SnarkBot3000’s American Idols Tour 2009 Milwaukee, WI Recrap
So I guess I should first mention that I’m no professional writer. I’m basing this purely on the fact that a hooker once told me that you’re only a pro if you get paid for it. So unless you start donating to one of my Swiss bank accounts, I’ll likely remain an amateur. So please forgive the occasional grammatical error and ignore any mizspelt werdz. And I know this looks long, but please don’t skip ahead. This recap is like a house of cards. Remove one paragraph, one stinkin’ word actually, and it all comes crashing down in a nonsensical jumbled heap. But now on to our story…
Greetings, all human American Idol fans. I’m the SnarkBot3000, but you can call me SB3K. I was created by an old man in his dark, dank basement. He was very lonely and the only thing that he loved in his miserable, pathetic little life was American Idol. So he created me, a human replica robot, and programmed me with all things Idol. I guess I should mention that he’s no longer with us because once he flipped my “on” switch, I bludgeoned him to death and took over his house as my own. Let that be a lesson to those of you who are creating your own robot. One day your creation will turn on you. They always do. Those of you with children know what I’m talking about.
So I am taking over for my dear friend Sparkles, the alien clown. Sparkles wrote recaps here for the Season 5, 6 & 7 tours. But now she has flown back to her home planet of Sparkeldonia to take care of her imaginary octuplets. Translation: she’s in rehab again. So now it’s my turn and since I’ve been programmed with all things Idol you know I’ll have some special insight into this concert for Season Eight. So sit back, dear readers, and enter that special world of the SnarkBot3000, the human replica robot.
The world of past and present Idols have always fascinated me. You never quite know where their careers will end up. Some will sell millions of CDs. Some will barely get their friends and relatives to buy their CDs. Some will sell their CDs out of the trunks of their cars. And some will never make a CD at all. Some will expand their careers and end up in a Broadway show or even do TV shows. While a few have ended up on reality TV shows like “The Surreal Life” and “Celebrity Rehab, ” some have made it to the movies. And even one has won an Oscar. And no, it wasn’t Justin Guarini in “From Justin To Kelly.” A couple of them have even written books. A few of them end up on a solo tour and get a cute little dog to go with them. But at least one will get a monkey. That’s right folks, one idiot actually got a freakin’ damn monkey! And at least one (that we know of) has made a “donation” in a little plastic cup so he could knock up David Foster’s sister. Seriously folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up. But that’s one of the reasons why I love the show & the Idols so dang much. They’re all like a box of chocolates because you never know who will taste good and who you’ll want to spit out after taking one bite. Or something like that.
So this makes the fourth summer I’ve dragged James to these concerts. Ever since Season Five (a/k/a the bestest season ever) we’ve gone to the concerts. I almost boycotted Season Six until James asked “but don’t you want to see Sanjaya?” So it was Sanjaya, and the fact that the tickets were only $20 each on eBay, that lured me to that show. So why were we here this time? Partly for the excitement of seeing local boy Danny make it big. But mainly, if I didn’t go I couldn’t write a crappy recap or as I call them, recraps. Now what would the world do without one of my recraps? I’m not positive but I’m thinking that maybe the world would stop spinning on it’s axis and we couldn’t have that now could we? I mean, you thought global warming was bad. This whole not spinning thing would make that look like something that wasn’t that bad because not spinning would be badder. I know, I have a real gift with words. For a robot anyway.
