I’ll be recapping the X Factor Top 12 performances right here! The theme this week is DIVAS. The finalists better step it up, because there WILL be DOUBLE ELIMINATION tomorrow!

Eh. Tonight’s performances left a lot to be desired. The best were Vino Alan, Lyric 145, Carly Rose and Emblem 3. The worst were CeCe, Arin and Paige.  Everybody else was pretty meh. The two worst were Paige and CeCe. Jennel was pretty weak too. Demi is adorable, but as far as mentoring is concerned, she’s in over her head. Now, when she sasses Simon, she really does sound bratty, because he’s usually right. Maybe it’s her age that does not allow Demi to step outside of herself and see her acts for who THEY really are. She has no clue.

Britney is a marginally better mentor.  But her best act, Carly Rose, doesn’t need much mentoring. Britney has wisely decided to get out of her way.  She’s not doing young Beatrice many favors. Poor thing is an emotional wreck. She should have been sent home from boot camp, if you ask me.  Please quit giving Diamond White songs that are too big for her.  And WTF with Arin this week? What a terrible song choice for him. She needs to keep him squarely in Usher-lite territory.

It’s no surprise that the best acts are the two older guys who already know what the hell they are doing. Vino and Tate know who they are as artists and it shows. It’s a relief when they show up on stage.

I would love to know why Simon Cowell and Lyric 145 switched up their song at the last minute. Because that Queen/Katy Perry deal was lackluster. Lyric is a STAR.  Please Simon, don’t fail her! Emblem 3 aren’t going to last long, no matter how polished and professional they are, because they are the douchiest douches that ever douched. I wouldn’t be surprised if they left in the next couple of weeks. Fifth Harmony has a couple of great voices, but they are not a cohesive unit at this point. The teens seem to like them though, so they may go far.

I hope Simon reveals the leaderboard tomorrow. It would be very interesting to see if certain fan bases were motivated enough to save the bottom dwellers. We’ll see.

I think it’s becoming clear that filling a judges’ panel full of pop stars doesn’t ensure folks will tune in,  The Voice panel’s success is all about the great chemistry between the coaches NOT about how famous they are. Sadly, now that we’re into the live shows, this panel is proving to have no chemistry. Britney repeats the same few words over and over again. She’s stiff and hollow eyed. Demi has little to add in the way of critiques. LA should have more insight as a guy who runs a successful record label. And Simon’s shtick is boring as hell.

And Mario and Khloe? I’m doing my best to tune them out.  One, low key host would have gotten the job done.

A couple of notes: American Idol Season 9 Top 24 contestant, Todrick Hall, was in the background performing with a few of the contestants. He’s a background singer on the show as of this week.  Also, XFactorUSA tweeted that there would be a double elimination on the show tomorrow, but it was never mentioned during the broadcast…

Mario Lopez and Khloe Kardashian take the stage to “Raise Your Glass.” I wish I had one right about now… Actually, Khloe could probably use a drink. She’s as wooden as ever.

The leaderboard from last week flashes in the background. THE SLATE IS WIPED CLEAN.

The biggest Divas of all take the stage. THE X FACTOR JUDGES. All the songs tonight were made famous by some of the most FAMOUS DIVAS OF ALL TIME.

LA lost a contestant last week, but his two remaining acts are at the top of the leaderboard. Demi feels her contestants deserve to be higher! WELL THEN MENTOR THEM WELL, GURL. Simon has no idea his groups will rise on the leaderboard. Oh god hash tags #DivaNOT #DivaHot. Oy. First up is Jennel.

Jennel Garcia – Demi Lovato – Young Adults – “Proud Mary” by Tina Turner – Demi wants her to bring “the rock star next door”. Well then, don’t tart her up like an 80′s rock chick wannabe! BLARGH on this tired song choice. SPARE ME. This week, Jennel looks like a 60′s rock chick reject. SHE”S STILL NOT HERSELF. Girl has to find an identity people. She can sing, but this shiz is karaoke. The judges disagree with me. LA says, “You just returned to the competition. That smoked.” Brittany says, “Tina would be proud. You nailed it.” Simon says, “You are back in the game. That’s what we wanted. Like a different person.” Demi says, “What a way to start off the night.” – Text Vote to 9301 – 1-855-843-9301

