We’re watching the Emmys 2013 right here! Neil Patrick Harris will host. There will be a special “In Memoriam” tribute to Glee star, Cory Monteith, and other television figures who died this year, and Carrie Underwood will perform in a special tribute to the music of the 60s.
Last week, a slew of Emmy awards were handed out. The rest will be awarded tonight.
Click for the Creative Arts Primetime Emmy Winners
The opening act: Neil Patrick Harris in a filmed bit. He’s let into a supersecret room to BINGEWATCH AN ENTIRE SEASON OF TELEVISION. There are televisions everywhere, flashing a zillion different shows. Cue the dance montage! And now it’s the reality competition shows. Simon Cowell! Howard Stern! “I’LL STAB YOU IN THE EYE” says Nigel Lythgoe. Neil conducts the talking tv heads in a trip through TV land 2013. Not my favoritist opening ever. I miss the singing and dancing.
Neil takes the stage. 30 million people around the world are watching. Neil reminds us that we can watch quality TV anywhere, any time. Yes, this is the golden age of television. After a few jokes that fell flat, Last year’s host, Jimmy Kimmel, begins to heckle him a little. He takes the stage to give him advice. “Enjoy every second of this. There’s a good chance they won’t ask you back next year. They didn’t ask Jane Lynch back.” And she takes the stage. “Hey didn’t ask me back because I’m a woman.” Neil says, “I didn’t think of you as a woman.” Before they come to blows, Jimmy Fallon enters. YOU NEED TO DANCE! (TRUFAX) “That’s too gay,” says Neil. AHHH IT’S Conan O’Brien! Now, my day will be made if David Letterman turns up. Yes, Conan hosted the Emmys BACK IN THE OLD DAYS. “It’s all going according to my plan,” says House of Cards star, Kevin Spacey from the audience. He’s scheming to become….the next Emmys host. Neil clears the stage. But then Amy Poehler and Tina Fey heckle from the audience. “Take your pants off and twerk it,” they demand. Neil refuses to twerk (thank gawd). They heckle him some more, and that’s a segway to the first presentation… Al Pacino looks really really confused. So am I, a little
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler presents Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series to Merritt Wever for Nurse Jackie. OK. That had to be the best acceptance speech ever. She says “Hello” pauses then. “I’ve got to go. BYE.”
L.L. Cool J and Malin Akerman introduce a video package featuring comedy writers nominated in the Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series category. And the Emmy goes to Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield for 30 Rock
Emily and Zooey Deschanel take the stage. Sisters! They present Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series to Tony Hale for Veep! MODERN FAMILY SCORNED. You have no idea how happy that makes me.
Time for the first special In Memoriam tribute. Robin Williams pays his respects to the legendary comic actor, Jonathan Winters. He shares an anecdote from the time Jonathan guest starred on Mork and Mindy. Robin calls him a big brilliant kid, who never grew up. “Thanks for the spark, big guy.” These tributes are very short. Which is probably for the best, considering how controversial they became.
Neil introduces Ray Chew from the Idol band, who is conducting the Emmy band!
Alec Baldwin and John Hamm present the Outstanding Comedy Actress to Julia Louise Dreyfuss for her work on Veep! This is her 3rd Emmy. Tony Hale stands wordlessly next to her, holding her purse, until he reminds her to thank her family. Julia’s acceptance speeches are A+
Margot Martindale and Will Arnett (They star in a new show called the Millers. PROMO) They’re whole schtick is based on the characters they play. Overbearing mama blah blah blah. They announce the Guest actor and actress in a comedy series winners. The awards were handed out last week at the Creative Arts Emmys. Melissa Leo, the winner, takes the stage. Bob Newhart will take the stage later.
Melissa Leo presents Outstanding Directing in a Comedy Series to Gale Mancuso for Modern Family. It is only the SECOND TIME a woman has won for Comedy Directing. Yay for her.
Jimmy Kimmel and Sofia Vegara present the next award. “Laughter kills innocent people,” says Sofia. They hand out the Outstanding Comedy Actor award to Jim Parsons of The Big Bang Theory. It’s the 3rd time he’s won. Fifth time he’s been nominated.
Rob Reiner takes the stage to pay tribute to his All in The Family co-star, Jean Stapleton who played Edith. He mentions the death of Edith Bunker in 1980. When she was killed off the “All in the Family” sequel “Archie’s place, Carol O’Connor’s character said, “You had no right to leave me that way without giving me another chance to say I love you.” Rob finishes, “Carol, Jean, I love you.” Tear.