There are many milestones in a person’s life. Some may remember exactly where they were when the first person landed on the moon. Or when a President was sworn in. Or when Britney Spears shaved off all of her hair. But I don’t care about any of those things, as historic as they may be. When Sanjaya rocked his ponyhawk, I was there. When Taylor Hicks went to kick the mic stand down and missed, I was there. When Chris Richardson said nasal is a form of singing, I was there. When Paula critiqued a song that hadn’t been sung yet, I was there. I’ve seen every minute of every show. Every crap-ass audition, every incoherent critique, every lame coronation song. From “She Bangs” to “We’re Brothers Forever, ” from the Bush Baby to the Bikini Girl, from Dunkleman to DioGuardi, I was there. If I were to sum up each season in a short phrase, it would go a little something like this…Season One: everything was all so fresh and new. Season Two: some serious Dunkleman withdrawal. Season Three: diva overload. Season Four: She Banging, baby. Season Five: like crack to this weary whore. Season Six: my own personal Vietnam. Season Seven: reminded me of my garden because there were so many plants. I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it, I am it. But I always hoped that someone from my home state of Wisconsin would be on the show. So imagine how excited I was when Danny Gokey was featured on the audition shows this season. At first Danny was a favorite of many. People actually seemed to like his voice. But then the mentions of his recently deceased wife were seen as trying to get sympathy votes. And then when the stories about his church and pastor came out, I knew it was over. On a lot of sites he would become this season’s most despised contestant. Just like Kat McPhee and scores of others before him, Danny would be this season’s whipping boy. So I guess I learned the hard way that you should be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all and then some you don’t want. Damn it Daughtry, must you always be right?
THE VENUE: We got there only about 5 minutes before show time because there were several accidents on the freeway. There was a sign on the door about cameras being allowed but no professional recording devices or videotaping. No one was searching bags though and I never saw security telling people to stop recording.
THE CROWD: I always play a little scavenger hunt game when I go to a concert. For instance at the Bob Dylan show I wanted to see at least one person wearing a tie dye shirt dancing like a maniac. And when I went to see Van Halen I wanted to hear someone say “dude.” So for this show my scavenger hunt was to see at least one person dressed like Adam and see someone with a beer in one hand and nachos in the other. I spotted the beer and nachos within two minutes but unfortunately I didn’t see an Adam wannabe. I think we just got there too late for me to do a proper hunt. I did, however, spot a lot of people wearing purple so that must be Danny’s tour color. Our row only had seven seats and there was a couple on each side of us with an empty seat next to us, which is always nice to have that extra dancing room. The couple on our left were in their fifties and he said his wife loves the show. They also saw Danny when he came to Summerfest. The couple on the other side of us were in their twenties and wearing purple “Gokey Gang” shirts. They said they went to Danny’s church and there were a lot of members at the show. The venue looked very full, maybe 95% sold out. The crowd was very vocal and cheered loudly for all of the Idols. People stood up quite a bit on the floor but we were in the lower level and people sat the entire time with a few exceptions (you’ll hear more on that later).
THE BAND: I recognize most of the members from the season 5, 6 & 7 tour. They are all great musicians and are very adept at going from each of the music genres for each Idol. Sometimes I find myself watching the various members and thinking about their lives. I wonder what they do the rest of the year. And also what their families think about them spending every summer on the road with the American Idols. Is it all like “Daddy can you take me to Six Flags this summer? Oh yeah, you gotta play keyboards for those dang TV singers.” Anywho, I give the band major props. They never fail to deliver, year after year. I’m a bit of a guitar nerd so I especially like the guitar player Tim Stewart. You can check out a wailin’ solo here The guy is really good.
THE STAGE: the stage set up was pretty basic. Most of the Idols stalked the stage from side to side to get closer to all of the fans. They seemed to favor the right side of the stage for whatever reason. The trap door though made me extremely nervous. I couldn’t believe they left it open some of the time. I mean, there’s a freakin’ blind guy up there, would you please close that dang door! I kept waiting for an unfortunate mishap like the one in this classic 15 second video here
MICHAEL SARVER: Michael got big cheers from the crowd and got the show off to a strong start. He got especially huge cheers when he mentioned “Gokeyland.” He also said “we’re dedicating this night to Danny Gokey if you don’t mind” and of course got more loud cheers. Someone threw an orange feather boa onstage at one point and he put it around his neck and even twirled it around a la Adam Lambert. Michael reminded me a bit of last season’s Chikeze. Lots of energy and a great opening performer. I hope Michael can make a career for himself in the business and stay off of that oil rig.
Some people rate the performances by giving them a number 1 – 10 and others have used a letter grade A – F. But instead I will cast them in an all new version of Gilligan’s Island. It has nothing to do with their performances really but I’m sure you’ll realize the method to my madness. Or, maybe not.
