Last week on The X Factor Celebrity, Martin Bashir was finally sent packing after delivering some of the worst performances in the history of the show. No Love Lost lost the sing-off to V5. So before tonight, 7 acts remained. After this episode finished, only 6 are still fighting for a record contract. How did our D-list celebrities do? Read on to find out!
The show opens with a guest performance from Lizzo. It’s not my thing.
Then Simon confirms that the safe seats are gone this week due to people hating them on social media. So he listens sometimes, I guess.
Max & Harvey: Their intro VT focused primarily on them doing backflips. They performed “High Hopes” by Panic at the Disco. This is a problematic song choice for the boys, as Brendan Urie has an amazing voice, and they…um…don’t. The backing track really drowns them out too. The “big note” isn’t big at all. And yes, they do a backflip. Good for them. Three judge standing ovation. Nicole quotes Louis and says they look like popstars, sound like popstars, are popstars. Louis liked it, commends them for following Lizzo, talks about their work ethic. Simon thinks it’s important that the public put them through, loved their version of the song, asks them why it’s important for them to win the show. They want a career in music.
Kevin McHale: Kevin was confused by his safe seat last week too, as he knew it wasn’t his best performance. Kevin gives his boyfriend Austin a call on Skype. According to the YouTube video, he performed “I Feel Love” by Donna Summer, “in the style of Sam Smith”. I think that’s an insult to Sam Smith, as Sam is way better than this. I’m not a Sam Smith fan by the way. Kevin is singing almost entirely in falsetto but I can’t tell for sure if he’s singing at all, the backing track is cranked so high. This might be controversial but I might have sent Kevin home after this performance too. Not over Vinnie, mind you, but over any of the other people. I’m not mad he’s gone. Three judge standing ovation. Louis liked it, was reminded of his youth, incredible falsetto. Nicole said we all felt the love, a very tight performance, straight out of studio 54, her favorite performance of his by far, breathtaking falsetto. Simon agrees with Nicole that this was his best performance by a mile. Kevin wants to win because he’s never done this by himself before, and he wants to keep performing.
V5: Their intro VT shows their instagram profiles. They don’t want to go home after being in the bottom 3 last week. They perform “Bang Bang”, which at this point is on the level of Come Together and I Have Nothing as far as overdone songs on X Factor go. The solos are fine, if not spectacular. For example, 4th Impact did this way better. The harmonies are lip synced so I don’t judge them. Nicole says those girls got her feeling bang bang, says they’re “Fuego”, they kill it every week. Louis says its the best show yet by a mile, they deserve to be global pop stars, he loved it! Simon thinks it was their strongest performance, asks them the importance of making it through. One of the girls thanks everyone for giving them this opportunity, they want to share music and love with everyone.
Vinnie Jones: Vinnie visits the 100 club and talks to a taxi driver. He mashes up “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” and “I Fought The Law” by The Clash. It’s bad. Really bad. Vinnie talks his way through the performance and I see people in chicken masks on stage. This is what I was afraid The Masked Singer would be when I started watching that show this season. Louis says he has more energy than all of the young people, says it was amazing. Nicole says it was her three favorite B’s “bonkers, ballistic, and balls out.” Simon loved his embrace of bonkers, all over song choices, the last few months have been quite remarkable. Vinnie jokes that he has a golf competition in two weeks but he has friends here so he’ll stick around, and thanks the crew.
Megan McKenna: Megan does a live Q&A on social media. Then she performs yet another original song, this one called “When I’m Crying.” After Vinnie’s over the top nonsense, the subtlety of this performance was made even better. Another heartfelt performance, another great song. Loved it. Megan is the only contestant who would have a fighting chance on a normal season of X Factor, and she’s so going to win. I just wish she had competition. Three judge standing ovation. Nicole says she’s one tough chick to sing a capella like that, looks like an angel and sounds like an angel, but looks forward to seeing something uptempo soon, it’s a bit of the same same. Simon makes cat noises. Louis says she stands there, sings, moves everybody, it’s her own song, a strong message from her heart, deserves to be a pop star, loves her. Simon didn’t like last week after watching it back on TV. This week was as good as week 1 in his opinion. Very sincere, no production. Megan says winning means everything to her as this is what she wants to do every day of her life. Simon likes seeing the wacky side of her too in the VTs, wants to see more of that.
Jenny Ryan: Jenny sings a bit of Edge of Glory at ukulele night in a bar. Then she goes to a red carpet event. She performs “Euphoria” – apparently it was a Eurovision song. I’ve never heard it before. Random shirtless guys dance around her holding trees for some reason. I mean, it was better than Vinnie and Kevin, but if there was bottom 4 instead of a bottom 2, Jenny should have been in it. I spotted former contestant Jack Remington from Jack and Joel in the audience dancing along. Louis said the creative was weird, didn’t love it but liked it. Nicole says it was like she was a goddess of a psychedelic forest, nobody else in the competition could sing this song, a whole new level of extraordinary. Simon kind of agrees with Nicole, never would have guessed that she’d be doing this on the show, her confidence is remarkable, likes that she hasn’t sung the usual songs. Jenny has watched X Factor for years, has learned about herself, her potential, what people see in her, it’s about representation as she doesn’t look like a typical pop star and people at home can try anything they want.
Try Star: They get a spa treatment in the VT. They perform “Boom” by X Ambassadors and it’s Magic Mike on stage. They take off their shirts and stand under a rain shower on stage to get votes. I mean, lord knows their super mediocre vocals wouldn’t be enough to save them. That would have been the gayest thing I’ve seen on X Factor in a while, if it wasn’t for Kevin’s performance. Nicole says they can boom boom boom however they want want want, was one of her favorite performances not because they’re hot wet and naked, the song was crazy, very tasteful, is having the time of her life. Louis says he’s never seen Nicole so excited about any act, nice to hear one of them singing a line, strong way to end the show. Simon thought it was the best song for them so far by far, an amazing way to end the show. One of them thanks everyone, they’ve grown to love performing more and more, the buzz is second to none and they want to keep doing this forever.
The public vote happens, and the bottom two are revealed to be Kevin McHale and Vinnie Jones.
Vinnie performs “The Galway Shawl” and it’s immediately apparent why they put so much batsh*t production around him. He can barely sing when it’s just him sitting there.
Kevin performs “Something’s Got To Give” by Labrinth and his voice still bugs me. It’s very nasally and reminds me a bit of Norman Gentle from American Idol. I mean, Kevin’s not THAT bad, but he is too close for my comfort. Having said that, this was his best performance I’ve seen all season.
The judges vote. Louis saves Kevin and Nicole saves Vinnie. It’s down to Simon, who asks Vinnie if he wants to be here. Vinnie amazingly says no, and asks to be sent home over Kevin who he thinks could win the show. Simon doesn’t listen and saves Vinnie anyway, despite giving some of the worst performances of the season.
Kevin McHale is eliminated.
I wasn’t invested in either of these acts, but Kevin gave the better performances all season. Vinnie is the bigger name so he was saved against his will. Long story short, this season is still garbage.
If you’re still watching: 1) Why? 2) Please let me know what you thought in the comments!