The America’s Got Talent auditions hit Austin. And well… Yeah. Still not very impressed with the talent. Sorry judges, no matter how many times you repeat it. This is not the best. talent. ever! The singers are mediocre and totally propped up by their back stories, or by the fact that they are small adorable children. The death-defying acts that are supposed to be so exciting really don’t top similar acts that we’ve seen before.
So far, I am not entertained. Here are tonight’s acts:
Sebastien “El Charro de Oro” – Mariachi Band – A 10 year old kid performs in front of a Mariachi band. He’s very cute and has a nice voice, super mature and very polite. He has some talent, but I just can’t get on board with these kiddie acts. I keep thinking a 10 year old should be in school, or something. Sharon: I thoroughly enjoyed that performance. Well done. Howie: The voice was a surprise. You’re like a Mexican Jackie Evancho. Howard: You are personality plus. You took the roof off the place. The judges give Sebastian a standing ovation and 3 yeses.
A montage of very bad auditions. A terrible impressionist, and an incompetent sideshow.
Bandbaz Brothers – Acrobats, balancing act. It turns out the older of the pair is 58 and has been retired for 11 years. The act consists of several balancing poses, ending with the younger man balancing head to head with his uncle. There were moments when it was shaky and the act almost fell apart. Howard and Howie liked that, because it revealed how difficult the act was to pull off. But to me, the two looked super unpolished. I don’t see how what they did on stage could be stretched out into a longer act. Sharon: You had my old heart going there for a moment. It was fabulous. Howard: I loved the shakiness. We were so vested on whether you would pull this off. Howie: It’s truly amazing and dangerous and edgy. 3 yeses.
Timothy Michael Poe – Singer, performs “If Tomorrow Never Comes” by Garth Brooks – Ex military man. He suffered a brain injury in Afghanistan after being hit with a grenade blast. One of the lasting symptoms is a fairly severe stutter but he doesn’t sing with a stutter (stutterers generally don’t while they sing. Think Mel Tillis). He didn’t know he could sing until his speech pathologist suggested he sing in the shower as therapy. He’s got a decent, but not great voice. Timothy is 100 percent backstory and will sail through. The judges and audience give him a standing ovation. The finance is backstage crying. Howie: Everything about you is amazing. You are a phehomenal talent. Sharon: You have a really rich beautiful tone to your voice. Howard: I want to thank you for your service. When you sing, you don’t push it. I was moved by your performance. 3 yeses.
Montage: Including icky contortionists and a young boy wearing a yarmulke who sings “Good Life”.
Lulu – Overweight pole dancer. Well, she was a cheerleader in high school! She’s wearing a bikini. Howard buzzes her first. Of course. She struggles mightily to make it up that pole and ends the routine with a thudding drop split. Ouch. God bless her. Howard: I hit my buzzer, because I don’t’ think you’re a million dollar act. Sharon: It takes guts to do what you did, but it has to be no. Howie: I liked what you did. I want to support you. After, Nick rips off his shirt to reveal a bikini top made of duct tape and gives the pole a try himself. Howard comes up on stage to stuff a dollar in Nick’s pants and hands a dollar to Lulu.
Joe Castillo – Draws patriotic pictures with sand while “God Bless the USA is playing. I wouldn’t call that an act, exactly. It’s also pandering in the most irritating way.
David Smith Jr. – Human Canonball! – His dad was also a Human Cannonball. It’s what he does for a living. He feeds a family of four with this nonsense! The judges leave the studio to watch his act outside. It’s raining. Ambulance is standing by! David FLIES out of the cannon, flying quite a distance until he hits the net. It looks like the net dippped low enough to hit the ground, but David stood right up and was fine. A guy flying out of a cannon isn’t all that exciting, but the judges beg to differ. They can’t wait to see it again. Sharon calls it “spectacular.” 3 yeses.
