Adam Lambert and Demi Lovato return to Glee! The feud is still on between Santana and Rachel and poor Elliott is caught in the middle. In the meantime, the survival of the band, Pamela Lansbury hangs in the balance! Back in Lima, the seniors hold a senior lock-in at the school, as one last fling before they graduate. Will and Emma receive advice from some surprising quarters as they try to get pregnant.
Those poor newbies have been reduced to bit players before they will be unceremoniously booted out in 3 episodes. Sads for them. But I can’t say I miss them! Last week found the friendship between Rachel and Santana shattered over insecurities and petty jealousy. This week, Glee explored the aftermath. The Seniors, The New Yorkers, and Will and Emma all navigated some choppy waters this week, experiencing fear, anxiety, jealousy and insecurity. The kids broke off into trios, hence the episode name. A trio is 3. An odd number. Unbalanced. Uneven and uncertain. By episode end, will symmetry come out of discord?
Emma rushes into Will’s history class to drag him into the faculty bathroom. They have to have sex NOW. Naturally, Becky opens the door to investigate the thumping and animal-like noises emanating from the room. You know what happens next. After everyone freaks out, they end up in Sue’s office, where Emma explains that in order to conceive, she and Will must boink at a precise time. This is way too much information for Sue. Completely grossed out, she waves them out of her office. Also grossed out? Me. Just. Ew. Can’t Will be phased out out of Glee when the story moves to New York?
Next, we’re in the choir room where Tina, Blaine and Sam are getting their Beyonce on as they sing “Jumpin Jumpin.” The performance turns into a giant McKinley hall party, as students gyrate and move to the music. Will warns that the song isn’t Nationals-worthy (of course, the competition is a week away and they haven’t settled on a set list) Nah, they just sang it for fun, because they’ve never sung together before. “We just wanted to feel the power of a trio,” says Sam. Artie, clearly feeling left out sniffs, “Which I learned in my senior math class is about 25% less powerful than a quartet.”
Jumpin Jumpin – Blaine, Tina, Sam
When Will advises them to squeeze in as many new experiences as possible before they all go their separate ways, Tina begins to ugly cry, freaking out the boys completely. Yes. Tina’s inability to handle their impending graduation will be a major theme. When Artie goes in for the group hug Blaine says, “No, you had your turn.” I’m assuming it’s a reference to Tina and Artie’s power struggle last week over the valedictory. Or something.
Elliott arrives at Rachel’s rehearsal bearing newly-laundered dry cleaning and green tea with honey and lemon. Rachel is in full diva mode. She’s feverishly rehearsing with a full band, so paranoid that “Gina Gershon Jr.” is nipping at her heels. A full band the producers provided for her! Elliott hands her a set of keys. In flashback we see her turn up at Elliott’s apartment, worm her way in and then manipulate him into giving up his comfy bed to her. Elliott is TOO nice. WAY too nice. “I have a new best gay!” exclaims Rachel in the most patronizing way possible. “I hate that term,” Elliott says smiling uncomfortably, “It makes me feel like a pet.” Ugh, Rachel.
“You have done more for me in the last 24 hours,” Rachel coos, “than that traitor Kurt Hummel has since graduation.” Nuh uh girlfriend! Right about now, Elliott has got to be wondering if the split rent is worth it. When Rachel suggests he watch her sing the whole Funny Girl score, he quickly suggests they sing a duet–maybe something a little more rock n roll. They launch into the Heart classic “Barracuda” which could be Rachel’s theme song at the moment. “I think this is a the beginning of a beautiful, beautiful friendship,” says Rachel, completely clueless. FYI: Nancy Wilson played ALL of the guitar parts on the song! While Adam is particularly fierce, Lea’s Broadway stylings aren’t quite right for this performance.
Barracuda – Rachel and Elliott (Featuring Nancy Wilson playing guitar on the track!)
Back in Lima, Blaine and Sam try on their graduation gowns, and it hits them. They are graduating. Tina charges into the room and promptly bursts into tears. There’s more panicked shushing (Tina REALLY freaks them out) as Blaine puts a positive spin on the situation. It’s called commencement. It’s not the end of something. It’s the beginning, he says to an inconsolable Tina, who can only focus on how she won’t see her besties every day. She points out that they barely keep in touch with the Glee graduates. “As soon as it takes effort,” she says, “We get lazy. We forget, and then we move on.” Tina. She speaks the truth. To sooth her, Sam promises, that for the rest of his life, he’ll send her one Vine of him doing an impression, every week. “And then you can send me one of you soaping up your boobs.” Blaine is horrified, but Tina is oddly touched. “Three years together, and he finally notices my boobs? VICTORY.”
