X Factor judge, Demi Lovato, graces the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. Inside the covers, she reveals that she was first suicidal at age 7.
On her first gig at age seven on Barney & Friends and singing the theme song: “At the time, I was just so grateful to be on TV, but I was also really struggling. Looking back, there was a connection, probably between any kid who’s ever sang that song to Barney, a little place in a child’s heart, a void, that could be filled. And maybe Barney fills it. Even before Barney, I was suicidal. I was seven. With Barney, I guess subliminally, I did have a relationship with this figure that was saving my life in a way… I’ve talked about being bullied and the years of being a teenager, but I went through things when I was younger that I’ve never talked about that probably caused me to turn out the way I ended up turning out.”
On the kind of star she wants to be: “When I look at someone who’s out there partying excessively or rappers rapping about doing drugs, who people look up to, and think, Oh that’s a G; that’s a gangster. I think, You’re actually being a giant pussy. Sorry, but those rockers in the ’80s were the furthest thing from rock stars. They were so insecure and so lonely that they had to do these things to get them through the day. If you’re spending your entire early 20s chasing the next party, what are you running away from? That’s not a badass. What’s a badass is when you can sit through your problems and feel emotions when you don’t want to have them. There have been nights where I’ve had to sit on my hands, because I want to act out, because I physically can’t sit still in the pain I’m dealing with, from looking back and being bullied or other things that happened. And now, as hard as it may be, I will do that. That’s what makes me a badass. Being a badass is handling your shit.”
Read more at Cosmopolitan.com and when the magazine hits newsstands on July 9.