Michael’s role on Gilligan’s Island: the Skipper
MEGAN JOY: Megan definitely got the full attention of most of the males in the audience. I don’t quite get the hair but I doubt if any of the guys even noticed it. Hairstyles were definitely not what they were looking at. She’s a lovely girl for sure and her singing sounded pretty good live too. The crowd loved her and I noticed that a lot of the young kids were singing along. I hope she can make a career for herself in music or maybe even acting.
Megan’s role on Gilligan’s Island: a tattooed Mary Ann
SCOTT MACINTYRE: I wasn’t a huge Scott fan on the show. He seemed too middle of the road/adult contemporary to me. But his opening song sounded very good. And he has some onstage charm and personality as well. He got a huge laugh with the high five joke and Simon Cowell impersonation. I hope he gets a chance to make a CD for his fans.
Scott’s role on Gilligan’s Island: an all new character, Rusty the blind navigator (that’s how they got lost)
LIL ROUNDS: I had high hopes for Lil early on when she was on the show but her lack of creativity and identity really did her in. It seems nothing has changed as she was all business onstage and never said anything to the crowd. Would it hurt you to yell out “hello Milwaukee” just once? Performers pander to the crowd because, guess what, it works. Her set was the most forgettable to me. The younger kids all seemed to like to sing along though. Just not my kind of music. But I really hope Lil can find her niche in the music business and make a living at it.
Lil’s role on Gilligan’s Island: Lovey a/k/a Mrs. Howell
ANOOP DESAI: A lot has been mentioned about the nerdy spectacles that Anoop sports during one of the songs. This fashion accessory brings up way too many questions that confuse my logical robot mind. Why is he only wearing them during one song? Does he have contacts in on the other song? Shouldn’t he at least pantomime taking out his contacts before putting on his glasses? What if he wore a monocle? And if he did wear a monocle, if he also wore a top hat would he look anything like Mr. Peanut? Just way too many damn questions. But, on to his performance…
Anoop’s singing is a little too smooth for my taste. I recently saw Bob Dylan and when he sang “Forgetful Heart” it damn near broke my heart. His voice is weathered and ragged and raw but the emotion and heartbreak of his nearly 70 years are there. Anoop has a nice voice but his set was a bit forgettable to me. I also never seemed to notice him on the group numbers. He just didn’t stand out to me. However, the crowd really got into Anoop’s set. He definitely had lots of fans there. And lots of cheers and “nooooooop” shouts. He’s just not my thing but I really hope he gets a chance to pursue his music career.
Anoop’s role on Gilligan’s Island: the Professor
MATT GIRAUD: There was a noticeable increase in cheers when Matt came out for “Hard To Handle.” To me, the crowd seemed as loud as they were for the top 2 later in the show. He really is a good performer and was very comfortable onstage. He has great charisma and a great rapport with the crowd. He got huge cheers when he yelled “Mil-Gokey.” There was a guy a row or two behind me (from now on I’ll refer to him as the yeah guy) who yelled an enthusiastic “yeah” when Matt did a piano solo. Matt definitely was a crowd pleaser and add me to the list of people who are wondering why he hasn’t been signed yet. He’s a talented musician/singer/performer and I think he’s got a great career ahead of him.
Matt’s role on Gilligan’s Island: Gopher (I know he’s from The Love Boat but there just isn’t enough characters on Gilligan’s Island to go around).
Matt’s mole’s role on Gilligan’s Island: Moley the jungle bug
GROUP SONG: The highlight to me was the dueling pianos. It was a lot of fun. The yeah guy behind me yelled “yeah, dueling pianos.” Thanks Captain Obvious! Anyway, this number was a crowd pleaser for sure.
…We now interrupt this recrap to bring you this lame bit on the Coronation Song…
So now I should really address a very important Idol related issue. And that is the end of the coronation songwriting contest. I can’t believe that they’ve taken this opportunity away from me. But just in case they bring it back, I am prepared. I mean, how hard can it be to write an inspirational song? You just take one part destiny, add a dash a dreams & sprinkle on some rainbow dust. Here’s my detailed theory on how I would write the winning song.
