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Join me here. If you don’t, a llama will haunt your dreams tonight. #motivation
1) Melanie Wright- Titanium by David Guetta
This lady… in no way… will be good. She wants to be the next Carrie Underwood, but she sings Titanium? I use the term “sings” very lightly. One of the worst singers ever on a reality competition. If I worked with her, I could never look at her again after this. She’ll have to quit her job and go live in a hole somewhere. Bizarre. Simon questions why she chose that song. Simon says she’s not what she seems. Simon says it didn’t work. (He was wayyyyy too nice to her). Melanie gets 4 no’s.
2) Oksana Mamchur- Power of Love
Terrible. Bizarre accent. Four No’s.
3) Rob Zarro- Born To Be Wild
He’s 55. What’s up with his hair. He’s terrible. Barely singing. He doesn’t even have the stamina. Simon says it’s something out of an Austin Powers movie. Kelly says it was the weirdest thing she saw all day.
4) Maya Lehmann- Final Countdown
Unintelligible singing. Simon says she sounds like an alien from Close Encounters singing.
5) Ruben Gloria- Like A Virgin
He’s wearing a Tigger hoodie. Squeaky and screamy. Simon says he reinvented that song.
6) Emery Kelly- I Won’t Give Up
He’s 15, sophomore in school, and the great white hope for this episode. He looks like he could be in a boyband. The song is too low for him in the beginning, but when the song picks up, he actually has a cool tone. In a year or two when his voice settles, he could be really good. Demi thinks he’s what they’re looking for. Simon didn’t like the song, but he thinks Emery is an unpolished diamond. He gets Yes’s from all four judges. I think he’ll be forever in my mind.
7) Khaya Cohen- Love You I Do/ I Put A Spell On You
The song is too low for her. Wrong song. Simon and Kelly stop her. She was screechy. The second song is better. She’s got a jazzy quality in her voice. Still a little shouty in parts. She’s gonna lose her voice if she screams like that the whole show. Demi says she’s excited to hear a voice like hers. Kelly thinks she was phenomenal. Simon says he loves everything about her. Kelly commands a vote, because they don’t want to lose her. Was she going to leave? Is there a time limit on comments? Is there a producer in the audience waiting to storm the stage and steal her for his label? Four Yes’s. She’s through.
8) Joseph Tolve- Skyscraper
Simon says he’d love to hear a voice he’s never heard before. Enter Joseph. He has a squeaky voice. Really high pitched talking voice. Bizarre. It sounds like he’s talking in a mickey mouse voice. If you ask me, I wonder if Joseph is transgendered. He kind of looks like a girl, dressed as a boy. He gets a no, but told he can be Dora The Explorer.
9) James Kenny- Summertime (a remixed version)
Reauditioner. Made it to the houses in Season 1, but didn’t make the voting rounds. His life has sucked the last two years. He looks more accessible. Simon acknowledges that he remembers James. A song typically sung by (and written for) a black woman is being sung by a middle aged white dude. The audience loved him. Demi thought it was sexy. Paulina was delighted. Simon says the song choice was brilliant. Kelly thinks he’s very talented, and says hell yeah. He gets four yes’s.
10) Issac Tauaefa
Played College Football. Good voice. Good looking dude. Quick audition. He’s through.
11) Chase Goehring- Original Song
Weak voice, wrote his audition song. Four yes’s.
12-14) Allison Davis, Isabel Requina, Isaiah Alston- I’m Going Down
Four singers doing I’m Going Down. All of them sounded good.
15) David Gray- Nice and Slow
He’s auditioning for his girlfriend. He says he’s doing something out of his element for love. He’s planning on proposing to his girlfriend. He dances a bit. Unfortunately, he can’t sing. At all. Tone deaf. What a shame. He’s a No. His girlfriend is next.
16) Lauren Waguespack- Teenage Dream
She’s just average. David comes out on stage before the judges comment. He has a mic, and he proposes. The girl judges go crazy. Girls are screaming in the audience. This seems fairly real. Lauren’s family is freaking out backstage. Simon says No, after all of that. She’s not going through, but we don’t hear the other judges votes. I wonder if she got a yes from someone. Hmmm.
New day of auditions. Simon is late. They are starting without him.
17) Tim Olstead- A Thousand Years
He’s really nervous about his audition. Demi asks him to say something crazy about him. After a few minutes, he tells us that his mom was his music teacher in elementary school. Seems like a nice guy. Kelly thinks he’s boring. He’s shaking. He’s terrified. He’s got a great voice though. One of the best I’ve heard this season. It’s a little country, a little singer/songwriter. He looks blown away that people actually liked him. He might cry. Kelly says his voice is like a blanket of love. Demi says she had the chills. Paulina says he’s like a Teddy Bear. He’s a contender. He’s like a young version of Tate.
Simon is back, and he mentions that he heard someone that was really good, and was singing A Thousand Years.
18) Wesley Mountain- Wanted by Hunter Hayes
He worships Kelly Rowland. Huge crush. He kisses Kelly’s hand. He looks like he’s going to pass out. Weird kid. Decent voice. Demi admits he thought he was creepy at first. Simon says he reminds him of his dog that stared at him while he was eating steak. Demi says “don’t eat my friend.” He has four yes’s.
19) Celine Polenghi- When You Believe
She’s OK. Simon says she has massive potential, but it wasn’t perfect. He thinks he sees a future pop star. She gets four yes’s.
20) Bree Randall- Treasure by Bruno Mars
If I’m being honest. I hated this. She doesn’t sound good. Somehow, she got four yes’s. I thought she was a bad audition. Bizarre.
21) Primrose Martin- Nobody’s Perfect
Too much for me. Oversinging. Another crappy audition that gets four yes’s. Kelly calls her phenomenal. WTF.
22) Summer Reign- Impossible
Simon thinks she looks like a pop star. Another one I didn’t like. What’s happening? Did I die? Am I in hell now? She’s through.
23) Ricky Clark Jr.- Superstition
He loves to sing. Kelly wants to see his eyes. He broke some of his mom’s vases. Terrible audition song choice. Superstition? Really? He’s a better singer than the last three girls that just got through, but I wouldn’t send him through. Simon stops the music. Simon thinks he was out of tune. Kelly says it took her six years to get a record deal. Ricky starts crying. Paulina tells him to come back next year (when the bar is lowered even more). Kelly says No for now. Ricky leaves the stage and Kelly runs after him to give him a hug. Kelly says Star Search told her No. Didn’t know that.
Paulina and Demi are not there now. Just Kelly and Simon.
24) Lorie Moore- I Have Nothing
She plays Women’s Pro Football. That exists? This girl can sing. There are patches… that are rough. Still, this episode was so awful, she’s still in the top. Kelly says she SANG. Simon says it was a performance, not an audition.
25) Secondhand High- Ask Me To Dance
A couple. Doing an original song. Obviously delusional. Bizarre track. They rap. It’s terrible. It goes long enough that the crowd actually starts to like it, and Kelly starts dancing to it. It’s like Pants on the Ground. Kelly thought it was a good song. Legit. But thinks it should be sung by someone else. Everyone says no, but Kelly says they’ve got a nice song. They do a fake music video for Ask Me To Dance with Kelly, Demi, and Simon.
Join me tomorrow night for the last audition episode!
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