And…tonight’s auditions were a step backward from the last night’s audition shows. You’d think there’s be a ton of talent in New York City, right? I didn’t really care for anyone they saw in Newark. Including the 14 year-old rapper, Brian Bradley, whose shtick I found obnoxious. I really don’t like precocious kid singers. A 14 year Kanye West wannabe? Please no.
The best talent of the night was represented elsewhere in the country when a round-up of auditions from the 1st six audition cities were featured in the second half. My favorites of the night were: Idol reject, Tora Woloshin, Nashville hottie Brennin Hunt (who will continue to get a bad edit, because he’s the dreaded white guy with guitar that Simon clearly Does. Not. Want. But just watch how popular he’ll be if he advances), and the timid teenager, Jazzlyn Little. I liked the little bit we saw of Paige Elizabeth, who did a nice job covering Gaga. This deck is so stacked with girls–we’ll see if Simon can ultimately get that female winner he seems to want.
Next week, Boot camp begins, and I’m hoping it’s as compulsively watchable as the Idol Hollywood rounds usually are.
It’s the last night of auditions for the X Factor. HOORAY. I’m hoping that next week’s boot camp episodes are an improvement over these tepid auditions episodes.
X Factor heads to the East Coast. Newark first!
Lets introduce the judges again. Simon Cowell: The most successful talent scout on the planet? BWAHAHAHA.
Brian Bradley – 14 – This must be the kid who “scared” Simon. His mom and step-pops is with him. His competition is Jay-Z and Kanye. He’ll be better than the former in 4 years. Ahem. This kid is precocious and super-annoying. He doesn’t have a record deal yet because of “politics”. He confronts Simon out of the blue, “What’s your problem”? Ooooh. SCHTICK. The kids got shtick. He launches into a stupid rap about not looking at his mom. Oh what Justin Bieber hath wrought. Totally obnoxious kid singers who want to be famous. Nicole: I’m skeered of you. Simon: You are arrogant, obnoxious argumentative, but you are one of the most talented kids I’ve seen in a long time. Paula: You are very very unique. LA: I’m the luckiest guy in the world that you walked into my life today. Check out Brian’s SUPER HILARIOUS MUSIC VIDEO!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIoNP6BG7wU
A montage of good/bad singers follows.
Kelly Warner – 22 – “Hallelujah” – A semi-interesting version of the song. I wish Kelly had used her unique phrasing and tone on a song that has not been so overdone. 4 yeses and she can’t stop smiling!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGwVhIq-MuM
Aaron Surgeon – “Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” – Simon finds him average, but lucky for him, the rest said yes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AazItUAqU9E
Liliana Rose Andreano – 26- “You Are My Sunshine” – Simon: You don’t look like a pop star until you start singing. I dunno. I don’t think she sounds or looks like a pop star. She’s kind of a folky, and quirky, but not in an interesting way. But the judges loved her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UElYIxBLtrQ
Andy Silikovitz – 43 – “Hero” by Mariah Carey – Wants to be an opening act for Billy Joel. He’s never been married and lives with his mom. Oh. Dude is tone deaf! Now this is just mean. This guy is clearly not playing with a full deck. LA: Is applauding him for having a great time. Nicole and Paula thank him for coming in. Simon: You’re going to find it much easier with the chicks after this. The judges are very kind to him. Paula even takes the stage to hug him goodbye. But allowing this clearly impaired man to audition in the first place is kind of mean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_ACsk_8kME
Clarissa Cheathem (Cashmire) – “Always Be My Baby” – This karaoke singer admires Mariah Carey, so expect the shouting to commence! She would self-title her first album. Look, she’s already got her stage name picked out! I was not expecting her to suck quite this much. On second thought, picking Mariah Carey to sing is usually the first sign of delusion. Not only is she tone deaf, she doesn’t know the words. Now the judges are laughing at her. Simon can barely get a word out. Aw. She looks very confused. After laughing in her face, they all say no. She is no David Cook! Hah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5YivMQMAxo
OK. I guess they judges didn’t find much talent in New York. Because we’re “treated” to a montage of really really bad auditions.
Including Nouf Taraman, who butchers “You Light Up My Life”. She’s really really mad people are booing her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au2I03KDjuc
There’s delusional hoolahoop guy, Jean Loop Wolfman. He’s a claims to be a life coach, which is pretty freaking scary.
Maya Lehmann is 58 and sings a tuneless “We Are the Champions”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaUN_1IO6b4
C’mon New York…BRING IT!
