The Bachelor Season 20 – Episode 10 Live Recap

“She’s been put through hell,” Ben told Chris Harrison on tonight’s The Bachelor: The Women Tell All. He’s referring to either his ultimate choice for a missus or whoever had to dress him for the show. He adds, “I owe her a lot of dates and a lot of lovin’.” He also owes her to refuse DWTS‘s invitation to appear next season.

We won’t learn until next week’s show which Lauren lucky girl suffered so gravely at the hands of insensitive tweeters, churlish rivals, and at least one blogger, and who can only expect even more unbearable torment if she goes through with marrying Ben. Tonight we’ll just hear a lot of kvetching from Caila, JoJo and everyone else in a mini-dress with sheer panels.

And yet. ., the most pragmatic title on the net since the WTF subreddit was founded, notes that as we edge nearer to the finale, “some Bachelor fans are questioning the validity of Reality Steve’s spoilers.” I always rely on a ouija board myself. So was it actually JoJo who was so cruelly thrust into the hellish abyss of luxury hotel rooms, white sand beaches, and free booze that is The Bachelor‘s last half dozen or so episodes? We don’t know, but it hardly matters since BenJo is a far superior couple name than Laurben.

Meanwhile, the love-fearing, closed-down Caila, who never heard Ben return her pledge of love, is slated to be our next Bachelorette, and have the exact same thing happen with several other dweebs. Apparently, her selection is a move to make good on the frequent suggestion by Americans who do not support Donald Trump that a woman of color, or at least of a hue found in nature, should helm the show.

Time to find out what the women have to say, which we can guess will not cover current events or the arts. It’s suggested that Ben will make a shocking revelation that stuns everyone, perhaps that Olivia’s foot issues weren’t just bunions. Chris reports that a record number of women told Ben that they loved him this season, but that’s a little misleading since the figure includes his mom.

Chris and Ben start the show by visiting a bunch of viewing parties, which are filled with screaming women, wine, and tasty snacks. Meanwhile, I am alone with a bag of Lays and a dog who snores. The audience claps enthusiastically as the live show begins, possibly because they’ve managed to visit the bathroom first. Lace, Tiara, Chicken Lover Girl, Amber, Jami, Izzy, Rachel, Jubilee, Jennifer, Shushanna, Lauren H., Olivia, Leah, Becca, twins Haley and Emily, Amanda, and Caila re all there; I recall as few of them as I do people in my freshman comp course. Several discuss their first meeting with Ben, which involved as many as four takes each.

“One dashing bachelor and 28 incredible women makes for drama,” Chris tells us sagely. But not nearly so much as a deMille movie with one dashing Biblical hero and 28,000 incredible extras.

Following are clips of a variety of moments we already saw and chose not to remember because you have to leave room in your brain to remember to pick up toilet paper. There was so much drama this season, Chris tells us. Shakespeare wishes he’d thought of writing “The Bachelor of Venice.” Suddenly, the chicken is caught up in the energy of the moment and flaps onto Lace’s arm, which seems the closest to a perch.

Fan-favorite Jubilee reinforces her show-related theme of how she suffers for being different. She is accused of offending people. Her denial is met with sneering and eye-rolling from the others. Then serious  controversy arises as Amber, who is biracial, insists Jubilee claimed she would go the furthest as a black woman on the show. She would only have to leave in about 8th place to achieve that. Amber and Jami say they were made to feel that they were not black enough to qualify for that honor. Rosa Parks would be pleased that these women refuse to move to the back of the limo.

After the break, which made me wish there were more of them, Chris notices that Jubilee was emotional, although which emotion he does not specify. The women drag out more accusations. “I’m full black,” Jubilee confirms for those in doubt, which also angers Jami and Amber. “Get over it,” Jubilee tells them, but then she apologizes. Everyone claps heartily as Chris calls her to the hot seat. “You’re already emotional,” he points out. Apparently, it’s exotic to him for a person to have more than one facial expression.

We review the most tense and upsetting moments of her scenes. Ben was really “fighting for” Jubilee, Chris explains, so what the hell happened with them? Could it have been the dozen other women who weren’t freaking out every five minutes about their complicated pasts? Maybe she earned enough on the show to get some therapy.

Chris reassures her that if a catch like Ben could like her, she’s A-OK. Forget about the dead family and the time serving your country in Iraq. Having the approval of a man you first met a few weeks ago is all the validation you need.

Everyone claps as Jubilee finishes opening up about herself. She’s been working hard on herself and loves who she is, which includes being full black. She is then thanked for her service–in the military, that is, although certainly ABC is grateful for her increasing the show’s ratings.

Lace is brought down to talk with Chris next and hopefully reveal if her psychosis has been diagnosed yet. She seems to find the footage of her alternately acting coy, defiant, and overcome by grief amusing. “That wasn’t me,” she declares, probably because it was at least three other people. Then a guy in the audience leaps to his feet, yelling, “You’re crazy!” Shocked faces fill the crowd, like product placement for the new “wow!” emoticon on Facebook, until he amends his assuredly spontaneous statement with “Crazy beautiful!” He lifts his shirt to show everyone a tattoo of her face on his side. Everyone is alternately thrilled and horrified, mostly the illustrators in the audience. Chris invites Lace to be on Bachelor in Paradise so the freaky fanguy can stalk her while she’s in Mexico.

