I may have hallucinated this, but I think the show opened with RuPaul shaving. This was followed by the traditional Parade of Queens, where everyone gets to show what they can really do on a runway when they don’t have to sew their own clothing. Then RuPaul appeared in a dark blue gown that put everyone else to shame.
She greeted the audience and proceeded to interview eleven contestants in quick succession, starting with Kelly and Magnolia Crawford. When RuPaul pointed out that Kelly should have lasted longer — but stumbled on sewing, Kelly apologized and said she flunked her costume construction class in college. Magnolia Crawford claims not to have watched the show, because she didn’t want to contaminate her personal experience by seeing it through the TV lens. RuPaul called that out as bullshit, and Kelly offered to have Magnolia watch a marathon of the season at her house — she’d bring the bacon.
Then it was time for Vivacious and April Carrion. Vivacious is wearing a gold moon costume, while April looked like Dax’s most fabulous host body ever. We got to see Adam and April flirt again — it never gets old. Plus, RuPaul showed the photos that April posted online, where she created looks for ever runway theme she missed on the show. The one of her “RuPaul” is especially good. Vivacious announced that Ornacia (her Alien head she wore in the first episode) had become so ornery that she was suing Vivacious for emancipation. Then, at RuPaul’s request, she did her New York Ball walk for the audience. As the show went to commercial, a bevy of chorus boys with Ornacii on their heads did some very cool dance moves.
(A running theme in the show were dance spots by the chorus boys, and random shots of Adore, Bianca, and Courtney looking bored in the “Overstock Red Room.”
We returned to Gia Gunn (wearing a life-sized dragon) and Milk (looking glamorous in a silver dress). Gia Gunn doesn’t have a lot to say, but explains that she was just telling the truth on the show. However, since coming on the Drag Race, her horizons have expanded and she accepts Milk’s drag as having its own value. Milk is a little more interesting. She’s wearing a glamorous silver sequined gown and thanks for the show. She’ll been able to quit her “boy job” due to the exposure and fans she found. RuPaul comments that Milk got comments on how hot he was in boy form. Milk thinks that Drag Race fans are just extra horny or something.
Laganja Estranja (wearing Gary Oldman hair from that Dracula film) is busy, busy, busy. She’s got a single out. She made a video. She’s selling jewelry and make-up. She going abroad to perform. And she’s stoned. Okay, then. Trinity K. Bonet, in a dress that skirts the JLo line for nakedness, feels proud that she got her tell her story and let people know that you aren’t defined by disease. Anything you want to do, you can. RuPaul talks about Trinity’s amazing change in attitude and ability on the show, and Trinity credits Bianca. Once they started writing the commercial together, something snapped, and Trinity realized she could direct her energy away from self-pity and into the work.
There’s a little drag history lesson, where we see a wide range of drag performers, from Seth Rogen on some Tonight Show sketch to civil rights hero Martha P. Johnson.
Then we have a group of three queens on the stools: Joslyn (in a fairly tasteful gold gown), BenDelaCreme, and Darienne Lake. Joslyn gets a good long intro package, because she won everyone over this season. She’s auditioned four or five times, and her advise is to “be yourself” in your audition package. Because that was what got her on the show. RuPaul tells Dela that “people freaked the fuc out” when she was eliminated. Dela, in a pink gown with gold accents that look like weird, distorted horseshoes, says that people responded to her positivity in a strong way. When asked what surprised her about the show, Dela replies that it really is a race. The queens barely manage to get to the runway each week with their outfits stuck together with hot glue and desperation.
Darienne is looking like Mae West in her white wig and black gown. She tries to explain her “bitch edit” by saying that there was a lot of pressure and she and Dela both snapped (“I didn’t snap,” Dela interjects in the cutest possible way). Dela gives Darienne a gift: A “BenDeLaCreme” Russian doll (referring to Darienne’s read where she compared Dela to a Russian doll “Full of herself”). Darienne laughs, but gets serious when she offers Dela an apology. They hug it out. Then RuPaul surprises Darienne with a video love note from her parents (who threw her out of the house at 18). It’s evident from their words that her parents watched at least a couple of the episodes (Darienne’s father brings out a pair of elephant tusk earrings) and they tell her they love her and are proud of her. Darienne spends the rest of her interview making spectacular faces as she struggles not to cry.
