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Producer Audrey Morrissey (C) and crew accept the Outstanding Reality-Competition Program award for ‘The Voice’ onstage during the 69th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 17, 2017 in Los Angeles, California.
Join me here tonight for some Emmy talk. Will your favorites win? Are your favorites even nominated? Let’s pop a bottle of wine and get super snarky, shall we? I love reading my comments from Dance, and I can’t wait to see what we’ve got in store tonight. Stephen Colbert hosts.
Stephen Colbert has forged all the Emmy’s by hand. Anthony Anderson walks in, and he says he’s glad that Stephen was the white guy they chose to host. Then Allison Janney comes in. Stephen says television has never been better. Allison challenges him to sing it, and we get our opening number. Did he just give away his HBO GO password like Andy Samberg did? LOL. He touches on shows like Veep, Stranger Things, This Is Us, The Americans, before being joined by Chance The RApper. He says he likes Brooklyn Nine Nine. He misses MASH. Then they sing about The Handmaid’s Tale, and we’re on the stage finally. He’s clearly lip syncing in the end, which is fine. He’s got a long night ahead of him.
This is the 69th year. Wow. “Us celebrating us. Tonight… we binge ourselves.” He reminds people to thank Game Of Thrones for not being eligible this year. He thanks Les Moonves for letting him host, and says it’s in his contract to thank him. He then thanks the first responders for Texas and Florida, as well as neighbors, nuns with chainsaws, and friends who help. He promotes a charity that is donating, with a little gag with Billy Eichner. Stephen Colbert jokes about Dinty Moore having a 10 episode deal with Martin Scorsese. “Everyone loves streaming video. Just ask Ted Cruz.” Netflix raked in 92 Emmy nominations. For the third year in a row, this is the most diverse group of nominees ever. Stephen Colbert makes a good joke about Bill Maher using the N word. “I assume he’s black since he’s so comfortable using the N word”. He jokes about Oprah having a better seat next year, when she’s literally front and center. “Next year’s Latin Grammy’s hosted by Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Stephen surmises that Trump would never have run for President if he had won an Emmy.” “Unlike the Presidency, Emmy’s go to the winner of the popular vote. Where do I find the courage to tell that joke in this room?” THE ACTUAL SEAN SPICER comes out with his podium and declares it “the largest audience to witness the Emmy’s both in person and around the world.” He then says “Melissa McCarthy, give it up!” suggesting that Spicer was McCarthy (but it really was Spicer).
WINNERS LIST (BEWARE SPOILERS):
SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA: John Lithgow (The Crown)
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY: Kate McKinnon (SNL)
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE: Laura Dern (Big Little Lies)
COMEDY DIRECTING: Donald Glover (Atlanta)
VARIETY SKETCH SERIES: SNL
DRAMA WRITING: Bruce Miller (The Handmaids Tale)
SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY: Alec Baldwin (SNL)
LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE DIRECTING: Jean Marc Vallee (Big Little Lies)
SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE: Alexander Skarsgard (Big Little Lies)
WRITING VARIETY SERIES: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA: Ann Dowd (The Handmaids Tale)
COMEDY WRITING: Aziz Ansari and Lena Waithe (Master Of None)
REALITY COMPETITION SERIES: The Voice
DRAMA DIRECTING: Reed Morano (The Handmaids Tale)
LIMITED SERIES AND MOVIE WRITING: Charlie Brooker (Black Mirror)
VARIETY DIRECTING: Don Roy King (SNL)
VARIETY TALK SERIES: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
ACTOR IN A COMEDY: Donald Glover (Atlanta)
ACTRESS IN A COMEDY: Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)
COMEDY SERIES: Veep
ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE: Riz Ahmed (The Night Of)
ACTRESS IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE: Nicole Kidman (Big Little Lies)
TV MOVIE: Black Mirror
LIMITED SERIES: Big Little Lies
ACTOR IN A DRAMA: Sterling K Brown (This Is Us)
ACTRESS IN A DRAMA: Elizabeth Moss (The Handmaids Tale)
DRAMA SERIES: The Handmaids Tale
The cast of Big Little Lies comes out.
SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA: Presented by Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Shailene Woodley, Laura Dern, and Zoe Kravitz.
