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Eliminated from Celebrity Apprentice: Tia Carrere
I’m Going to Mop the Floor with You
Last week: Lou was an annoying whiner. The women won, but were divided into cliques. Trump called Tia out for coasting. The men called out Lou for wanting to take his shirt off. Adam and Michael Andretti were fired.
After the boardroom, Lou and Tia confer quietly that they both need to step up.
This week: Debbie goes to Children International with a $50,000 check. There’s no video of the children she talks about, but we get footage of two women going, “Look at that check!”
The music turns evil as Trump arrives at the NY Grand Central Library to give the next task. He instructs the celebrities to look at the floor as he introduces the good people of O Cedar, who want a viral video to advertise the Pro Mist Spray Mop. Gah. Viral videos are the third rail of Celebrity Apprentice.
Tia becomes Project Manager for the women. Aubrey says this is fitting, because the brand has been around 100 years, “just like Tia.” Lou is the men’s PM and shows his motivation by doing push-ups on the marble floor.
In the guy’s van, Lou tells people to forget their egos and to have fun. In the girl’s van, Dayana is throwing out “every bad idea in the book,” according to Aubrey.
A male executive meets with the women and tells them to create a catchphrase for the campaign. He wants them edgy and sexy. When asked how they can go, he says it’s up to the team. A female executive tells the men to be funny.
Lisa comes up with the double-entendre phrase, “What is your number?” It could refer to one’s sexual partners, or to the number of mops they’ve owned. Tia howls with delight, but Patricia rubs her head worriedly. All the women write about their sexual experiences and Dayana writes a very clever, funny paragraph that Lisa complains is too racy. She rags on Dayana for being beautiful.
In the men’s meeting, Penn shoots down Lou’s idea to do a time-traveling piece. He notes to the camera that “write it down, then shoot it down,” is his brainstorming process. Clay gets angry at Penn’s negativity. He bursts out that people are trying to set Lou up, “and it frustrates the hell out of me!”
Paul suddenly suggests using the phrase “mop the floor with you.” The men start laughing and throwing ideas together into something usable.
The women become divided, with Debbie complaining that Patricia gets to do all the branding and design work, and Aubrey complaining that Tia won’t listen to her ideas (such as using two different camera angles). Aubrey has Lisa suggest the camera thing to Tia, and, when Tia agrees, shoots a “gotcha” look at the camera.
Arsenio commends Clay for standing up to Penn’s meanness. They decide they want to win the task “for Lou.” While filming, Lou has trouble with his diction, but Clay helps him out. Dee has Lou dance around with the mop, certain that having Lou Ferrigno wear an apron and hump a mop will go viral. Eric visits and notes how energetized Lou is.
On the women’s shoot, Debbie and Aubrey bond over how much they hate Tia. Don comes to visit. Tia THs that she’ll never let him see any underlying tension within her team. He likes their concept and thinks the women can pull it off, but he isn’t fooled. He says that the women’s team is ready to explode.
Debbie and Aubrey write a presentation. Tia asks them to incorporate Dayana and Lisa comes over to throw a big tantrum. “I’m sick of the egos!” she yells. “Not every body gets to be front and center on every task!” In a TH, Patricia worries that Dayana will be fired because she keeps getting pushed aside. Dayana does order flowers for the presentation, but pronounces “peonies” as “penis.” Tia cracks up into hysterical laughter.
Meanwhile, Penn and Clay discuss the earlier meeting. Penn says he hates the word “condescending,” which Clay called him. Clay tells Penn that he doesn’t want to do things unless everyone does it his way. They don’t come any resolution — but they do try.
The men give their presentation dressed in suits, while the women have t-shirts that read “What is YOUR number?” The men’s video looks like a commercial, but it’s very funny.
Debbie and Aubrey do a BFF schtick to introduce the women’s video, which is cute and funny, but barely shows the mop at all.
Eric discusses the videos with the executives. The lady executive liked the women’s presentation. She thought the men used the mop better, but their video was more like a commercial than a genuine viral video.
This is the whole problem with companies doing viral videos. Trying to come up with something people will voluntarily watch/share with friends is almost impossible. If you make a great commercial (like, say, the Old Spice ad), then it can go viral, but people aren’t stupid. They won’t watch just anything.
Speaking of product placement, Ms. Brown M&M warns us to keep our private videos off the internet. It’s for commercials only!
Trump asks Lou how he did. Lou thinks the men did great, because they gave 110%. Clay says Lou gave 120%, especially when he danced. Lou says that he had both knees and hips replaced. Trump boasts about never exercising and everyone claps.
Tia lies and says her team worked great. Lisa starts out complimenting Tia, but says she fell short at times. Tia says her approach is to pick a great team and let them be autonomous. Don points out that Lisa, Debbie, and Aubrey do most of the work on the tasks. Tia explains that they are the loudest voices.
When asked to choose two men to bring back, Lou reluctantly picks Paul and Penn. Paul because he didn’t do much on the tasks (although he did come up with the concept), and Penn because of his superior attitude.
However, it’s moot because the men won. Lou gets $20,000 from Trump and another $30,000 from O Cedar for the Muscular Dystrophy Association.
Tia congratulates Lou on his win. The men return to the suite and dance for joy.
In the BR, the women fight like various types of cats (kittens, bobcats, cougars, take your pick). Dayana says she didn’t like the concept, and when asked if she expressed her dislike, she answers that no one ever listens to her. Lisa defends herself by saying that if creative people are fired for their ideas, then it will kill the creative impulse. Patricia says that too much emphasis is placed on creativity; other skills are important to the tasks.
Aubrey blames Tia for delegating by emotion, and calls her “fifty-something.” She, Lisa, and Debbie are creative and the rest are “beige paint.” Watching from the suite, Arsenio says, “No wonder Diddy fired her.”
Trump asks Tia who she’ll bring back, and she asks if Trump will let her fall on her sword. Since the women have already entertained him, he allows her take the blame and fires her. As she leaves, he says, “Wow. That was an amazing boardroom.”
Tia’s happy to leave with her head held high. She says it’s getting to the point where people will have to be cruel and she doesn’t want to be part of that.
But Tia didn’t get her charity mentioned. So I guess Trump did punish her after all. I looked it up. It’s After School All-Stars.
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