The Bachelorette 9 (Desiree Hartsock) Week 7

UPDATED: This might have been the most compelling episode of the season so far! We learned that Des is falling (or has fallen) for Brooks – she can’t even talk about him without her eyes welling up. Brooks in turn has feelings for Des, but he won’t know if he’s fallen for her until he sees how his family accepts her. Chris proclaims his love to Des in a poem, and he seems further along in love than Des is for him, but they both claim a mutual physical attraction, and Des finds him entirely dependable & reliable. Drew actually declares ILY to Des. And Zak says tells us in an ITM that he’s been in love with Des for weeks. Michael G was prepared to go the distance for Des, but unfortunately, she sends him home this week.

Safe – Brooks, Chris, Drew, Zak
Elimated – Michael G

IMO Brooks is getting a classic F1 edit, in which there’s a hurdle to overcome in order for mutual love to be realized. Second, we are often told by Bach Nation this pearl of wisdom (which works IRL too): to see who the lead wants to have as F1, figure out who the lead is chasing. Des is chasing Brooks, while Chris, Drew, and Zak are all chasing Des. Third, when Des talks about Brooks, she talks about how he makes her feel; she rarely actually describes Brooks. OTOH when Des talks about Chris/Drew/Zak, she describes their qualities, but rarely talks about how each makes her feel. Note also, when the Chris/Drew/Zak talk about Des, they talk about how she makes them feel. OTOH when Brooks talks about Des, he mostly talks about Des qualities, or his hopes for their future; less so about how she makes him feel.

The other 3 could line up as F2-F4 in any order. But here are my theories: Chris is being drawn very much like Chris Lambton, Bette Ali’s F2 – a strong but emotional man for the viewer to fall in love with, so I’ll bet he’s F2. Drew is more fragile-ly emotional than Chris, so Des might spare him the proposal podium, and let him go at F3 (or as the previews hint, he might himself go at F3), especially since he declared ILY so soon. Finally, Des seems stuck on the same 2 adjectives to describe Zak – adventurous and curious – and she treats him like a friend. Plus, a common Bach convention is to let go at F4 whoever has a family member that is resistant to or cynical about the lead during the HTDs. Des herself fell victim to this convention on Bach Sean’s season. So that means to me that Zak is F4, since the previews show Zak’s sister asking Des if Zak is stuck in friend-zone.

Who’ll be the Next Bachelor? Zak actually has the funnest personality for it and could be a compelling lead. But he looks 40+ years old, and he may be too even-keeled for the requisite drama. So I think it’s a race between Drew and Chris. Drew has been our narrator this season – always a sign that you are being vetted for the next lead. Plus, we have learned an awful lot about Drew’s feelings, his life, and his background. But Chris getting a Lambton-like edit, plus his humbly-confident sweet & supportive personality, all scream “husband material”, so long as his predilection for poetry-every-episode hasn’t turned viewers off to him.

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Welcome to Week 7 of The Bachelorette 9 with Desiree Hartsock! The Bach Sean Gals Visit Des on the Island of Madeira, Portugal! Will Catherine Guiducci, Lesley Murphy, and Jackie Parr inject a much needed shot of adrenalin into this season?

I’m live blogging off an east coast live feed tonight. Then I’ll live blog off the west coast live broadcast to catch anything I’ve missed. Come join me, leave your comments, and take our polls!

This week:
Three 1-on-1 dates.
One 2-on-1 date – 1 rose, but the other isn’t eliminated.
Four roses in total, just One guy is eliminated.

—–
Des Pow-wows with her Bach Sean Sister Wives

Catherine, Lesley (Team Lesley-for-Bette!), and Jackie from Bach Sean’s season fly to Madeira for some girl time with Des.

Lesley: “OMG I got kicked off this week!”
Catherine: “Sean says: Give Des good advice!”
They over some yellow liquids.