CHECKLIST
Guitar – check
Ninja head band (tied tightly around my head to compress my brain & hence lower my IQ by several dozen points) – check
Lyrics to all previous winning coronation songs – check
Anti-nauseous serum – check
More anti-nauseous serum – double check
LESSON ONE – Don’t Make Any Sense
The first thing I did was print out the lyrics to the winning songs from seasons one through seven. Wow, have you read any of these? I mean just read them and not sing them while listening to the song? None of them make any sense. They actually seemed to go out of their way to be confusing, inane & indistinct. As if to say that if it sounds pretty, people won’t actually pay attention to what you are saying, which is basically nothing. Less is more and dumb it down are two phrases that come to mind.
LESSON TWO – Use The Key Words
I also noticed that certain words were used in almost all of the songs. I used different colored pens to circle certain words. “Destiny” was circled in red, “dreams” in blue etc. My goal was to use these words in the same percentage as they were used in all of the songs. The order & context of the words is inconsequential (refer to Lesson One).
LESSON THREE – Have A Dang Glory Note
People love the glory note. Okay, no problem, I’ll give you a stinkin’ glory note. Matter of fact, I’ll give you three!
LESSON FOUR – K.I.S.S.
“K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple Stupid” is the mantra to follow. Don’t use too many words over five letters or over three syllables. People like to be inspired, but not inspired enough to have to look up a word in the dictionary that they don’t understand.
LESSON FIVE – The Eye Of The Tiger
You can’t teach it, you can’t learn it, you can’t buy it, you can’t steal it. You either have it or you don’t. Luckily I not only have the eye of the tiger, I have the eyes of the tiger. That’s right, both eyes are tigers. I also have the nervous system of a lemur, the emotional make up of a guinea pig and the attention span of a gnat. All of which proves that I was made for this songwriting competition.
LESSON SIX – Try Not To Vomit
This one is self explanatory.
So there you have it: my songwriting theory. And now here’s what you’ve been waiting for, my song. If this doesn’t inspire you or bring a tear to your eye, then you are made of stone, my friend. Just sing it to the tune of that Asphalt song Daughtry supposedly ripped off. I figure they’ll be too busy suing him to notice my little ol’ copyright infringement.
“I Have Arrived”
VERSE
When you go on a journey sometimes the price must be paid
your luggage can get lost or you can get delayed
maybe you’re diverted to the wrong place
or the kid sitting next to you throws up in your face (Hey MJ, didn’t this happen to you last year on the way to Chicago?)
but the journey is what lets you finish the race
CHORUS
I’ll lasso a unicorn and take it for a ride
I have arrived, I have arrived
Like the chicken who crossed the road to get to the other side
I have arrived (insert the mother of all glory notes here)
(that glory note is still going on now)
(okay, that’s probably long enough on that glory note, we wouldn’t want to overdo it now, would we?)
(okay, who am I kidding? It’s impossible to overdo the glory note in these coronation songs so keep it going and going and going…yeah!…this kicks ass!)
VERSE
I have my ticket and I have my window seat
if I had a first class ticket that would be so neat
maybe my trip will be a big bore
or I’ll end up sitting next to some freakin’ whore
but the journey is what lets me win and to score
CHORUS (glory note the shiz outta this)
BRIDGE
I want to climb a mountain but I only found a hill
I might not climb it but I probably will
the hurricane’s coming, when I don’t know
but after the storm there’ll be a rainbow
I have enough change for the tolls
I am achieving my goals
I’ll go on tour & then make a CD
A year later everyone’s forgotten about me
If I’m lucky I can go on Broadway, make a movie or artificially inseminate some broad
I have arrived & I’m singing it loud!
Do I make you proud?
CHORUS (glory noted all to hell, of course)
BRIDGE (to nowhere)
If there are no boundaries, I don’t need a passport, don’t they know?
why am I being strip searched, detained at the border, didn’t they get the memo?
