Update:Â   Next week is British Invasion night with guest “mentors” Lulu and Peter Noone

Miss Diana Ross performs à ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã…“I Love You More Today Than Yesterdayà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬  from her new album tonight.

Tonight’s results:

Bottom 3:

Phil Stacey
Sanjaya Malakar
Brandon Rogers

Eliminated:

Brandon Rogers

***************

Ryan introduces  the judges, and after a little chat,  last night’s clips .

Next up, the BEST GROUP SING EVAH.   Ryan says, “Before we start losing people, let’s hear them all together with a tribute to Diana Ross!”

OMG.  This is what I’m talking about, baby.  The kids do a medley of Supremes hits, Including “Stop! In the Name of Love” complete with the  Patented Supremes Stop!11! Hand Gesture thingy–it makes the perfect Pointy, Pointy, Pointy Pose ending.

This group sing has everything.   Medley? Check.  Bad choreography? Check. Contestants who look like they’d rather be anywhere else than singing lame Diana Ross songs? Check.  The highlight:  Extry “special” choreography–each girl sings to a boy while the boys mock-act a miffed reaction. That’s TeeVee gold, right there, babee.   Anyone who thinks this season is boring, well I cannot help you.  I love American Idol. I love it So Damn Much.

By the way,  what’s up with Haley Scarnato?  It looks like she inherited Katharine McPhee’s extensions from last season (seriously, I heard she actually did) and now  she looks exactly like her.   It’s eerie, like something out of Hitchcock’s “Vertigo.”  By the way, the stylist, Dean, also told  a disc jockey that  Sanjaya’s “look” Tuesday night was ALL HIS IDEA.  No lie. But I digress.

The Ford Commercial:   The kids are dressed like it’s  1968 and the  Summer of Love. Cut to Chris Sligh  representin’ the 70′s in  a huge black afro. THEN..cut to some 80′s break dancing courtesy of Blake Lewis and then on to the present.  Ãƒâ€š  The kids drive around in Ford Mustangs  to the tune of Modest Mouse’s “Float On.”   Oh, so modern.

Back to the action.   Ryan says, “I’m going to ask the three people with the lowest number of votes to join us down at the center of the stage.”   The lights dim and he calls out each contestant…

Lakisha…you are safe. Gina, would you please stand up….after the vote…you are safe.   THANK YOU, shouts Gina.   Brandon, please rise…America voted, you are in the bottom three tonight…Brandon grins resignedly as he joins Ryan on the seal. Jordin please stand up. After the vote, you are back next week…congratulations.   Chris Richardson…after the vote, you showed who’s boss…SAFE.   Melinda Doolittle….America voted…you are  NOT (pause) going home this week…SAFE.  Phil Stacey please stand…after the vote…you are in the bottom three this week.   Phil joins Brandon down on the seal.  Chris Sligh….after the vote…Chris…you are safe. You may have a seat.   Stephanie…please stand up sweetheart…the votes are in, and you are safe…see you next week. Blake, your turn. Please stand…America voted, Blake, you’re hanging on another week.

“So, take a look,” says Ryan, “Phil and Brandon in the bottom three.   Will Sanjaya or Haley be joining them?”   Sanjaya and Haley are left looking wary back on the couches.

But who cares!   It’s time for this week’s American Idol Challenge question! Win! Big! Cash! And! Prizes! Which of these American Idols did Simon Cowell predict would sell more albums than any other?   Is it Kelly Clarkson? Carrie Underwood? or Taylor Hicks?   OMG, they mentioned Taylor Hicks, I don’t believe it.   I mean, it’s not like he won or anything. Oh, wait. Right. He did win.  He’s mentioned so little on the show,  you’d think he came in fourth or somethin’…

Ryan introduces MISS Ross, “Billboard calls her the Entertainer of the Century! Welcome back the LEGEND, MISS DIANA ROSS.”

EEP.   She actually has this Vegas-style  recorded introduction–Diana sings  ”Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” while the letters D-I-A-N-A roll across  the screen.   And there she is, Diana Ross, a Pointy Pose of One, as she enters the stage all backlit with her hands out stretched.   Miss Ross is  totally ready for her  close-up, people.   She’s dressed in  an orange gown with a feather cape–it’s straight out of the Stardust circa 1968.

Honestly,  though,  the woman is in her 60′s and she still looks pretty good.   But, unfortunately,  the  vocals have taken a hit with age.  She sings the old 60′s hit, “More Today Than Yesterday” and she’s definitely having trouble in her higher register.  She totters over to the contestants for a little audience-participation.  Diana sticks the mic in Melinda’s face.  She  sings, but softly, so not to steal Diana’s spotlight. At the end of  the performance  even Simon is standing–clapping and smiling.   Legends always get a pass.  As they should.  

As she leaves the stage,  Diana gushes, “This entire show is such an inspiration, to all American young kids out there watching…I’m so happy to be here this week.   Ryan asks Diana, “Who’s going home this week?” Diana answers, snappy, “ME!”   Good one.

After the break…

Sanjaya and Haley are still sitting on the couches, awaiting their fate.   Poor Sanjaya has been dragged into the bottom every single week of this competition.  America voted…Haley, would you please have a seat.   She looks shocked and happy.   Frankly, I’m not surprised.  Out of the six, she’s the “hot” girl. I won’t be surprised if she makes it to the Top 10.

Poor Sanjaya is dragged onto the seal, yet again.   Says Ryan, “Who is going home? Who is staying?   I can send one of you back to safety right now…That person is Phil Stacey.”   The bottom vote-getters are down to Brandon and Sanjaya.   Here we go with the results.  After nearly 28 million votes, America has decided…that Sanjaya…you are SAFE.

Brandon leaves us tonight on American Idol.

Brandon, the eliminated one, is  all smiles.   Sanjaya, the safe one, looks sad as he goes back to his seat.   After Brandon’s good-bye video, he says, that he “just feels blessed to be here…no hard feelings, I kind of expected it, I forgot my words…”   Ryan introduces his sing-out, but alas, Brandon is cut off.   The show is over.

Bye Brandon.   He never managed to break out of his shell and show us what he really has.   His original recordings and his initial audition reveal a talented singer.   Maybe he’s not experienced enough to do well on a big stage, but I have no doubt that Brandon could make a really good record, and I look forward to that.