Tonight’s episodes were a BIG improvement over last week. It’s like the editors took not of the criticisms from pundits and fans and crafted the shows with more talent and less trainwreck. I certainly appreciated that. I wouldn’t say the good talent tonight was any better than last week, but I appreciated not having to sit through a bunch of stupidly crappy performances.
Best auditioners were Josh Krajcik, he of the overbearing mother and Nakia-like growl. My only reservation is that he might not be very versatile. I also liked the 14 year old singer Drew Ryniewicz, who slowed up Justin Beiber’s “Baby”. She’s got a mature style for a girl her age. Lots of potential there. Also liked the 53 year old gospel/soul singer Elaine Gibbs.
My prediction is that whoever wins this thing will either be a teenaged girl or a middle aged woman. Watch.
Here we go again. X Factor auditions. Mercifully, it’s the last week. Boot camp begins next week. First city is CHICAGO.
It’s raining in Chicago. 5 million dollars blah blah blah. Frickin’ sick of hearing about it. Going through the rules again. I think we know them, don’t we?
The judges are introduced. Simon, Paula, L.A. and…that Cheryl Cole person the X Factor producers would rather forget.
Makenna & Brock – “Colder Weather” Zach Brown Band – The duo has been singing together for 4 years. They’re BEST FRIENDS Y’ALL. I wonder who wants to bone who. Oh ok. Brock is the one with the crush. There you go. Men and women really can’t be friends. Brock is really playing up the hurt puppy sitch when Makenna shakes her head at the dating question. Country duo is solid. I think I like him a little better than her. Brock’s got a beautiful tone. The crowd stands and claps. LA: You just made my day. Cheryl: The harmonies were spot on, vocals so controlled. Paula: Your vocal blend is lovely. Simon: Thinks Makenna is sensational. It’s 4 yeses.
Kim Terreck – “Firework” by Katy Perry – She’s never tried pop music. And now I can see why. She sings like she’s got a cold, laryngitis and bronchitis all at once.
Tim Quinn – “Kiss From A Rose” – Simon advises him not to sing it and that turns out to be very good advice.
Robin Renee Royal – Simon thinks this 45 year old LOOKS GOOD. Too bad she doesn’t sound good.
Chearlesia Heard – She’s auditioning…for judge. A slot is definitely available (Later, Cheryl)
OK, here comes the 1st big backstory
Skyelor Anderson – 16 – “You Must Be Doing Something Right” – Young African American man wants to sing country music. Mom works really really hard. He wants to buy mom a house. The music stops, he looks confused, but then he keeps going. He’s not a great singer–he lacks power–but the audience is clearly on his side. I wonder if the music glitch was done on purpose. LA: Really enjoyed it.Cheryl: Ditto. Paula: Thinks he should work on his vocals, but believes in him. Simon: Likes that he’s singing country and impressed that he kept going after the music stopped. All the judges say yes, but I think it’s more about him being a black kid singing country than his vocal chops.
J. Mark Inman – 31 – “Creep” by Radiohead – Oh. Professional student. Studying philosophy in Europe. He’s one of them there intellectuals. But he also wants to kill the Top 40! Now he’s rambling on about pie and stuff. Not the food. He sees himself in 5 years “at the helm of a Renaissance” This guy is a douchebag. His spazzo dance moves are even douchier. “I wish I were special.” Well it sucks for you, doesn’t it. For some reason I don’t understand, the crowd is on his side, despite sucking ass. Paula: You are in a different jurisdiction for sure. I’ve visited there once or twice. The places we could go together. LA: it sounded so bad, but it felt so good. Cheryl: I want to visit too. Simon: I think we should just vote. Everyone says yes. You have to be kidding. OMG he’s so annoying.
And next, it’s a parade of Paula’s kindred spirits. She’s so wacky!
HI KEVIN MCHALE! (Pepsi pimping) <3.
Arin Ray – Soulful 15 year old singer. Will we ever see him again?
Josh Krajcik – “At Last” by Etta James – Josh’s overbearing mother is along! She did all the driving. Josh works in a burrito restaurant (Something tells me he lives in her basement). “Share your gift!” says mom. Wow. He looks like crap. Cheryl has no idea where “Columbus Ohio” is. So. He does not suck. Yes, we were set up, Simon Cowell style. He’s got a very gravelly raspy voice and is pretty much killing it. Simon’s got “Susan Boyle” face going in full force. The audience goes wild. Mommy dearest is ecstatic. He reminds me of Nakia from The Voice (both looks and voice) Simon: I always thought I wouldn’t be surprised again. It always blows me away. You’re honest. LA: You aren’t fooling me for a second. I know why you’re dressed like that. This is your before. (LA is so on to him) Paula: It’s incredible. What a treat. It’s 4 enthusiastic yeses.
