UPDATE: Recap and Thumbnails after the jump.
- David Osmond – Age 29 – Provo, Utah – Musician – “Something Within Me” By Take Six -YES – VIDEO
- Tara Mathews – Age 21 Salt Lake City, UT – Bill Collector – “Some Day I’ll Fly Away” Moulin Rouge soundtrack – NO – VIDEO
- Aleesha Turner – Age 19 -Herriman, UT – Homemaker – NO – “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood
- Katie Sullivan -Age 18 – Orem, UT – Student – “Gorgeous” – NO
- Rich Kagel – Age 27 – Salt Lake City, UT – Advertising – “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” – NO – VIDEO (plus Aleesha and Katie)
- Chris Kirkham – Age 26 – Ogden, UT – Telemarketer – “Roll To Me” by Del Amitri – NO – VIDEO
- Frankie Jordan – Age 24 – Hollywood, CA – Waitress/Mom – “You Know I’m No Good” by Amy Winehouse – YES – VIDEO
- Meghan Corkrey – Age 23 – Sandy, UT – Font Designer – “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man”- YES – VIDEO
- Andrew Gibson – Age 21 – Kearns, UT – Student – “Oh Let Me Fly” by Harry Belafonte – NO – VIDEO
- Austin Sisneros – Age 17 – Riverton, UT – Student – “When I Look to the Sky” by Train, “It Takes a Village” by Raffi – YES – VIDEO
- Jarrett Burns – Age 24 – Orem, UT – Student – “Put Your Records On” by Corinne Bailey Rae – YES – VIDEO
- Taylor Vaifanua – Age 16 – Hurricane, UT – Student – “Joyful Joyful” – YES – VIDEO
- Rose Flack – Age 17 – Rathdrum, ID – Student – “I Feel The Earth Move” by Carol King – YES – VIDEO
13 Auditioners advance to Hollywood from Salt Lake City.
Salt Lake City offers more in the way of notable talent than Jacksonville, but I’m still bored stiff. I’m so ready for Hollywood…
Scene: Shot of thousands lined up in the dark for the Salt Lake City cattle call. Next, Ryan Seacrest voices over a shot of a darkened room: “…the judges room is still quietly waiting thousands of voices to pass through…”
Yeah right! Randy, Kara, Paula and Simon are waiting to see thousands. Really, folks are smart enough to do the math. Aren’t they?
More re-cap after the JUMP…
The sun does finally come up, to the happy, happy faces of Salt Lake City. The strains of REM’s “Shiny Happy People” play in the background, and I have news–that song as written is not meant to be a compliment.
The opening shot features David Archuleta–the Salt Lake City environs being his home base and all. Are the rest of the city’s peeps as nice and sweet as he? Well, as long as we’re stereotyping Mormons: Heck yeah!
David Osmond – Age 29 – Provo, Utah – Musician – …Something Within Me By Take Six -YES – With the auditions in Utah, an Osmond had to be involved in one way or another, no? David Osmond is the son of oldest Osmond brother Allen. And as if his pedigree isn’t enough of a backstory, David and his dad both have MS. At one point, David was in a wheelchair, but he’s in remission at the moment. His singing is OK, but he reminds me a bit of last year’s Luke Menard–he doesn’t have the chops or charisma to sing solo. The judges all seem skeptical, but heh he’s an Osmond! He’ll be good TV for the Hollywood Rounds, at least. – VIDEO
Tara Mathews – Age 21 Salt Lake City, UT – Bill Collector – …Some Day Ill Fly Away Moulin Rouge soundtrack – NO – I hardly think Tara is the “only goth in Salt Lake City.” As a metropolitan city and the capital of Utah, SLC has all sorts of people living there. Anyway, Tara is a good example of how boring these auditions have become. How many times have we seen the variation on the faux goth/heavy metal/rocker-with-crappy-vocals-who-swears-their-way-out-of-the-building after Simon insults them? Yawn. And for the record, Simon says, “The whole thing was just horrendous…you sounded like a baby.” Am I the only one who thinks it’s funny she’s a bill collector? – VIDEO
Next, a montage of suckitude: Aleesha Turner – Age 19 -Herriman, UT – Homemaker – …Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood (this is actually pretty lolz-worthy), Katie Sullivan -Age 18 – Orem, UT – Student – …Gorgeous (All that was missing were the Jazz! Hands!) and Noah
Rich Kagel – Age 27 – Salt Lake City, UT – Advertising – …Aint No Mountain High Enough (Skeery make-up!) – VIDEO
Chris Kirkham – Age 26 – Ogden, UT – Telemarketer – …Roll To Me by Del Amitri – NO – “Some people brought the lucky rabbits foot, ” says Chris, “I brought the whole rabbit.” A “pink nightmare” of a rabbit, no less. And if that’s not skeery enough, Chris brings along a “flat Simon”–that’s a photo of Simon’s head pasted on to a stick. “This is weird, ” says Kara. Greg, the giant bunny proves to be so distracting, the panel can barely listen to Chris’s middling vocals. In the end, he doesn’t make it through, but Simon gets a giant hug–he literally lifts him off the ground–from bunny guy. – VIDEO
Since David Archuleta is so nice, every single human being living in Salt Lake City must be too! Golly-Gee-Wilikers-Oh-My-Heck!