Tate Stevens – LA Reid – Over 25s – “From This Moment” by Shania Twain – Tate’s wife is his high school sweetheart. I’m not sure what’s going on here. The song is out of his range? But Tate isn’t sounding as smooth as he usually does. I don’t think this was the right song for him. He does bring emotion to the performance, but I’m really missing his crystal-clear tone this week. The crowd goes WILD. Britney says, “Your performance was so heartfelt. I loved it.” Demi says, “You’re so good. Very good.” Simon says, “This is going to be really annoying for me to say. That was better than last week. I think you’ve got confidence knowing your #1. Regardless of your age, this show is going to give you another chance. I would be happy to write you that [5 mil] check.” Tate’s wife is backstage. Aw. Tate is on the verge of tears. He’s going to get a million votes this week. – Text Vote to 9302 – 1-855-843-9302

Khloe talks to Arin Ray backstage .Zzzzz.

Diamond White – Britney Spears – Teens – “Halo” by Beyonce – Britney introduces Diamond as a true Diva. Hm. Young Diamond seems exactly 13 years old when she speaks. Britney mentions Diamonds tendency to go off key. Diamond stays on key this week, but once she hits the big chorus, she’s overwhelmed by the track. She has a tendency to tackle songs that are a little too big for her, but this was much much better than last week’s Whitney number. LA says, “You picked a really tough song. Those are really big shoes to fill and you filled them. Good job.” Demi says, “You are a total diva. You give the rest of the competition a run for the money.” Simon says, “Don’t walk and sing at the same time. Second half was better than the first. We are looking at a future star.” Britney says, “I’m so incredibly proud of you.” Oh. Diamond has an alter ego. So does Kloe. She’s called “Kloe Money”. We really don’t want to hear about that, do we? – Text Vote to 9303 – 1-855-843-9303

Beatrice Miller – “Time after Time” by Cyndi Lauper – Britney Spears – Teens – Beatrice was VERY SAD about being 10th on the leaderboard. Beatrice talks about her two moms busting up. UGH. She feels like the sole savior of her family. THAT IS SO WRONG. She’s way too young for all this responsibility. She’s wearing a YOLO cap. I’m not digging the chopped up arrangement she’s been handed. But her vocal has a mourful tinge that’s very affecting. This feels like the real deal. She’s obviously channelling all of her sadness into the performance. LA says, “You are so cute. The bad news, I don’t think it was the greatest song choice. It didn’t allow you to peak.” Demi says, “You are so adorable. I liked the song choice. It showcased a different side of you. I didn’t know you could sound so soulful.” Simon says, “I think it was better than last week. I like you in the lower register. But the song was boring. It just went on and on and on. Britney becomes defensive, “She has more talent in her pinky then all of your contestants put together.” Britney thinks she was AMAZING. – Text Vote to 9304 – 1-855-843-9304

Lyric 145 – Simon Cowell – Groups – “We Will Rock You”/ET by Queen/Katy Perry – The song was changed at midnight last night. The brothers talk about how Hurricane Sandy affected their family in New York. They don’t have electricity or cable. Well, it could be a lot worse. Right? Uh. It’s a real STRETCH to attribute this song to Katy Perry instead of Queen. But then, Freddie was a Diva himself, right? Not nearly as inventive or fun as last week’s Mary Poppins joint, but there’s no denying Lyric’s star power. She is the real Diva here. Unfortunately, there isn’t enough melody to lift the trio up the leaderboard. They are fantastic, but a tough act to sell to music competition audiences. LA says, “Who was the Diva? It was mostly a Queen song. It was good and better than last week. But I think you guys have lost your way. This could be the last time we see them.” Britney says, “They should be doing Hip Hop tracks.” Demi says, “I don’t think ET fit at all.” Simon says, “You had literally hours to put that together. You never complain.” I wonder why the song switch? – Text Vote to 9305 – 1-855-843-9305

Arin Ray – Britney Spears – Teens – “Crazy For You” by Madonna – Arin was very bummed to be so low on the board. Oh. He’s got a friend he can sing it to. Oh. There’s his girlfriend. She’s very cute. Oh. This is a terrible song choice. This song exposes his vocal weaknesses. He’s pretty pitchy. This song is a big cheesefest when Madonna sings it. But his super-serious treatment of the tune is hard to take seriously. LA says, “I’m struggling with that. I want goosebumps. I didn’t get a 5 mil performance.” Demi says, “I agree. I was honestly really bored. I didn’t get the song choice. You lack soul.” Simon says, “You didn’t seem into it. The song choice is like a cat eating a tiger (????) It’s not right for you. It did sound a bit boring. I think you could be in trouble tonight.” Britney says, “I feel like you nailed it.” Oh. There was a tech difficulty before Arin began. Arin looks VERY bummed. – Text Vote to 9306 – 1-855-843-9306