Nominees: Jonathan Banks (Better CAll Saul), John Lithgow (The Crown), Mandy Patinkin (Homeland), Michael Kelly (House Of Cards), David Harbour (Stranger Things), Ron Cephas Jones (This Is Us), Jeffrey Wright (Westworld)
Winner: John Lithgow (The Crown)
Always classy, John thanks his fellow nominees, saying they all deserve this. He also thanks Winston Churchill.
“I think there are more movie stars here tonight than there were people who saw movies this summer.” LOL.
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY: Presented by Gina Rodriguez and Shemar Moore
Nominees: Vanessa Bayer (SNL), Leslie Jones (SNL), Kate McKinnon (SNL), Kathryn Hahn (Transparent), Judith Light (Transparent), Anna Chlumsky (Veep)
WINNER: Kate McKinnon (SNL)
She’s a bit of a mess. She says this last season was the most meaningful thing she will ever do, and thanks Lorne Michaels. She also thanks Hillary, among a long list of people. She can play the cello? That’s awesome.
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE: Presented By: Riz Ahmed and Issa Rae (who should have been nominated)
Nominees: Regina King (American Crime), Laura Dern (Big Little Lies), Shailene Woodley (Big Little Lies), Judy Davis (Feud), Jackie Hoffman (Feud), Michelle Pfeiffer (Wizard Of Lies)
WINNER: Laura Dern (Big Little Lies)
She shares this with her tribe of ladies, and talks about how awesome it is to have well written roles for women.
COMEDY DIRECTING: Presented by Melissa McCarthy and Dave Chappelle
Dave Chappelle and Melissa McCarthy both won Emmy’s earlier for guest hosting. Dave jokes about skipping rehearsal. “Shout out to DC Public Schools”
Nominees: Atlanta, Silicon Valley, Silicon Valley, Veep, Veep, Veep
WINNER: Donald Glover (Atlanta)
Wow. Donald Glover thanks the algorithm that put him here. His writers, FX, and his mentor.
VARIETY SKETCH SERIES: Presented by Anna Faris and Allison Janney
Nominees: Billy On The Street, Documentary Now, Drunk History, SNL, Portlandia, Tracey Ullman Show
SNL has had 231 nominations, more than any program in history. Wow. Lorne talks about winning this award the first time, and thinking that it could never get as crazy as that again. He says he was wrong.
We apparently have time for a Westworld bit. Stephen is a host, and he’s glitching. Titus Burgess pops up at the end.
DRAMA WRITING: Presented By: LL Cool J and Gabrielle Union
Nominees: The Americans, Better Call Saul, The Crown, The Handmaids Tale, Stranger Things, Westworld
WINNER: Bruce Miller (The Handmaid’s Tale)
Hulu gets some Emmy love. He thanks the typical cast and crew.
SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY: Presented By: James Corden and Seth Meyers
Nominees: Louie Anderson (Baskets), Ty Burrell (Modern Family), Alec Baldwin (SNL), Tituss Burgess (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt), Tony Hale (Veep), Matt Walsh (Veep)
WINNER: Alec Baldwin (SNL)
“At long last, Mr President, here is your Emmy.” LOL.
Rachel Bloom gives a little musical number hyping “the best part of the show”, which is just the introduction of the Accountants. OK. That was funny. It’s like someone finally figured out what to do with the most boring part of the show.
LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE DIRECTING Presented by Alexis Bledel and Gerald McRaney
These two won the Guest Actor/Actress in a Drama categories.
Nominees: Big Little Lies, Fargo, Feud, Genius, The Night Of, The Night Of
WINNER: Jean-Marc Vallee (Big Little Lies)
He’s directed Wild, Dallas Buyers Club, and Demolition. He thanks the girls for making him look good. He thanks David E Kelly for writing too.
SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE: Presented By Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, and Dolly Parton
It’s a 9 To 5 reunion! This gets a standing ovation from the audience. They still refuse to be controlled by a sexist, lying, egotistical, bigot. Dolly gives a shout out to Dabney Coleman, and wants a Grace and Frankie vibrator.
Nominees: Alexander Skarsgard (Big Little Lies), David Thewlis (Fargo), Alfred Molina (Feud), Stanley Tucci (Feud), Bill Camp (The Night Of), Michael Kenneth Williams (the Night Of)
WINNER: Alexander Skarsgard (Big Little Lies)
He thanks the cast and crew, and his mom.
Stephen makes a vibrator joke. He says “nobody really knows Emmy.” He interviews “Emmy”. Emmy (Ru Paul) sits down with Colbert. He asks her about the other awards. Some laughs to be had.