Des: “Brooks is adventurous is fun.”
Jackie: “Whats the concern [then]?”
Des: “That he’s not ready.”

Des says she’s falling in love with more than 1 person.
Catherine: “Their families, then overnights, then your family. These [upcoming] dates are big!”

The guys come out to the pool, and the gals peep on them with binoculars. They go over who has the best hair (Brooks), best eyes (Brooks), best abs (Drew), quietest (Drew), most adventurous (Zak), most athletic (Chris), and best *** (Chris). The gals seem impressed, especially with Drew.

The visit with the gals reassures Des that she has chosen the 5 best guys for herself.

—–
Some of Bach Sean’s harem chime in on Twitter…

Sarah Herron ?@sarahherron 5m
So crazy watching @clmgiudici @LesleyMurph and @Jparrmakeup on #thebachelorette tonight!! Miss you girls!

Daniella McBride ?@DaniellaMcBride 21s
@DesHartsock always love watching one of my best Monday nights. I really hope she finds her one……… :)

—–
Des & Brooks have their 2nd 1-on-1 date – Welcome to Cloud 9!

Brooks: “I’ve been on so many groups dates that I forgot how go on a 1-on-1 date with her.” Hmmmm.
Chris: “I can sense a connection between Brooks & Des. I just don’t know how much it’s progressed with her. I guess everyone should be somewhat nervous.” Perceptive.
Des: “I want Brooks to feel exactly the way I feel about him.”
Brooks: “I’m passed like, not yet to into love…. Being in love with Desiree would be awesome.” Again, hmmmm.

Brooks doesn’t have a solid life plan yet, mainly because he was always expecting to “put that puzzle together” with his future partner. Des feels the same way. About her approach to life, that is.

The Metaphors for their relationship:
Brooks: “I like that we have lots of time to drive around with each other.”
Des: “I feel like I’m on the edge of the world!”
Brooks: “We aren’t above the clouds, and we aren’t beneath the clouds.”
Des: “We didn’t just break through the clouds; we had a breakthrough in our relationship!” “This is the fairytale that I signed up for.” “Picture your best dream, and times that by 10.”

At dinner, they have The Talk: are they on the same page?
Brooks is apprehensive about introducing Des too soon to his family.

Des’s approach to love: Stepping, Skipping, Running, and Finish Line!
Des is running, Brooks is still jogging.
Brooks: “I’m a little bit behind in my emotional process. But I won’t know if I’m ready to start running unless Des does meet my family.” Phew, what a relief! The fireworks think so too!
Des: “I love fireworks, and when I kiss Brooks I can feel them!” Aww!
Des: “I can see Brooks as The One… down on his knee… and that’s exciting!”

BACH FACT: This might have been the first time in which we’ve seen a date where the Bette is so obviously more into the guy than the guy is into her, AND where the guy subtly but respectfully and hopefully tells her so. i.e. The guy is at an earlier point on the page, but still on the same page.

http://youtu.be/6KFluxA4g4s
Credit: tvtymes YouTube channel
—–
Bach Nation responds to the Brooks Cloud-9 date

Ali Fedotowsky ?@AliFedotowsky 1m
Her date w/ Books is unbelievably beautiful. Going to that exact mountain is officially on my bucket list #thebachelorette @eonline

Tenley MolzahnTenley Molzahn ?@TenleyMolzahn 1m
Adding “picnic in the clouds” to my bucket list! ;) #Bachelorette

Courtney Robertson ?@bugrobertson 5m
Shouldn’t a gentleman always drive?

ashlee frazier ?@ashleefrazier 2m
@bugrobertson I thought the same

Courtney Robertson ?@bugrobertson 9m
Someone tell Mr Rogers brooks jacked his sweater. #thebachelorette

—–
Des & Chris have their 2nd 1-on-1 date – A Sea of Love!

Date Card: Let’s SEA if we can find love here!

TWO puns in one!

Brilliant, TPTB!!