Michael Douglas and Matt Damon, of Behind the Candelabra take the stage. They say a few words about Liberace. If you guys haven’t seen the HBO docu-special SEE IT NOW. So good. They introduce Sir Elton John, on hand to play a tribute. Elton looks so SPARKLY IN BLUE. I love Elton SO FREAKING MUCH. Elton makes a joke about not realizing he was gay. LOL Elton is going to sing a song “Home Again” off of his new album. It reminds him of Lee…or something. Sounded like a stretch to me. No, it has nothing to do with PIMPING HIS NEW ALBUM.
That’s out of the way. Now Michael and Matt present the Outstanding Lead Actress in a Mini Series or Movie to Laura Linney for the Big C Hereafter. Laura could not be there to accept her Emmy.
Now, a comedy bit with Neil Patrick Harris’ How I Met Your Mother doing a fake PSA on Excessive Hosting Disorder. They rag on him for hosting everything and everything. “I caught him naked, posting himself.” Finally, they hold a fake intervention. Arsenio Hall i leads the intervention but then is eventually led off to the “Ryan Seacrest Center for Excessive Hosting in Malibu CA.” OK. That made the bit.
Connie Britton and Blair Underwood present Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series to Henry Bromell for Homeland . Oh no. He died earlier this year. His wife accepts on his behalf. She’s tearful, but keeps it short. Aw.
Next, its Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series. And the Emmy goes to Anna Gunn for Breaking Bad. Bryan Cranston told her to breath!
Jane Lynch takes the stage to pay tribute to Glee star, Cory Monteith. She calls Cory a beautiful soul. But like the rest of us, he was not perfect. Cory’s death is a reminder of rapacious drug addiction . “We mourn the loss of all he could have been…this gifted young man was worthy of your love.” she says to his young fans. That was very sweet.
Neil insists he’s more than a song and dance man. BUT THEN AGAIN. Finally. He’s singing. It’s called “The number in the middle of the show.” Featuring the Emmy Gold Dancers! It’s disco time. I’m not sure what the point is. Nathan Fillion and Sarah Silverman join him on stage. Random! Sarah is going to try not to say vagina on TV. Neil has no problem with that. The joke is that the number is pointless. But it’s really not irony. THIS IS COMPLETELY POINTLESS. I would have rather had a fun opening number. But whatever.
Mindy Kalling and Stephen Amell take the stage to present Outstanding Reality Show to DRUM ROLL…….The Voice. WHAT KIND OF F*CKERY IS THIS. They wouldn’t even EFFING EXIST IF IT WEREN’T FOR AMERICAN IDOL. And THEY finally knock the Amazing Race of their perch? Hmf. The first singing competition to win an Emmy? Hmf.
Kerry Washington and Diahann Carroll take the stage. Diahann was the first African American actress to win an Emmy. She mentions how much hotter TV actors are today. She reads her bit off a piece of paper. It’s so distracting, I’m not sure what she said. She sure looks great, though. Kerry presents Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series to Bobby Canavale for Boardwalk Empire. It’s his second win.
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series goes to Jeff Daniels for The Newsroom. This is an upset, isn’t it? Jeff says he’s shocked.
Next, Don Cheadle takes the stage after a clip of Walter Cronkite announcing that President Kennedy had been assassinated. Don talks about how Television informed us, and helped us cope with the upheaval of the 60s, including Martin Luther King’s assassination. The Beatles on Ed Sullivan told us that it was OK to experience joy again months after the Kennedy assassination. It’s all about the immediacy of TV.
Carrie Underwood pays tribute (coughamericanidolwinnercough coughthattlebethedaywhenavoicecontestantisthatsuccessfulcough) to the Beatles with a lovely version of “Yesterday.” There’s a photo of the famous Beatles half moon album behind her. Interestingly, Carrie doesn’t change pronouns. Now, that’s honoring the original work. You go Carrie. *OK . Some of you were saying she was pitchy. I’ll have to listen to that again. Nope. Not pitchy to my ears. Choosing her for the tribute was a little random, I agree. Actually, the entire segment was kind of random.
The accountants are introduced. A confused Bob Newhart is standing with them.
Jimmy Fallon, speaking into an ever shrinking microphone, presents the Outstanding Actress in a Drama to Claire Danes for Homeland. This is her 3rd Emmy win. She mentions the Homeland writer who passed away.
