RuPaul could not have chosen three better queens to stage a cat fight this week than Alyssa, Jade, and Coco if she’d tried. Which she probably did, but these did seem to be the middle three during the Snatch Game. Coco’s impersonation had the look and voice, but lacked an essential loopiness that we’ve seen Janet Jackson display. Jade’s Taylor Swift was spot-on, but too quiet to stand out. And Alyssa… has immunity.
The three arrange themselves in the Interior Illusions Lounge with the awkwardness of a high school drama club, which is basically what they are this week. Then they take a final peek at their lines and begin.
Coco fires the first shot by saying the Snatch Game is a challenge you can’t throw together at the last minute. Alyssa does a double take, then decides to head off the fight by admitting her complete failure at parodying Katy Perry.
“Wow,” Coco says, thrown by the tactic. Alyssa follows that up with a sneak attack, asking Coco: “How do you feel being that you’re just safe with someone you do six nights a week?”
Meanwhile, Jade looks annoyed that no one is talking about her.
Coco starts in on the Alyssa throwing shade at her earlier in the day for not actually winning the Miss Gay America crown.
“I hate this about queens,” Alyssa sighs. “They can dish it out, but they can’t take it. I was just playing with you.” Coco points out that Alyssa had asked Coco not to bring up the pageant. When that happened, I have no idea, because it seems like these two never talk about anything else.
But I must have missed it, because Alyssa apparently does talk about other things. Specifically, Jade and how she should be sent home. We flash back to yet another fight, in which Alyssa calls Jade a joke and Jade counters by calling Alyssa fat. In the present, Alyssa and Jade continue that fight, with Jade reading Alyssa for filth while Coco laughs her talking head off.
The fight concludes with Alyssa disowning the both of them as friends — and I’m seeing such a strong resemblance to Shangela that’s it’s a little unnerving. Jade agrees with me in a talking head that this is all high school drama and concludes that the Alyssa/Coco fight will go on for years.
The only thing that can end it is a Peek-A-Ru, directing them to the Gold Lounge. Still, it takes five minutes of the three telling each other that “this conversation is over” before they actually get up and move.
We get a bit of the top and bottom queens half-heartedly discussing the runway. Detox realizes she’ll probably have to lip-synch and reminds Lineysha that she’s the one who talked about going home. We then get a flashback of Lineysha casually mentioning that she misses her boyfriend.
In the Gold Lounge, the safe queens are commanded to pick random names to imitate. Alyssa start with a Jinkx impersonation that is just as bad as her Katy Perry. Jade nails Detox by clucking like a chicken. Coco picks a name and plays out a mime sequence of someone going through a trash bin. This is apparently Lineysha, who tends to hoard supplies.
Meanwhile, Lineysha is defending herself against Detox’s charge. Detox promises to bring it in the lip-synch.
Then Jinkx brings up Alyssa’s weird lack of preparation for the challenge, and all spontaneously agree that Alyssa is the one who can dish out, but not take criticism.
The safe queens return to the fold, and talk turns to Jinkx. Michelle Visage continues to bring up Jinkx’s lack of glamor. Jinkx wearily remarks that trying to engage Michelle would only result in a long-ass fight, which she is not in the mood for. Ever.
No bonus videos this week? Boo!
Anyone know who Michelle was channeling this week? It seems like she’s going for someone. Olivia Newton John in the first part of Grease? Give me your best guess in the comments.