I don’t know about you, but as a Glee fan, I’m pretty excited for tonight’s episode, “Old Dog New Tricks.” It was written by my FAVORITE Glee star, Chris Colfer. The actor has already written and starred in a movie, Struck By Lightning, and has penned 3 books in a fairy tale series for middle schoolers (the third in the Land of Stories series is due this summer). Now, he is putting words in the mouths of his co-stars and I eagerly await the results!
Click to listen to FULL SONGS from “Old Dog New Tricks”
June Squibb (Nebraska), Tim Conway (Carol Burnett Show) and Billy Dee Williams (Star Wars) guest star.
I was mostly pleased with Chris Colfer’s first effort at writing a script for Glee. I thought the best bits were the scenes he wrote for his fellow cast members. Chris, knowing them nearly as well his alter ego Kurt, painted them with much love, care and affection. If he’s given the opportunity to pen another script, I hope he concentrates on the main characters, because the assisted living story line was less convincing.
Kurt, feeling lonely as his peers all find success, befriends an old Broadway vet played by June Squibb. He offers to help her with a production of Peter Pan being presented where she lives–at an elderly facility for retired performers. The residents are drawn as adorable old people, with dialogue that doesn’t fall naturally out of their mouths. When you have seasoned performers like June Squibb, Tim Conway and Billy Dee Williams seeming really awkward, the problem does NOT lie with the actors. Chris obviously has a lot of affection for the elderly, but his treatment of his subjects felt a little like a pat on the head. The weirdly drawn characters made that particular storyline feel, at times, lightweight and trite.
However, there was much that was right with Chris’ first foray into TV writing. He pays attention to continuity, explaining a few things we ALL were wondering about! Like, for instance, Kurt reveals that his band, One Three Hill, has been on hiatus after Elliott (Adam Lambert) left NYC for a yoga retreat and Dani’s (Demi Lovato) roller derby team became state champions.
And as a Kurt stan, I love that Chris “selfishly” addressed some of the issues with his character. Often the writers sideline Kurt, writing him as an appendage to Blaine or a foil for Rachel. Chris wrote Kurt a storyline with substance–one that allowed Kurt success. But the kind of success that really counts. Helping the folks at the assisted living place find their bliss helped Kurt to find his own. Self-fulfillment can’t be found in fame or friends or even a fiance. Happiness is an inside job.
Rachel got a really sweet storyline too. When the Broadway blogs catch wind that she lied to the Funny Girl producers to selfishly further her career, Rachel goes on a mission–with Santana’s help as her publicist–to rehabilitate her image. But when her cynical behavior (She creates a charity called Broadway Bitches to help shelter dogs find homes) is exposed, she realizes that she needs an attitude adjustment in all areas of her life.
The third storyline finds Sam adopting a dog against Mercedes wishes to prove to her that he can be responsible. Of course it all goes horribly wrong. Sam is hilarious as always, but Chris didn’t write him stupid. He makes callbacks to Season 2 Sam–the guy who was smart and responsible enough to help his family when they became homeless. Too often Glee forgets the past, constantly retconning characters to serve whatever the plot points of that particular episode happen to be. Chris made an effort to write his peers as flesh and blood people with histories. They all had to be happy about that.
The episode opens with everybody TOO BUSY for Kurt. Blaine has dinners and rehearsals with his “benefactor” June, Santana is working with Mercedes on her major label album. And Rachel is freaking out because the Broadway blogs have gotten wind that she lied to Funny Girl producers. She needs rehabilitation, stat. And a publicist. That’s where Auntie Snix comes to the rescue! Santana offers to be Rachel’s publicist. After lecturing a woman at the restaurant where the gang is eating, when she catches her stuffing a lap dog in her purse, Rachel believes she’s found her ticket out of haterville.
Kurt meets Maggie when she comes into the diner to hand out flyers to the production of Peter Pan The Lexington Home for Retired performers is putting on. My Favorite Hilarious Chris Line (One of Many) Maggie: “We thought we’d take a shot at it in case NBC cast Clay Aiken and it’s ruined for good.” Hee.
“Hey, Pillsbury, why the long face!” Maggie asks Kurt. “You look like the saddest doughboy in the world.” (Pillsbury would be Maggie’s affectionate nickname for her new friend.) He unloads his frustrations to a sympathetic stranger. Everyone in his life has moved on except for him. “All they need me for is to remind them of how talented and beautiful they are.” Oh Chris. is this a bit of meta directed at the writers? Heh. Eventually, Kurt learns that the woman he just poured his heart out to is THE Broadway legend, Maggie Banks. She invites Kurt to a Peter Pan rehearsal.
Rachel, Mercedes and Sam visit an animal shelter to convince them to partner in her benefit. It’s not a tough sell. When the dogs’ barking gets out of hand, Sam whips out his guitar, and the trio sing “Melt With You.” And who wouldn’t melt around a shelter full of adorable doggies? In the meantime, Sam falls in love with a cute little pup that he’ll eventually name McConaughey.