Finally, it’s time for the Top Three queens to appear. They do, having changed into new outfits. Adore (who arrived wearing Pebble Flintstone’s prom dress) is in a black off-the-shoulder gown that I think actually hits the floor. She sings a little song about how well she sings. Courtney changed from her black Spiderwoman look into a rainbow-hued plastic outfit that looks pretty, but oddly muted. Her hair is pink, and looks very deliberately disheveled. She sings about her ability to hit high notes. Bianca is in a black dress that looks exactly like the black dress she wore earlier in the evening, with the edition of large, tropical flowers. She talk-sings about how she can’t sing, but she’s still in the top three, bitch!
The first order of business is Adore and Laganja’s relationship, because America is dying to know how they’re doing. We see a video of Adore and Laganja watching the Untucked fight together. It looks like the show invited them to view it in a warehouse. There is a quick edit of their conversation, with many tears and Laganja insisting that her over-the-top persona and look is her. Adore claims that she does have Laganja’s back, then mutters that this needs to be a private conversation. Coming back to the show, we learn that the two of them went to a bar afterwards and did talk it out. They’re cool now, although Adore still looks a bit upset.
RuPaul then summons last year’s Miss Congeniality, “Iiiiiiivy Winnnnters!” She appears on stilts to pass on her sash to BenDeLaCreme! The title comes with a $500 gift card from Overstock.com. Not as cool as the vacation package (from Al and Chuck Travel.com) that the show used to give out. I miss the old sponsors.
It’s time for audience questions. Latrice Royal (Season 4’s MIss Congeniality) asks if Adore has a crush on Bianca. They both deny that it’s a crush. Adore sees Bianca as a surrogate drag mother/dad. Alaska’s question is for Gia Gunn, “Gurl, what is with your wonky eye?” Gia laughs and says she does have one eye that’s smaller than the other, but she hopes her make-up is better tonight. JIggly Caliente asks (on behalf of a fan) for Bianca to read her. Bianca does so, very gently and Jiggly looks delighted.
The final question is from “Andre” (Joslyn’s fiance). He reminds Joslyn that they agreed to get married once she made it onto RuPaul’s Drag Race. Now that she has, will she marry him tonight, on the show? It’s an obvious set-up, but Joslyn looks gobsmacked. She can’t speak, but nods, so Andre climbs onstage, the pit crew arrives with bridal bouquets, and RuPaul, an ordained minister, conducts a brief ceremony that ends with an epic kiss between the two newlyweds. Joslyn throws her bouquet into the audience, and the guy that catches it kisses his own boyfriend as we fade to commercial.
It’s almost time to award the crown, but we get a quick catch-up session with the Top Three first. Adore has just finished an album and plans to use the title to break into the mainstream as a real superstar. If Lady Gaga can do it, then Adore can. Bianca explains that, although her on-stage schtick is to insult people, she can’t function like that in real life. Her adorable Godchild, Lola, recites a cute poem. Bianca looks so proud!
Courtney finally gets asked a question and it’s about her bitch edit. She explains that it’s just the Australian sense of humor. She has a friend in the audience and it’s Chaz Bono! Apparently they really hit it off, and ended up performing together in Australia. RuPaul offers to marry them, being an ordained minister and all. Chaz is sort of into it, since Courtney may soon win $100,000. Courtney demands a pre-nup. But really, they’re just friends.
Last year’s winner, Jinkx Monsoon appears. In a huge green ball gown, she looks like a cross between Glinda, Elphaba, and the Statue of Liberty. She advises the next winner to cherish every moment, and let the twitter hate flow off them like a “[bleeping] duck’s back.”
The moment has come! RuPaul awards the crown and title to Bianca Del Rio! Bianca gets a big hug from Adore, then declares, “I’m not crying! It’s my [bleeping] eyelash! Gia jinxed me!” She takes the triumphant runway prance, and the audience goes wild. Her mini-speech is about how, even at the advanced age of 30, one can still grow and achieve great things.
It wasn’t a huge surprise that Bianca won, because she dominated the competition. She’s the first winner never to fall into the bottom three. But, as RuPaul tries to avoid spoiling the audience in the age of social media, the show usually films three different endings. This year, they filmed four different endings, one of which was having the race end in a tie between Adore and Bianca. So, although Adore didn’t win, she came as close as anyone could.
I hope you enjoyed the recaps! I’ll be back again for the next season!
