After April’s elimination, there is the usual exclamations about how stressful the runway was. Bianca praises Trinity’s lip-synch, and everyone joins in the applause. Milk, however, heaves a sigh for their lost sister.
“I’ll never forget April,” she says. “My baby’s due in April.”
Darienne is fuming about being in the bottom three. When Ben asks who else should have been in the bottom, Darienne refuses to say. But her eyes slide over to Milk. “I was giving Adele at the Tony’s,” she interviews. “Not Phyllis Diller at the maternity ward.”
Adore checks in with Laganja, who retells the tragic story of all the famewhores stepping on her Queen for a Day video. We see a flashback, which is edited to make Laganja look better. But I still remember what happened last week, thank you.
Bianca agrees with me. In an interview, she advises Laganja to take “all the weepy bullshit and apply it to the competition.”
The next morning, Laganja and Gia lead an impromptu dance routine into the werk room. Laganja is wearing what Bianca describes as a macrame pot holder on her head. It’s kind of a rasta look. That a six-year-old would come up with. There’s something strangely Andy Dick about Laganja I realize.
The She-Mail goes off, and it’s a short little read from RuPaul. Time for the mini-challenge. But ZOMG! There’s no mini-challenge! We go right into the Snatch Game. Halleloo.
Well, preparations for the Snatch Game. Ben explains the importance of this challenge. It separates the contenders from the fodder. But she’s worried, because impersonations is not in her wheelhouse.
As the queens prepare, we learn that Joslyn is impersonating Teresa Guidice. I remember her from recapping Celebrity Apprentice. Trump kept trying to make her upturn the table in the Board Room. But she’s originally from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, so there’s should be fun in that.
Laganja tells Adore that she’s doing Rachel Zoe. She tells us that the voice is very important, but when she quotes lines, it’s in her own voice. So, I don’t think “voice” is a word that means what she thinks it means. When RP comes by, they quote Rachel Zoe catchphrases at each other, so maybe that’s what she means by voice.
Bianca’s Judge Judy delights RuPaul no end. But he warns her to bring it. Bianca tries to act like that’s intimidating, but there’s no way Bianca won’t kill at this character. As Bianca says, Judge Judy’s “smart, sensible, and a fucking bitch.”
RuPaul also loves Adore’s Anna Nicole Smith. Having watch a whole ten minutes of the Anna Nicole Smith Christmas Special, I can say that Adore has her down to a T.
Ben, meanwhile, is putting a Maggie Smith look together. “How will you make Maggie Smith funny” RuPaul asks, sounding extremely unimpressed. Ben then confesses that he’s not good with a British accent, and RuPaul asks if he can do someone else. I’m getting a grassy knoll feel about this interview, because a) Ben is much too savvy to try a character that he can’t do. And b) when has Maggie Smith ever not been funny?
“My confidence is shaken,” Ben confesses. “And, uh…” There’s no punchline to that joke.
Milk falls apart trying to explain what’s funny about Julia Child. “Have you seen Snatch Game on this show?” RuPaul finally asks. “I’m going for low expectations,” Milk jokes.
Gia tells RuPaul that’s she going to do Selena. Not Selena Gomez. The original Selena. Who is dead. And not funny. Afterward RuPaul leaves, Gia decides to change course and do Kim Kardashian instead. We get a shot of Bianca looking worried for her. Aw. For all her sharp tongue, Bianca is a big ol’ softie.
The Snatch Games with Heather McDonald and Gillian Jacobs as guests. RuPaul introduces all the “celebrities.” Bianca’s Judge Judy is as sharp and funny as the real thing. Adore’s Anna Nicole Smith is drunk to the point of incoherence. Milk manages to catch the softball question RuPaul lobs at her, but whiffs the later questions badly. The less said about Courtney’s Fran Drescher, the better. Laganja manages to spit out one Rachel Zoe catchphrase, but then goes into a weird staccato delivery that makes her sound like a robot. Darienne’s Paula Deen is fine. So is Joslyn’s Teresa Guidice (hilariously, she spells her own name wrong). Ben, in contradiction to the previous segment, is perfect in character, wit, and accent with Maggie Smith. Trinity, as Nicki Minaj, does a wig change (which Bianca notes is a Chad Michaels move), and nothing else.
The runway theme is “Night of a Thousand Ru’s.” As they put on their faces, Adore worries about her “hog body.” This leads Ben to talk about his childhood, when he was overweight, gay, and bullied. His mother was the one who urged Little Ben to love himself, but she died when he was thirteen. Ben channeled his feelings into performance. He says he’s learned from “Dela” — about himself.