I Melt With You – Sam, Rachel, Mercedes, Artie and Santana
Back at the loft, Santana reveals her plan to kick off Broadway Bitches. It involves a new designer dress for Rachel that she’ll get to keep after she’s photographed in it, and a call to the paps to let them know the right place and time to show up with their cameras. When Kurt learns that Rachel, Santana and Mercedes are planning a performance for “Broadway Bitches,” he is really disappointed to learn that he’s not included. Rachel and Santana won’t say it out loud, but he’s simply not famous enough. “Gosh, you’d just think after everything, somebody would throw me a bone for once,” Kurt says, hurt.
If the girls don’t appreciate him, his new friend, Maggie, will. Kurt drops by the Peter Pan rehearsals in time to see Peter Pan make her entrance on a harness. Uh oh. Debbie’s dead. No really. She’s hanging lifeless. And she’s quite dead. Maggie is really mad that Debbie left them in the lurch (She was always so selfish! A bit of dark humor that falls a little flat). The home is full of people who have lost their reason to get out of bed, The show was Maggie’s reason. Kurt is so moved, he volunteers to play Peter. Maggie scoffs at his ability to sing a difficult female lead. We all scoff at Maggie scoffing, because we know, as Kurt explains, he’s a countertenor and the part will be a piece of cake. He demonstrates with a beautiful performance of “Memory” from cats. While i didn’t always love the dialog written for the old folks, I LOVED the performances. Photos of the actors when they were young performers (actual head shots) are form cut with their elder faces. It’s moving, especially when Maggie picks up the last verse and everyone joins in.
Memory – Kurt and Maggie (June Squibb)
Back at Chez Mercedes, McConaughey is tearing up the house while Sam and Artie play video games. Mercedes had no idea he brought a dog home. She’s even more pissed when the dog comes down the stairs with one of her expensive hair extensions in his mouth. Sam can’t even remember to pay the gas bill or take the recycling out. Hell to the no will he be able to take care of a dog. Mercedes orders him to bring it back from where it came.
Rachel arrives at her photo op with a handful of dogs. Blaine and Artie casually mention that it’s Rachel Berry, star of Broadway’s Funny Girl, out with her pets! As the paps snap away, and Rachel announces her benefit to the crowd, the pooches go after a guy eating a yummy sandwich. Rachel is comically dragged down the street by the hungry mutts, as the paps continue to snap away.
“At least you were wearing underwear!” Santana says later. Rachel is pretty sure she looks worse now, but Santana, like any good publicist, spins the events. “Everybody is talking about your activism!” Well, that’s one way to put it. Chris’ skewering of the phony baloney world of celebrity PR is just delicious. (Are you getting the message crazy shippers who actually believe Chris is part of some big PR plan to cover up a secret love affair with Darren Criss. Yes. I swear. There are people who actually believe this.)
Kurt arrives, excited to share his news about his new gig as Peter Pan. Needless to say, neither Santana nor Rachel are very impressed. “You cannot possibly be serious,” snarks Santana. Kurt is and he wants them to attend the performance on Monday. “As much as I’d love to watch himocchio and the geriatric puppets put on a depressing, sub-community theater show, Rachel’s event is that night.” Kurt is hurt and can’t understand why they won’t make an effort to attend the performance which is in the afternoon, before their benefit. But Rachel is too caught up in her own troubles to consider Kurt. “I bend over backwards, every time you need something. I need you now!” Or in other words “I pretty much exist as an appendage to your plot lines, Rachel Berry. I’m holding the pen. Now it’s my time to shine!” Heh. She reminds him that she’s got important work saving the animals. He reminds her that it’s complete bull crap. She’s really saving herself.
Sam puts together a puppy obstacle course in order to train McConaughey to be a good doggie who will melt Mercedes heart. He’s under the hilarious impression that he’ll be able to train him in a few hours. Artie and Sam sing “Werewolves of London” as they put the puppy through the paces. This cover could have been so lame, if it weren’t for Kevin McHale’s soulful stylings. He’s the best male singer on Glee. There. I said it. Awwwooohhhhh! Says the doggies. Cute little McConaughey isn’t mutilating little old ladies, I don’t think.
Werewolves of London – Artie and Sam
The old folks aren’t convinced they’re cut out for Peter Pan. Kurt insists that youth is a state of mind. To be young, you have to FEEL young, and in order to help them find their inner child, Kurt suggests replacing the original Peter Pan score with contemporary music (i.e. NBC has tied up the rights to Peter Pan for their upcoming live production). In the meantime, Maggie receives flowers from her daughter the defense attorney, who apologizes for having to miss the performance. Kurt feels sad for Maggie. But then even sadder still when the aide reveals Maggie sends the flowers to herself. She hasn’t seen her daughter in years.
Mercedes is impressed that McConaughey has been tamed. Nevertheless, she wants Sam to find him a new home. Both are way too busy to take care of a pet, between Mercedes’s upcoming tour and Sam’s long weird hours working as a model. Sam admits that he wants a dog, because he’s afraid of feeling lonely when Mercedes leaves. But also, he wanted to prove that he can be responsible. He reminds her that he took care of his whole family when they were homeless. Dang the expressions on the dog’s face during this serious conversation were so precious! Mercedes assures Sam that she takes him seriously, but with things so up in the air in their lives, there is no room for a dog. Maybe someday–but not now. Seriously, how can she resist that adorable puppy? I couldn’t.
