F-I-N-A-L-L-Y, Vegas week begins on America’s Got Talent. Am I excited? Not really. But I started this thing, so I plan to soldier on…
On the first day, the judges appear on the Vegas stage in a most dramatic fashion to tell the auditioners that some of the acts will be booted before they even have the chance to perform for the first time. Cruel shenaningans, all for the sake of good Tee Vee!
Later that night, Sharon, Piers and Hoff watch acts on the hotel room TV. Supposedly, they are deciding who to cut (as if they don’t know already. Videos of contestants flash on the screen. Who will the judges cut tomorrow? At this point, the auditions have gone on for so long, I can’t remember half o them, so who cares?
More Recap and Video after the JUMP…
The next morning the crew assembles. They are separated into 4 groups. Group A is staying in the competition. Group B, containing 19 acts, is eliminated, including one of the Sob Stories, Chellena, who had overcome cervical cancer to sing–a performance worthy of her church choir–maybe. Piers is in charge of telling the last two groups their fate, and he drips out the result one word at a time as if he’s forgotten how to speak the English language. We eventually learn that Group C and D are staying. – VIDEO
The next stage of the competition has the judges putting together similar acts to battle it out on the Vegas stage.
First, it’s the scintillating battle of the novelty acts. Fire Eater vs Grinder girl! Magicians fight it out to the end! Houdini wannabe vs Bed of Nails Guy! Russian crazy acrobatics chick vs….OMG I don’t give a crap. I couldn’t watch the sword-swallowing guy. Ew. – VIDEO
Next day–the variety acts continue, including the impersonators. Female impersonators lip sync to performances by Britney and Tina Turner. Eh. Not very impressive. Next up a crappy Elvis impersonator, Joseph Hall, continues not to impress. – VIDEO
The magicians are next. A magician named David does a sawing a girl in half act that goes wrong. He tries to pull a “I meant to do that” and it’s not very convincing. More cheesy acts follow. The judges give the group a fake lecture. Zzzz. – VIDEO
The little kids are next. They shouldn’t even be there. Pushy stage parents who put their kids on parade piss me off. First, is a contortionist, Victoria Jacobi, who is probably doing permanent damage to her muscles and joints as we speak, and a little-boy break dancer. Eep. – VIDEO
The variety acts finish, and the next day, the judges choose who will move on. The brick breaker, Kevin Taylor, is eliminated, David, the sh*tty magician is eliminated. The contortionist and the little bitty dancer are also eliminated. The female impersonators and crappy Elvis impersonator inexplicably move on – VIDEO
34 Variety acts make it to the final day. 15 are cut.
The music acts are next. Opera is first. The singers aren’t as excruciating to get through. The guy who gave up his day job IS very average. As is Donald Graswell, the guy whose vocal chords were cut in a horrible accident. The opera cross dresser Chaquita is pretty entertaining. She sings both male and female roles. I vote for her! Neil E. Boyd was the sob story at the end of the very first audition show. Hm. He’s flat–a little better when he busts out the high notes. – VIDEO
Kid singers are next. Fifteen year old Mia wants to be a role model for young girls. Nine year old David is an autistic musical savant who sang before he spoke. Add 4 year old singer Kaitlyn Maher, and the show has officially shifted into cute overload. Sharon worries about the little ones. No kidding! – VIDEO
Male vocalists are next. Army guy Daniel Jens, who had an average audition, sings an average “Home” by Michael Buble. Then he pulls a Brooke White and forgets the lyrics. He didn’t ask to start over. Chippendale dancer gives a decent performance. Kyle Rifkin, another R&B singer from New York, chokes on the high notes. He cries afterward, realizing he may have blown his chance. – VIDEO
Time for the Female singers. The first, is Kat Williams, a blues singer. She looks like she could kick somebody’s ass. Sweet little Holly Harden from Texas is next. She’s tired of the farm! She’s ready for the bright lights! Yeah, she really says something like that. She performs a really sloppy version of….oh, it’s “When God Fearing Women Get the Blues”. I couldn’t tell at first. Queen Emily is a middle aged soul singer who gave up her career to raise children. She belts out “I’m Every Woman”. Pretty fierce. – VIDEO
The music acts find out who made the cut. The kids are first. Ugh. Sorry kid, you suck! Oh wow, the older kids are cut. The little ones move on. The guys are next. All of the Opera singers are put through to the next round. Queen Emily makes it through. The blues singer is eliminated. The goofy chick from the small town, Holly Harden, is eliminated. All the male singers featured tonight advance. So does Eli Mattson from the early audition rounds. – VIDEO
On Thursday, more acts are cut in Vegas and the Top 40 is revealed.