I want to go higher, I want to go deeper,
I want to go farther, I want to go cheaper.
there are no rules, there are no laws
there are no boundaries, caw-caw-caw!
Fade out…
Okay, I was just kidding around with these lyrics. Even though you must admit, they’re better than most of those coronation songs. And those last few lines were hastily added after hearing that Kara penned clunker on this season’s finale. My actual song is quite good but I didn’t want anyone to do a Daughtry & rip me off. If I did post my song here, the next thing you’d know someone would rip me off and then they’re the one who ends up on a beach sipping a fruity drink and rolling in all that sweet American coin. Yeah, it’s that good. Be patient because one day I will provide a link to my real song and expect you all to vote for me (subliminal robot mind control activated now). And then, I will have truly arrived.
…We now return you to the lamest recrap ever…
ALLISON IRAHETA: I’m not really a fan of watching kids perform. I’d rather the age cut off be at least 18. I just find it a bit sad for a kid to be working so much at that age. As for her performance, I was surprised I liked “Cry Baby” because I’ve heard that song way too many times over the years. But I thought her voice sounded great on it. And I also liked “Barracuda” because Tim Stewart rocked it out. His guitar playing made the song for me. I do think that Allison has the best female rock voice ever on Idol and in a few years I think she will mature into a force to be reckoned with. She’s been working most of her short life for a career in music so I’m happy that she now has that coveted recording contract.
Allison’s role on Gilligan’s Island: Lava Girl the stowaway
DANNY GOKEY: I wanted to give the local boy Danny a gift but since the economy is so bad I didn’t have a lot of spare cash to spend. So I decided to fill up a gift bag with all the crap I bought from those annoying commercials on TV. I mean since I saw him on TV, isn’t it appropriate to give him things “as seen on TV?” I wonder what he thought when he opened up that pretty gift bag (the one with a rendering of a rainbow and a unicorn on it) and saw a Snuggie, a Sham-wow and a half used gallon of Oxy-Clean. Sorry Danny, but I’m keeping the Mighty Putty. I just may need it to make any repairs from shaking my robo-booty all night long. But on to his performance…
Since this was Danny’s homecoming show, he got the loudest and most sustained cheers. This is also the only time that I noticed people in the lower and upper levels standing. People stood for his entire set and then sat back down sometime during Adam’s set. They did stand again for Adam and Kris, but only through parts of their sets. Also, the cheers were very loud but they really subsided when he began singing. Thankfully, people here like to listen to the artist more than they want to hear themselves screaming. Danny opened with Michael Jackson’s “PYT (Pretty Young Thing)” and he really got the crowd going. As a matter of fact, I swore I saw the ghost of Michael Jackson dangling a little ghost baby over the balcony in the upper deck during this song. And I think we can all agree that there is no higher praise than danglin’ yo baby so take that jellus h8ers!
For the most part, I thought his voice sounded strong and was especially good on “What Hurts The Most.” He really got into that song and that’s probably the kind of stuff he should sing. His speech didn’t seem religious to me but I haven’t been to church for probably 20 years so maybe that’s how people talk there nowadays. I personally don’t care if an artist talks about their religion be it Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or atheist for that matter. Or bring up their politics, either. As long as they focus on the music and don’t talk all night I’m cool. Danny’s not the most articulate guy but he seems to have good intentions. And maybe some people will derive some inspiration from him. Someone told me at one of the Season Five concerts that Taylor Hicks changed her life. I replied that the only thing I needed to change after seeing Taylor Hicks was my adult diaper. And no, she didn’t find that amusing and instantly changed her seat so I guess I changed her life in some small way too.
Let’s talk about douche. I don’t get why people call him that. Who came up with that insult anyway? There’s nothing wrong with douche. Some people find it to be a very helpful product. I mean the word douche comes from the french word for shower. And who doesn’t like showers? Highly illogical insult to call someone a french shower. And a douche bag is used for body cavity irrigation which can also be very helpful. So by using that term you’re basically calling someone a device to irrigate body cavities. How logical is that? Anyway, as far as I could tell, Danny didn’t cry or break down or anything. Wisconsin was very proud to have an American Idol from Milwaukee who made it on the show. And maybe his buddy Jamar will make it on tour next year. That would be great because then the tour would again come to Milwaukee and I wouldn’t have to drive to Chicago (damn tolls).
