10 more acts compete tonight for a spot in the Top 20. We also find out which 5 acts from last night will advance to the next round.
Piers thought last night’s acts were terrific! His standards are low, obviously. Sharon thought there were a lot of surprises, but not good ones. I’ll agree with the last part of her statement. Hoff is very excited to find out the results from last night. He is obviously easily amused. Keep him away from the hamburgers
First, we find out which contestants made the cut. – VIDEO
More Recap and Video after the JUMP…
Extreme FX and RonnieB take center stage: Extreme FX makes the cut. Shimshi and Jessica Price take center stage Card kicker is toast, I know it…YES. Jessica Price makes the cut. DC Cowboys and The Cadence take center stage. The Cadence move on. This is too easy. Neal E. Boyd and Derrick Barry take center stage. Bitch, please. Neal E. Boyd makes the cut. The suspense is killing me! The James Gang and Elite came in last in the vote, which means the judging panel saves the act. Elite, the little martial arts girl, is crying. Piers tells her to stop it, cause he’s just about to crush her dreams. Piers chooses The James Gang. Sharon also chooses with The James Gang. Something about them being old and needing them money, or something. Which means The James Gang makes the cut. The little martial arts girl looks destroyed, which is why she should be at home playing with dolls or something. NOT competing in some TV reality show.
The next 10 compete:
Beyond Belief Dance Company – Ohh the local Texas high school dance team is trying out for America’s Got Talent! There’s a lot of jumping around on stage. I’m probably spoiled because I just finished watching the latest season of So You Think You Can Dance. They’re just a’ight. Piers said it was a “bit of a ropey start…as it all came together, it was electrifying.” “Keep it tight, stay close, ” says Piers. You wish. “Very sassy, ” says Sharon, “but you have to take it to a higher level.” She suggests adding clogging. What? Hoff, the easily amused one, says, “You nailed it.” – VIDEO
Paul Salos – Ancient (72) Frank Sinatra impersonator. He sounds nothing like Frank Sinatra. He’s grandpa in a Frank Sinatra hat singing Frank Sinatra songs. He’s not going to make it to the next round. I continue to be amazed at the suckitude of the acts that are advancing. This is pathetic. Piers says, “…You’ve got his moves, you’ve got his charms, you’ve got his personality…I want to see you swing into the finals.” Is Piers high? He’s got hold of Paula’s stash. Sharon says, “You’re just fantatastic” Hoff says, “I’m sure Frank Sinatra is looking down right now and saying, ‘Yeah Baby.'” These guys are patronizing this dude. They praised him so much, he may just make the cut. – VIDEO
Kazual – Eep. These guys have sacrificed everything to pursue their dreams, but this group of boybanders–kind of a Boys 2 Men knock off–who really aren’t boys any more, are terrible singers. Well one guy can sorta sing. But over all, this is just sad to watch. Piers says the harmonies are good, but as lead vocalists, they don’t cut it. Sharon says the vocals were way, way off. Hoff says, “You were nervous, that’s what happened…you know what? You pulled it together in the end…I hope America gives you a 2nd chance.” No they weren’t and no they shouldn’t. Piers pipes in to say it wasn’t nerves, that the lead singer was good, but the rest were not. Hoff contradicts himself, “Well then, just have the lead singer sing lead!” Whatever. – VIDEO
The Zooperstars – These guys, in big cartoon outfits running around the stage, are completely random and pointless. They say really serious things like, “We’re going to kick some butt” in their big cartoon outfits and it’s hilarious. They’re like reject sports mascots. It’s actually pretty retarded, and I mean that in a good way. Piers plays the heavy. He wants to take a giant harpoon and take the air out of their costumes. Sharon says, “Alrighty then, I can’t believe I’m giving comments to a duck…I don’t know whether your act will sustain an hour and a half in Vegas.” Hoff who is pretty pointless and retarded himself, loved them. Well, as long as we’re advancing no-talents, I say we advance these guys. They’re semi-amusing, at least. I may vote tonight. Ok, I’m kidding, no I won’t. – VIDEO
Ozzy Osbourne in the house!
