X Factor 1 Auditions – Miami & Dallas – Recap and Videos

It’s night two of the X Factor auditions. I’ll be live blogging the show right here. Watch for videos later.

The X Factor heads to Miami and Dallas tonight.

I didn’t care much for last night’s X Factor premiere, but I actively hated tonight’s show. Thirty minutes in, and I was ready to change the channel. A decent singer had yet to cross the X Factor stage, and when talented contestants finally appeared, we only caught glimpses of them.

Melanie Amaro, Caitlin Koch, Kendra Williams, Brendan O’Hara were the handful of decent singers tonight.  Melanie was good, but way overpraised. It turns out Caitlin is an Idol reject. Brendan sang so briefly, I’m not entirely sure he was good.

I am completely confused by the judges’ decision to advance talent-free hopefuls,   Nick  Voss and Marivano.  The bad auditions seemed like plants, particularly the sponge dude, Dylan Lawson and the lippy Xander Alexander.

Simon Cowell seems to think that I want to be “entertained” by a bunch of freaks and famewhores, until he springs the real talent on us…or is this show just one giant punk? I’m just hella bored watching this shiz. And it’s not only the contestants.  The judges panel is not as entertaining as it could be. Nicole is a waste of space. the Simon/Paula dynamic was oversold. LA has his moments, but some of his decision have me scratching my head.

During the Idol season, I spend a lot of time complaining about the auditions, but I swear I’m not as bored and annoyed as I am right now. Espcially at this stage of the competition. I don’t begin my heavy bitching until the last few audition shows when I’m more than ready to move on to Hollywood. When I can’t stand watching a premiere…that’s a concern.

Maybe boot camp will be an improvement. I won’t make my final decision on how I feel about X Factor until the live shows begin in November. That seems like such a far way off. Sigh.

So Miamians, what would YOU DO WITH 5 MILLION DOLLARS! I guess contestants are going to be asked this question in every episode.

Ashley Sansoni – 27 – “Piece of My Heart” – Starving artist – Just cause she’s stylish doesn’t mean she’s a pop singer. Her talent is UNSTOPPABLE. This chick is a motor mouth. Lay off the red bulls, honey. The judges tell her to shut up and sing. Then are instantly sorry, because she’s scary bad, growling incomprehensibly over a backing track. LA: When you started singing, I wanted to slit my wrists. Simon: I couldn’t understand a single word you sang. “I’m a lot like Pink!” says the clueless Ashley.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6vYBI2Xpmg

Chanel Simone Dixon – Whoa. No. So, we are  starting tonight off with the deluded.

Kanan Road – Country boys who can’t sing in tune! It’s a no!

The Dreamgirz – “Barracuda” – Another mom and daughter duo who come with a slew of family members. “This act wouldn’t sell records.” That’s why they pay you the big bucks, Simon, to state the obvious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp4jFg3gXIE

“You sing like a 3 year old with a cold” – Simon to a deluded contestant.

Gloria Estefan shows up to give the troops a pep talk (and to remind people she’s still alive)

Caitlynne Curtis – 16 – “Firework” – She’s nervous and underpitch. Really really flat singing.  Nicole: I think there’s room to grow. Simon: Be in a group with 3 or 4 girls. Your voice isn’t good enough. DREAM CRUSHER! Paula tells her she has promise. Caitlynn begins sobbing. “Please don’t say no.” Paula runs up on stage to comfort her. Aw. All she wants to do is sing! Learn to write songs Caitlynne! You can be like Taylor Swift, who frankly does not sound any better than you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M03Djus8Aqo

Nick Voss – 21 – “Trouble” – Here’s another big family in a big house. I guess he wants his own bathroom too. Nick’s insistence on taking days off to audition cost him his job. Ohhh the judges are losing faith in Miami. That means this Nick Voss dude will blow their socks off. I thought we were going to get an Elvis impersonator. The crowd is eating this up. But dude has no vocal ability. Although he’s kinda fun to watch and also very cute. Mama is crying. LA: Acknowledges he can’t sing, but will put him through as an entertainer. Nicole: Says yes. Paula: Tells him to lose the MJ choreography, but she digs his charisma. Simon: I absolutely love you.  That guy was mildly entertaining. Like drunk guy at a wedding entertaining. And they all put him through? CONFUSED NOW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztzyr5PCLLk

OK, X Factor is obviously NOT about good singing or dancing or anything other than spectacle. I’ve got to re-adjust my expectations here.

Ashley Deckard – “Pricetag” – 14 – Scary goth girl sees ghosts all the time. Paula reveals that she sees ghosts too. Pink elephants, maybe?  I’m seeing ghosts too. This chick is terrible. Kill. Me. Now. I’m so frigging bored.

