Not Sean, but happy to recap the Celebrity Apprentice as the players jump through the Donald Trump steeplechase. This is another two-hour marathon episode. Let’s just hope we don’t have to endure another boardroom grilling about Lou Ferrigno’s muscles.
The narration tries hard to convince us that the women “turned on each other” in the boardroom last week. Yeah, good luck with that. Even when Victoria returns to the celebrity suite and calls out the other women, she’s more resigned than upset.
Paul delivers the check for his earnings to a cute little boy representing the Make-A-Wish Foundation. The celebrities hear the latest assignment from Donald Trump, whose arrival is heralded by trumpeteers (or trumpeted by heralds). James Lipton is introduced as an advisor, since he is both an acting expert and a knight.
Don explains they will perform a 12 to 15 minute show, which will be judged by the audience. Penn is chosen by the men because he’s from the cheesiest end of show business. Insult-comedienne Lisa is chosen by the women. Trump nods his royal approval, but urges Miss Universe Dayana to ride naked in their show. He figures that will please the audience.
The clash of swords ushers in the location, Medieval Times. It looks like the cheesy medieval restaurant in The Cable Guy. Alarmingly, Arsenio has been to the restaurant more than he’s been to LA strip clubs. I can’t wondering, since this is filmed in New York, if Arsenio added the “LA” to that statement as a clever bit of obfuscation.
Lisa’s concept is that the women will play “The Unreal Housewives of Camelot,” fighting over the love of Donald Trump. Her two big concerns are 1) keeping the other women from talking too much, and 2) finding something for Victoria to do. She solves the first by screaming every time the other women get too loud and putting Victoria into the tech booth for the show. She tells Victoria that she will be the “Creative Director.”
Meanwhile, Penn comes up with a show that tries to exploit the strengths of his celebrity cast. So, he has Paul enter on a Medievalized motorcycle, Lou fight with a big sword, Clay sing, Dee cross-dress, George read stuff in his plummy Shakespearean voice, and Arsenio Hall tell jokes. It all goes well, except that Clay spooks Dee’s horse and Dee falls off, breaking one of his fingers.
On the women’s team, Lisa and Victoria clash. Lisa complains to the cameras when Victoria misspells “medieval,” and gets impatient when it turns out that Victoria is calling sound and light cues from the wrong script. Over in the corner, Dayana complains that no one listens to her ideas, so she’s just going to sit on her horse and look pretty.
The audience reacts loudly to Unanimous’s show, especially when Lou enters. I guess they’re all a bunch of Incredible Hulk fans. It all looks silly, but it’s a very good fit for the men’s skills.
Dayana starts Forte’s show by doing an amazing backbend on her horse. I guess she does have some skills. Lisa does a voice-over, complaining that one of the sound cues was late. Onstage, Lisa (playing a Medieval Donald Trump) commentates as the women fight for his love. The champion is Teresa (of Real Housewives of New Jersey fame), but “Trump” fires her anyway. She flips out and flips the table over, revealing the other “housewives.” At the end, Aubrey comes in, playing a Medieval Snookie (from Jersey Shore) and “hires” Trump to be her husband.
After the show, the audience fills out response cards with large feather quills.
In the boardroom, Lisa is “confident, but not cocky” about her team’s chances. Don points out Tia for praise for “shaking it” as she entered on her horse.
Trump then spends about ten minutes trying to create drama within the teams by asking Victoria about Lisa as a leader. He talks to Teresa and seems disappointed that she’s not as nasty as on Real Housewives.
He turns to the men, but they are also drama-free. When pressed, Penn chooses Lou and George as candidates for firing, but insists that they did nothing wrong in the task. Lou gets upset, and that’s as much drama as the men can muster. Trump then asks Arsenio who he would fire, and the men joke about it, so confident that they won.
Trump asks Lisa who to fire, and she immediately names Victoria. Her second choice is Dayana, saying she doesn’t have any skills beyond looking pretty and shopping. Patricia puts up Lisa for firing because she came up with the concept. At this point, the women all begin talking over each other, but unlike the men, they aren’t laughing.
In the end, the men have won their second challenge. The audience preferred their sketch, by 558 to 363 votes. Penn wins $40,000 for his charity, Opportunity Village.
Back in the suite, Lou is still upset. Penn apologizes and agrees with all of Lou’s whining. Lou finally forgives Penn just in time to watch the women fight it out.
Dayana blames Lisa, saying her ideas were rejected without hearing. Lisa fixates on the missed sound cue. Trump is impressed that Victoria is crying. The men laugh at James Lipton listening to the women fight.
Lisa chooses Victoria and Dayana to return with her to the boardroom. Lisa and Victoria fight as Dayana smirks, above the fray. Creative Director has now become Stage Manager and one missed sound cue becomes several. Lisa brings up Victoria’s misspelling “medieval.” Trump points out that that’s not why they lost. Lisa starts crying and calls herself the joke of the show. Dayana starts beaming, realizing that the more the other two fight, the less likely she is to get fired.
Trump asks Dayana who is more talented. Dayana droops a little, but says that Lisa is talented with more energy. Trump adds up Victoria’s tardiness, her missing cues, and her “thoughts” of quitting — the sum total of which is that she’s fired.
In the taxi, Victoria was shocked that she was blamed for her team’s failure, since she had “no task.”
Next week, the task is fashion-related. Judged by Ivanka! Clay pretends to be scared.
So, who was the bigger beyotch, Lisa or Victoria? Will the men’s team ever lose? Discuss!