Paige Thomas – Demi Lovato – Young Adults – “Last Dance” by Donna Summer – Paige’s mom was a singer too. When Paige was a child, her mom passed away in a car accident on Christmas eve. Eek. This is a TERRIBLE arrangement. So wooden. Like sludge. This does not make me want to dance. Paige’s voice is totally drowned out by the backing track. She looks awkward. Once she begins moving, she becomes out of breath. NOT GOOD. LA says, “That was your best yet.” “It was like a disco ball exploded on stage.” “That was probably your best performance so far. The choreography was very distracting. You needed to be in the spotlight.” Oh my gosh. It sounds like Demi had another clash with Brian. OOPS. She says it wasn’t what she wanted, but Paiges performance took her mind off of it. – Text Vote to 9307 – 1-855-843-9307

Fifth Harmony – Simon Cowell – Groups – “Hero” by Mariah Carey – Speaking of boring? That was this performance. Was there a backing track assist? Or was the sound just horrible. Camila is the best vocalist of the group here. She should sing lead more. LA says, “There is something really lovable about all of you. You struggled in the beginning. It turned into a really great performance. Britney says, “I was extremely impressed.” Demi says, “You guys did an incredible job on the song.” Simon says, “Maybe this isn’t a one horse race. Maybe 5 girls with brilliant voices can win this show. YOU ALL LOVE PUPPIES.” – Text Vote to 9308 – 1-855-843-9308

Carly Rose – Britney Spears – Teens – “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. KILL ME NOW.Carly does a great job. Very professional. But I despise this song with every fiber of my being. LA says, “It pains me to say it but…We could be looking at the winner.” Demi says, “You’re so good. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t believe that that’s your voice. It’s like Celine Dion is here and is hiding.” Simon says, “I don’t believe you’re a human being. That last note at the end was absolutely amazing.” Britney says, “I’m so proud of you. I had chills all over my body.” – Text Vote to 9309 – 1-855-843-9309

Vino Alan – LA Reid – Over 25s – “Let’s Stay Together” by Tina Turner – Wellll…actually Al Green sang it first. Perfect song choice for Vino. Very soulful. He brings authenticity and his own voice to the performance. Without a doubt, the best performance of the night. Britney says, “Your voice is so soulful. It works.” Demi says, “I liked this performance better than last week’s. I was a little bored, but you sounded amazing.” Simon says, “I think you needed confidence. Your voice is designed for a moment. It wasn’t as good as last week. You need bigger kinds of songs.” LA says, “You put your soul into that. You have a classic sounding voice. That song was a great platform for it.” Geez, is it always necessary to have that big star search moment in a song? I don’t think so. – Text Vote to 9310 – 1-855-843-9310

Emblem 3 – Simon Cowell – Groups – “No One” by Alcia Keys – The guys CAN’T BELIEVE THEY CAME IN 6th. Dudes. What you really need to do? Don’t come off as DOUCHEBAGS. You aren’t really fixing that tonight. They do a reggaefied acoustic version of the song, that explodes on the chorus. They should have kept it simple! The harmonies were beautiful. The performance is great. Way better than last week’s hot mess. But they’ve got a problem that has nothing to do with their singing. LA says, “You have the perfect vocal blend. You are complete superstars in my opinion.” Britney says, “You guys are complete heartthrobs.” Demi says, “It was better than last week.” Simon says, “There was no way you should be this low in the competition. It was absolutely brilliant. – Text Vote to 9311 – 1-855-843-9311

CeCe Frey – Demi Lovato – Young Adults – “All By Myself” by Celine Dion – OMG CeCe is whining about not having the money to fly her parents out to LA. The whining and self pity is not going to get her votes. OUCH. So pitchy on the chorus. She botched that totally. YIKES. The emotion was so fake. She’s truly the joke contestant at this point. LA says, “You sang the song really well. It’s an improvement. I don’t know what to say.” Demi “Sorry she was better than Vino.” NOOOOOO. LA says she’ll be at the bottom again. Britney says, “Sorry I don’t get it.” Simon says, “I like you because you were at trier. It was very cabaret, the wind machine. All the gimmicks. Something isn’t working.” Demi says, I think you nailed it. You want it the most. I hope America sees it.” – Text Vote to 9312 – 1-855-843-9312