Hello, it’s Eric, filling in for Adam, who is currently hiding in a bunker somewhere in Radio City Music Hall, the site where, last Wednesday America declared war on talent. I’m coming to you live from mjsbigblog. The declaration of war involved voting a singing sock puppet and a mediocre band through over two extremely talented dancers and an amazingly funny (most of the time) stand up comedian. Will America and talent ever kiss and make up? Let’s try to get through another week of America’s Got Talent and find out together, shall we? I’ll try not to be too bitter. The show starts at 8 PM, come back then!
And we’re off. We start with a recap of the madness of last week. Why do we need to watch this stuff again? 12 more acts take their shot at the ultimate prize. Here’s Nick Cannon in another purple suit.
Chapkins Dance Family is the first act up. The intro package is the same as every other dance troupe’s intro package, but with a different guy talking. The act, with a Jurrasic park theme (I guess), is cool. They are really in sync, and the moves are cool. A guy lipsyncs a roar, lending further credence to my theory. But the act isn’t the best dance act this season. Howard thinks that individually, there are strong dancers, but there are too many of them on stage. Mel B disagrees with Howard, says it was on point. Howie disagrees with Howard, thinks that they were in sync. Heidi calls them a well oiled machine, hopes America votes for them.
Next up, from Liberty Park in New Jersey, we have Metal Mulisha Fitz Army, a motocross act. It’s another “extreme” act, which is code for not gonna win. This type of act wouldn’t work in vegas, so why is it on the show still? They just do motorcycle tricks, and while it’s impressive, I don’t think its nearly impressive enough to win this show. Howie loved it, hypes the danger aspect, wants America to vote them through. Howard applauds their bravery and expertise. Heidi says they brought the X Games to AGT. Mel B says well done for not dying, says it pumped her up. They lost friends doing this stuff-I’d quit doing something if my friend died doing it, but apparently they chose to keep going.
Next up is Daditude!, aka tonight’s 12th place act (if there’s justice in the world). They danced professionally 20 years ago. They are out of sync, and the act is totally unimpressive. Howard and Howie buzz them-THANK THE LORD. Then the other two do as well. I’m shocked. I’ve never seen 4 x’s during a live show before. Howard says they weren’t being competitive. Mel B likes what they stand for, but thinks they were underrehearsed. Howie cracks a joke about parking spots. We can still vote for them? Wow. What’s the point?
Alicia Michilli played small clubs and now this is the biggest opportunity she’s ever had. They still haven’t gotten the prop car off stage (what a waste of a prop designer’s time, huh?) and so we will see Alicia after a commercial break. She sings I Put A Spell On You and she’s my favorite singer this season – very soulful. I like this. Not enough for me to want her to win but enough for her to be my favorite so far tonight. Heidi stood up. Mel B was worried, wasn’t convinced last time, but thinks there was a complete turnaround tonight. Howie thinks she put a spell on us. Can we vote him off tonight? Howard was also worried about her, but thinks she was great tonight.
Gary Vider is tonight’s stand up comedian. The intro package is about his roommate Greg. I didn’t laugh once at his intro package, which was clearly trying to be funny. Eh. He talks about women and dating. The people in the audience seem mixed on him, but he gets more laughs than Myq did last week (which is upsetting). I didn’t laugh once. Howie loves him, thinks he should go through. Howard loves him. Mel B didn’t like it at first, but she got into it more as it went on. Heidi wanted the jokes to come faster, and thought the punchlines weren’t good enough. I agree with Heidi. I wasn’t impressed.
Mountain Faith Band is up next. They are a bluegrass band. They perform Shut Up and Dance, and her voice isn’t good enough in my opinion. It’s good, but not good enough. Maybe this just isn’t my thing (it’s not) or maybe they aren’t great. Judging by the looks on the judges faces, I’m awaiting a bussing from Howard. Howie makes another unfunny comment. Howard likes them, despite not being a fan of this kind of music, gives them lukewarm phrase. Heidi likes it. Mel B (finally) comments that the vocals are not that strong, but calls them likeable. Howie keeps being annoying, screaming “yeehaw” at Mel B.
Oz Pearlman is up next. He is a mentalist/magician, who makes predictions. The act was interesting last time, but before we see him tonight we have another commercial break. He does a trick where he gets the judges to guess the gumballs in a container, and the twists and turns are impressive. My favorite act so far tonight. By. A. Mile. Still not enough to win, but I enjoyed the trick very much. Mel B thought it was amazing. Howard says he makes him feel like an idiot, which is good. Howie makes another terrible pun.
Selected of God choir are next. They sing Impossible by Shontelle/James Arthur (X Factor UK for the win). Obviously, I’m biased. Way way way too churchy for my taste. But I have to admit, they sound good. Until the climax, where it gets slightly screechy. Howie says it felt great in the room, makes another dud joke. Howard loves that they are from Detroit, thinks they need to modernize their act some more. Heidi found it uplifting, loved it.
The Professional Regurgitator is next. Excuse me while I don’t watch this next act…ok, I’ll (sadly have to) watch him tonight. My nightmares are thanks to you tonight, AGT. Heidi loves this act for some reason. He swallows her half a million dollar ring. Then a lock. Then a key. He moves stuff around in his stomach and locks the ring up. This is the most disgusting act I’ve ever seen, and yet somehow all judges but Mel B stand up. Heidi loves it. Mel B feels violated, but finds it exciting. She clearly wants to vomit. Howie thinks it was the best act of the night, makes a bulimia joke that will get him in some crap on twitter tomorrow. Howard says its a top 5 act if not a possible winner. I’m shocked. Who would pay to see this in Vegas? You’d have to PAY ME to see this again. It’s not even a talent. It. Is. Just. Ewwwww.
Benjamin Yonattan wants to be known as a dancer, not a blind dancer. He dances without Google Glass this time. And he’s good, although I feel like the song is kinda mocking him, telling him to open his eyes. I know, I’m going to hell. I’m sure I’ll see Howie there after his comment toward the last act. But other than the story, he’s not that amazing. With the story, it’s truly incredible. Howard sits, the other three stand up for him. Heidi loved it. Mel B says it was his best dance thus far, says he’s truly amazing. Howie talks about his story, and how inspiring he is. Howard says he is inspiring, but the other acts have an advantage over him. He thanks god. I’d thank Google. But that’s just me.
Daniella Mass is up next. She feels like singing is what she is supposed to be doing. She is nervous to perform at Radio City Music Hall. She sounds beautiful but I can’t understand a word of what she’s singing. Comes with the territory I guess. It’s impressive enough. Shocked that none of the judges stood up. Howie first apologizes for his terrible joke from two acts ago. I wish I could see his twitter feed. He called her perfect. Mel B didn’t think it could have gone any better. Heidi says she felt the emotion. Howard is a fan, but wishes she sang something different. It felt more Broadway than AGT to him.
Last up tonight is Freelusion. They usually have three people but one of their guys is sitting this one out. Regardless, the act is amazing. They are dancing with video in the background to Somewhere Over The Rainbow, and it’s really cool. Hard to describe though. Mel B says she didn’t want it to stop, it was beautiful. Howie calls it amazing, says it was better than Freckled Sky last week. Howard thought it was perfect. They got the pimp slot and they deserved it. Best of the night.
Freelusion and Oz were my two favorite acts tonight. Adam will be back tomorrow to blog the results. America, don’t disappoint me this time! Follow me on Twitter if you liked my thoughts (@eric_ascher) and I will be back in a few weeks when X Factor UK judges houses ends to start power lists.