In a recent post on the show’s own network’s blog, CBS assesses the 10 Dumbest Moves on Survivor. They had to limit it to the top 10 since a comprehensive list of all the dumb moves in the show’s history would have monopolized so much bandwidth that no one would be able to renew their insurance on the ACA exchanges next week.
Readers here will be unsurprised to learn that this season earned no fewer than three of the slots. Logged in at number 6 is the voting off of John Rocker, wherein the Coyopas inexplicably chose to eliminate their most athletic tribe member. The peculiarity of this move was compounded by Rocker himself neglecting to use his immunity idol when it was apparent even to the more obtuse lesser anteaters present that he was a goner. On the other hand, that oversight can be explained by the fact that his superior strength did not extend to his intellect.
At number 7 on the list is the Hunahpu team’s boneheaded misplacing of their flint early in the competition. Coming in at number 9 is the incident wherein Drew deliberately failed at the immunity challenge, presuming it would provide the Hunahpus with an opportunity to vote off someone he considered even more useless them himself. Since no invertebrates were among the tribe members, this strategy paid off in Drew handing over his own torch.
Surprisingly, the post omits the dumbest move ever made by any Survivor cast member: Jeff Probst’s last visit to the barber shop.
At the show’s start this week, Jeff tells us how the merge affected the various alliances and recounts Julie’s “shocking” decision, which was to quit the show and continue dating a troglodytic bigot. We open with all of Huyopas sitting around bitching about Julie, whose departure has thrown a howler monkey wrench into their strategies. Jon and Jaclyn’s status is especially uncertain, as is how she keeps her pastel-colored bikini so clean. They’ve decided to take out Jeremy, though, which Josh has yet to learn. One less “J” name has got to be an improvement either way. It’s starting to feel like I’m watching 19 Kids and Counting, only with less clothing.
Our first Reward Challenge begins. It involves loading giant puzzle pieces onto a giant wheeled cart and rolling it along a track to where they must unload them so they can build a temple. Then they must climb to the top and release a statue that has to be hoisted to the top of a ramp to raise a flag. It’s not unlike a day at the unemployment office. The prize is a visit to a taco bar, complete with margaritas! Jeff recites all the delicious foodstuffs that will included, such as refried beans, guacamole, and Pepto Bismol.
Keith, Natalie, Reed, Wes, and Jeremy are against everyone else except Missy, who was not picked. She sits glumly by the side, dreaming of pico de gallo and combing her bikini top fringe.
It’s a mystery what the puzzle pieces are made out of, as they’re apparently each as heavy as an Ikea dresser. Moses will be showing up soon to part the Red Sea for them. We also learn that the show has introduced a Giant Wheeled Cart Cam, probably borrowing the technology from Guy’s Grocery Games over on FN.
Everyone finally manhandles their pieces from one spot to the other, disturbingly like that prolonged rock-moving scene in Bent, and starts fitting the blocks together to form their temple. It’s a ziggurat, although Temple B’nai Jeshurun is similarly designed. There’s going to be a lot of change orders for overtime at the rate they’re going though. Natalie’s team finishes first, and she climbs to the top. They hoist their idol and the flag rises, snapping in the breeze. They win! And they receive non-profit status for their temple. Who goes to Exile Island? The teams confers and decides to send Jon because as a “big guy,” Keith explains, he can make it on his own. Because the larger you are, the more prepared you are to spend a night on an island with a camera crew and a bunch of production assistants.
The winners head off the chow down, while everyone else heads desolately back to camp. The taco bar is an extravaganza of Latino treats and heartburn. As they feast, they discuss the loss of the last tribal council and how confusing the situation has become, as if it made perfect sense before. Wes crams food and booze into his piehole until Keith warns him that he’ll get sick. Father does know best, as Wes wanders off to throw up. This show really portrays the primitive, arduous conditions of survival in the wild.
Josh is plotting again to get the target off his back. He tries again to convince Baylor with the ol’ guilt trip routine. She resents it, disgusted to think that he comes from a religious family with a pastor for a dad. Think how the family feels that he’s on this show. He’s fed up with her, and bitches to Jaclyn about it to underscore his argument that she and Jon should join him, but he doesn’t know if he’s made an impact. No one trusts anyone at this point. Even the CBS PR department is uncertain who to feature on this week’s episode clip.