Blaine has an idea. To say goodbye to the school with “heroism and drama.” He suggests a senior lock-in night for the school, which he plans on getting the student council to approve. “Something so epic, that in 30 years time, we can call each other up and reminisce about it!” It was either that, or sneak a cow into McKinley. Sam’s suggestion, of course.
Cut to the teachers caf. Emma has bad news for Will. Her pregnancy test came up negative. He tells her not to worry, he’s made an appointment for them at the fertility clinic. Sue, who is always ALWAYS in earshot, suggests that Will calm down and relax. Why, when Michael Bolton impregnated her, Kenny G. played sax at the foot of the bed (whatEVER happened to Sue’s baby? Just another story line started and dropped). “I was looser than a Reno slot machine!” says Sue. “You’ve got to calm her down before you knock her up.” adds Beiste. Make it real natural. Stop trying. Wait. It’s still 2013. Weren’t Will and Emma just married at Regionals? Like maybe 2 months ago? And they’re freaked out because they aren’t pregnant yet? Sigh. The Glee timeline has turned into a complete clusterf*ck.
Later, Sue announces over the school intercom that the student council has approved the senior lock in. But she’s cancelling it. It has something to do with budget cuts, safety concerns, and Obamacare. Tina crumples in the hallway in a full on meltdown. That’s where Blaine and Sam find her. The boys continue to be uncomfortable as Tina once again trots out the drama llama. Blaine hastily suggests they have their own lock-in. Just the 3 of them. They can sneak into the school through the choir room window. As they leave, Sam asks Tina if her boobs are getting bigger. “Yes Sam, they are!” exclaims Tina as a squicked out Blaine shakes his head.
Back at the loft, Santana is fixing her hair. As the door opens, she thinks it’s Kurt, “Lady Hummel! Come here! I need your tiny delicate elfin like fingers to help me fasten this weave!” Have you ever noticed, the girls kinda treat Kurt like crap? It’s Elliott, actually. He’s come by to pick up Rachel’s sheet music. After complimenting her hair, Santana runs down how she plans to completely psych out Rachel, including tacking up sophomore photos in her dressing room (to remind her, “once a chunky fatty, always a chunky fatty”). “Girl, that’s so high school!” says Elliott. When Santana finds out Rachel is living with him, she blows a gasket, calling him a traitor. Elliott is all, “girlfriend, I hardly know you.” When Santana finds out his deal with Rachel is partly financial, she hints that “Auntie Snixx” can help him in the money department. Just say no Elliott!
Back at McKinley, there can’t be a senior break in without super heroes. “In a world, on the verge of graduation,” intones Blaine in voice over, “One hero stands against evil.” It’s Nightbird! Or Blaine, as Nightbird, falling awkwardly through the choir room window. Sam and Tina follow. FYI: The superhero clef that opens the scene Batman style is from Finn’s superhero costume in “Dynamic Duets “. Sniff.
Blaine explains to Sam that he’s wearing the superhero costume one last time, because he never will again, “Unless I’m in some kind of creepy fetish club.” Alrighty then. The Epic Senior Lock In commences with the Epic Eighties Anthem “Don’t You Forget About Me” as they propel themselves on office chairs with fire extinguishers, giggle at Emma’s candy jar full of colorful condoms and roller skate in cheerleader uniforms (Sam in a fetching skirt). There are several nods to the Breakfast Club (See if you can find them!) And it’s fun, until Becky busts them. Of course she would. “Your fat asses are mine” she informs them. Becky, full of “11 hour energy” wants to play twister. And if they don’t, she’s calling the cops. A predictable turn of events, I won’t miss Becky either, when Lima goes bye bye.
Don’t You Forget About Me – Blaine, Tina, Sam
Remember Terri’s craft room? Will is finally transforming it into a nursery for the baby. The fertility doc said everything is fine. All they need to do is relax, says Will, and let nature take its course. “Let’s see what magical little spirit wants to come along for the ride.” They sing Danny’s Song as they paint the room together, pick out baby names and cuddle in front of a chick flick. Eventually they head to the bedroom to MAKE A BABY. Emma, your sex life might improve if you ditched the old lady nightgowns…
Danny’s Song – Will and Emma
Back at McKinley, Blaine ditches Becky to look for Sam and Tina who have been missing for a suspiciously long time. He finally finds them in the science room swapping spit. “What the hell are you doing!” screeches a freaked out and grossed out Blaine.