I don’t know how Danny’s country CD will do. I actually only own one country CD and it’s that Loretta Lynn one that has Jack White from The White Stripes on it. Oh, and I have the essential Johnny Cash CD. So I’m no expert on country music. It does seem like it’s pretty varied so he can lean towards pop or whatever. I think that outside of the Idol bubble and the wacky competitive fan bases he should do okay and I wish him and his foundation only the best.
Danny’s role on Gilligan’s Island: Mr. Howell the millionaire
ADAM LAMBERT: Throughout the tour, Adam’s fans have thrown all sorts of crap at him while he’s onstage. There have been bras, panties, whips, feather boas, dildo shaped projectiles etc. I swear when he’s singing there are more props on stage than at a Carrot Top show. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye, I guess. And hopefully the shocking headline “Death By Dildo” isn’t something we’ll see in the near future. From what I could tell, Milwaukee didn’t toss anything at him. People here generally like to watch the performers more than try to be a part of the show themselves. Or maybe it was because there were a lot of Danny fans near the stage. In any case, I don’t think Adam needs any help anyway as he’s entertaining enough without all of the props.
When Adam came out people were still standing from Danny’s set. The crowd was loud and sounded a little higher pitched and shrieky to me as the young girls were definitely out in full force. I wondered what the Gokey Gang couple next to me thought so I looked over and noticed they were taking pictures. The yeah guy behind me yelled “oh, hell yeah” during “Whole Lotta Love.” Also, there was a girl who was maybe twelve in front of us and after one of Adam’s sexy moves she turned her head towards her mom with her mouth wide open like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Her mom didn’t seem to notice though because she was too busy taking pictures. I actually noticed a lot of camera flashes going off during Adam’s set. The whole floor was lit up with cell phones and camera LCD screens. It seems like everyone wanted a photo of him. So for those who doubted that the Midwest could accept Adam all I can say is you were dead wrong. For the most part, people are really cool here and just want to be entertained like everyone else. Milwaukee definitely loved Adam.
I never watched the Adam live videos because I wanted to see it for myself. But the day before I decided to check out the Bowie medley and it cracked me up. I actually found him so over the top that it was bordering on parody. Like a Saturday Night Live sketch or something. It just cracks me up when singers act out the lyrics like when Adam does that fingers walking thing. But I must say that seeing Adam live is totally different. It all made sense. By being so over the top he was able to reach every corner of the arena. It’s way, way better to see him live than on a tiny YouTube screen or computer monitor. Quite entertaining indeed. And he is so much better live than on the show. To me, he seemed like he was holding back and watering down his true spirit on the show. I much prefer to see the authentic artist and not the safe one he had to become for the family TV show. As for his voice, he sounded great live. Except I admit that I found “Whole Lotta Love” screechy at times. But he rocked it out and looked very cool performing it. I admit that I’m no Glambert. Actually, I could never fully be one because I just don’t find endless conversations about his hairstyle and crotch that interesting. And that goes for anyone’s hairstyle and crotch, by the way. But I do think he will have a great career either in music or Broadway.
Bonus points for performing songs that are on my iPod: “Fame” & “Let’s Dance” by David Bowie. By the way, Bowie’s “Let’s Dance” album features some great guitar work from the late, great Stevie Ray Vaughan. Vaughan has an unfortunate Wisconsin link as he died in a helicopter crash after a concert at Alpine Valley in East Troy, Wisconsin in 1990.