Chris: “I want to take her home (to meet my family) very badly.”
On this bright sunny cloudless day, they are going out to the open sea, so they head out to the marina to board a yacht, to motor over to a deserted island.
Des: “Chris is a great looking guy… We really do have the physical attraction down.”
Chris: “Physical attraction… it’s hot and it’s passionate… I can feel the emotions in all the kisses.”
Chris, why do you feel this when all of Des’ kisses look like pecks? ;)

Ok, so is Chris getting the Physical Edit?? Nah, they are too easy and natural with each other, no hot-and-horny-ness at all. Despite all of Sweet Reliable Chris’ efforts to the contrary, he is getting the classic Reliable Friend (who can handle being dumped at the proposal podium) edit.

Cliffs to the right, Atlantic to the left.
Chris seems further along in love than Brooks: “Looking forward to a new life with Des.”
Des: “I used to be a lot more reserved…. I’m very independent and creative, a free spirit… But now I want to share my life and not be so independent.”

… And we come to the main theme of this date:
Chris suggests a message in a bottle – writing a poem together.
As they toss the bottle into the ocean, Chris feels his feelings are affirmed: “Tonight, if the timing is right, I will let Des know that I love her.”

At dinner, Des tells Chris her feelings are “growing” – not “running” like with Brooks.
After they toast, Chris goes for the jugular: “How big of a family do you want?”
Des doesn’t shy away: “I want a tightknit family… 3-4 kids…”
Revelation: Des parents have only met her high school boyfriend. They haven’t met any of her adult-life bfs.

Chris is nervous, fidgety, and sweating, as some comical theme music plays. “It’s a good thing I gave up biting my nails.”

Chris has a surprise for Des. Des loves surprises.
Chris reads ANOTHER poem – 2nd one on a single date – this one about the meaning of Love, titled “Individually Defined”. It ends with “and with every kiss, I mean I love you.”
Des’s First ILY of the season!
Chris: “Knowing exactly how the other person is feeling, without them even saying it to you.” Wow, that’s quite a bit of confidence. The edit is foreshadowing the classic F2 Blindside to come. Poor Chris – “I think I found The One.”

—–
Bach Nation reacts strongly to Chris’ penchant for poetry

Nick Peterson ?@PeetysTraining 3m
Christopher Allen Poe is overdoing it a little with the poems. #bachelorette #bachelornation

J.P. Rosenbaum ?@JP_Rosenbaum 3m
@ashhebert “if you ever read/write me a poem, I’m gonna kick you in the balls!” Ok, Mental note, no poems for the Mrs. #thebachelorette

Rachel Truehart ?@RachTrue_ 4m
This date could really use another poem…said no one ever

William Holman ?@WilliamFHolman 4m
I think Chris only talks in poetry. even at work. #thebachelorette

Dana Weiss ?@Possessionista 3m
Chris has all the things Des is looking for. He’s smart. Kind. And has a solid grasp of iambic pentameter. #bachelorette #thebachelorette

Tenley Molzahn ?@TenleyMolzahn 1m
I’m sweating for Chris! What a doll. I do have a new found respect for men having to make all the big moves! #Bachelorette #ILoveYou

Sarah Herron ?@sarahherron 4m
Not gonna lie, Chris’ “I love you” poem gave me chills. So did the song after. #bachelorette

Andrew Kimmel ?@andrewkimmel_ 6m
@deshartsock & Chris taking in the romance on their own private island #thebachelorette… instagram.com/p/biDZuuHacd

—–
Des & Michael have their 1st 1-on-1 date – Sledding in Funchal

Date Card: “Let’s have Fun in Funchal”

BACH FACT: If your first 1-on-1 date occurs on the last date before HTDs, AND that date is active or athletic – thus not allowing much time to talk or bond – that tells you your date is only their to fill out the 2-hour episode, and that you are not getting an HTD. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Just call Mom instead.