“What about Nurse Penny, Sam?” Since the answer is “Oh. Just another storyline suddenly dropped by RIB” Sam doesn’t answer. Hilariously, as he freaks out, Blaine keeps flashing back to their enthusiastic macking. EW EW EW YUCK YUCK YUCK is more or less his (over) reaction. Blaine is upset because it was supposed to be their night. “Our little family. Our friendly little threesome.” Erm. Blaine talks like he wanted in on some of the action.
At the Spotlight Diner, Santana is sitting with Elliott as Rachel rushes in, late. “Oh here we go,” mutters Kurt under his breath, clearly over it. “WHAT’S GOING ON HERE,” demands Rachel, “We have a fatwa against her!” Ah. Auntie Snixx’s little scheme includes paying Elliott to run lines with her. Rachel flips out. “I gave you the apartment. I gave you Kurt” As if HE is her little pet too. “You’re never going to play this part! Ever!”
“You can’t take my new best friend,” says Rachel. “You don’t own him,” says Kurt. In case you haven’t figured it out yet: Kurt is SO SO over it. “I’m not speaking to you traitor!” she yells.
In the meantime, table 3 is requesting a birthday song in honor of the birthday girl, Gloria. Santana offers to take the lead, and drags Elliott up with her. The girls spend the entire performance fighting over Elliott, tugging at him, attempting to impress and one up each other as they croon the Laura Branigan hit. The best part of this scene? Kurt’s never ending side eye. It is a thing of beauty. Did I mention he is TOTALLY over this drama? He is.
Gloria – Rachel, Santana, Elliott
After the number, Santana demands Elliott tell them who was better. He’s having none of it, though. “I’m not going to pick sides, or choose favorites!” he says. “You know what?” says Elliott, irritated, “Until you guys can figure out your stuff, I’m done with the band.”
“You might be used to this kind of drama,” Elliott says to a wide-eyed Kurt, “But I’m not!” Elliott. Exit. Stage right.
You go, Starchild.
“I can’t even look at either of you, that’s how grossed out I am!” says Blaine to Sam and Tina as they attempt to explain themselves the next morning. Blaine feels he’s owed an apology. He’s hurt because his best friends ran off and made their night about themselves, WITH THEIR MAKING OUT AND GROSS BOOB TALK.
Tina swears they just had to get it out of their system. Neither of them want to be a couple. “Now I’m back to finding Tina not attractive again.” Sam says, sticking his foot in it. Sam and Tina attempt to mend their trio, but Blaine is all, “No. We tried that. And you ruined it.” Geez, he’s being snitty, isn’t he? He turned down bumper bowling with Kitty and Artie, and he LOVES bumper bowling. But basically? He didn’t want to be the third wheel. Oh, now we’re getting somewhere. I bet Blaine has NEVER been the third wheel in his life EVER.
What’s more, Blaine is furious that Tina and Sam turned their night of shenanigans and mischief into some kind of creepy face-sucking slurp-a-thon! WHICH HE STILL CAN’T GET OUT OF HIS HEAD.
(OMG. This Penny’s commercial was filmed on the Dalton stairwell where Kurt and Blaine met/got engaged. Amiright?)
Kurt tries to broker the peace back at the loft. But it’s pointless. Santana and Rachel are not coming together. They go at it again. Rachel accuses Santana of “breaking” their friendship. She calls Rachel the most selfish bitch ever. “We promised each other that we’d stick by each other for two years,” says Kurt, “And you two haven’t lasted two months! Because you don’t care about anyone but yourselves.”
“How about me,” complains Kurt, “How about the fact that I lost my roommates, or the fact that you scared off Elliott, and he wants to quit the band!” He’s got a point.
Rachel insists they can carry on as a band because they are both professionals. “Blink 182 hated each other, but they continued to suck as a band for years,” claims Santana.
And with that, Kurt kicks them BOTH out of the band. Obviously, brokering a peace agreement between the two divas was a last ditch effort to keep Pamela Lansbury together. But now that things appear to be broken irrevocably, Kurt lays out Plan B. He, Elliott and Dani are breaking off to form their own trio. They’ve already got a gig lined up, and Kurt hopes they can put aside their differences long enough to come hear them play. Santana can’t get over the fact that her girlfriend kicked her out of the band.
Santana and Rachel arrive at the club and for the first time, really do attempt NOT to claw each other’s eyeballs out, for the sake of Kurt.