While Ben is reminiscing, Bianca takes Adore aside. She lends Adore a cincher, if she promises not to tell anyone that Bianca’s being nice. She has to maintain that her bitchy character, after all.
The queens model outfits based on different looks from RuPaul — some from the show, some from various events or photoshoots. We get to compare them to RuPaul’s original look, and in all cases, she wears the look better. But Joslyn does a nice walk, Trinity gets that imperious arm movement down, Adore and Laganja are pretty good with the hair, and Ben does such a good job that RuPaul accuses her of stealing her look (like she did Michelle Visages in the first runway). Milk is the last one out, and she’s channeling boy RuPaul in suit and saddle shoes. It’s met by a shocked silence.
The top queens are Bianca, Adore, and Ben. Bianca gets high marks for her performance, but lower ones for her runway. Adore is admired for her Snatch Game, but Heather McDonald astutely notes that Adore is always channeling Anna Nicole Smith, which makes the performance less impressive. Ben was great both in performance and look. Which gives her win, and two latex outfits.
Of the bottom three, Milk provokes a mixed reaction. Her “Boy RuPaul” look was risky. Michelle loved and hated it. Interestingly, Milk tells the judges she fears being laughed at if she tries to do glamorous. Santino likes Laganja’s RuPaul look, but they all agree that her Rachel Zoe was terrible. Gia was unimpressive in both her performance and her runway.
Milk is safe, so it’s Laganja and Gia lip-synching to a Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam song. Laganja has the advantage of wearing a stretchy cat suit, while Gia’s in a mermaid gown. She also has a lot of flashy dance moves: death drop, split jump, etc. Gia can vogue, but she’s not amazing at it. RuPaul’s eyes go to Laganja, even after Gia strips down to her own cat suit. It’s no surprise when Gia is told to sashay away.
Snarky to the end, Gia sighs about being sent home while boys in dresses (i.e., Milk), are still in the game. Bring out the big gunns, dudes —> oxox Gia Gunn, is her final message.
Untucked
The safe queens mostly discuss Trinity’s attitude. She seems defeated, saying that all the other queens are better than she is. She’s also upset because she heard Santino making fun of her slurred speech while she was doing her runway walk.
***RuPaul interrupts the show to explain that Santino was actually making fun of RuPaul’s speech impediment. We return to the lounge.***
Trinity is still upset. The other queens commiserate, but urge her to buck up. “Find your own applause, ” Joslyn says, continuing to be awesome. “You don’t need it from them.”
They briefly discuss the other queens, deciding that Laganja’s Rachel Zoe was forced and unconvincing. They wonder if Milk’s look will work or not. Courtney and Darienne wonder if Milk can even do a beauty look.
Then Trinity tells the queens that she came to do the show with a mission. She’s HIV positive, and she wanted to be a voice for other HIV positive people. She needs to stay strong.
They move to the Gold Bar and Trinity gets a card that reads, “Hey single lady, keep your halo up.” It’s not Beyoncé, but it is Trinity’s mother. She sends her love and encouragement. Her mother also tells a great story. She was in the hospital, with an oxygen tube. When Trinity started crying, she wrote on a pad, “I can’t die. You haven’t gotten on RuPaul’s Drag Race yet!”
Then we go to the Silver Lounge, where the top and bottom queens are drinking their cocktails. Laganja is annoyed at Bianca because Judge Judy called Rachel Zoe “a robot.” Bianca scoffs at this, and Ben notes that anything in the Snatch Game was about getting laughs and not personal. Gia emphasizes with Laganja, saying they are both sensitive.
Laganja then goes on a litany of annoying phrases: She’s not bothered by Bianca. Come for her. She’s unshakeable. She realizes now that it’s a competition, but the difference is that Laganja has heart —
“Oh girl, you knew it was a competition from the beginning,” Adore interrupts in glorious snark-o-vision.
Laganja then accuses Adore of coming after her. When Adore asks her when, Laganja cannot remember. Or what it was that Adore said. But it hurt. It was earlier that day. Or that week. Or maybe it was last year. But it hurt.
“Don’t do all that, girl,” Adore says. The queens remind Laganja that she needs to focus on the lip-synch. Gia gives her a pep talk. It’s really touching, because Gia has to know she’ll be lip-synching, too.
Bianca also tries to buck Laganja up as they return to the runway. “Shake it off. Pretend it’s gas. Leave it in the hallway.”
What did you think about Snatch Game? Was it the “tightest Snatch… Game ever?” Which is more entertaining, Gia’s ditzy snark, or Laganja’s weird freak-outs? Let me know your opinion!