Now it’s time to hear from Olivia, who is wearing a white jumpsuit and far too much eyeliner. The footage of her is a series of her evil grins and malevolent glares from the other women. It closes on the wretched moment that she is abandoned by Ben on a wind-swept beach. “It’s brutal to watch,” she admits. Now she knows how the rest of us felt.

Olivia feels the other women didn’t come to her with their concerns about her behavior toward Ben and themselves. Amanda accuses her of disrespecting her as a mom, which the audience approves of her being. Emily insists she approached Olivia twice to bitch about her, while Haley, whose dress front resembles her and Emily crowning, tells Olivia she resents being criticized for dressing immodestly at some point in the show.

Olivia insists she was only being herself when she hogged Ben’s attention and gloated about her time alone with him. Jennifer also accuses her of not bothering to find out that all the other women liked to read and talk about smart things like Olivia did, just as they all stopped to being on the show and parading around in bikinis as Olivia did. They argue about when and whether Olivia insulted any given woman. Amanda glares balefully as the chicken is stroked behind her shoulder.

Olivia then chooses to play the “I was bullied as child” card, which is so 2014. Her eyeliner is straight out of the 80’s. She begins to cry as she recalls how hurt she was by the comments about her toes and her breath and her snootiness.

“To any mothers out there that I’ve offended,” she says piteously, “I’m sorry.” Appointed spokesperson for the maternal community, Amanda smiles and replies, “It’s okay.” In the end, nothing is said that couldn’t have been resolved by Dear Abby’s answer to a letter I sent her while I was at summer camp.

This can only get more boring now that the only women left weren’t at all entertaining during the show. Hence we move on to Caila, the one girl of the final three whom Ben couldn’t say he loved. It’s hard for her to watch all the footage of her with Ben. We are reminded how awkward it is to make an emotional exit by clambering into an SUV.

Chris mentions that it looks like she’s seeing the scenes for the first time. Did he think she made a gif out of Ben rejecting her and hs it set it to play every time she logs onto her MacBook? Caila acknowledges that unrequited love is a bummer, as we have known since Cro-Magnon man read the first Dear John letter scratched into a cave wall.

Now it’s time for Ben to be grilled like a piece of flank steak on Chopped, only without the tasty coffee and chili rub. But first, they comment on how well-behaved the chicken has been, which is only because this content is extremely compelling for poultry.

Ben addresses Caila to explain that their relationship was very important to him, and even more so for his Q score. She thanks him for making her feel comfortable enough to open up her heart just in time to crush it to bits. She wants to know, though, if her reticence affected their relationship. More likely it was the unclear stage direction in the script.

Jubilee asks Ben a labrythine question about why he dumped her for not communicating when he appeared to find that a great quality in other women. Women of America, don’t bother pursuing this kind of analysis. Men have no idea what’s happening when breasts are in front of them. To help her stop blaming herself, Ben offers, “It wasn’t you, it was both of us.” Even George Costanza tried to take full responsibility for dumping someone.

Ben tells Olivia their relationship was not one he felt could move forward, which is just how crisis communications experts suggest you word your press release. Becca is happy to see Ben, and has drawn from her experience the positive realization that there are good men like Ben out there. This is helpful because she learned the opposite during her season with Chris Soules.

Now Ben tells Chris he is more in love than he’s ever been with the woman we’ll find out about next week, since apparently his tremendous feelings are so subtle that millions of people could not discern it. He would marry her tomorrow if he could, but then People magazine wouldn’t cover it. The audience oohs in anticipation of another ABC special about their wedding.

After Ben is asked to tell Emily and Haley apart and answers correctly, we move on to the blooper reel. As usual, it consists of a lot of tripping, spilling, and unexpected bodily noises. It’s the most natural any of these people have appeared.

Chris tells Ben that he is on the Mount Rushmore of Bachelors, which more likely resembles a pile of what that little horse left behind. In the last few minutes, Chris wonders what will happen in the dramatic conclusion that will present a verdict to Ben’s crime of telling both Lauren and JoJo he loves them. We’ll hear about how his mom is disturbed about the situation. She shouldn’t have made him so dependent on women. There will be a tense confrontation on a bathroom floor where the tile makes everything echo ominously.

Now the show is over, but I have seen no stunning revelation, other than that the chicken apparently managed to go the whole two hours without pooping.

About E.M. Rosenberg 240 Articles
Favorite 40-volume series issued by Time-Life Music: Sounds of the Seventies. Favorite backsplash material: Subway tile. Favorite screen legend I pretend wasn’t gay: Cary Grant. Favorite issue you should not even get me started about: Venal, bloodsucking insurance industry. Favorite character from the comic strip “Nancy”: Sluggo, or maybe Rollo. Favorite Little Debbie snack: Nutty Bars. Favorite Monkee: Mike.