I will be live-blogging the third night of auditions for America’s favorite summer talent show (right now it is the only one but still), America’s Got Talent. Last week was pretty great, and there were some pretty interesting acts. Tonight should be interesting too. The show starts at 8 PM EST. Join me in the comments, won’t you?
Nick Cannon is in a car today. As was Howard Stern. And Mel B. But Howie is on a motorcycle. We are starting the LA auditions. Howard says he’s looking for that something something.
Kamikaze Fireflies are a variety show consisting of a husband and wife, forgive me, I didn’t get their names. Some juggling, some other stuff. They work at renaissance fairs. The husband climbs on Nick Cannon’s back. His wife is balancing on a shopping cart. They are going to be juggling lit torches. Nick looks petrified. I would be too. They pull it off. Judges loved it. Howard says renaissance fairs paid off. Mel B was afraid it would be cheesy but thoroughly enjoyed it. Heidi wants to know what they’d do without Nick, Howard says keep Nick in the act. Four yeses. Nick says next time don’t call me.
Hannah and Savannah are from California. They didn’t like each other at first. They fought over a boy. They are dressed in black and white square coated body suits. There is a surprise, which is that LOTS more girls are part of the act. Hart Dance Team is what they call themselves. There are tons of girls dressed like them crawling out from behind a box on stage. Howie liked the production, thought the visual was neat. Howard thought the choreography and concept were brilliant. At least three yeses, Howard’s vote wasn’t shown.
Montage of successful dance acts. The first one is pretty great. I had to explain to my family what a montage act is. Shirtless men on stage, including one with a cast. They are also pretty impressive. Professional twerker. I give up. If I weren’t liveblogging I’d turn the show off now. I don’t blame any of you if you decide to switch channels now. Typing twerk gives me a red underline, as it should. Howie puns that it “twerks for me.” Howard twerks. It’s over. THANK THE LORD.
Jodi Miller is a comedian, who has been embarrassing herself since she was a kid. Been performing for 16 years. Never been married, no kids. Barely making a living, eats hot dogs too often. Does a funny routine about how women are like dogs and men are like cats. She was pretty great. I want to see more of her. Her interactions with the judges could be better but frankly her routine was pretty good. Mel B used the word sexy to describe the act. I wouldn’t say that, but I thought she was great. Four yeses. Mel B said she was “sexy” again. Why?
Bob Markworth and his assistant Mayana do a bow and arrow shooting act. Bob has been arching for a long time, over 50 years. He married three of his assistants. His assistant has been working with him for 8 years. Bob is 77 years old. DAMN. He shoots her clothes off. This was interesting. But I wouldn’t need to see it again. Never once had an accident. Howard hopes he would make it through the summer, jokes he might be too old. Howie wants to see her naked. Four yeses.
Anna Clendeling (last name might not be correct) is 20 years old. She suffers from anxiety depression disorder, hadn’t left her house in a few months. Diagnosed when 14, and has panic attacks occasionally. Four months ago it really hit her hard, music “found her” according to her dad. Sings Hallelujah. She is pretty good at the start. Gets really good before the second chorus. Howie goes up on stage to give her a hug. Anna is crying. Anna says her parents gave her the courage to show up. Four yeses. I liked her. I have some anxiety myself and so I don’t mind her sharing her story, especially because she is talented.
Animal acts, both good and bad, lead up to a trained pig. John Vincent (that’s the trainer) and Mudslinger (that’s the pig). John is an aerospace engineer by day, pig trainer by night. Howie says “where does one meet a pig.” Heidi says “I’ve met a few.” The pig raises an American flag, Howie and Howard salute the flag. Then the pig plays golf and then soccer. All four judges stand up. I’ll say its a pretty great act actually. Very funny, but very well executed too. Heidi kisses the pig. Four yeses.
Howie is wearing a wig. Why? I don’t know. Guess we need filler even in the audition stages. Also, its an opportunity to play 1D.
Jessica and Debbie lead Atlanta Professional Dance Academy. They do a fusion of Chinese traditional dance and western ballet. 20 people in the group which makes it difficult to stay together. The fan props they are using are pretty cool, and their timing with them is pretty precise. Mel B says it was beautiful. Howard thought the choreography was brilliant, and it was executed perfectly. He says they just killed it. Heidi loved it too. Howie says it was FAN-tastic. Four yeses.
Eddy and Zach are Diverse. They work for airlines, and they are a boyband. They’ve been doing this for 3 years. They like the ladies. I think this is going to suck. I was right. They sing “I Gotta Feeling.” The judges try to buzz them but Mel B was charging her phone and unplugged the buzzers. Its four nos. I wish they would have stopped them earlier but they couldn’t because of the buzzer situation.
Diverse ~ America’s Got Talent, 2014 Auditions by HumanSlinky
Guy dancing to Lady Gaga. And it’s bad. He literally falls on stage. Next guy hurts himself.
Next guy is a singer in A BABY OUTFIT. But he’s shockingly good. Like, probably the best singer yet this season. That fooled me. I was expecting a trainwreck. Didn’t get his name because I was expecting him to be montaged. Now he’s crying like a baby. Four yeses.
Next is Sons of Serendip. They sing Somwhere Only We Know. Their lead singer is really good-nice tone. Three people playing instruments behind him. I liked that. They met at Boston University. Four yeses.
Andrey Moraru is 26 and he does hand-balancing. Moved to the US in 2005 from Ukraine. He is amazingly flexible and strong. But he isn’t just doing tricks. He is doing more of an artistic dance. And it’s impressive. Like, really impressive. Four judge standing ovation. Mel B talks about the strength, control, and grace. Heidi found it fluid, beautiful to watch. Howard says it was perfection. Four yeses.
Some cool magicians lead into Smoothini, a bar magician from New York. He started out young after watching Copperfield. He sucked at first, but kept working at it. He was in the Marines and did magic tricks in his spare time. He is DAMN impressive. Makes cards appear out of nowhere, makes red balls multiply, even pours liquid from his hands. Four judge standing ovation. Howie was looking to the audience to see if they knew what was happening, but they were just as confused as he was. Howard says best thing all day. Four yeses. Well deserved.
Justin Rhodes is a singer and piano player. He moved away from his family to pursue music. He played music in bars, which was his undoing. He did drinks after work, which led to drugs. He felt he disappointed his dad. His dad has never seen him perform before, but he is in the audience tonight. He will be singing “Wake Me Up” by Avicii. He is good, has a nice tone, but he’s nothing too spectacular. Not a song that he can really show off on. Mel B says his tone is sexy, he is sexy. Heidi liked it too. Howard likes his tone, liked how he conveyed something through the song. Howie says his dad should be proud, he is proud. Four yeses.
And that’s it for this week. Overall, I feel last week was better. But my favorites of the night were Smoothini and the guy in the baby outfit. Seriously.
