Ladies in Red
We start on the red carpet with a montage of queens and other celebrities. Then we go inside the theater, where the curtain rises to show the Season 5 queens in pageant formation. Most of them are dressed in red, but the effect is spoiled by a few who are wearing contrasting colors. Coco’s green gown is especially jarring.
Each queen takes a final runway walk. Penny Tration wears an edgier version of her “trash” outfit from episode one. Serena Cha-Cha wears an actual dress, instead of “soft sculpture” lederhosen. Monica is pretty in peach. Honey has huge hair and a blue robe. Vivienne looks exactly as fishy as she did on the show. Lineysha wears black raven wings on her head. Jade is a crazy rainbow unicorn. Ivy looks perfect. Alyssa looks like Daisy Duck with a huge bow in her hair. In addition to the green, Coco is wearing all her jewelry.
Detox deserves her own paragraph, because she’s completely black-in-white. Including her make-up. She looks like a character from Pleasantville. It’s far and away the best look of the night.
The final three do their walks. Alaska, in a red bikini, looks like she’s auditioning for Psycho Beach Party. Jinkx looks like she’s auditioning for an all-red production of Cabaret. Roxxxy wears a red leotard with spiked shoulders. I guess she’s auditioning for the “Bad Romance” video.
The queens return to their spots on the risers and we endure some “choreography.” Not all queens can dance. Just saying. Then RuPaul makes her entrance to the strains of “Can I Get an Amen?” She’s a goddess in white.
The next hour or so consists of short catch-up interviews with the eliminated queens. Penny shows off her reading skills by calling Detox “Gorillas in the Mist.” Serena says she would have rocked the telenovela challenge. She does a few lines of melodrama in Spanish and actually does rock it. Good for you, Art School Girl.
With Monica we get to learn the difference between Drag and Trans. “Drag is what I do,” Monica says. “Trans is what I am.” RuPaul furthers explains that the only requirement for the competition is a desire to become America’s Next Drag Superstar, and the only screening they do is for Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent. This has been a question, since several queens have started transitioning after appearing on the show, but never spoke of it during. It’s good that RuPaul cleared that up. Incidentally, Monica is now a face model for a cosmetics line.
Vivienne is working for Alyssa, but is yet to be paid. Honey Mahogany takes off her blue (caftanish) robe to reveal a sickening red corset and sheer chiffon skirt. Uh-Maz-Ing. She really should have showed that body off more on the show. Lineysha blows kisses to her Latino fans.
RuPaul mentions Lineysha’s ignorance of Diana Ross, which leads into a much-needed lesson on female icons from Judy Garland to Marilyn Monroe, to Diana Ross, to NIcki Minaj. If you remember nothing else, RuPaul advises, just remember Cher, Cher, Cher!
Jade giggles her way through an explanation of her shade-throwing. Ivy Winters prompts a cameo from La Toya Jackson, who inspired RuPaul’s “Iiiiiivy Winters!” call by introducing a musician named “Eddddgar Winters!” in one of her Las Vegas reviews. RuPaul makes her say it a million times, then plugs a duet they recorded.
Coco and Alyssa kiss and hold hands while RuPaul tries to make sense of their endless, stupid feud. Their epic lip-synch battle is shown and then…. Paula Abdul appears! Second reality show appearance in a month! She congratulates the two on their performance and says she wouldn’t have sent either one of them home.
We revisit the video from Alyssa’s dad and she says she’s forgiven him. They’re rebuilding their relationship and she commends him for being a good grandfather. There’s a bit about Santino ragging on Alyssa’s last runway outfit, which RuPaul blames on sexual tension.
Detox is the last eliminated queen to be interviewed. She calls the experience “magical.” Asked about her comments about “RuPaul’s School for Girls,” Detox explains that top level girls — who had been doing drag for years — were being schooled by the judges and she didn’t think it was right. Still doesn’t. And she still thinks she should get the crown.
Then about a dozen guys in Andrew Christian undies come dancing out and the whole thing turns into a party for about thirty seconds.
After a calming commercial break, the final three appear in new outfits. Alaska has her executive realness hair and beautiful pale pink gown. Jinkx is wearing orange butterflies on a white dress. Roxxxy has a silver “sequenced” cocktail dress and Cher hair.
Through twitter questions, we learn that Jinkx and Ivy never hooked up. Ivy has a boyfriend. But they are good friends, and RuPaul suggests a triad. Alaska didn’t think Rolaskatox hurt her in the competition. Jinkx didn’t have a clique, but she had her mantra, which the audience chants. Roxxxy says the Rolaskatox thing was exaggerated, that she doesn’t really find comedy drag insulting.
We also find out that Alyssa’s Secret is nine inches and fully functional.
Asked about their motives for auditioning, Alaska says it was a “personal vendetta” to get on the show after auditioning so many times. Jinkx says her childhood ambition was to become Meryl Streep. Roxxxy is competitive and wanted to pit herself against the best of the best.
Latrice Royale, the reigning Miss Congeniality, reads the name of new winner. It’s Ivy Winters. She wins a six-night stay at a Hilton resort.
We watch a final montage video for the top three queens, and hear from their loved ones in the audience. Alaska promises to buy everyone pizza with the prize money if she wins. Jinkx wants to use the title as a platform and bring Washington’s Gay Marriage to the whole country. Roxxxy talks about the beating she’s taken on the internet and reminds us that everyone makes mistakes. She tells Jinkx how much she loves her and has learned from her. Jinkx speaks up for Roxxxy, saying they are sisters and sisters fight. Roxxxy tears up, talking about her drag mother, Erica Andrews, who passed away a few weeks ago.
RuPaul calls Roxxxy her daughter, and says all the queens on Drag Race are family. Then she plugs her new Iphone game, “Dragopolis.” Available on Itunes.
After a final joke about the Cocalyssa feud and a parade of past queens, RuPaul finally announces the winner. It’s Jinkx Monsoon! RuPaul places the crown on Jinkx’s head and asks her if she has anything to say.
“Get ready, bitches,” Jinkx declares. “Cause it’s Monsoon Season!”
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait!
Thanks to MJ for allowing me room on this blog to indulge my passion for this crazy show. You can catch the entire season here — for awhile anyway. Past seasonsare available on Netflix and Amazon (except Season One, which has some permissions issues). If you enjoyed the recaps, please let me know. And just know that I enjoyed doing them twice as much. Thanks for reading and drag you later!