Dean Morris and Amelia Clark announce Dan Bucatinsky and Carrie Preston as the winners of Guest Actor and Guest Actress in a Drama series (Handed out last week)
They present Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series to David Fincher for House of Cards. He’s not there. No speech!
Jim Parsons and Bob Newhart take the stage. Jim is so thrilled to share the stage with a TV legend. The audience is on their feet. They present Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series. Oh the video package for this category is always awesome! Always clever. Bob says “the winner is” and then corrects himself. Har. The Emmy goes to writers from The Colbert Report.
And for Outstanding Directing for a Variety Series, the winner is Don Roy King for Saturday Night Live. It’s his 4th consecutive Emmy win.
Michael J. Fox pays tribute to Family Tie’s producer Gary David Goldberg. Basically, he owes everything to him. These tributes are so short, they lack punch. Better just to keep them all contained in the “In Memoriam” montage.
It’s time for the choreography category. Neil surprises the nominees during their Emmy certificate lunch, with an announcement that not only will they be invited to perform on the show, but their category will be handed out on the big show. We see the choreographers brainstorming the number. And rehearsals.
And Neil is singing in the big choreography number. “Luck Be a Lady Tonight” is sung in every style imaginable to highlight different dance styles to server as backdrop for award winning shows like, Boardwalk Empire, Mad Men, Game of Thrones and American Horror Story. Yes, you’ve got your Contemporary, Jazz, Ballroom, Broadway and Hip Hop.
Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum, winner of Outstanding Reality Hosts, hand out the award to….Derek Hough for Dancing with the Stars
Alyson Hannigan and Cobie Smulders from How I Met Your Mother present the award for Outstanding Variety Series to The Colbert Report. Oh cool! The Daily Show had one an embarrassing number of times. So I’m all for this. He thanks Jon Stewart who helped him conceive the idea. He thanks his late mom “for not worrying about him and believing he’d be OK.”
And now it’s time for Edie Falco to pay tribute to her Soprano’s co-star the late James Gandolfini. She gets choked up as she speaks of his tremendous warmth and heart.
Anna Faris and Allison Janney from the CBS show Moms, take the stage to present Outstanding Writing for a Mini-Series or Movie to Abi Morgan for The Hour
And Outstanding Supporting Actor for a Mini-Series or Movie goes to James Cromwell for American Horror Story.
Kelly Cuoco and…somebody talk blah blah about the Television Academy and Foundation. Kevin Spacey shoos away a camera that’s right in his face. It gets a laugh.
And now it’s time to memorialize the rest of the dead people. In Memoriam. That was nice. Next year, ditch the special memorials.
Andre Brower and Mark Harmon present Outstanding Directing For A Miniseries, Movie Or A Dramatic Special to Steven Soderbergh for Behind the Candelabra. He keeps it short and sweet, thanking Matt and Michael.
Now, Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series, Movie or a Dramatic Special goes to Ellen Burstyn for Political Animals. That was a good show. Too bad nobody watched it.
Bryan Cranston and Claire Danes take the stage to present Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie goes to Michael Douglas for the HBO Liberace biopic, Behind the Candelabra. He makes a bunch of gay jokes as he acknowledges his co-star and competitor, Matt Damon. “This is a two handed award” and “Do you want the bottom or the top.” HAR HAR HAR. He thanks his family. His son Cameron, in particular, who is in jail on drug charges.
Now, it’s time for Outstanding Miniseries Or A Movie and it goes to Behind the Candelabra.
OK. These Emmys are running way over. I’m getting impatient.
Will Ferrell and his kids? Some kids? (WTF?) present the final awards of the night. Outstanding Comedy and Drama Series.
Outstanding Comedy Series – Modern Family – DAMN. I was hoping for a total shut out.
Outstanding Drama Series – Breaking Bad.
And we are FINALLY out.
