks himself. Weirdly, the couple bonded over Kurt. Blaine vented, while Karofsky reminded him of how Kurt helped him through his suicide attempt. “Here we are!” says Dave. “Yogi and Boo boo!”  That’s Blaine’s pet nickname for them because “I’m his big bear and he’s my little cub!” Karofsky says, as he chucks Blaine’s chin. Kurt looks like he’s going to throw up.

Blaine hopes they can all be friends. “We can all hang out and stuff!” Karofsky says, cluelessly. Kurt excuses himself to the restroom. Blaine knows he’s upset. Kurt quickly lets himself into a stall and dissolves into tears as he sinks to the floor.

Now here’s the thing.  We know that eventually, fans will be serviced, and Kurt and Blaine will ride off into the sunset together. But Blaine, dating Kurt’s former bully? Really? How many terrible, destructive scenarios can a pair be put through before the notion that they are “soulmates” no longer rings true? There’s no rhyme or reason for a Blaine/Karofsky hook up, except to shock the audience. It’s so dumb. And the relationship is written so broadly, we know it’s not meant to be taken more seriously than a midgame obstacle for Klaine.

I would have rather Karofsky come back with his own storyline. I always wanted to know where life took him after his suicide attempt. I just hope that when the relationship comes to an end, Karofsky’s character isn’t tossed aside without closure.

The last scene has Rachel moving into her new office at McKinley. Will drops by to see how things are going. “I always thought one day Finn would take this place over,” says Will. SOB. I miss Cory.  Rachel will only stay at McKinley long enough to bring the Glee club back. After that, she’s headed back to Broadway. She’s going to get her dream back

Will reminds Rachel that she’ll be facing off against him and Blaine soon. She has to begin recruiting.  She says she will. But she has to do something first. And that is to sing “Let it Go” at the top of her lungs while the snow falls around her, as Sue turns into a frozen effigy, in her dreams.

The cold never bothered me anyway,” Rachel says as she pins the signup sheet to the wall, next to her gold star.

http://youtu.be/jnyw_WhVaTY

The episode ends on an optimistic note, but it was mostly messy and depressing. The next episode, “Homecoming” is more like the Glee we knew back in S1.

Glee Season 6 Premiere Part 2

Listen to Songs: Glee Season 6 Premiere Songs! Listen to FULL AUDIO Streams

Glee Season 6 Episode 3 – Jagged Little Tapestry

http://youtu.be/p8HSotKy8go

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