WRITING VARIETY SERIES: Presented By: Kaitlin Olsen and Tracee Ellis Ross
Nominees: Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Late Night with Seth Meyers, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, SNL
WINNER: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
#DCPublicSchools. He’s trying to make it happen. He also thanks Oprah, because “she’s sitting right there, and it seems inappropriate not to.”
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA- Jeremy Piven and Sonequa Martin Green
Nominees: Ann Dowd, Samira Wiley, Uzo Aduba, Millie Bobby Brown, Chrissy Metz, thandie Newton
WINNER: Ann Dowd (The Handmaids Tale)
Wow. That’s an upset. I love Ann Dowd, but she was not the favorite to win. She’s shocked, and crying, and I love her. She’s really grateful. I actually love when character actors/actresses finally get their due. Dowd has had such great work over her career. She thanks Hulu. “They’re very lovely, Hulu.”
The President of the Emmy’s gives his little speech. He tries to be inspiring. This is a good moment for a bathroom break, or to check twitter. We get a montage of the diversity in the last season.
COMEDY WRITING- Jim Parsons and Iain Armitage
Sheldon and Young Sheldon.
Atlanta, Atlanta, Master Of None, Silicon Valley, Veep, Veep
WINNERS: Aziz Ansari and Lena Waithe (Master Of None)
Lena is the first black woman to win an Emmy for writing a comedy series. This gets a standing ovation from the audience. She thanks God. She thanks her LGBTQIE family. Aziz doesn’t speak at all. He’s very gracious, letting her take her moment in history.
REALITY COMPETITION SERIES: Kumail Nanjiani and Lea Michele
Nominees: Amazing Race, American Ninja Warrior, Project Runway, RuPaul’s Drag Race, Top Chef, The Voice
WINNER: The Voice
THIS IS THE VOICE. A lot of people get up on that stage. She thanks on behalf of The Voice family.
Stephen asks them all to bow their heads for the traditional Hollywood prayer. LOL.
DRAMA DIRECTING: Presented By: Rashida Jones and Mark Feuerstein
Rashida is on Angie Tribeca, and Mark has a new sitcom on CBS 9KJL.
Nominees: Better Call Saul, The Crown, The Handmaids Tale, The Handmaids Tale, Homeland, Stranger Things, Westworld
WINNER: Reed Morano (The Handmaid’s Tale)
Youngest member in the cinematographer guild.
LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE WRITING: Seth Macfarlane and Emmy Rossum
Seth’s new show, The Orville, was actually on tonight against the Emmys. Seth reads the nominees in the voices of various characters of his.
Nominees: Big Little LiesBlack Mirror, Fargo, Feud, Feud, The Night Of
WINNER: Charlie Brooker (Black Mirror)
In Memoriam- By Viola Davis
Lots of beloved people passed away. Christopher Jackson (Bull/Hamilton) does a spoken word over the montage.
Rest In Peace: Glen Campbell, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Powers Boothe, Adam West, John Heard, Jay Thomas, Nelsan Ellis, Robert Vaughn, Bill Paxton, Roger Moore, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, John Hurt, Miguel Ferrer, Martin Landau, Richard Hatch, Alan Thicke, Florence Henderson, Jerry Lewis, Don Rickles, Mary Tyler Moore… among the notable names. Just. Wow. I had forgotten we lost all them. So much rich TV history there. Many legacies that will last for years to come. ”
VARIETY DIRECTING: Presented By: Craig Robinson and Adam Scott
New show: Ghosted. They joke about how presenting where it’s at.
Nominees: Drunk History, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Last Week Tonight, The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, SNL
WINNER: Don Roy King (SNL)
He’s won a bunch before. He’s really short. “I’ve never had a problem being short.”
VARIETY TALK SERIES: Presented by Anthony Anderson and Priyanka Chopra
Nominees: Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, The Late Late Show with James Corden, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Real Time with Bill Maher
WINNER: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Oprah has a seat filler now. John thanks the seat filler anyway. LOL.
Stephen is is drinking a cocktail with Jimmy Kimmel. “It’s so high quality, they can only make one a week.”
ACTOR IN A COMEDY: Presented By: Edie Falco and Alec Baldwin
Nominees: Donald Glover (Atlanta), Zach Galafanakis (Baskets), Jeffrey Tambor (Transparent), Aziz Ansari (Master of None), Anthony Anderson (Black-ish), William H Macy (Shameless)
WINNER: Donald Glover (Atlanta)
He thanks everyone. Cast, crew, partner, Atlanta, and Trump for making black people #1 on the most oppressed list.
