This Thanksgiving theme, with it’s manipulative video packages, and contestants SOBBING THROUGH EVERY FRIGGING PERFORMANCE was total overkill. I’m sorry, I know I was supposed to be like, moved and stuff, but I was more annoyed than anything. The overall affect was mawkish. I was not touched.
First of all, the crying pretty much RUINED the performances. I can’t think of one performance that stood out. Tonight was basically a hot mess of tears and over-sentimentality. No Simon. I did not dig it. And holy cow, can somebody get frigging Khloe Kardashian off my TV stat? She’s HORRIBLE. Her awkward, clueless hosting makes me want to mount a #BRINGBACKSTEVEJONES campaign. I’m not even exaggerating.
Mario is a skilled and professional host, but he has NO chemistry with Khloe. You can almost feel him gritting his teeth standing next to her. She tries WAY too hard. She shouts at people when she asks them questions. When she’s defending the contestants to the judges she comes off like a harpie and phony when she attempts to empathize. Her back stage questions boil down to HOW DO YOU FEEL ARE YOU NERVOUS. What a train wreck.
And the judges panel is tragic. Demi and her petulance is wearing thin. Every time she declares something boring, she comes off like a gum snapping teenager forced to listen to something she doesn’t like. Demi and Britney’s judges reveals their utter lack of musical knowledge. It’s depressing. And Britney’s affect is vacant. Which, is understandable, considering she takes drugs to manage her mood swings. I hope she stays well, but I don’t think this is the job for her.
Having said all that–I’m beginning to enjoy these live shows in a perverse way. It’s like watching a giant trainwreck that can’t be stopped. At this point, I’m hoping the circus gets even crazier and more absurd.
By the way, I don’t think putting Tate first will affect his standing much. Maybe he’ll come in second or third behind Carly Rose and Vino. But I don’t think the Top 3 are going to change this week. We basically know who will make the final. YAWN. However, I would not be surprised if Tate comes in first yet again. I think he’s got a solid fanbase behind him at this point.
The finalists give thanks! Each contestant dedicates a song to somebody they feel thankful for. BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE! THEY ARE STILL COMPETING FOR 5 MILLION DOLLARS. Gee. LA. I’m thankful for YOU. NO.
ARE YOU GUYS EXCITED FOR THANKSGIVING, Khloe-bot asks. This week, once again, two acts will leave the competition. (Didn’t I read on twitter that it was a single elim tonight?)
The Top 10 and their mentors take the stage. We begin with the Over 25s
Tate Stevens – LA Reid – Over 25s – “I’m Already There” by Lonestar – is first – He’s giving thanks to his dad. His dad is also a musician. He gave up music for his family and he still misses it! Dad is so happy that his son gets to return to his dream. During this super-sentimental song, Tate chokes up on the bridge. VOTE BAIT. Britney says, “You’re performances are always so special.” Demi says, “You always do a wonderful job. I feel it wasn’t you best performance, but it was still incredible.” Simon says, “Whether this is the pressure, the emotion, your voice was breaking in parts. It wasn’t confident. Does that mean you’re going home? Not a cat’s chance in hell.” LA says, “I think you sing with a lot of confidence. America loves you.” Khloe didn’t hear any cracks in his voice! It obviously chaps Simon’s ass that this over-the hill country singer is in the lead, and there is nothing he can do about it. I would not be surprised if Tate came in first again, despite singing in the “death spot.” He’s impervious at this point. – Text Vote to 9301 – 1-855-843-9301
Diamond White – Britney Spears – Teens – “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion = Diamond is giving thanks to her mother. When she was a tot, Diamond used to cry for her dead beat dad. Aw. Bet the Dad shows up now. Mom died on the table during an operation. Eeek. This is nice. She’s singing with a lot of emotion. Unfortunately, when she goes for the big notes, her voice fails her. She doesn’t realize her own limitations. She needs more training and experience. She’s not the next Whitney Houston. LA says, “You’ve had many amazing moments, but you’ve never had a moment like that. You are the truth. We are going to be hearing your name for years to come.” Demi begins crying, “I totally related. You gave you’re heart and soul into it. I’m blown away.” Simon says, “You were both fearless and incredible. You’re singing better than 30 and 40 year olds. I believed every word of that lyric.” Britney says, “It was really beautiful.” – Text Vote to 9302 – 1-855-843-9302
Khloe asks Beatrice about the pressure. ARE YOU NERVOUS BEATRICE? ARE YOU ARE YOU.