Des & Mike stroll through the town, a low-key date.
Mike, take note: There has never been a Bette more overdressed for a date as Des is for this date with Mike. She is covered head to toe with a knee-length sweater. Yikes!
Mike: “If you are on a scavenger hunt to find the 47 qualities of the perfect woman, Des has 48.” Sweet!

Michael spews forth some metaphors:
“The toboggan ride is just like a roller coaster ride. Just like in love, there are some things that are just out of your control.”
“Love is a wild ride.”

Well, the toboggan ride looked fun, and the town of Funchal is cute & colorful. Des treats Mike like a colleague. Not a lot else to say about this date.

—–
Bach Nation responds to the Funride in Funchal

Dana Weiss ?@Possessionista 5m
I missed the date card. Did it say, “dress like a government worker?” #bachelorette

J.P. Rosenbaum ?@JP_Rosenbaum 3m
Oh how I miss only speaking in metaphors. Love IS like a roller coaster #thebachelorette

Jaclyn Swartz ?@JaclynSwartz 3m
Look ma! No hands! And I’m on a date with a woman! #bachelorette

Daniella McBride ?@DaniellaMcBride 2m
@DesHartsock hot tub on a lake and now flying down a hill.. come on girl………#JEALOUS #bachelorette

—–
The Night portion of the Des-Michael date

Des can’t stop repeating herself: “Awww” “Ohhh” “Sweet”
Her face is so expressionless. As though she were on a blind date with someone she wasn’t clicking with.
Chris notes: “Michael… hasn’t been able to show his emotional romantic side to her.”

Michael’s sob stories (seems a mandatory requirement for every contestant this season): Type 1 Diabetes, estranged father, girlfriend who cheated on him.

Michael had a girlfriend he was committed to. But he discovered she was cheating by finding a Facebook photo of her with another dude in Vail. Facebook Ruins Lives!

And Des lays the deathknell: “I know that he can find love [again].” Cold!
Michael’s not clued in: “I want [my family] to meet the girl that I might marry!”

—–
Twitter keeps humming…

Reality Steve keeps the uncertainty going about Brooks.

RealitySteve ?@RealitySteve 55s
I didn’t say it’s going to make Brooks interesting in a good way. It’ll just be, well, interesting.

[In other Celebrity News, WetPaint announces Ad Mogul Charles Saatchi has filed for divorce from Celebrity Chef Nigella Lawson. Not unexpected, given a mere public choking and all.]

AshLee teases Arie about all the Twitter love he’s getting tonight, wanting him to be the Next Bach.
ashlee frazier ?@ashleefrazier 2m
@ariejr how many tweets are you getting tonight? This is your episode.

—–
The 2-on-1 Date – Drew & Zak – One gets a rose, but the other does not go.

Date Card: “I’m looking for a man who can make my heart Race.”
A competition – A race! It’s Go-Cart Time!

Zak: “I’m in love with Des. I’ve known it for weeks.” Wow, weeks, really?!

Des on Drew: “Drew doesn’t let himself go. I wan’t him to really let loose!”
Des on Zak: “In group settings, Zak doesn’t really seem himself.”

Zak: “This track looks like a Formula One track!” Really? At only 50mph?

Zak: “Love is like that adrenaline you get at the end of the race.”
Des: “Zak is a Speed Demon.”
Pay attention, Zak: You do not women to say this about you.

Drew: “Today is the day that I’ll tell Des how much I love her.”
So Des will get TWO ILYs in 1 episode?

Robert Mills ?@Millsy11374 4s
“Since you won would you like to go first”. Hee hee hee #Bachelorette

Ryan Park ?@Ryan_M_Park 8m
“@JP_Rosenbaum: Lucky duck? Who says that? Well golly gee wiz Drew. #thebachelorette” I said worse. Poor kid.

Zak about racing: “Half of me was on the ground, and half of me was somewhere else!” Again, things you don’t say to your date, ever.