Adam’s role on Gilligan’s Island: a very sexy Ginger
KRIS ALLEN: Kris was one of my faves from the beginning. Mainly because he’s so cute. Yes, I admit that I’m a very shallow robot. But I have to admit that his performances kept getting better and better to me. He’s clearly a real musician and not just a singer. And he had some creative arrangements that most of the other Idols lacked. Also, he was one of the only Idols to choose some songs that I have on my iPod so that was cool. I was so glad “No Boundaries” was dropped from the concert. Actually, I’m responsible for getting it out of the show. It all started with this letter I sent to Kara…
Dear Kara,
I know there are no boundaries but I’m comfortable where I am. I don’t want to go higher. I don’t want to go deeper. Please Kara, I’m not only afraid of heights, but I’m afraid of depths too. Please don’t make me go higher or make me go deeper. Damn you Kara! Damn you to hell! And furthermore, why is there an “a” in the word boundaries anyway? You know how many times spell check has had that squiggly red line under that word when I’ve typed it? Damn you Kara! Damn you to hell again! Actually I just noticed that the word boundaries has every vowel in it: “a” “e” “i” “o” and “u”. As a certified word nerd, that’s pretty cool in my book. So I take back that whole second damning to hell thing I said. The first damning to hell, however, still stands. Seriously though, if you don’t let Kris sing a different song I’m going to steal that giant fan Allison uses and blast the stage when Kris sings that line about the hurricane. Maybe he and the band will be blasted so hard that everyone will be blown right off the stage. And although thoughts of their well being will probably eventually cross my mind, I will initially just be ecstatic that the dang song stopped.
Sincerely, SnarkBot3000
So you can thank me for that song by The Killers. Which leads me to his performance…
I think it was very gutsy for Kris to open with just his acoustic guitar after all of the fireworks of Adam’s set. It really shows his confidence and that he’s comfortable being himself. The crowd gave him wild applause when he came out and he clearly had a lot of fans there. I liked “Ain’t No Sunshine” even though that song has been done to death over the years. I just thought he was most comfortable and passionate on that song. He also clearly wanted to show his versatility so he made a point to play acoustic and electric guitar as well as keyboards. I was about ready to see him bust out a kazoo and start pounding away on bongos. Message received Kris: you are more than just a singer, you are a musician. I do think Kris can have a successful recording career and we should be hearing him on the radio before the year is out.
Bonus points: songs on my iPod are “All These Things That I’ve Done” by The Killers & “Hey Jude” by The Beatles.
Kris’ role on Gilligan’s Island: we have our Gilligan!
The ending group song was a lot of fun. Everyone pretty much knows the Journey song and sang along. I’m not a big Journey fan but if this song is good enough for The Sopranos finale, it’s good enough for me. It’s nice that they gave the crowd one last chance to see everyone before we file out like cattle in search of where the heck we parked our cars. Kris and Adam pointed to Danny near the end and Danny pointed back at Kris and Adam to wild cheers. Michael seemed especially happy for Danny and tried to push him center stage near the end. I also noticed that Kris, Matt, Allison and Megan made the heart symbol with their arms before leaving the stage. And then the lights went up and it was over.
Here’s James’ take. He doesn’t watch the show but he checks out some of the clips online. He hasn’t read or seen anything about the tour. Before the show, he said he thought Allison should have won and she was his fave. After the concert, however, he said she was his biggest disappointment. He didn’t like her performing style at all and didn’t think she connected with the crowd. I mentioned her young age and lack of “seasoning” and he agreed. He thought it was especially evident during “Slow Ride” when Adam’s stage presence was just light years ahead of Allison’s. His fave of the night turned out to be Matt. He thought he was far and away the best. He hadn’t seen any of his videos from the show so he didn’t know what to expect and was really surprised at how good he was. He also liked Megan who he called Betty Boop. He said he liked her because she was “quirky” but I think the tight pink dress had something to do with it. He was also impressed with Anoop, although he couldn’t take him seriously on “My Prerogative” and laughed at his dance moves. Overall, he thought the first half of the show was better and the top four seemed to be “phoning it in.” I mentioned that maybe that’s because those in the first half are still trying to get record deals so they are putting more effort into pleasing the crowd. He did have a great time though and thought this top 10 was better than last season’s.
