Dancing With the Stars - Week 3

Margaret Cho and Louis Van Amstel are eliminated – VIDEO

I know Margaret Cho’s dancing was tragic, but I thought the fact that she let her rainbow-colored freak flag fly Monday night, for the KIDS earned her another week, at least.

I would have been happy to see Bristol Palin, who is boring as hell, hit the road. I wouldn’t have minded loosing Florence Henderson who lost me about 2 minutes after I said to myself, “Oh look! It’s Mrs. Brady!” Bleh.

How embarrassing was it for Rick and Cheryl who thought they were safe–I think they were confused because they were the second out of three couples called. And maybe Brooke’s tone wasn’t ominous enough? But they just did not hear the words “In Jeopardy” and still didn’t ’til it was repeated a couple of times. Oops.

OK, on reflection, Michael Bolton’s version of “Hallelujah” was probably not that much worse than Susan Boyle’s would have been.

Neither have any business singing the song. (At this point, “Hallelujah” has been covered so much, nobody should be singing it. I said on twitter that I wished Leonard Cohen still owned the publishing rights so he could Stop. The. Madness)

But I’d still take Crazy Cat Lady over Mullet Head, because with Suebo, there’s a guilelessness that’s sweet even in the face of her soulless interpretation. Bolton’s arrogant and clueless bombast just makes me want to punch my tv. Total, lulz, that he seemed to be plopped in the midst of Susan’s setup with the orchestra and the smoke and the kids. Michael Bolton–forever the second banana…

Live recap and videos after the jump…

Live blogging the Dancing With The Stars results…right here! Who is going home tonight?

Michael Bolton returns to fill in for Susan Boyle. Ne-Yo also performs tonight.

The Situation and Karina are asked to reprise their bizarre foxtrot to “Boom Pow Pow”, for some unknown reason..

The eliminations begin: First up, Audrina and Tony are SAFE. Kurt and Anna are also SAFE. Kyle and Lacey are still in Jeopardy.

Ne-Yo takes the stage to perform his single, “One in a Million”.

Season 9 champ, Donny Osmond wanders the streets of Las Vegas with a microphone to find out what folks think of Season 11. In other words…FILLER!

Next: Jennifer and Derek are SAFE. Oh NOES. Brooke tells Rick and Cheryl they are still in Jeopardy, but they misunderstand and start celebrating. Brooke and Tom both have to keep repeating In Jeopardy! In Jeopardy!” until they finally get it. AWKWARD!. Brandy and Maks are safe.

The Argentine Tango and Rumba are next week’s dances. Brooke wonders if Kyle can pull off a sexy dance with Lacey. He giggles through his answer. I’m sure he’ll just ham through the dance. Rick discussed ripping off his shirt. Tom makes a joke that I completely missed (will have to rewind).

And now, it’s Mark Vs Val. It’s dueling instruments, with Mark on guitar and Val onviolin. They throw down their instruments, grab their girls and dance. Whee.

KILL ME NOW GOD. SERIOUSLY PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU. Michael Bolton is MURDERING “Hallelujah”. He’s got kids, smoke and CHILDREN. THE POOR CHILDREN. Susan Boyle would have been like effing Paul McCartney compared to this. – VIDEO

Tom called Michael’s return “Triumphant.” Uhm. Whatever you say, Tom, but I’d call it “Toolish”. Bruno stood, smiled and clapped. But, DID NOT apologize.

Brooke is backstage with the 4 couples who scored at the bottom of the leaderboard: Florence and Corky, Margaret and Louis, The Situation and Karina, Bristol and Mark. They’re all hoping to come back next week.

The Situation and Karina are safe. Bristol and Mark are in Jeopardy. Margaret and Louis are still in Jeopardy.

Four couples are now in Jeopardy. But before we learn who is going home, it’s time for MORE FILLER.

Kyle and Lacey are safe. Rick and Cheryl are safe. Margaret and Louis are leaving Dancing with the Stars.

Margaret says the judges were hard on her, but she knew they could see that she really is a dancer. Louis tells her he loves her. Aw, she cries as they dance their last dance…

Safe: