Glee Season 6 Episode 5 Recap – The Hurt Locker Pt 2 – Performance Videos
The second part of the epic crack story of Sue Sylvester on the loose, The Hurt Locker Part 2, didn’t piss me off as much as Part 1 did. The character still annoys the hell out of me, but there was less of her. And the part she did play at least had a clearer point. There was still a TON of meta in this episode, but it wasn’t so random or buried in boring rants.
Plus, COMPETITION EPISODE! I love competition episodes. There was plenty of music in this one, featuring performances from the awesomely awesome newbies INCLUDING Spencer. And Kitty Wilde has NEVER BEEN BETTER. Out of the season 4-5 newbie group, Kitty was one of my favorites (along with Unique). I’m glad TPTB had the presence of mind to bring her back.
The sending up of fandom, which begun last week, took on an even darker tone. Sue’s increasingly hysterical and irrational reasons for needing them together, her instance that she knew better than even than they did about their personal lives, is the stuff that makes up the fantasies of the most extreme shippers. Some are so far gone, they can’t even tell the difference between the actors and the characters they play. Thanks to social media, it’s the loudest and the craziest who make their presence known. Sue represents the unhinged shippers the writers–not to mention the cast and crew–see in their twitter mentions every day.
But ultimately, for all fans of the pairing, wishes were fulfilled this week, as the two slowly found their way back to each other, albeit via Sue’s nasty coercion. There were call backs to the history of the pairing. And a kiss of course. One way to look at it–the weirdo Sue-as-Klainer storyline allowed for a sexual connection without making Blaine, ostensibly in a committed relationship to Karofsky, look like a cheater.
Also, it was pretty clear tonight that Samchel is going to be a thing. The seeds for real romance outside of the craxy hypnotism storyline were planted this week. I expect they will come to fruition, sooner rather than later
We pick up RIGHT where we left off last week. Vocal Adrenaline take a bow at the conclusion of their powerhouse performance. The Warblers, and especially New Directions, are left slack jawed by their amazingness.
Sue takes the stage to announce that she’s changing the rules for the competition. It will now be a 3 day event, with the Warblers going second the following day and the New Directions 3rd the day after that. And she’ll be the only judge. There’s a new theme “Old School.” Also, New Directions can’t perform unless they meet the 12 member requirement for show choir competition. “It’s the only rule that anyone ever remembers, and yet every year is surprised by,” says Sue.
Rachel corners Will, accusing him of breaking his promise to throw the competition. He insists that he never agreed to such a thing. “You just have to beat us on your own terms,” he says. To which end–Kurt and Rachel get to work recruiting new members. Rachel is afraid to approach Kitty, who is not a fan. Rachel admits her attitude with the newbies was dismissive. She never learned their names. “There was Puck’s brother, and then cross dressing Mercedes, and the one with the fat mom, and whatever …Rader?” Kurt corrects, “Ryder.” Rachel groans, “I was awful to them.” But at this point, Rachel has no choice but to approach Kitty.
Kurt goes out on another Breadstix date with Walter, whose creep factor has lessened considerably this week. He even seems like a pretty nice guy. When Kurt asks if what they are doing is a date, Walter answers, “Do you want it to be a date?” Kurt decides that he does.
Then Sue shows up, dressed as a server. She slaps a Klaine button on Wather’s lapel and an “I heart old people” on Kurt’s shirt. After mocking Walter’s age via Ensure jokes and referring to him as Kurt’s “great great uncle,” Kurt apologizes. Walter’s reaction? He thinks Sue is HILARIOUS. “When you’re as handsome as I am, very little bothers you,” says Walter, dryly. “And by the way, Ma’am, just how old are you?” TOUCHE! Kurt really warms up to him after that. And so do I.
Back at the Hurt Locker. Sue has invited Becky into her SECRET KLAINE ROOM. Here’s where the meta literally goes off the charts. She pushes a tape into the ole beta max and on it are a slew of favorite Klaine scenes: The make-up kiss in “The First Time.” The prom dance. The “Come What May” duet.
“Theirs was a love for the ages,” waxes #1 Klainer, Sue. “But coach. They’re barely looking at each other,” responds Becky, playing the part of your typical Klaine hater. “They don’t even look like they like each other.” Seriously. That’s like a quote straight out of the “lol klainer” tumbler tag. Crazed Klaine fan #1 AKA Sue replies, “Sweet, simple Becky. You have so much to learn about love.”