Emblem 3 – Simon Cowell – Groups – “Secrets” by One Republic – They want to thank their youth leaders. WHY DO THEY KEEP PLAYING IT LIKE THEY ARE POOR BOYS FROM THE HOOD. Their parents have Hollywood connections! Oh. Two of them went to the Dominican Republic to help out after the hurricane. You can take the douche out of Huntingdon Beach… Interesting that the boys are shifting to pop rock this week. Is this a bid to homogenize their sound for the voters? There is so much reverb on their vocals! Too much. LA says, “For me, your performance lacked emotion.” “I think it was well done.” “I thought it was a great change of pace. I saw more emotion than past shows.” “I wouldn’t listen to the grinch on my right. This is the kind of record you could make.” Uh huh. LA begins arguing with Simon. LA criticizes, but his reasoning makes no sense. He’s so obviously playing the devils advocate on purpose. I have to admit, thought, that performance was totally blandy McBlanderson. The performance was way overproduced. Ugh. Khloe keeps challenging the judges, but she comes off like a loud mouthed nag. “It was really beautiful.” – Text Vote to 9303 – 1-855-843-9303
Arin Ray – Britney Spears – Teens – “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias – Arin gives thanks to his older brother. He was like a dad to Arin after his Dad left the family. Hm. This is pretty boring and charisma free. He’s also flat. Will this be his last week? Maybe so. That little bit of emotion on the last lyric may save him. LA says, “I felt like it was too big. It was a tough one for you. I still don’t think you gave me a 5 mil performance.” Demi says, “I wouldn’t have signed you. I just was so bored.” Simon feels like he’s being trapped in the cage with the songs. Arin agrees. He doesn’t seem to be happy at all. Simon doesn’t think Britney is picking the right songs for him. Arin wants to dance and sing upbeat songs. “It was really beautiful.” – Text Vote to 9304 – 1-855-843-9304
Khloe calls Cher Lloyd “Cheryl”. Lulz.
CeCe Frey – Demi Lovato – Young Adults – “Wind Beneath My Wings” by Bette Midler – CeCe is giving thanks to her late sister, Kelsey, who had Cerebral Palsy. Oh look. Her parents are in the audience. After CeCe was crying last week about them not being able to afford travel expenses to LA, I wonder who paid for it? CeCe believes her sister is now her guardian angel. I don’t think CeCe remembers her at all, to be honest, but her parents are kinda breaking my heart. CeCe is woefully off key. She’s actually a little better on the high notes. She’s all wobbly and sad on the last note. SHE CAN’T FINISH. LA says, “Your emotion was so genuine and so real. You’ve come such a long way. You are a champion.” “It’s hard to critique someone when you are pouring your heart out.” “I don’t know how you managed to sing that song. You are a trier. I admire you for that. I really like you.” Demi says, “I’m so proud of you. That was awesome. You really poured your heart and soul into it. CeCe cries through her whole critique. Khloe asks her if she thinks her sister is with her right now. SHUT UP KHLOE. CeCe still comes off as self involved and insincere. Sorry. Not Sorry. – Text Vote to 9305 – 1-855-843-9305
Ugh. Khloe sits on Simon’s lap because Ryan Seacrest suggested it. She asks him if he’s excited. PASS THE BRAIN BLEACH PLEASE. This fake flirty stuff. PLEZE STOP.
