I will be liveblogging the sixth and FINAL night of auditions for America’s Got Talent. Yep, that’s right-if you haven’t found an act to root for by the end of tonight, that really sucks and I apologize. The show starts at 8 PM EST, please join me in the comments!
Here we go! Montage of some acts the show wants us to remember. One last chance to make it or break it. Heidi is going to pick up the judges. Yay, they’re making fun of her driving.
Our first act tonight is Rogue, a 35 year old magician from NYC. He opened a magic shop 14 years ago. His average audience is 30-4o kids, but he wants his own show. He brings Mel B up on stage. He is going to play Russian roulette with her using a staple gun. He is telling Mel B to use a staple gun on him. One has a staple in it, the other three don’t. She shoots the correct three, and gives Mel B the correct one as a souvenir. Howard says the presentation was good. Four yeses. I don’t see how this was so amazing.
Montage of some random acts. A strongmen rips a license plate. A 12 year old singing Listen who was better than 90% of the singers so far this season. Another singer with a beard who was dressed like a woman (I don’t want to use the wrong pronoun for this act) who wasn’t good.
We return from break with the selfie song. Damn, wasn’t ruining Idol enough? Why does this song need to ruin EVERY SHOW I watch? The Hudson Brothers are a comedic rap group. They are dressed as women. Talking about Rachet Females, whatever that means. This song mentions a selfie, and a woman in the audience is singing along. So this is NOT just something they made up? Whatever. Howard buzzes them, as would I if I had a say. Mel B loved it. Howie thought they were funny. Heidi didn’t really get it. I see a golden buzzer coming. And I’m right. Howie presses his buzzer. I give up.
During the commercial break, I looked up “Ratchet” on urbandictionary. Apparently the term refers to a diva from an urban environment who thinks men like her. I never knew that. I feel like part of me just died because I now know that.
Loop Rawlins is a wild west performer. He is dressed like a cowboy, he wanted to be one since he was a kid. Bon Jovi playing in the background. Howard immediately hopes he ties up either Heidi or Mel B. He has two kids, and wants to make a living doing what he loves. He’s pretty good. Then he takes out the flaming rope. Its not a million dollar act. But it was certainly cool. Howie’s jaw dropped, calls it a great, unexpected moment. Howard says he’s unique, gives him a yes. Four yeses.
A pretty good band brings us back from commercial, after Howie and Howard debate original songs being good or bad on the show, they get four yeses. Beach Avenue are from Connecticut and are doing an original song. They want to do music full time. They are really great. Lead singer has a great voice, the song is catchy, the band is into it. My favorite music act of the season. Mel B and Heidi stand up. Mel B says the song was catchy, the singer was great, etc. Heidi thinks we would all be singing it on the radio. Howard says they set the bar high, loves that they sang an original. Four yeses.
A band of three sings an acoustic version of Pompeii by Bastille. Four yeses. They were ok.
Joe Matarese from New Jersey is doing stand up, has been doing it since he was 19. His grandma doesn’t support him, his parents do. He is performing in front of his kid for the first time. Heidi asks if he is going to sing, he says “thank god no.” He jokes about being 46, loving empty bars, pretending to care about his kids. I liked him a lot. I laughed at his joke about any time away from the kids being a vacation. Howard likes that he’s teaching his kids that life sucks. Howie says he should have been discovered sooner. Mel B calls him bloody funny. Four yeses.
Sal Gonzales works for Wounded Warrior Project. He served in the marines, was wounded back in 2004. He has only one leg-wow, he really hides it well. His leg was blown up in Iraq. He sings “Ain’t No Sunshine” and does a good job. I like him a lot as a person, but frankly his voice isn’t thrilling to me. Having said that, I do see potential with him. Howie was moved, Mel B says he can really sing. Heidi says he sings with passion, loves his smile. Howard says “thank god you were good.” Four yeses as Home by Phillip Phillips plays in the background. Standing ovation from the judges as he leaves the stage.
Judges reintroduced, it’s Mel B’s birthday and she HATES it. Ok. Joe the Bird Man and he trains birds to do crazy things. Tika has a large vocabulary apparently, will be unlike any other talking bird we have seen. Tika sings Happy Birthday to Mel B. The act was pretty cool. Montage of more acts, including Josh Wright who plays the piano while it explodes paint? I’m confused. Howie set up a birthday room with pictures of Mel B all over the place. She keeps denying that its her birthday. I’m only enjoying this because Mel B is acting like my mom, trying as hard as possible to downplay her birthday.
Three dancers who do something that reminded me of Diversity from Britains Got Talent. Kelli Glover is a singer from New Jersey. She made it to the Vegas round in 2009. During the past five years waiting tables she decided to come back. She feels like this is her last shot. Sings “I Have Nothing” and she’s amazing. I didn’t watch back in 2009, but I don’t know how she didn’t make it further last time. Didn’t the chicken farmer win that year? I would hold song choice against her but frankly she’s good enough for me not to care. All four judges stand up. She might just be the second returning Glover to go far, if not win. Mel B asks why she was cut. Howard says she has a superb voice, makes a real connection with the audience. Heidi is happy she came again, says it takes guts. Four yeses. Why did it take until the last episode for us to get great singers? (Kelli Glover ALMOST made it to the Top 10 back in American Idol Season 1!)
Darik Santos is a 26 year old comedian who is a security guard at the moment. I thought he would be terrible but I was wrong. He’s funny. Really funny, in an awkward sorta way. Terrible puns FTW. Howard says he will be polarizing but memorable due to being different. Heidi says no. Howie says Darik reminds him of him, he loves him, so he says yes. Mel B says yes. Three yeses.
K. Lynne Baker is a secretary who sings. She has been doing Karaoke, has some nerves. She isn’t a good singer, at all. She’s awful. But I like her a lot as a person. Four nos. Mel B says she’s having a “me-party” on stage. Howard insults Posh Spice. Montage of rejected acts. It’s only the last 20 minutes of auditions, no reason to leave us on a good note…that was sarcasm if you couldn’t tell. “God accepted my friend request” being repeated over and over again by a guy wearing fur. Ok then.
Ray Jessel is 84 years old and only started performing when he was 72. His biggest supporter is his wife. He writes about romance, and will be singing an original song. He sings about a girl having a p-e-n-i-s, bigger than his. And its hysterical. And I love him. Howard says he’s a breath of fresh air. Howie loves him, stood up. Four yeses.
My favorites of tonight were Kelli Glover and Beach Avenue. But I had a soft spot for Ray Jessel.