Marivano – “Summertime” – Insane woman screeches “Summertime” at me. And wouldn’t you know…the judges put her through. I’m officially living in an alternate universe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBDJawRBoPo

2Squared – This quartet of girls are singing in tune. That’s a compliment tonight. It’s a yes from everybody.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teSTRvQXyLI

Kendra Williams – 32 – An African American woman who knows her way around a country song. That was very nice. Everyone says yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AknFzWvYU38

Brendan O’Hara – 30 – Nice voice. Too bad we only heard him sing for like, 3 seconds.

Jeremiah Pagan – Calls himself a male soprano. There are only 7 in the world he tells us.  That’s a random assertion.  Nevertheless, Jeremiah has a very pretty voice. All yeses.

It annoys me that after almost an hour of no-talent singers, we are speeding through people who actually have talent. I guess their back stories suck.

Melanie Amaro – 18 – “Listen” – This girl was featured in a promo, she’s solid. Beautiful tone and a big range, big emotion. Lots of potential there. AJ listens with his eyes closed. The crowd is on her side! There’s crying! Nicole is moved! LA is having a spiritual experience! Simon’s got that “Susan Boyle” look! LA: You are truly amazing. You have the gift, soul and spirit. Nicole: She’s sobbing. “People like you inspire me.” Paula: You have a unique ability. Says it’s the best audition she’s ever heard ever. Really Paula? Really? Simon: I brought the show to America because I was hoping to find somebody like you. C’mon. She was good, BUT NOT THAT GOOD. Crazy crazy overpraise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3vmajqZIWY

Dallas is next!

Jonny Rogers – 17 – An original song – WTF is up with Scary Helmet Head? He thinks he’s going for the Bieber look, but his blond do is just frightening. Simon tells him he looks like Barbie’s boyfriend Ken. Johnny confesses to having Bieber envy. Spastic dancing + vocals that have a life of their own. The bug eyes are a special touch. AJ: I like the energy you brought. You’re entertaining. Nicole: I love the choreography. Paula: You surprised me. Simon: Calls him a Justin Bieber doll that went wrong in production. All nos. Mom:  “Your heart was pumping so hard it was affecting your singing quality.”  Lolzers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3Wv7aG_daw

Dylan Lawson – 18 – He lives out in the boondocks of Kentucky. He sold his truck to get to the audition. Waiting for that plaintive country tune…and we don’t get it.  He jumps all over the stage screaming and swearing like a lunatic, obviously not serious. This kid is full of sh*t. He’s a total plant. I wonder if that was another dig at Idol. Things that make you go hm.  He’s lost the sponge. Wha?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlQstQzb4A8

I’ve lost the will to live people.

Dexter Haygood – 49 – “Sex Machine” – He calls himself a rock and roll soul man. Back in the day, he was on tour with Hall and Oats. He seems ridiculous on the face of it, but dude’s got some chops, and a few moves. Simon: It’s a tribute act. LA agrees. Paula wants more originality. They ask him to sing acapella. Oh. Now we’re getting the backstory. Homeless. Foreclosure. Living out of his car. He sings “This is a Man’s World”. He’s got a decent voice. Not that it matters, because this is a carefully crafted story arc, totally engineered for dramatic impact. He WILL leave the audition victorious. THE MUSIC SWELLS. DEXTER IS CRYING. Simon: You actually can sing, you have soul. YOU HAVE 4 YESES OMG STANDING O THE CROWD ROARS. AAAAND. Scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H6LAwAjlW8

A montage of hopefuls cross the screen in quick succession. Too quick.

Caitlin Koch – 21 – Rugby Coach – “Stop in the Name of Love” – Her dream is to be a singer. She sings a slowed up version of “Stop in the Name of Love”, gospelized. Easily the most original audition of the night. Now, this is an Idol-worthy performance. She’s very very good. I approve. The judges love her. They all say yes. This is Caitlyn (Via @brian_mansfield) Also, Caitlin was an Idol Hollywood contestant, S10. Here she is begging for a chance after butchering a group song (:47).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV02jzOL0bI

Xander Alexander – 27 – “I’ll Be” – This dude has been pimped to high heaven as the guy who mixes it up with Simon. Mr. smarty pants is a quip a minute. He flubs his singing audition, suddenly nervous. Simon and Nicole put him through, but AJ and Paula say no. This audition feels very engineered. One minute he’s easily tossing off bonmots, then he’s too nervous to sing, then he’s crying when Simon puts him through. Then AJ and Paula says no (despite saying yes to other equally questionable auditions) It ain’t passing the smell test, people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJK3gPZEpww

About mj santilli 33169 Articles
Founder and editor of mjsbigblog.com, home of the awesomest fan community on the net. I love cheesy singing shows of all kinds, whether reality or scripted. I adore American Idol, but also love The Voice, Glee, X Factor and more!