David Archuleta released his first blog of 2015, and it’s a long one! The American Idol season 7 runner up goes into detail, explaining where his head is at after returning from a 2 year mormon mission in South America. Click to read the entire blog.
David explains that the trappings of fame and the chase for celebrity really made him uncomfortable. It was a chore to be constantly “on” for people, as folks around him expected him to be.
I was always having to put myself out there because everyone was hounding me to do it. It was very unnatural for me to do it, because I have come to realize that I’m a very introverted person. Constantly forcing myself to be talkative, animated, on the camera, etc. for the sake of all of you getting to know me only pushed me into a corner of letting all of you get to know someone who wasn’t even myself. It has really bothered me over the years.
I am someone who is slow, takes incredibly long to make decisions because I need time alone and to think about things. I have needed this time to think about things because I never cared enough about myself to give the time before my mission, and no one else cared enough either. As I was in the wave after American Idol, touring, making appearances, the only focus was trying to make everybody else happy and in the process I lost myself. I’m so grateful for the mission because I found myself again, and not only that discovered so many new things.
I understand I have not been very open about what I have been up to with updates, blogs, pictures, and all of that, but I have been trying my best to share as much as what feels right. You are getting to know who I really am: someone who hates being the center of attention, likes quiet and away time, and doesn’t mind being alone, unless with a couple of people at a time to really get one-on-one time with close friends and family. That doesn’t mean I am anti-social. I love meeting people, but I also love my privacy and my own time. Sometimes I enjoy putting myself out there, but not at a forced level just so I can try to be more popular. I will try to be better about showing all of you who I really am this year through music and through updates, but I needed to teach myself that it’s ok to be myself and not try to “dress to impress.”
After events, shows, and meet and greets, I would always have to go straight into a room, bathroom, closet, anywhere where I could be alone. It was draining to me. It doesn’t mean I hate it, but I was overwhelmed because I neglected my own feelings and thoughts. I would awkwardly try to find ways of being energetic, but I felt so fake. I’m sorry, but after these 2 years away and feeling comfortable to be myself, I do not want to be the suck-up type just so I can get more fans, more likes, more attention and fame. That stuff never interested me in the first place, although I tried making everyone else around me happy who was interested in all of that. I am David. I love life; I love learning; I love sharing; and music is a way I express my passions and what is important to me. Obviously I want to get that out to as many people as possible, but it’s worthless to me if I only do it for the secondary goal of getting music out to as many people as possible and giving up the prime reason of sharing who I am, my art, my passion, and what matters most to me.
David always struck me as a young man who just LOVED TO SING. That’s it. There are many artists making a living who have no interest in the fame game. They just want to CREATE and share it with other people. Of course, the conundrum….how do you share your art without promoting yourself? David will have to figure out exactly where to draw that line. It sounds like, at this point, he’s got a pretty good idea.
I am still trying to unravel all of the knots that have been in my brain. I was so overwhelmed last time I was in the spotlight in front of all of you. I felt like I lost myself as I got caught up in trying to please everyone, because I disregarded what I cared about–what I thought.
It’s nice not having to keep trying to figure out how be something that I am not so that everyone will like whatever that is. I have come to realize that no matter what you will never make everybody happy, but you can make the most lasting impact on being yourself, and most of all out of all the people it will impact you are the one who is most impacted for the better. For the longest time, I tried to keep it on the down-low of who and how I really was because “I must not be likeable”, but it feels nice to just be who I am and live according to what has always been most important to me.
It appears that David was NOT a happy camper prior to leaving on his mission. No wonder he dropped everything to do the Mormon mission thing for two years.
All of these people David kept trying to “please.” Hm. It would be easy to point a finger at his manager/stage dad, who had a reputation for being aggressive when it came to his son’s career. I’m sure he’s somebody David had to set boundaries with. But David also had a slew of managers and PR people around him at various times telling him what to do. It sounds like, to me, he’s just saying no to the entire celebrity rat race.
I know I may disappoint people for not being as interactive as before or who I showed myself as before, but man is it refreshing to not have to apologize for who I am and care about upsetting people anymore just because I am not what they want or expect me to be. I have different things that I find satisfaction in, and I like my peace and could care less if I am getting everybody’s attention for the sake of fame. That may have been what everybody else around me wanted out of me, but now I have decided to take into consideration how I feel, what I think, and what I want because yes, I do matter. My own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and ideas are good enough because they are my own and are for me. No more having everyone tell me “you can’t, you can’t, you can’t” because I am too young, too naive, too inexperienced, too stupid, too whatever else you want to say I am. I’m not willing to give up myself just for the sake of pleasing someone who wants something different from what I do.
Since coming back from his mission, David has dove into projects related to the Mormon church. I would not be surprised if he stays in Utah, and builds a modest, but happy career around faith-based music. If there are fans that are disappointed he won’t be recording pop music. Oh well. I was bummed when Cat Stevens disappeared into Islam. But I got over it.
Good luck on your journey, David!