On stage, Kurt announces that Pamela Lansbury is unfortunately “Fin” but rising out of the ashes is a brand new trio called “One Three Hill.” Ha. The crowd doesn’t seem too upset when the tuxedo clad group performs a cheesy rendition of “The Happening,” an old Supremes song most of you never heard of. Wouldn’t the crowd be expecting glam rock? or Madonna covers? “SHUT UP AND SING” someone in the crowd shouts as Kurt describes the long and windy road he took to singing in a glorious threeple.
As the trio sings, just a hint of regret cover Rachel and Santana’s faces.
The Happening – Kurt, Dani, Elliott
The next morning, Rachel is back at the loft going through Santana’s underwear drawer. It’s where Rachel used to stash her scented candles, before it was filled with “crotchless panties and stripper bras.” She needs them to mask the smell of Elliott’s pungent cooking with cumin and curry. Rachel lets down her guard for a bit and admits that Santana was her only girlfriend in New York City. Santana cracks that maybe she should take it as a sign of her horrible personality disorder. Except, Santana has to admit she doesn’t have girlfriends either. They lament that the girls really weren’t friends in high school, because they were so competitive about boys and solos. “Kurt and Elliott are great,” admits Rachel, “But it’s just different having somebody who really gets it.”
Rachel is still hurt and confused. “Why my part? I don’t understand it?”
“There was an opportunity and I took it,” says Santana, “You would have done the same thing. Then you would have fought to take down whoever was in your way, Even if it was me.”
Elliott, Kurt and Dani come through the door. “You two in the same room, and there are no stitches?” snarks Kurt, “Well, that’s an improvement.”
Santana and Rachel immediately put their guard back up as they beat a hasty exit. Dani wants Santana to stay so she’ll feel less guilty about being OK with Kurt kicking her out of the band. Elliott thinks they are both amazing, and would love to sing with them again, if they patch it up. “I don’t see that happening anytime soon,” Rachel sniffs as she takes off. “You’re a traitor,” Santana says to Dani as she kisses her goodbye, not really mad.
Speaking of which. This was the last episode Demi Lovato shot before she left to go on tour. She had a 6 episode contract, but doesn’t seem to have much interest in returning. Welp. That’s one more character who will disappear without an explanation! Oh what could have been.
Elliott needs to stick around to be the voice of reason. But alas, it looks like Adam Lambert only has one more episode. Like Demi, he’s already moved on to the next thing. Too bad. We all knew he was an amazing singer, but he’s proven to be a natural and charismatic character on screen.
Back in the choir room, Blaine apologizes to Tina and Sam. “I thought we were going to have the perfect senior year,” confesses Blaine, “And the one that we got has been so weird and really hard.” AND NEVERENDING.
When Blaine tried to plan the perfect night out and it didn’t go as planned, he flipped out. And found it shocking to find two people kissing that he never expected. He smiles wryly at this. “But really….that happens all the time around here.” Yep. Ryan Murphy loves to hook people up, even when it makes no sense.
The trio decide they will be friends FOREVAH no matter what. The kids muse about how weird it will be for Glee club to go on without them. But at least they will leave them with another national championship (Hmmm). Artie breezes in, still pissed. They invite him to join in on their next “senior moment.”
“I don’t want to interrupt your power trio,” he snits, as the choir room fills. Will announces that it’s one week until Nationals. He declares them ready! So ready, he’s not going to work them into the night like he planned (Also, he learned a little lesson from his pregnancy struggles. Not that he shares with the class. Not inappropriate. For once.)
Blaine wonders if the seniors can do one last number before they head off to Los Angeles for competition. They persuade Artie to join their group and make it a quartet. Even numbers at last. They sing “Hold On” and it’s one of those all encompassing numbers that include the New York kids. While the seniors hold down the auditorium stage, Kurt Dani and Elliott croon at the loft. A happy trio. Rachel sings wistfully in her rehearsal space, while Santana holds it down with a homeless person in front of the Spotlight (No, really. They totally get down).
Hold On – Blaine, Tina, Sam, Artie, Rachel, Kurt, Santana, Dani, Elliott
The episode ends as Will packs up for LA. Emma announces that she’s not coming along, because she’s pregnant (morning sickness, maybe?) Overjoyed, Will stops for a second to make sure she’s REALLY pregnant. You know. Not fake pregnant, like Terri. Once he’s assured, there are happy happy tears.
And baby makes Three.