The Wright Kids – Cute kids who play bluegrass. They’re actually talented, but TOO YOUNG. Stay home, play with your friends, go to school! They decide to play a pop tune, “Daydream Believer” rather than bluegrass. It’s not bad considering how very young they are. The bass player looks to be about 7–and he’s playing one of those giant stand-up basses. Piers says, “I love you guys, not the best singers in the world, but you make up for it with great charm.” Sharon says, “You took a big risk, you are very brave, it paid off.” Hoff says, “It was like watching the Partridge Family…we need to get back to those values.” Maybe one of them can grow up to do a billion drugs and smack around transvestites. – VIDEOS
Jonathan Arons – Jonathon, the double threat! He dances….and…wait for it…plays trombone! Uh. OK! Wait, is that a dying animal wailing off stage? The trombone playing is heinous. Jonathan, in a sparkley blue suit, not only sounds horrible, but has uber-lame dance moves. Piers calls him incredibly entertaining. Sharon says he’s a great entertainer, but she also calls him out on his crappy trombone playing. But I don’t think she cares. Ditto for Hoff. “You’re like a live cartoon, ” says Hoff. A live cartoon that makes my ears bleed. – VIDEO
Daniel Jens – I remember this guy from the auditions. Daniel just came back from Iraq–naturally they’re pulling the patriot card. He sings the Police’s “Every Breath You Take.” Thanks for defending America, Daniel. But your singing, it ain’t all that. I have to say, though, he’s putting everything he’s got into his performance. Daniel gets an A for effort. Piers says that he hasn’t heard a singing voice yet from him that belongs in Vegas. “Great song choice, ” says Sharon, “You have to be careful of your breathing, but otherwise, you were perfect.” Hoff says, “You took the stage…you’re a man, you inspire me.” Really Hoff? Maybe we should bring back the DC Cowboys… – VIDEO
The Slippery Kittens – Wait, these chicks perform their slutty act in a club in Salt Lake City, Utah? They call themselves the Slippery Kittens? That must go down well with the local elders! And I don’t mean to say that Burlesque is slutty, it’s just that the act is so inept and obvious, it verges on vulgar. Not surprised they keep advancing–the lowest common denominator is what America’s Got Talent is all about! Piers said, “When you took your clothes off, I wanted you to put them back on.” Sharon says, “I think he needs glasses…I can see you strutting your stuff in Vegas.” Says Hoff, “All I can say is, June is busting out all over.” Well, that made no sense. – VIDEO
George the Giant – Describes himself as a 7 ft 3” guy who does weird things to himself. Seriously, I don’t want to know. He put himself into the hospital during rehearsal. Wow, the circus freak show has come to AGT! OMG this is so corny. Now he’s invoking Harry Houdini. He’s hanging upside down, and a bunch of kids come out with whiffle bats and start beating him. He’s a human pinata! A bunch of candy comes spilling out. That was supposed to be dangerous? Entertaining? I guess he was kidding! Piers calls it pathetic. “Silly, Silly, Silly, ” says Sharon. Then why did you advance this clown? Isn’t this supposed to be the semi-finals? “Very strange, ” says Hoff. – VIDEO
Queen Emily – Emily gave her dreams of being a singer up to raise her daughters. SOB. Zz. She sings “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”. She takes the stage in a long red dress with a train. She’s got a couple of boy dancers to back her up and tend to her train. She’s a decent belter, and I forsee a lifetime of Pride festivals in Emily’s future. Like last night, the show ending sob-story performer gets a big standing O from the judges and the audience. Piers says, “We have found a Superstar…we’ve found someone who can beat Michael Phelps.” Well, Piers just knocked Neal Boyd off his perch! Hoff says, “You have just thrown this competition in complete disarray, you are now absolutely the front runner.” Gah, this is so contrived! They are obviously setting up a fake competition between Neal and Emily. You’d think they’d at least let the competition play out for a few weeks before setting up phony rivalries. These peeps cut right to the chase!
This show? It still sucks.