Winners List
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom – Winner
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Damian Lewis, Homeland
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Connie Britton, Nashville
Claire Danes, Homeland – WINNER
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey
Vera Farmiga, Bates Motel
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Kerry Washington, Scandal
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Benedict Cumberbatch, Parade’s End
Michael Douglas, Behind The Candelabra – WINNER
Matt Damon, Behind The Candelabra
Toby Jones, The Girl
Al Pacino, Phil Spector
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Asylum
Laura Linney, The Big C: Hereafter – WINNER
Helen Mirren, Phil Spector
Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake
Sigourney Weaver, Political Animals
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
Louis C.K., Louie
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory – WINNER
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Laura Dern, Enlightened
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep – WINNER
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Outstanding Reality-Competition Series
The Amazing Race
Dancing With the Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef
The Voice – WINNER
Outstanding Variety Series
The Colbert Report -WINNER
The Daily Show
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Saturday Night Live
Real Time With Bill Maher
Outstanding Miniseries or Movie
American Horror Story
Behind the Candelabra – WINNER
The Bible
Phil Spector
Political Animals
Top of the Lake
Outstanding Comedy Series
30 Rock
The Big Bang
Girls
Louie
Modern Family – WINNER
Veep
Outstanding Drama Series
Breaking Bad – WINNER
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
House of Cards
Homeland
Mad Men
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
Bobby Cannavale, Boardwalk Empire – WINNER
Jonathan Banks, Breaking Bad
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey
Peter Dinklage, Game Of Thrones
Mandy Patinkin, Homeland
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad – WINNER
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Emilia Clarke, Game Of Thrones
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Morena Baccarin, Homeland
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series
George Mastras, Breaking Bad • Dead Freight
Thomas Schnauz, Breaking Bad • Say My Name
Julian Fellowes, Downton Abbey • Episode 4
D.B. Weiss and David Benioff, Game Of Thrones • The Rains Of Castamere
Henry Bromell, Homeland • Q&A – WINNER
Outstanding Directing For A Drama Series
Tim Van Patten, Boardwalk Empire
Michelle MacLaren, Breaking Bad
Jeremy Webb, Downton Abbey
Lesli Linka Glatter, Homeland
David Fincher, House Of Cards – WINNER
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
Adam Driver, Girls
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Bill Hader, Saturday Night Live
Tony Hale, Veep – WINNER
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory
Jane Lynch, Glee
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie – WINNER
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Anna Chlumsky, Veep
Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series
David Crane and Jeffrey Klarik, Episodes
Louis C.K., Story & Teleplay by Pamela Adlon, Louie
Greg Daniels, The Office
Jack Burditt and Robert Carlock, 30 Rock
Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield, 30 Rock – WINNER
Outstanding Directing For A Comedy Series
Lena Dunham, Girls
Paris Barclay, Glee
Louis C.K., Louie
Gail Mancuso, Modern Family – WINNER
Beth McCarthy-Miller, 30 Rock
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
James Cromwell, American Horror Story: Asylum – WINNER
Zachary Quinto, American Horror Story: Asylum
Scott Bakula, Behind The Candelabra
John Benjamin, The Big C: Hereafter
Peter Mullan, Top Of The Lake
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Asylum
Imelda Staunton, The Girl
Ellen Burstyn, Political Animals – WINNER
Charlotte Rampling, Restless
Alfre Woodard, Steel Magnolias
Outstanding Writing For A Miniseries, Movie Or A Dramatic Special
Richard LaGravenese, Behind The Candelabra
Abi Morgan, The Hour – WINNER
Tom Stoppard, Parade’s End
David Mamet, Phil Spector
Jane Campion and Gerard Lee, Top Of The Lake
Outstanding Directing For A Miniseries, Movie Or A Dramatic Special
Steven Soderbergh, Behind The Candelabra – WINNER
Julian Jarrold, The Girl
David Mamet, Phil Spector
Allison Anders, Ring of Fire
Jane Campion and Garth Davis, Top Of The Lake
Outstanding Writing For A Variety Series
The Colbert Report – WINNER
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Portlandia
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live
Outstanding Directing For A Variety Series
The Colbert Report, James Hoskinson
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, Chuck O’Neil
Jimmy Kimmel Live, Andy Fisher
Late Show With David Letterman, Jerry Foley
Portlandia, Jonathan Krisel
Saturday Night Live, Don Roy King – WINNER
Outstanding Choreography
Dancing With The Stars – Heart Cry – Derek Hough, Allison Holker – Choreographers
Dancing With The Stars – Hey Pachuco – Derek Hough – Choreographer -WINNER
Rogers & Hammerstein’s Carousel (Life from Lincoln Center) Wayne Carlyle – Choreographer
So You Think You Can Dance – Possibly Maybe/Turning Page/Sail – Sonya Tayeh – Choreographer
So You Think You Can Dance – The Power of Love/Wild Horses – Mandy Moore – Choreographer
So You Think You Can Dance – Call of The Wild (Circle of Life)/Love Cats/Beautiful Peoples – Choreographer – Napoleon and Tabitha Duomo
So You Think You Can Dance – Where the Light Gets In/Without You/Unchained Melody – Choreographer – Travis Wall