But then, Becky turns into all of us when she asks, “Where did you get these video clips?” Why, Sue’s got cameras everywhere! When the “Come What May” duet, which was basically Kurt’s fantasy while watching Moulin Rouge, flashes on the screen, an exasperated and confused Becky asks, ” BUT IS THIS LIKE A DREAM SEQUENCE? HOW CAN YOU FILM THAT?!!?!!” Sue’s all BECKY SHUT UP YOU’RE RUINING THIS HONEY.
“Look at them Becky! Have there ever been two human beings more meant for each other!” and at that point, it was time for Becky to back away slowly.
“I need to get these two back together again,” says Sue. She begins devising a plan to force them into a small space “where they are forced to gaze into each other’s eyes.” GULP.
Sue Teaches Becky About “Klaine”
Rachel corrals Kitty in the hall, ticking off a list of personal factoids, in an attempt to prove that she, indeed, knows and cares about her. “Are you trying to pick me up?” says Kitty, “Because if you are going to go lezzie with a cheerleader, I think the world is kind of rooting for you and Quinn Fabray” (Faberry is indeed a very popular, and intense Glee ship.)
Kitty is on to Rachel. She knows she’s just buttering her up so she’ll join the Glee club. Kitty loved Glee, but the selfish Rachel is no Mr. Shue. Inherently self absorbed, Rachel will jump ship as soon as something better comes along, thinks Kitty. No thanks, she says. Rachel goes for flattery, complimenting her singing and dancing. But she also concedes that Glee needs a Top Bitch to keep everyone, including her, in line. Kitty gets teary as she describes how everyone deserted her after Glee disbanded. She doesn’t want to jump back in just to have her heart broken. Rachel promises she’s not going ANYWHERE until Glee is back on its feet. The two will work together as a team.
Kurt bumps into Blaine coming out of the faculty bathroom. He’s always wanted to use it, and now that he has, it makes him feel really grown up. The boys are friendly, even a little flirty here. Kurt offers to walk Blaine to the auditorium to watch the Warblers. On the way, they find an elevator that appears to be brand new. Delighted they no longer have to take stairs–and wouldn’t it have been nice to have an elevator when Artie was around? They walk in. But things are immediately weird. There’s a bathroom off to the side. And then the elevator doesn’t move, and they can’t get out. The lights switch off. Uh oh.
“Klaine” in an Elevator
Back at the auditorium, Rachel flies into a panic. She can’t find Kurt! The Warblers are about to take the stage, and Blaine is missing too! “It’s a shock to all of us!” exclaims Sue “Blaine, our hopes and prayers are with you! But. The Show. Must. Go. On.”
The Warblers take the stage and do their typical preppy take on pop classics. “My Sharona” and “Right Round” are presented as a medley. There are flips and choreographed jazz hands. The new lead Warbler is gay and also wears copious amounts of gel. They are good, though, which totally freaks Rachel and New Directions out.
The Warblers – My Sharona
The Warblers – You Spin Me Right Round
As an aside. The fact that there are no friends, family or students at this invitational is never explained.
Sue approaches Sam–who is organizing football gear in the locker room–with her magical hypnotizing watch. After he’s under in like, a second, Sue hands him sheet music to three of the worst songs in the world. His orders are to persuade Rachel to use them for the invitational. “Operation break Rachel’s heart while sabotaging the New Directions” is proceeding very nicely. “Have you thought about using a shorter name for the operation,” intones Sam.
Apparently, these horrible songs actually exist. “Ascension Millennium” by Cory Feldman “I don’t know why Mr. Feldman is writing songs. I only know the first time I heard it I couldn’t move.” “Dear Mr. Jesus,” a song about the horrors of child abuse “that actually makes you want to go out and locate a child for the express purpose of beating them up” and “Justified and Ancient” by Tammy Wynette and KLF “hands down the worst song ever written.” Literally. The worst show choir playlist. Ever.
Rachel calls the police to report Kurt missing, but the cop hangs up on her after she takes umbrage at having her acting skills mocked by a complete stranger. Sam enters the room, behaving like a total Zombie. He comes on to Rachel, but she’s all “EW TWO DAYS AGO YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH MERCEDES.”
“That old hag?” says Zombie Sam, adding that, Like Klaine, he and Rachel ARE ENDGAME. Zombie Sam embodies the herd mentality that takes hold of fan groups that loudly and annoyingly insist on endgames. Rachel inadvertently snaps her fingers, and Sam comes out of it, having no recollection of how he got there. Things finally get real. Sam pledges to help Rachel get her team together. Rachel says thanks, but no thanks to the set list Zombie Sam tried to hand her. She’s going to rely on her own instincts.