Cari Fletcher – 17 – “Alone” by Heart – She looks much older than 17. She’s been taking classical vocal training since she was 6. I bet she’s got stage parents, too. She’s got a great voice with impeccable tone and she’s a pretty blonde, so Simon must have dollar signs dancing in his head right about now. Simon doesn’t even let her sing more than a verse and part of the chorus. Paula: Thinks she’s talented LA: you have a star’s name, a stars voice and a stars looks. Simon: Oh. He calls her boring. I’m shocked. LA says Yes. So do Paula and Nicole. Paula tells her to pick better songs. Simon says yes, despite thinking she’s boring.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dao8XfL5C4
Next…it’s contestant’s testimonials! Why aren’t we seeing more of these good auditions? I’m all happy that they made it through, but I’d rather hear them sing than talk about it.
Austin and Emily (Ausem) – “Jar of Hearts” – They feel the passion! And peeps in the audience feel it too! Sometimes they even cry. Oh geez. One too many episodes of Glee for “Awsem”. They are pretty laughably bad emoting through “Jar of Hearts”. Yes, I’m sure there are audience members crying but, not for the reasons they think. Simon: I think the audience you are aiming at will understand you perfectly. Simon says yes. LA: Thinks Austin is a star, is not convinced of the duo. LA says yes too. Nicole: She can’t make up her mind. Simon “Yes or bloody no”. JEEZ NICOLE JUST SAY YES OR NO. She finally says yes, and these two over-emoting youths advance to the next round.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WywnevrDvbs
The next hour will feature best-of-the-rest
Tora Woloshin – “I Want You Back” – She’s an Automotive Technician. She loves building race cars! AWESOME. A nice raspy quality to her voice. She’s having a little trouble staying on pitch, but she’s definitely got potential. She could do rock, pop or R&B. She’s got a versatile sound. Tora, is one of the very first American Idols I reported on back in Season 5. Her Hollywood golden ticket was mysteriously taken away before she even hit LA. Interesting that Simon is giving her another chance. I wonder if he and Paula remember her? Reminds me of The Voice taking on Frenchie after Idol DQ’d her for naughty photos. Voice producers made sure the audience knew they were righting a wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkXqhUkR2cw
Jor-El Garcia – “Lucky Star” by Madonna – Ah, the Lady Fabulous, but sucktastic joke contestant! A type that used to be featured on Idol regularly. But even they got kind of sick of that. Of course it’s a no from everyone. I’m surprised he didn’t start swearing at them. That’s what usually happens.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVoxiOuiaG4
A montage of really horrible horrible singers. Was Seattle and Chicago an anomaly? Cause now we’re back to nearly everyone sucking.
Ric White – 45 – Land of a Thousand Dances – The guy has some…a moves. Paula seemed to like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxLczjFZ03Q
The Stereo Hogzz – One of them just had a little girl (Well, his baby mama did). Another Boyz II Men-like boy band. This is pretty mediocre. Simon: It’s got this air of being over rehearsed. Nicole: I like the air of professionalism. LA says yes. Nicole: Yes. Paula also says yes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiPg928_A18
Brennin Hunt – 26 – “How We Make it” (Original) – A singer and a male model, He’s got the Look. The Voice. He’s the Total Package! Simon wants to know why he didn’t make it yet. Now c’mon. That’s a stupid question. Luck and timing are a big part of the game. His original song is not half bad and he’s got a very nice soulful tone. He’s exactly the type of winner they don’t want this year, so I wonder if he gets very far. Simon: You’ve got a brilliant voice. Charisma. You haven’t had the right advice. Simon wants to work with him. Paula: I’m really excited. LA: Do you ladies think he’s hot? Of course the do. It’s 4 yeses. And yes, he’s a very good looking guy AND he can sing. Here’s a full version of his audition song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMzUnu9HejI
Paige Elizabeth Ogle – “You And I” – Nice throaty alto on this girl. Everyone says yes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taGc5exTocw
Leroy Bell – 59 – “Lean on Me” – Dude does not look his age. And yes, he sounds amazing. He’s through.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seioRcLrcFc
The Brewer Boys – OMG these kids are cracking me up. Little future teen idols. But nerdy.
Nick Dean – He sings his “first single” Walk Away. BEIBER HAIR. Simon loved it, of course.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cm3nadyKmGM
Devon Talley – “Season of Love” – Oh dear. Tone deaf. Next! Apparently, at the audition, they let him sing on and on and on, and even encouraged the audience to sing along. The edit looks like they edited the same bits over and over again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rsinrAzNuQ
OK. Here comes the big sob story. I CAN FEEL IT.
Jazzlyn Little – 16 – “I’m Goin Down” – Aw Her Videos get no hits on the internet. She has no confidence and is very nervous. Simon tells her she’s not selling herself well. Of course, she turns out to be a pretty talented singer. Very soulful and she seems to be very confident once she opens her mouth to sing. The crowd is totally on her side. Aw. Everyone’s crying, including Jazzlyn. LA: Superstar name, superstar voice. Nicole: I was feeling it! Paula: You are a little brilliant gem. Simon: You’re someone who wants to get better. You could be a world star. It’s 4 yeses from everyone. Here’s one of her videos: “Hurt”