ACTRESS IN A COMEDY: Presented By Debra Messing and Chris Hardwick
Nominees: Pamela Adlon (Better Things), Tracee Ellis Ross (Black-ish), Jane Fonda (Grace and Frankie), Lily Tomlin (Grace and Frankie), Allison Janney (Mom), Ellie Kemper (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt), Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)
WINNER: Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)
Most Emmy’s won by a performer in the same role in the same series. She’s unstoppable.
COMEDY SERIES: Presented By Carol Burnett and Norman Lear
WOW. Standing O from the audience. Two LEGENDS on stage.
Nominees: Atlanta, Black-ish, Master of None, Modern Family, Silicon Valley, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Veep
A small army of talent marches onto the stage. They’re heading into their final season. Only one more go around.
ACTOR IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE: Presented by Jessica Biel and Joseph Fiennes
Nominees: Ewan McGregor (Fargo), Geoffrey Rush (Genius), Riz Ahmed (The Night Of), John Tuturro (The Night Of), Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock), Robert DeNiro (Wizard Of Lies)
WINNER: Riz Ahmed (The Night Of)
Wow! Good for him.
ACTRESS IN A LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE: Presented by Sarah Paulson and Jason Bateman
Nominees: Felicity Huffman (American Crime), Nicole Kidman (Big Little Lies), Reese Witherspoon (Big Little Lies), Carrie Coon (Fargo), Jessica Lange (Feud), Susan Sarandon (Feud)
WINNER: Nicole Kidman (Big Little Lies)
Wow. Some powerhouses in this category. Kidman’s first Emmy win. Getting closer to that EGOT. She says she shares it with Reese. Her speech becomes about domestic abuse, because her character and series touch on that topic. Not because Keith Urban is a bad dude or anything.
TV MOVIE: Presented by BD Wong and Matt Bomer
Nominees: Black Mirror, Dolly Parton’s Christmas of Many Color, The Immortal life Of Henrietta Lacks, Sherlock, The Wizard Of Lies
WINNER: Black Mirror
I mean… I get that the one episode won, but… this really isn’t a TV movie. The writer accepts the award.
LIMITED SERIES: Presented By Cicely Tyson and Anika Noni Rose
Another standing ovation (for Cicely, obviously). Cicely Tyson stumbles a bit in her speech. She says she’s nervous. Anika encourages her along. Cicely talks about Roots being the first nightly miniseries.
Nominees: Big Little Lies, Fargo, Feud, Genius, The Night Of
WINNER: Big Little Lies
Reese and Nicole give thanks. Reese says it’s been an incredible year for women.
We might actually end on time. Wow.
ACTOR IN A DRAMA: Presented By Kyra Sedgwick and Dennis Quaid
Nominees: Matthew Rhys (The Americans), Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul), Kevin Spacey (House Of Cards), Liev Schreiber (Ray Donovan), Sterling K Brown (This Is Us), Milo Ventmiglia (This Is Us), Anthony Hopkins (Westworld)
WINNER: Sterling K Brown (This Is Us)
Wow. Another win. He thanks the “best white family” he’s ever had. He gets played off, but he keeps talking anyway. The camera pans way out, super awkwardly.
ACTRESS IN A DRAMA: Presented by Tatiana Maslany and Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Nominees: Keri Russell (The Americans), Claire Foy (The Crown), Elizabeth Moss (The Handmaids Tale), Robin Wright (House Of Cards), Viola Davis (How To Get Away With Murder), Evan Rachel Wood (Westworld)
WINNER: Elizabeth Moss (The Handmaids Tale)
Her first win. She apparently never won for Mad Men. Wow. She gets played off, and bleeped. We are rushing for the finish line.
DRAMA SERIES: Presented by Oprah Winfrey
Standing O from the audience.
Nominees: Better Call Saul, The Crown, The Handmaids Tale, House of Cards, Stranger Things, This Is Us, Westworld
WINNER: The Handmaids Tale
WOW. BIG night for Hulu. HUGE night. Margaret Atwood walks on the stage and gets a huge standing O, but she doesn’t give the speech.
So, basically, we ended on time. Not bad.
Hopefully you had fun. I did. See y’all tomorrow night for some SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!
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