Cut to the elevator, where Kurt and Blaine are at the irritated-with-each-other stage of their confinement. A door slides up, and out comes a miniature Sue robot on a bike, meant to be a homage to Jigsaw. JigSue if you will. If they don’t find a way out, they’ll be forced to eat each other and then suffocate. They can only escape if they kiss. But not some lame peck on the lips, it has to be a real, passionate kiss. Because fandom, err I mean JigSue will not be denied. Otherwise, the temperature will slowly rise and the boys will be forced to take off their clothes… Yes. This is ridiculous. JigSue presents a basket. Kurt and Blaine are afraid to open it. But oh! It’s actually a big hamper of really tasty food!
“DON’T FIGHT THE KLAINE.” says JigSue, menacingly, “The choice is yours.”
Kitty, having decided to re-join New Directions, shares her perfect plan, with Rachel, to find the perfect set list. “That’s so Mr. Shue,” says Kitty about the last minute set list, “I can’t decide if that’s sad or adorable!” They break into Sue’s office armed with passwords Kitty got from Becky after bribing her with Mexican snacks made with real sugar! (Mexican Coke is the best. Trust me) Smart Kitty has cut the main line to the security cameras, so they are free and clear to root around Sue’s laptop for her secret playlist of songs that make her emotionally vulnerable.
Sam corners Spencer, the post modern gay football player (in case you forgot), to persuade him to join Glee. It turns out Spencer isn’t so cavalier about his sexuality after all. He feels the constant need to prove his masculinity to others. Any expression of “stereotypical” gay behavior would make him appear weak to others, especially his fellow jocks. He REALLY wants to join Glee cause he’s a “rock star.” But he’s afraid. “I’m stuck singing and dancing alone in my bedroom,” says Spencer, “Because I don’t want anyone thinking I’m gay.”
A quarterback is a leader, not a coward, says Sam. So maybe Spencer ISN’T the guy to start the football game that weekend. “Every movement needs a leader,” says Sam. Spencer needs to step out and define who he is. “They will lose their judgment as soon as you lose yours.” Sam points to the Finn plaque on the wall. “That guy right there, Finn. He was the quarterback here. When he joined the Glee club, it changed everything here forever.”
The deaf choir coach, is now a policeman, after having lost funding for his choir. Obviously Team Klaine, sent by Sue, he rifles through Rachel’s things, ostensibly on a mission to find Kurt and Blaine. He’s not worried. They probably eloped and are headed to New York to live happily ever after. This is sort of a weird throw away scene. Meant more to give Michael Hitchcock, a Glee writer and producer, some screen time, me thinks.
The kids are confused by the sudden set list change (GET USED TO IT KIDS). Rachel tries to politely explain, before Kitty steps in to kick their asses. “The last time I checked Rachel Berry has more talent in her little finger than anyone in this stinkin rotten town.” So ya’ll better listen to her. Emboldened, Rachel shifts into pep talk mode. It’s about learning to stand up to the Sue Sylvesters of the world! It’s not all about winning! But we’re not going to go down without a fight. The kids throw in their lot with Rachel. Then Spencer shows up! YAY. Time for an all nighter.
Back to the elevator, Kurt and Blaine almost seem relaxed, sitting cross legged, sharing the foodstuffs provided by Sue. They have entered the friendly and relaxed stage of captivity. It’s the next day, and the student body walks by, nonplussed by the voices heard inside of a broken elevator. Wouldn’t this be the time to pound on the door and ask for help? I know. Just go with it. They’ve stripped off their coats and loosened their ties. They watch each other sleep. Aw.
Back in the auditorium, Will tries to work things out with Rachel. He insists he has a job to do. She says she understands and admits she was totally out of line when she expected him to undercut his club. Will taught her that you HAVE to be devoted to your kids. She gets it now. Will confesses that he doesn’t particularly like the cold and ambitious kids he’s coaching. He tells Rachel to enjoy every minute of her experience teaching New Directions, even the difficult early days. “One day, years from now, you’ll be talking to one of them, and be amazed by the man or woman they’ve become.” Then, they both realize they were manipulated into a disagreement by Sue. “Appreciate her too,” says Will. “A good nemesis only makes you better.”
With boredom setting in Kurt and Blaine resort to playing Heads Up Charades. It’s basically a shorthand way for the writers to call back to iconic Klaine scenes of yore. “If I was an ironic rapper, this would be my name,” says Kurt about “Hot Chocolate” but Blaine doesn’t guess it until Kurt reminds him of the time they drank it in New York City after ice skating. The vibe between them gets flirtier and flirtier until Blaine throws cold water all over the game by mentioning his boyfriend, Karofsky. REALITY BITES.