Fifth Harmony – Simon Cowell – Groups – “I’ll Stand By You” by the Pretenders – The girls are thanking all kinds of people. One of them was a premie? Crying crying crying. Whatever. OH HERE COMES THE GOSPEL CHOIR. MORE CRYING. I have to say, that was pretty bland, despite solid vocals here and there. As much as I love the Pretenders, I have grown REALLY TIRED OF THIS SONG. LA says, “It’s hard to critique after so much emotion but…that was great.” Britney says, “What a beautiful rendition of this number.” Demi says, “I wasn’t too crazy about the song choice, but you made it beautiful.” Simon says, “I was crazy about the song choice. Also the performance. It really felt to me that you clicked as a group.” – Text Vote to 9306 – 1-855-843-9306
Khloe informs us that there are tears backstage and she feels tension. Thanks for the bulletin. How do you feel blah blah blah.
Beatrice Miller – Britney Spears – Teens – “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol – Beatrice is thanking her little sisters. They can’t come out, because the family can’t afford it. Oh, they are coming out this week to surprise her. Aw. Beatrice always sounds just under pitch. This week, her tone is super sobby with emotion. On the second chorus, they break out THE WIND MACHINE. LA says, “You are so cute. I think you are an inspiration to every little girl. Britney you have good taste.” Demi says, “I am getting a little concerned that it’s not progressing. I would really like to hear you do something different and fun.” Simon says, “This song really meant something to you. I preferred this week to last week’s performance. You came off as hipper and younger.” “It was your best vocal so far. MORE CRYING. EVERYBODY IS CRYING. Ergh. Text Vote to 9307 – 1-855-843-9307
Vino Alan – LA Reid – Over 25s – “Proud to be An American” by Lee Greenwood – Vino gives thanks to the military for their sacrifices. Vino seems really sincere as he talks about his respect for soldiers. OMG PULLING THE KRISTY LEE COOK CARD. Now he has to sing it 3 times! The gospel choir is out. I don’t like this song, or him singing it. It just occurred to me that Vino reminds me of Bobcat Goldthwait when he sings. SHAKES THE CLOWN. MORE CRYING. SO MUCH CRYING. Britney says, “It was amazing.” Demi says, “I’ve been really hard on you. I feel like there’s something I haven’t gotten from you. There is something special in you. I think you’re amazing.” Simon says, “Who knew under that hard surface, there was this really soft interior. We could be seeing you at #1 tomorrow” LA says, “I’m really really proud of you. You stand for the troops of America and I stand for you.” Text Vote to 9308 – 1-855-843-9308
Khloe says she’s about to cry like she really means it. Not. Snerk.
Paige Thomas – Demi Lovato – Young Adults – “Everytime” by Britney – Paige is thankful for her mother’s friend who took care of her after her mom died. MORE CRYING. WILL THE CRYING EVER STOP. Sobby, sobby, horrible, off key vocals. I am not enjoying this at all. LA wants to know what Britney thinks first. She says, ‘It was really beautiful.” LA says, “I thought it was really good, I didn’t think it was really good enough to take you out of the 10 spot.” Simon says, “There were moments when you sang it really well. Emotion overtook you. Everyone has delivered strong performances. It could be a tough night for you.” Demi says, “It was pitchy. We did better in rehearsal. That’s OK. This week is all about pouring emotion into the song.” OUCH SHADE FROM HER MENTOR. Khloe’s fakity fake attempt at empathy is really grating. Text Vote to 9309 – 1-855-843-9309
Carly Rose – Britney Spears – Teens – Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Carly thanks her big brother Russ. Carly’s mom had a stroke and Carly had to call 911 on her own. Russ surprises her backstage. One would think Carly would kill on this song, but I’m disappointed. It’s a surprisingly lackluster performance, despite hitting a couple of money notes. She scores points for keeping it professional and NOT sobbing through it. LA says, “You went to two big notes. Your are a force of nature.” Demi says, “I need to see a school ID. LIke you’re an alien. But that’s OK because I like Aliens.” Simon says, “You are the best Alien I’ve ever heard sing in my life.” Simon says he was one of the best versions he’s ever heard of it. Thank God he didn’t say it was the best. Simon picked that song for Katharine McPhee for the Season 5 Top 3. Carly Rose’s rendition was NOT better. “I think you’ve just blown this competition wide open,” says Simon. He’s changed his mind. He thinks Carly will be #1 this week. Text Vote to 9310 – 1-855-843-9310