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Yay! It’s time for a Pointy Pose! This week, the kids sing “Joy to the World.” Not quite as cheesetastic as last week, but I’ll take what I can get.
Yep, Jared is safe.
Stephanie Edwards, Gina Glocksen, Sabrina Sloan and Melinda Doolittle are quickly declared safe. Alaina Alexander is asked to stand. Bye Alaina. Ryan says, “After the nationwide vote, you are leaving us on American Idol.” Alaina smiles and nods. Randy rattles off a few of the judges comments. When he mentions Simon, Alaina says icily “Clever.” She feels played, I’m sure. Poor thing probably believed that Simon was sincerely in her corner rather than setting her up to fall for the sake of good Tee Vee. She turns around and tells her fellow contestants to sing their butts off. The waterworks start, and will pretty much not end for the rest of the night.
Ryan introduces Kellie Pickler. Oh my. She’s been spending tooo much time in Nashville. She’s working on the big hair, is wearing too much makeup, and her bazooms are busting out of her dress. She looks 20 years older. It is not a good look. She tells us that she’s going on tour with Brad Paisley in April.  Kellie and Ryan engage in a little scripted banter. Ryan plays straight (ha ha) man to Kellie’s dizzy blonde. Kellie says she ate sushi for the first time and then Ryan asks her if her breasts are new. Well not exactly, but that was the jist.
Sanjaya Malakar and AJ Tabaldo are asked to stand. Now, to the casual observer, it would seem that Sanjaya’s elimination would be a no-brainer, considering he’s stunk up the joint two weeks in a row. Veteran Idol watchers know better, however. We know that Sanjaya’s folder over at the official American Idol forum is one of the largest. And that he came in second in this week’sÂ
Ryan delivers the bad news to AJ. Sanjaya is shocked, and maybe a little sad, that he isn’t the one going home. Paula, in a rare moment of clarity, stands up and says, “This is a singing competition, yet, I don’t feel tonight reflects that.” A singing competition? Since when? AJ sings out and he gives it all he’s got. OMG Sundance is still crying. So is Melinda.
Lakisha Jones is barely standing up when Ryan tells her to sit back down again.  Hayley Scarnato is also safe. Antonella Barba, Leslie Hunt and Jordin Sparks are asked to take the stage. Sabrina has her head in her hands. Antonella giggles nervously as she’s declared safe.  Horny teen-aged boys across America were voting their fingers off last night, I’m sure. They may have even used both hands. What a sacrifice.
Right now, Leslie knows she’s a goner. Gina is sobbing. Ryan does not drag the bad news out. He tells Leslie she is going home. She nods sadly. Jordin bursts into tears as she heads back to her seat. The judges all lecture the audience about voting. Vote people, vote like it’s a singing contest. I love it when the judges lecture the audience about voting for the best singer.  Bitch, please. When has American Idol ever been a singing competition? It’s a popularity contest. Always has been, always will be. Contestants not only have to sing well, but they have to endear themselves to the audience, in any way they can.