Meanwhile, Jon is lonely after three hours away from Jaclyn. He reads his clue, which has something to do with thirst and lack of water, two things which are often connected. He figures it’s referring to low tide, which here reveals a rocky “peninsula” he can search. After that he can brush up on his topographical terminology. He scrabbles all over the little arm of beach and finds only an annoyed iguana. Then he randomly decides to climb a rocky outcropping, where he conveniently pushes aside a small stone to reveal the idol. He does not explain what that location has to do with lack of water, unless it’s that excessive thirst damages your brain cells.
Now we must endure the taco-feasters both experiencing farting and burping and discussing it. Jeremy finds it ungentlemanly in front of the ladies. How about in front of the television audience. Baylor resents being treated like a slave, asked to collect wood and dispose of trash like a common tribe member. Keith remarks that if she were his daughter, she’d get whupped for her attitude–confusing, as it suggests that Wes was not whupped sufficiently. Jaclyn thinks the guys are arrogant and rude, and without Jon there, they’re even worse to her. To prove it, she should make a secret video of herself walking down the beach among the guys.
Alec and Keith confer. They are suspicious of Baylor talking with Jaclyn, failing to consider that maybe they’re just discussing effective PMS symptom relief or their favorite shades of nail polish.
Time for the Immunity Challenge for the Ugly Necklace. Jeff will show the team members a series of symbols, representing the caricaturish themes of the show, and they must repeat them back to him one by one by showing him the same symbol on a side of a printed cube. They are each standing at a little game show host podium made of faux rocks, like they’re hosting Jeopardy! on The Flintstones. Everyone gets the first one right. Jon messes up the second. Reed is out next, then Wes and Alec. Another series of symbols is shown. They could ace this if they had only been visiting lumosity.com. Natalie is out first on this round. Next Baylor goes, then Jaclyn. Finally, Keith and Missy are out, and it’s down to Josh and Jeremy. How unexpected. On the last symbol, one has it right, one wrong, Jeff intones. Jeremy wins. He earns the immunity gewgaw purchased from an Etsy store operated by a high school student, and the plot thickens.
Back at camp, Jon murmurs to Jaclyn that he has the idol. Jeremy is thrilled to be off the hook. Josh, Alec, and Wes discuss voting off Baylor. Josh is relying on Jon and Jaclyn to come around to his side, or he knows he’s toast. But Jaclyn complains to Jon that Josh and the guys made her feel like crap. “We can’t just be acting on emotions,” he asserts, although it appears that would be a more practical basis for deciding than the one they’ve been relying on. Reed comes over and suggests the Baylor plan. Jaclyn feels Jeremy’s story would beat theirs in the final count–dying dad doesn’t trump firefighter?–so she’s worried that Jon is not planning. Or he’s planning too much.
Missy is upset that everyone is picking on Baylor. They discuss the need to have Jon and Jaclyn on their side now that Keith told Missy he’s voting to get rid of Baylor. Jaclyn feels comfortable with Missy and Jeremy. This is like that riddle where you have to figure out how to get the goose, the fox, and the bag of grain across the river in a boat that only holds one at a time. In that scenario, Baylor is definitely the goose.
At the Tribal Council, Jeff does his usual Charlie Rose interviews with everyone. How come Jon and Jaclyn are such powerbrokers when none of the other loved ones are? Jaclyn expresses her disgust at being ignored when Jon is not present. She should hear what they say when she’s dressed modestly and he’s not present. Missy complains about the gross behavior of the young guys. Keith defends normal body functions, which are not just regional. There’s bickering about the value of allying with singles versus loved ones, and the betrayals that can result.
Time to vote. Josh looks weary. Votes: Baylor, Josh, Baylor, Josh, Baylor, Josh. Come on, this is not random order. Baylor, Josh. It’s a tie now, surprise. Then Josh is the last name drawn. He shleps his torch to Jeff.
“Is this a line in the sand or is tomorrow a whole new game?” asks Jeff. It certainly means we’ll hear a lot more from Reed for a change.