Kurt wheedles his way into Maggie’s daughters’ office. She tries to throw him out when she figures out who he is and what he’s up to. “Is this some kind of Martha Raye Mark Harris thing? Because she doesn’t have any money.” Ha. Clara has a big chip on her shoulder. Maggie wasn’t always a sweet old lady. She was once so ambitious, she neglected her daughter, who has remained angry and bitter about that well into adulthood. Kurt urges her to make amends before it’s too late. She shows him the door, but before he leaves, Kurt drops a truth bomb, “My mom died when I was 8. I spent my entire life pretending that I had one. Whatever she did to you…yours is still here…you could heal all of this.”
At an afternoon adoption event, Rachel picks out a 3 legged puppy she plans to use for a photo op. When a young boy tries to adopt him, Santana and Rachel scoop the dog out of his arms. Come back in a few hours! They say. The boy’s mom narrows her eyes. She reads the blogs. She knows all about her need to repair her reputation. “You can’t redeem a lie, with more lies,” mom says. “You’re a fraud.” Santana is all “Don’t listen to her.” But Rachel knows the woman is right.
Blaine is barely in this episode. But to keep the Klainers from murdering him in his sleep, Chris wrote in a small scene between them, and it’s perfect. Blaine had no issues turning down a big event with June and her famous friends. “Drop all the names you want,” boasts Kurt, “but my old ladies are much cooler than yours.” Blaine laughs, “It’s so nice to see you so happy.” Kurt admits that for the first time since he arrived in the city, he feels like he’s doing something with purpose, outside of school. Blaine smiles, leaving Kurt with a kiss on the cheek for good luck.
Before the show, Kurt solidifies his friendships, both new and old. First, he makes Maggie an offer she can’t refuse–if their own friends and families are too busy, they can be family to each other. “As long as I’d be doing you a favor, I’d love to,” says Maggie. Kurt calls Rachel to wish her good luck on her benefit and let her know there are no hard feelings. She says that’s very nice, but she has to go because her best friend’s show is about to start. Aw. Kurt looks out into the audience and there is Rachel, Artie, Mercedes and Sam all waving at him. Not Santana. Maybe Naya Rivera had already been thrown off the Glee set by the time they filmed the scene. Oh well. It would make sense that she’d have to stay behind to take care of details for Rachel’s benefit.
Kurt has updated “Peter Pan” with “Lucky Star” by Madonna. He flies in a harness, twirling artfully while he sings a contemporary ode to Neverland. The old folks are behind him, singing back up. There’s Tim Conway, who probably never imagined he’s be singing and dancing to a Madonna song. Everybody dons sunglasses for the number. It’s oddball and wonderfully fun as the old folks are literally transformed into kids again (yes, actual kids pop into their places). After, Rachel gives Kurt a big hug, “This is going to be us when we’re older! So cute!”
During the number, Clara shows up with flowers. It feels a little abrupt. She was pretty angry when showing Kurt the door. The conversation between mom and daughter is a little pat and awkward, because there’s no real reason to believe Clara would have a sudden change of heart.
Lucky Star – Kurt and Maggie (June Squibb)
Rachel has a surprise. There’s a bus outside waiting to take the old folks to the benefit. They’re invited to be special guest performers at the Broadway Bitches benefit. Kurt asks if she’s ready for a second act. “I never believed in second acts,” says Maggie looking at her daughter, “But you’ve proven me wrong.” Kurt saves the day!
“That harness cannot be good for the sack puppies,” observes Sam. “Years of skinny jeans have prepared me for this performance,” deadpans Kurt.
At the Spotlight, where the benefit takes place, Rachel introduces the old folks and EVERYBODY sings “Take Me Home Tonight.” Pooches for everyone bitches! Even McConaughey finds a new home with a sweet looking elderly couple. A reporter from Broadway Buzz, the site that originally reported the negative gossip, is completely inspired by what she saw. New Broadway mixing with old! Plus an amazing cause! Rachel gives all the props to her amazing publicist, Santana, and her good friend Kurt, who brought in the Broadway performers. Kurt gives it right back to Rachel. “It was a true collaboration. We’re just happy to be giving back.” The trio hug. Probably the last time you’ll see that! Naya Rivera has been written out of next week’s finale. The Santana as publicist is an AMAZING idea and would have been a perfect turn for her character, if Naya were coming back to Glee, which she likely isn’t…
And thus ends an episode that mostly worked, with plenty of heart, and strong writing for the Glee regulars. Please come back and do that again, Chris Colfer.
Take Me Home Tonight – Everybody!
Promo For Next Week’s Finale – The Unamed Rachel Berry Project.
Alrighty then. Check out the weirdness in the last few seconds. Blaine and Brittany naked, in bed making out? Ryan Murphy is SUCH A TROLL. (I’m sure it’s just a fantasy sequence. Ryan loves stirring the pot).
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