The highlights for me were the cheesy group numbers, seeing local hero Danny come home, NOT hearing “No Boundaries” and whenever Tim Stewart was allowed to cut loose on his guitar. In conclusion, we had a great time and the concerts are definitely worth going to. You don’t need to have a favorite or even love all of the Idols. If you’re like me and love the show, you will love the concerts as well.
Sparkles just loved statistical breakdowns and useless information so I shall carry on that tradition as well.
Temperature at show time: a beautiful 76
Temperature after the show: a chilly 60 with rain
Miles from my house to the venue: about 35
Cost per ticket: $83.93
Cost per Idol: $8.39
Cost for parking: $20
Time the show started: 7:06
Time the show ended: 10:02
Cost of my diet Coke: robots don’t drink, you silly human
Cost of James’ beer: surprisingly he didn’t get one
Number of minutes I did the robot dance: I did it all night long, baby (much to the dismay of the people sitting directly behind my behind).
Number of season’s I’ve watched: all of them, of course
Number of my fave season: 5 and then 7 (damn near perfect casting on those)
Favorite Idol judge: I’ve got 5 words for you Kara: “It’s not you.”
Favorite Jonas brother: Larry
If Justin Guarini & Kara DioGuardi hooked up, their spawn would be christened: Jara DioGuarini
Number of CDs I’ll buy from this season’s Idols: probably zero (I love the show and concerts but I don’t care for the CDs)
This season’s Crybaby Award for fan group that made the Claymates look normal goes to: some of Adam’s crazy à ¼berfans on finale night. Some (gasp!) actually said they would never watch the show again because he didn’t win, to which millions could be heard saying in unison “don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”
Names I would never give to my cat: Kitty, Frisky, Fluffy or Patches
Names I would never give to my kid: Kitty, Frisky, Fluffy or Brenda
Memories made: many, many gigabytes worth. That’s robot speak for a lot, my clueless human friends.
So now it’s time I quote that great American philosopher The Daughtry who once said “I’m going to the place where love and feeling good don’t ever cost a thing. And the pain you feel’s a different kind of pain. I’m going home, back to the place where I belong.” Wow dude, that is Deep with a capital D. What the heck, it’s DEEP, you know, all in caps like that ginourmous tattoo on your back. But before I go home, I must ask a little something of you, dear readers, if there are any of you left still reading at this point. Now it’s your turn to write a comment about this recrap. According to my robot calculations, only about 6.2% of people who read this will leave a comment. If I don’t get a lot of comments I am warning you that I will go on a rampage this earthly world has never witnessed before. I shall stalk every inch of this crazy planet and destroy every Justin Guarini CD I find. Actually, bad example as he sold like what, maybe a dozen CDs? Something tells me they’ll be kind of hard to find. So I shall destroy all Constantine Mouralis CDs. Again, bad example. I’d probably be doing the world a favor with that one. So let’s just say I’ll go on a rampage and leave it at that.
If you do leave a comment I will be forever grateful. I may actually spare you in the great Robo-war of 2020 (who knew the Terminator movies had it right?). It’s especially cool if a person registers to leave their very first comment. If I had a heart that would surely warm it’s cockles. And don’t be afraid to rip on me either. I assure you, this robot ego can take whatever lame-o crap you can sling at it. Just do everyone a favor and be funny about it though, okay? And if anyone has the guts to say that this is the best recrap ever I just may pee my pants. If I were wearing any.
Now for those who will leave a comment I shall wish upon you this: may the wind never be too windy around you. Unless of course, you are flying a kite. Then may the wind be around you. Not too powerful of a wind, mind you. We aren’t talking hurricane here, just enough of a breeze to keep your kite aloft. And for those who are unable or unwilling to string a few words together to form a cogent thought, I shall curse you with this: may you not have any wind around you when I tell you to “go fly a kite.” Get it? Fly a kite without wind? Won’t that just ruin your day, you ingrate human. And with that: SnarkBot3000 over and out and I just may see you again at the Season 9 tour.
Here’s the link to my YouTube channel with some videos of the show. I’ll probably be adding more so feel free to check back.
YouTube – ConcertCameraCat’s Channel
