America’s Got Talent – Ep 5

The never-ending auditions continue. Can I just say I hate this show? With a couple of exceptions, the talent isn’t all that, and I detest the mawkish backstories. It’s the highest rated show of the summer. What do I know?

We’re back in Atlanta tonight.

Michelle Wallace – Says she’s a singer, but she can barely talk. And, she’s sporting some pretty heinous eye shadow. She orders everyone to stand up. The audience stays glued to their seats. She manages to warble, horribly, only 3 words of the tune “All By Myself” before the buzzer goes off. I wonder how much Eric Carmen is getting paid for this? He better be getting battle pay. It’s naturally, a no. – VIDEO

More recap and video…After the Jump…

Bruce Block – His assistant quit right before he auditioned last year. He’s back and better prepared. For what, it’s hard to tell. Oh, he lays on a bed of nails. Now, that’s talent. His assistant sings, tap dances, and twirls batons–badly–then stands on him as he’s splayed out on a giant bed of nails. What a stupid act. Hoff doesn’t believe the nails are sharp and offers to stand on Bruce himself. After Hoff tests him, he’s convinced the act is real. Hoff thinks it’s fantastic! Piers thinks it sucks. Sharon must feel pity, she sides with Hoff, and Bruce is on his way to Las Vegas. – VIDEO

Oh, I smell a crossdresser coming!

Dorae Saunders – And I’m correct! I might be mistaken, but I think Dorae has a dead animal on her head. Somebody should tell her! She lip syncs spastically to “Proud Mary”. My cousin used to do an act in the gay bars back in my hometown that was tons better than this. Hoff says it’s entertaining. Jeebus, I hate to say it, but Hoff must be drunk tonight, and Sharon has joined him at the bar. Piers says no. Sharon says yes. Dorea looks suggestively at Hoff. I think he may be turned on! As well as drunk. He says yes. Keep him away from the hamburgers. Dorea, the second rate impersonator, is on to Las Vegas. – VIDEO

Ok, now I’m looking at a bunch of dancing cartoon characters, and I’m really confused. – VIDEO

Dallas Desperados – 18-26 – They dance. With pom poms. It’s like the High School dance team, except not. Hoff and Piers will say yes without hesitation, I’m sure. Oh, nice close up of that dancers ass! Way to go. Hoff says he’s moving to Dallas. Piers loves it. Sharon says they look amazing and have great energy. Everyone says yes. – VIDEO

Xclusive – 18 – Robot Hip Hop. Ya’all. It’s weird, but kinda clever. The judges agree, and he’s on to Vegas. – VIDEO

Barry Collier – Barnyard animal noises are his specialty. The crowd goes WILD at this announcement! But then turn on him quickly when they realize his animal noises are pretty lame. It’s a no, for Barry. – VIDEO

This week’s shamelessly sentimental sob story…coming after the break! I can hardly wait.

Donald Graswell – Donald’s singing career was tragically cut short in a “freak” car accident 11 years ago. After years of therapy, David has his speaking voice back, but will he ever sing again? OMG! Jerry Springer explains that the studio audience has been ornery all day. How will they react to Donald? He begins to sing “You Raise Me Up”. Hey, not bad for a guy with severed vocal chords! He’s got a very pleasant Irish tenor But the crowd is having none of it! The song gains momentum, and Donald goes for the Big! Key! Change! He hits the note, and the crowd turns around! They are on his side! Donald tears up! The crowd is cheering! And…I can’t believe what a huge load of donkey poop this is. I mean seriously, who out there doesn’t see the set up, like, coming down freaking 5th avenue? I really really hate this show. The judges fall all over themselves praising Donald’s average vocals. Jerry gives him a big hug, and the last shot is of Donald telling his kids he’s made it to Vegas. Bah. Humbug. – VIDEO

About mj santilli 33461 Articles
Founder and editor of mjsbigblog.com, home of the awesomest fan community on the net. I love cheesy singing shows of all kinds, whether reality or scripted. I adore American Idol, but also love The Voice, Glee, X Factor and more!