After, a string of contestants thank the judges politely as they’re told, “Hell, no! You stink!” Ryan gives the kids a pep talk. “For the love of God, stop being so damn nice! It’s not good TV!” Ok, he doesn’t say exactly that, but something close. Funny this is one moment that doesn’t feel entirely scripted to me. Heh.
Frankie Jordan – Age 24 – Hollywood, CA – Waitress/Mom – …You Know Im No Good by Amy Winehouse – YES – The judges go ga-ga over Frankie, who really seems like a cheap knockoff of Amy Winehouse to me. Sure, she can sing, but she’s not distinctive. It’s cool she’s singing Amy rather than the typical Celine-Stevie-Aretha deal, but she doesn’t bring anything new to the table. Simon is so transparent. “You’ve got a cute face, too, ” he says to Frankie, who looks an awful lot like his ex-girlfriend, Terri Seymour. VIDEO
Meghan Corkrey – Age 23 – Sandy, UT – Font Designer – …Cant Help Lovin Dat Man- YES – Meghan, divorced mom of a two year old, is my favorite audition tonight. Unlike Frankie, Meghan isn’t a mere knock-off–she’s got a distinctive, jazzy sound. Unfortunately she’s the type of old-school talent that doesn’t advance far in the competition. But, she’s a breath of fresh air. “One of my favorite auditions, ” says Simon. Four enthusiastic yeses send Meghan to Hollywood – VIDEO
Oh look! It’s the big reveal of the Kelly Clarkson video for “My Life Would Suck Without You.” Aren’t you excited to see a snip? Heh. Video leakage = Epic fail for AT&T. Kelly C’s TV boyfriend is cute!
More pimping for 19 recording artist David Cook! A Daily AntheM plays under a montage of tres excited contestants receiving their golden tickets…
Andrew Gibson – Age 21 – Kearns, UT – Student – …Oh Let Me Fly by Harry Belafonte – Uhm. NO. VIDEO
Austin Sisneros – Age 17 – Riverton, UT – Student – …When I Look to the Sky by Train, …It Takes a Village by Raffi – Austin, president of his high school class isn’t a great singer, but his pinch-his-cheeks cuteness rules the day. I’ll bet he gets all the leads in the high school musicals, too. “I have another one, ” says the ever-earnest Austin, “…it’s kind of an old soul song…by Raffi” An old soul song? Raffi?!!? Lolz! The judges can’t resist putting him through. YES – VIDEO
After the break, Jordin Spark’s “Permanent Monday” plays as rejected contestants are shown leaving the judges room in tears. Sads.
Jarrett Burns – Age 24 – Orem, UT – Student – …Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae – YES – I like Jarrett–he’s got some interesting phrasing going on here–too bad we only get a few seconds of his audition – VIDEO
Taylor Vaifanua – Age 16 – Hurricane, UT – Student – …Joyful Joyful – YES – Her family moved back to Utah from Samoa, realizing there were limited opportunities for famewhoring there. Randy compares Taylor to fellow teenage giantess Jordin Sparks–and that’s before Taylor opened her mouth to sing an obscure religious tune. Hm. I have to say, I’m not bowled over here at all. But for some reason, the judges really seem to like her. Even Simon. – VIDEO
Rose Flack – Age 17 – Rathdrum, ID – Student – …I Feel The Earth Move by Carol King – YES – Rose is Salt Lake City’s Sob Story. Her Dad died when she was 14, her mom when she was 15. She’s living with her best friend’s family now. I feel a pang of identity as Rose says she misses her Dad as she looks through some photographs. Then I remember I had my Dad well into adulthood, and suddenly, this single sob story really grabs me. Rose has an interesting, if undeveloped voice. But her look and personality impress the judges, and she gets her golden ticket. “You’ve got something special about you, ” says Simon, “You’re one of the few I’m going to remember.” – VIDEO
Tomorrow night, the auditions wind down in New York City and San Juan, Puerto Rico. Thank Jeebus.