On the leaderboard: Jennifer Grey is in the lead with 24 points. Margaret Cho, The Situation and David Hasselhoff are tied for last place with 15 points apiece. Who do you think will go home Tuesday night? I can’t decide….
For all that yak in the news about Sarah Palin sitting in the audience to watch her daughter Bristol? She wasn’t there. So much for that bit of gossip.
Live blog and videos after the JUMP…
Live blogging the Dancing with the Stars premiere here tonight! Join me.
Hi Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke! They introduce the brand new stars! Brooke has on a very sexay dress, slit down to her waist.
Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovolani – Cha cha cha – “California Gurls” – Audrina says she’s gonna stop partying to get in shape for DWTS! Audrina is not terrible. She can keep time at least, and she knows how to shake her hips. Len says, “You dance with confidence, good technique, good start.” Bruno compares her to a show pony, “You’ve got everything this show needs, but you need to push it much harder.” Carrie Ann says, “You’ve got the right attitude and the right body…You need more constructiveness. Be careful about jumping into your moves.” Oh those pesky lifts! Tony changed the routine at the last minute to make it more difficult – Carrie Ann – 6 Len – 7 Bruno – 6 – 19 – 1-800-868-3401 – VIDEO
Kurt Warner and Anna Trebunskaya — Viennese Waltz — “This Ain’t a Love Song” – Kurt’s having trouble with his “technique”. Anna says he has none. This famous quarterback is really stiff and awkward, clomping his way through the routine. Not really impressed. He’s got 7 kids! Bruno says, “You’re such a graceful quarterback. You have a natural stagecraft. The footwork is difficult, but I see great potential.” Carrie Ann also sees potential. “There’s something very natural graceful and debonair about it.” Len disagrees, “For me it had very little to commend it, I’m afraid. The footwork wasn’t good.” The judges break into an argument, but Len sticks to his guns. I ‘m with grumpy pants. I thought it was awkward. – Carrie Ann – 7, Len – 5, Bruno – 7, – Total – 19 – 1-800-868-3408 – VIDEO
Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer — Cha Cha Cha — “My First Kiss” – Lacey Schwimmer is now a blond. Just NO. I have no clue who this Kyle Massey dude is. Kyle is dressed as a school boy geek. Kyle’s tight white dress shirt does him no favors. I can’t stop looking at his belly jiggling. But he’s quite the fancy dancer, attacking the steps with verve. He’s pretty good. Carrie Ann says, “I think I just fell in love. You are like dynamite out there. Fantastical. Welcome back!” Len says, “I liked it. I didn’t like the locker room stuff..but once you got cracking I thoroughly enjoyed it.” Bruno says, “You are like an adorable naughty little puppy. Full of energy and enthusiasm. You are an entertainer. Brilliant. Carrie Ann – 8 – Len – 7 Bruno – 8 – 23 – 1-800-868-3403 – VIDEO
Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke — Viennese Waltz — “Crazy” – Ha ha…these basketball dudes are so freakishly tall.But you know what? For a big dude, he has an amazing amount of grace. He looks like a contender.Len says, “The height difference didn’t get in the way…smoothness, elegance, great posture, great job.” Bruno says, “I can’t wait to see you fighting it out here in the Latin next week.” Carrie Ann says, “I think you’re a fox. That was amazing. You had me sitting up. You’re posture was ridiculously gorgeous. I was blown away.” Carrie Ann – 8, Len – 7, Bruno – 7 – 22 – 1-800-868-3404 – VIDEO
Margaret Cho and Louis Van Amstel — Viennese Waltz — “We are the Champions” – “You do it like you’re sitting in the bathroom doing #2” – Louis. WTF? After somebody called her fat in dance class, Margaret never danced again. The dancing sucks, but I’m digging Margaret’s dragon lady costume. She’s fierce! But this dance is messed up. She’s getting lost in the folds of her costume, and it looks ridiculous (but funny) She’s going to be one of the first to go. Bruno says, “What the hell was that! You could dance…but it’s pushing it too far too soon.” Carrie Ann says, “Very bold choice. it was too overly dramatic for a Viennese Waltz.” Len “I was really encouraged at the start. The VW is an inappropriate dance to bring in all that comedic stuff.” I’m with the judges. It’s hard to be funny dancing the Viennese Waltz. Carrie Ann – 5, Len – 5, Bruno – 5 – 15 – 1-800-868-3405. – VIDEO
Brandy and Maks Chmerkovskiy — Viennese Waltz — “Cry Me Out” – Brandy thinks Maks is hot. Well, he is! Brandy dances like a ringer and will be dubbed so very quickly. She’s good. Carrie Ann says, “That was very beautiful. Be careful…you’re a little strong when you dance.” Len says, “That was fabulous.” Bruno says, “I love the taste of Brandy in the evening…you were really sweeping and electrifying. I can’t wait until next week.” Brandy SWEARS she hasn’t had a lot of dance experience (Yeah right). Carrie Ann – 7 Len – 8 Bruno – 8 – 23 – 1-800-868-3406. – VIDEO
Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas — Cha Cha Cha — “Mama Told Me Not to Come” – They’re calling her “Teen Advocate”? Seriously? Better than
“Teen Famewhore” I suppose. OMG. She strips off a sparkly suit to reveal a short red shimmy thing. Mark has choreographed as little dancing for her as possible and she’s still terrible. If she lasts, it’ll only be her notoriety that propels her. Len says, “You got through the routine, footwork was good, you need to loosen up a bit.” Bruno says, “For you this is virgin territory, you managed to stretch the back of your knee…work and you’ll get better and better.” I could make a virgin joke but…nah. Carrie Ann says, “I was so wrong! You have fantastic legs. I see a future for you.” Wow they TOTALLY went easy on her. Carrie Ann – 6, Len – 6, Bruno – 6 – 18 – 1-800-868-3407. – VIDEO
Florence Henderson and Corky Ballas — Cha Cha Cha — “Kiss Me Honey Honey Kiss Me” – Florence wants to have fun like Cloris Leachman did…but Flo says she’s going to take things very seriously. She’s not bad for an elderly lady (she’s 76). She started on Broadway, and I’ll bet she danced when she was young. Carol Brady’s got some technique. Bruno says, “Your a spunky lady. You’ve still got it. At times you look a little insecure, you’ve got to work on the technique.” Carrie Ann says, “You were having the time of your life…a few times you were out of it.” Len says, “This was great entertainment. What you’ve done with Florence is incredible.” Carrie Ann – 6, Len – 6, Bruno – 6 – 18 – 1-800-868-3409. – VIDEO
Michael Bolton and Chelsie Hightower — Viennese Waltz — “Life After You” – Michael says he has shoes older than Chelsie. Chelsie admits that Michael is stiff and clunky. Yep. He’s stiff and clunky. And awkward. I wish he still had his mullet. Carrie Ann says, “It’s all about leading…you allowed Chelsie to lead too often. You need to smile.” Len says, “I thought you had musicality I though you moved across the floor well. You’ve got to lift up a little bit.” Bruno says, “You get very tight, your posture gets worse. You really have to take it easy. Enjoy it. – Carrie Ann – 6, Len – 5, Bruno – 5 – 16 – 1-800-868-3402 – VIDEO
The Situation and Karina Smirnoff — Cha Cha Cha — “Break Your Heart” – The Situation. Ugh. I watched 5 minutes of “The Jersey Shore” once and I couldn’t take it. Karina says Mike doesn’t know what’s about to hit him. Dude! You’re no John Travolta. To say the least. Awkward! Len says, “I think you’ve got potential, you’re just under-rehearsed. You’ve got the guns, but not the ammunition.” Bruno says, “You’re going to look like a jack ass if you carry on like that. You’ve got to apply yourself. You’ve got to take this seriously.” Carrie Ann says, “I want to see what you bring back next week.” Situation really did half-ass that. I guess he had to tape his reality show and missed some rehearsals. Oh well. – Carrie Ann – 5, Len – 5, Bruno – 5 – 15 – 1-800-868-3410 – VIDEO
Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough — Viennese Waltz — “These Arms of Mine” – The song is from “Dirty Dancing” so of course, Jennifer starts CRYING. The manipulation here starts immediately. OMG. Talk about hitting us over the head. She’s good. Not as good as you’d think. But then, she’s 50 now. Bruno says, “Baby is back where she belongs. I know somebody up there is going to be proud of you.” Carrie Ann is crying, “Something very profound just happened here. Some things get better with age. You are one of them.” Len isn’t sucked in by the nostalgia, “This is a dance that suited you. I’m waiting for next week. Waiting to see you you can do the jive.” Let’s face it, Jennifer could have taken a dump on the stage, and she’d still be here next week. – Carrie Ann – 8, Len – 8, Bruno – 8 – 24 – 1-800-868-3411 – VIDEO
David Hasselhoff and Kym Johnson — Cha Cha Cha — “Sex Bomb” – The Hoff–talking about himself in third person. Oy. What a frigging cheeseball this guy is. Hoff is hamming it up as much as humanly possible to mask truly horrid dance skills. He threw off his sunglasses, stripped off his jacket. Please stop it there. I’m beggin ya. Carrie Ann says, “You’re the offspring of Donny Osmond and Jerry Springer.” Len says, “It’s never too early to panic. It was entertaining…next week, the quickstep, you have to up your technique.” Bruno says, “We do love the Hoff. All it was was insanity. No dancing. A potpourri of insanity. Focus on next week.” – Hoff’s dad is in the audience. Carrie Ann – 5, Len – 5, Bruno – 5 – 15 – 1-800-868-3412 – VIDEO
