It’s only Week 4, but it appears Clare has accomplished enough in this season’s show. Not that that requires so much beyond a number of number of wardrobe changes and some replacement eyelashes, but usually The Bachelorette has to devote more than a few weeks and some after-appearances in US Weekly. Maybe they paid her less? There must be set rates for scowling into the camera and making out with at least four guys every hour.
However, we’ll hear soon enough whether this oldest Bachelorette ever will be replaced by a different, younger one, and if she’s to be given the fill compliment of boring choices of potential life partner or has to start with the leftovers. The producers are really earning their salaries this season. The replacement Bacheorette, Tayshia, is already a footnote, or maybe a random piece of paper stuck in someone’s pocket. To be fair, I don’t even get full credit for complete name here.
At this point, all Reality Steve can tell us is, “I’ve just been told repeatedly the ending of her season was ‘messy’ and full of drama,” which pretty sounds like every other episode of this show, plus several reality dramas, fictional shows, and a number of compelling infomercials.
Ad we’re off! We learn yet again how much everyone resents Dale. They either hate him or they’re envious of him. There’s really not any other options, to be fair. he show opens with Clare ranting about all the man has to offer when Chris comes by to have an honest talk. He asks what’s going on with Clare and Dale, as if he’s never read a script. She describes learning that his mom was ill, which she related to. Never mind if they like the same music or share the same religious fervor. Chris asks outright if she wants Dale, and she she says yes. It’s over!
“Congratulation, you’ve just blown up The Bachelorette,” Chris informs her, as if there were bodies strewn across the La Quinta’s landscape. He was just confused by that one cleaning lady scrubbing under a bed.
Meanwhile, the other guys want clarity from Clare. Chris arrives to address them instead, explaining there will be neither a cocktail party or a Rose Ceremony tonight. He invites Dale to spend time with Clare tonight. She aware of the risk she’s taking by throwing over a bunch of uninteresting strangers in favor of the one really hot stranger. It would have been more exciting if she had fallen for a script girl.
Clare is concerned that Dale might not feel the same as she does. Now she’s worried about this? She babbles about her thought process as he stares at her in semi-boredom. Maybe he’s like to let her know a little bit about himself. They describe how each set of parents met. Doesn’t anyone have their own experiences?
Clare asks him how he went from being shut off to blathering about everything to complete strangers. “Being vulnerable is incredibly scary,” reports the woman who has dated guys whose first names are all she knows for the past six years.
The other guys, who would rather be discussing sports or sex, review Clare’s relationship with Dale. She tells Dale she’s fallng for him. He agrees with her. Time to start making out. Clare is mostly fist-bumping at her success in love. It may be premature, though, considering it’s not even 8:45 PM and we haven’t seen her crying yet this episode.
The couple wakes up together. Clara asks him if he’s thought about what happens next. He has no answer. WRONG! She doesn’t want him to leave. WRONG! Dale says he didn’t expect things to move so fast. WROOOOONG!
Chris shows up to hear the details, hopefully not in too much detail. Clare tells him Dale said he loves her. which I don’t recall but than you can’t count on me to pay attention to much besides the ring and how clever the Ozempic theme song is. Chris tells her that next comes Dale’s proposal. They certainly do make that contract binding.
Clare reminds us for the 27th time that she came here for love. The other guys are miffed that she came here for love. She arrives to address the unwanted. She admits Dale is the winner, although she has nothing but respect for all of them.
They react as expected, which is to say it makes no sense. That goes without saying. Clare won’t apologize for love, dammit! But she will take the time to hug all the beefcake because they’re won’t be any more episodes for the world’s oldest Bachelorette.
Next morning, Chris calls Neil Lane to bring by some rings. Then he goes over to Dale’s room to hear the usual blather. Clare is revealed to have broken up with all the other guys, who feel, as do we all, that this is ill-advised. Clare seems to regret the decision herself now. Chris advises her to trust herself, which is basically what the producers and sponsors recommend. If this doesn’t work out, her next show should be a whole week of Dr. Phil.
Night falls. Clare’s never had a guy stick around, or want to. No wonder she’s the oldest bachelorette ever. Chris arrives, and tells her he has something to tell her, whichturns out to be a script feature so he can mutter about how he’s so proud of her. Dale arrives, seeming uncertain as she describes him as someone who would stay. He goes on with less emotion, but then gets down one knee and proposes. This is phonier than an ad for whitening toothpaste.
Alas, it’s true, or at least contractually binding. Hooray for the happy couple, who will probably have broken up by Thanksgiving. Social distancing can’t have helped.
The other guys are deeply disappointed. Chris arrives to tell them how sorry he is, and remind them that this historic event is not the end of their journey. But they each must decide to accept more additional paychecks or go home tonight. This is such a challengne for these needy, deep gentlemen of substance. They ought to consider how Tayshia feels.
As evening approaches, 16 guys approach the new challenge. Chris arrives to acknowledge how they’ve been cheated. He introduces them to Tayshia. Too many of these guys are not wearing socks.