Drew: “This is not just about meeting my family… They’ve already told me that they like you!” Aww, that’s genuinely sweet.
Des: “Do you ever let yourself go?” This is her primary concern with Drew – she wants someone who can be Adventurous and Spontaneous, not tightly wound.
Drew’s 2nd sob story = severely mentally handicapped sister. “I’d love for you to meet my sister! It might be scary at times because she’s so excited.”

Des’s 2nd ILY approaches
Drew: “I’ve fallen in love with you. I’ve never had those feelings.”
Des gives him little kiss-pecks. That should leave you with some doubts, Drew.

Des says something about “Full Throttle” to Zak, then…
Des gives Drew the Rose!
Drew: “I may have lost the race, but I won the rose!”

—–
Bach Nation Reacts to the 2-on-1

Marissa May ?@MarissajustMay 4m
Yeah. The way Zak messes with Des’ hair as they kiss. It would go against nature if he was a priest. #bachelorette

RealitySteve ?@RealitySteve 6m
Des’ universal answer to anything any guy says to her: “Awwwwwww…”

Paige Vigil ?@paigevigil 2m
Oh no! I wanted Zak to get that rose. #thebachelorette

Ashley S. ?@AshleySpivey 4m
I don’t like how Drew isn’t looking at Des when he says all this stuff. But I do like the Drew and Des alliteration. #bachelorette

Nick Peterson ?@PeetysTraining 4m
Who said “I’ve fallen for you”? I couldn’t tell…their voices sound the same. #bachelorette

elan gale ?@theyearofelan 1m
More poetry, you say?

Ryan Park ?@Ryan_M_Park 2m
Oh Drew…. You seem like a good guy and a nice fit. Keep it together. #thebachelorette

Chris Harrison ?@chrisbharrison 1m
He got the crayola box w the sharpener RT @kimnking: How did Zac have access to all of these art supplies? @Millsy11374 @chrisbharrison

—–
Des chats with Chris Harrison

Des RC Dress: Very flattering elegant powder-blue low-back form-fitting sheath. My favorite from her yet!

Des sits down with Chris Harrison for what has to be the most interesting and provocative conversation of the season so far:

Des: “Excited to get back to the States. Excited to meet the families.”
Re Drew: “Drew is the best looking guy I’ve ever met!…Kind…Sensitive.”
Re Brooks: “I’m 100% myself with him… witty, creative, imaginative… I think with him I’ve hit the finish line!”
That is quite the declaration! Getting emotional, Des’ eyes well up.
Chris: “Is it hard for you to admit you are in love?”
Des: “Not knowing if it was gonna happen, and then being scared that it is actually happening.”
Chris: “Did Brooks say he loves you?”
Des: “No.. I think he’s in my shoes, where I was with Sean.”
Chris: “Let me ask you this. Is this thing over?”
Des: “No I’m keeping an open mind and an open heart.”
Des: “Chris never wavers… I would say with Chris, I am in falling for him.”
Chris: “I’m happy for you – it’s going well!”

—–
The Rose Ceremony

Des addresses the guys: “It’s not about qualities anymore, you all have amazing qualities. It’s now about the growth of the relationships, and about what’s right for me.”

Chris, yo, dude, bro, the 1980s called – they want their popped collar back.

Already Rose’d: Drew (2-on-1 date)
Getting Rose’d (in order): Brooks, Chris
Final Rose’d: Zak

Going Home: Michael G

That awful moment when you realize that you lost the rose to the other 2-on-1 guy. You know, the one who would have gone home immediately on a normal 2-on-1 date.

Poor Michael. He looks visibly shaken. The other guys all look concerned for him, too.