Goodbye for good Cheryl Cole! Have a nice life! Enter, Nicole Scherzinger.
The Good Girls – Completely frightening mother/daughter act. They are inspired by Lady Gaga? They want to be stars. Oh. I thought these two looked familiar. They sucked and were boring when the daughter auditioned on Idol in 2007. Zzzzzz.
Drew Ryniewicz – 14 – “Baby” SHE LOVES JUSTIN BEIBER. She lols around her pink bedroom dreaming of the Biebs. Her parents are SOOO PROUD OF HER. She’s such a Bieber stan, she knows the role LA has played in the teen dream’s career. Simon tries to psych her out “Are you sure you want to sing that in front of LA?” Oh. So she flips the arrangement and actually sounds pretty great. I bet she’s a plant. We’re going to find out that she’s been singing for a long long time and already has credits. She’s way too professional and poised to be a newbie. She’s auditioned for Prescott Valley Idol when she was 13. Nicole: Likes the original version. But she prefers Drew’s version. Oh. so does Simon. Paula thinks she’s unique. Simon: This is exactly what I want a 14 year old girl to do on this show. LA: That was so original. Soulful and believable.
Peet Monzingo – 21 – “Millionaire” – Ha ha. His parents are dwarfs, but he isn’t. In fact, he’s kinda tall. He wants to be the next teen Idol. But alas, he’s terrible. Simon: You fascinate me. Paula: Your timing was good. Nicole: I can see you on TV and on films. They believe he’s going to be famous? For what? He was neither fun nor funny.
4 Sure – “End of the Road” by Boyz II Men (written by LA) 4 guys from Virginia beach. They want to be the biggest boy band EVER! Simon loves him some boy bands. So, LA is responsible for this drecky song? The individual voices are OK, but they don’t blend very well. Way way too old fashioned for today’s pop scene. LA: Babyface would be proud, I’m proud… Nicole: You were beautiful together. Thanks for making it a concert for us out here. She’s crying. WHY? Paula loved their harmonies. Simon: He thinks they could be famous all over the world. SIMON IS SO FRIGGING OUT OF TOUCH. Nicole says “4 Sure” instead of yes. She had to go there.
Elaine Gibbs – 53 – “You’ve Got a Friend” – Very soulful, gospely vibe. You know she sings in church. 4 yeses.
Francesca Duncan – “Hero” – Zzzzz. Everyone says yes.
Quick montage of yeses.
Tiger Budbill – Whoa he holds a note. LA did not like that. Hm. But Simon puts him through.
Phillip Lomax – “Fly Me To The Moon” – He calls himself a hipster. He’s wearing a stupid hat. I hate him already. He does the standard jazz thingy and he’s not bad. Well. Actually, he kinda went off the rails when he tried to sing the high notes. Simon likes his charisma. Oh, here’s one of those contestants who is going to advance based on “charisma” rather than vocal ability.
Oh look. It’s Paula and Nicole saying NO to all the sexy girls. DOA Simon calls it. OMG Nicole is pulling a Kara DioGuardi, schooling a contestant on how to sing WHITNEY. SHUT UP.
Tiah Tolliver – 19 – “Impossible” by Shontelle – She gets lots of compliments on her lips. She looks like Ronnie Spector. She’s full of energy! She wants to go platinum and double platinum! She sings without a track. I wonder why? She’s got a generically good R&B voice. She doesn’t always stay on key. She’s young and green and not very interesting. LA: You have a wonderful spirit. He doesn’t like that she’s singing a capella. Simon: I’ve got a real feeling about this girl. Potentially great. Nicole: You change keys a lot. You need a track. Paula: Needs a track! Simon thinks she was dead on arrival the minute she took the stage. LA decides to put her through. The girls say no. Simon is pissed. 3 yes votes are needed to advance a contestant. We go to break, and when we come back, I’m sure somebody will be “persuaded” to change her mind. She sings again “It don’t mean a thing” It’s slightly better than her first performance. Of course, the audience wants to put her through…and Paula and Nicole change their minds.