Enter JigSue. Because Kurt and Blaine “refuse to give back to the world the Klaine romance you’re depriving it, a romance it so desperately needs,” the game will be upped. An aerosol impotence drug is pumped into the room. Kurt rolls his eyes. “Try to resist the love you have for one another Klaine, just know, that if you choose this, you choose to die.” At this point, the boys give up. They agree, before they kiss, that it doesn’t mean anything.
Meanwhile, back in the auditorium, The New Directions take the stage. I guess they are counting the band as club members? Because they still only have 6 singers.
When they begin “It Must Have Been Love,” the action cuts back and forth between the performance and the elevator. Kurt and Blaine, on their knees, face each other and go for it. And it’s the hottest Klaine kiss ever. Long, open mouthed and passionate. And they aren’t faking it. Even when it ends, they continue to stare into each other’s eyes. It’s the birth of a thousand gifs, my friends. And it’s at this moment, shippers insulted by the show poking fun at them, absolve the scribes of all offences. See how the writers have it both ways?
New Directions – It Must Have Been Love
The elevator doors open and the boys are free, just in time to catch the end of the song. Rachel gives Kurt the run down. Changed set list. Kitty and Spencer. AND THE NEW DIRECTIONS ARE REALLY GOOD! The strains of “Father Figure” start up. I never fail to be creeped out by the lyrics of Father Figure as I’m mesmerized at the same time. Noah Guthrie’s gruff baritone is simply beautiful here. Did I mention that I love the newbies? I do.
New Directions – Father Figure
“All of my emotional triggers, how can this be!” cries Sue. Now, we launch into a series of Sue flashbacks that kind of land with a thud. It’s Sue through the years, watching Republican candidates for president lose. Are they supposed to be her Father Figures? Or what? I’m not laughing. Plz don’t distract me from Noah’s beautiful voice.
When “All Out of Love” starts, Sue begins sobbing. But then we cut to a montage of Sue dressed as iconic movie characters like Princess Leah and the Pretty Woman prostitute, auditioning and losing the parts to the famous actors who played the roles? I have no idea what’s going on here. During the song, Sam and Rachel, Kurt and Blaine exchange romantic looks.
New Directions – All Out of Love
Sue is so overcome by emotion, that she hands the trophy to New Directions. The Warblers come in third, Vocal Adrenaline second. After, Will apologizes to the lead singer, Clint, who is PISSED. It’s pretty clear to him and the other VA singers, where Will’s loyalties lie. Clint threatens some sort of VA mutiny before he storms off. Played by Max George of The Wanted, with the worst American accent ever
Having Glee bring her vulnerable set list to life has, somehow, for the 2,334,122 time, cleansed Sue of her anger. She whips out the green fork that precipitated her latest grudge. If Will ever litters at her school again, she swears to sweet holy Satan that SHE WILL END HIM. In other words, expect her to be enraged again by…oh probably next week, or whenever it’s useful to the storyline. Cause this is how Glee rolls.
Kurt and Blaine confront Sue in her office. “Are you aware that we could have you locked up in a Federal prison for 20 years?” says Kurt, “What you did to us falls under the legal definition of kidnapping.” And In the real world, the police would have been called as soon as Sue’s little robot doppelganger set them free. Blaine claims that whatever Sue was trying to do backfired. Then, Sue basically threatens to kill the guys they are currently dating. “I guess I’ll have to find a new hobby. Like operating a book making outfit that runs the numbers on which of your current boyfriends dies first.” Wow. The writers really are taking this fan parody to the darkest of places.
“We have had a most awesome week,” says Sue, to Becky back at the Hurt Locker. “What we accomplished this week makes it almost feel like two weeks.” See what they did there? When Becky reminds Sue that her scheme failed, she disagrees. “I’ve got them right where I want them,” she says, pointing to a calendar “See here? Right on schedule. Week 5. Klaine friends again! I still have 6 more weeks for scheming, possibly 7 depending on network preemptions.” See that, you shippers who totally overreacted to spoilers last fall? Ya’ll are going to get exactly what you want. Now, don’t you feel silly.
The episode ends with New Directions, back in the choir room, celebrating their win and indulging in a mutual admiration society. But not without Kitty making up nicknames for the newbs “Fat kid, gay boy, incest twins and other girl.” Rachel blathers on, while Mason whispers “I heard she tends to make things all about herself.” Madison shushes, “If you’re going to say things like that, you need to use your psychic inside voice.”
Kurt puts a cap on things by leading the group in a show circle cry of “AMAZING!” Until next week…
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