Michael to Des: “You have to do what’s best for you, and if you’re not feeling it…”
Des puts a spin on the typical refrain: “Our relationship was growing differently.”
Michael: “I thought we turned it around on the 1-on-1”.
Des: “We do have a great foundation on friendship… You have everything, it just comes down to…”
Michael: “I guess it’s a blessing that you let me down before meeting my family.. They would have loved you… It’s gonna be hard to date now… No one is going to match up to you… Wish you the best… You have some great guys.” What a sweetie.
Now Des looks visibly moved. Eyes watering big-time.

Limo exit, tears: “I feel like my heart just exploded in my chest.” Apparently TPTB gave him his cell phone back in the limo. So he calls his mommy to tell her he’s coming home.
Mom: “You’re kidding me…Here we go again.”
Michael: “I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. Maybe I’m destined to never get married and have a family.”

—–
Next time on the Bachelorette

Chris’s Dad does manipulations on Des’ back.
Des, dumbfounded: “OMG Chris’s dad just tucked my shirt in my pants!”

Zak tells his mom he’s ready to marry Des.
His mom sees it, too.

Brooks mom questions his feelings for Des: “You should want to be around her all the time. They are your best friend.”
Could Des & Brooks mom look any more alike?

Nate, Des’ brother, promises to render his shenanigans again.
Des doesn’t want Nate to weigh in until she has made up her mind first.

http://youtu.be/Xw4LHtEk1hU
Credit: tvtymes YouTube channel

—–
End Credits

Eating gooey yellow tropical fruit.
Des: “They look like eggs… They look like larva.”
Michael: “It’s like corn on the cob blew it’s nose in here.”
With that quip, Des loses her appetite.

—–
Bach Nation closes out with…

Trista Sutter ?@tristasutter 10m
Drew is my #1, but after that poem from Chris, my heart is melting. Yep…still a lover of poetry. #thebachelorette

Ryan Bowers ?@RyanBowers22 4m
Dude dont say no girl is gonna match up to u on TV!!!! That’s gonna come back to bite u later man

ashlee frazier ?@ashleefrazier 4m
QUESTION: Who’s phone is that? #thebachelorette

William Hollman (Bette Ashley) points out a truism from Bette Emily’s season:
William Holman ?@WilliamFHolman 5m
Brooks mom looks like Des. #thebachelorette

Jonathan Vollinger (Bette Desiree) points out a truism from every Bette season:
Jonathan Vollinger ?@TheJonathanV 3m
I guess if she’s already in love with you before hometowns, you can start wearing v-necks to rose ceremonies #thebachelorette

Sad News – Wetpaint reports Ben Scott’s Grandma was attacked in a home invasion recently.

Better News –
Ben Scott ?@BenScottTX 9m
@BachtteWetpaint she is ok! Caught the guy, hes crazy! She thinks its so cool she is in your article, telling everyone! Love her, so funny

Great News – Sarah Brice (Bach Charlie’s F1) announces her 2nd pregnancy!
Sarah Brice ?@sarahabrice 1m
Why hello there baby bump #2 :) pic.twitter.com/DUr9PB9rf2

James Case (Bette Des) keepin’ it classy…
James Case ?@realjamescase 3m
I really hope #des finds the man of her dreams. It’s tough 2 look for love like this in front of millions & I wish the best for the pick!

And Michael G closes out with some really classy tweets!

Michael G. ?@MichaelGarofola 3m
Sadly, America didn’t benefit from meeting my amazing Mom, but it sure heard her voice and sage advice. #HereWeGoAgain

—–
Exclusive Sneak Peak at the next Bachelorette
(aired during the Mistresses episode that followed TBette)

Des has a sit-down with Zak’s sister: “We started out as friends…”
Yeah, methinks Sistah gets da Pictcha. The regulation protective-sibling HTD storyline. There’s one almost every season.

http://youtu.be/Qcttm7C9Icw
Credit: tvtymes YouTube channel

—–
Bach Nation Writeups

Jesse Csincsak (Bette Deanna) expose on show secrets

Arie Luyendyk Jr (Bette Emily) Rates the Final 4

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