Well, graduation season has died down, so I’m back to live-blog The Bachelorette! Only, my live-feed didn’t work, so I’m live-blogging on West Coast time from my TV broadcast.
Interesting that Katie Couric’s nighttime talk show “Katie” is running an hour-long all-Bach tribute episode tonight, at the same time as tonight’s Bachette episode. In fact, both Desiree and Chris H were on Katie at the top of the hour! Interesting marketing strategy – cannibalize some its own viewership tonight in the interest of ratings for future episodes.
So far, Desiree’s personality hasn’t kicked in. If I hadn’t watched her last season, I would have pegged her as personality-less based on this season so far.
Plus the unlimited roses tactic on the first night – a change from the one first-impression rose of prior seasons – has changed the game for the first 3 episodes, requiring all the contenders to swing for the fences right out of the gate. Hence everyone has been bringing on their sob stories in a massive flood of Fail.
On to tonight… In the meantime, discuss!
Atlantic City… the Reigning Ms America… world-famous Pageant Coach Christopher Dean… speedos & talents & heels (oh my!)… The Bach franchise… all this could only mean one thing – a mock Mr America Pageant for our gents, all in front of a live audience!
After copying Bachette Jillian’s cowboy/western group date and in general regurgitating dates already used in past seasons, this is the first truly unique date of the season, so a tip of the hat to our producers for not phoning it in this week.
[Back on the Katie show, Chris H just admitted that Alex Michel, the original Bach, actually asked Chris the night before the FRC (Final Rose Ceremony) which of his F2 he should choose! Chris H suggested Trista, and Alex agreed, but the next morning he went with Amanda. Lucky for Trista and the career she's made out of being "the Original Bachelorette" that he chose Amanda.]
BACH RUMOR: Trista has said subsequently in numerous interviews that Alex tried reconnecting with her a number of times over the following months, despite being engaged to Amanda. Ewww.
The Mr America competition – Interviews
Casey is a giver, not a taker.
Of all the animals in the jungle, Brooks would be a lion, no hesitation!
Juan Pablo’s ideal woman has to be a dancer who loves his son.
[How many of these men have sons now? 3?]
Mikey says men like long walks on the beach, but that women only see mens’ outsides. He doesn’t want to be seen as a piece of meat. He wants us ladies to know that he is sensitive.
The Mr America competition – Talent
Mikey does some handstand pushups to prove he’s a sensitive guy and not a meathead.
Casey pretends to tap dance, but Brooks ain’t buyin’ it.
Rhythmic gymnastics, hula hoops, pelvic thrusts to the judges, & smashing ukeleles.
Culminating in a true WGWG performance from Zak W!
The Mr America competition – Swimsuit
Mikey shoes off his pec-bubbling technique.
Desiree is impressed with Brooks funny personality.
Mostly trunks, but Ben and a few others “dare to go bare” in speedos.
The Mr America competition – Results
2nd runner up – Brooks
1st runner up – Zak W
and the Winner is – Casey!!!
Casey gets sashed, bouqueted, and crowned, but not clothed.
Mikey is surprised. Zak W is disappointed.
BACH FACT: Every season someone says “I’m not here to make friends”. Ben just said this before we cut to commercial break. Also, every season someone says “If [the lead] offers me a rose [at the rose ceremony], I’m not sure if I’ll accept it.” Bryden just said this right before cutting to break. Check two more items off the Bach formula checklist.
Coning back from commercials, Des and Seattle Chris go to the pool and, surprise, they both write, and they both hang at coffee shops by themselves writing. Match made in heaven!
Bryden is obsessing over Ben. Ben reiterates that he isn’t here to make friends. Mike is sure that Ben has latent insecurities. Apparently Ben’s been talking about his bar and not his son around the boys, but visa verse around Desiree. Are these just jealous cuz Ben’s Got Game? ;)
Oh, and in Desiree’s ITM, she’s got scraggly wet hair. Good job, producers, in making this look like a true ITM – like she rushed out of the pool just to give this quick ITM. Again proving that TPTB aren’t entirely asleep at the wheel. Nice job!
James is happy to not be on the group date, and to instead enjoy the material benefits of the mansion. “James, can our love weather the storm?” is his 1-on-1 date invitation. Foreshadowing…
Zak W only got to play half of his WGWG song during the pageant, so he’s performing the rest now. Is Zak – like Jillian’s Wes and Ali’s Taylor(?) – trying to hawk a song or singing/songwriting career? Dude, keep your day job…
Group date rose? Goes to… Zak W!!
Seattle Chris is bummed. Ben wants to be selfish and get every rose. Bryden is left with a bad taste in his mouth – this is getting to be serious…
Des invites all the boys to jump into the pool with her. FWIW she really knows how to sport a barely-there string bikini. Feeling jealous right now on behalf of my former 24-yr-old self.
JAMES 1-on-1 DATE
James has been waiting for this date since he got out of the limo. Jackie from The Red Cross take Des & Ben on a tour of the devastation of Hurricane Sandy.
BACH FACT: Every season there is 1 date which focuses on a charity, a disaster, or the plight of the less fortunate. For those that watch AI, this is the equivalent of AI’s annual “Idol Gives Back” episode, though less telethon-esque. It’s usually just a segment, not the entire episode, and it usually ends with a “For information on how to give to [the charity], go to ABC.com” splashed onscreen.
The submerged roller coaster off the Atlantic City boardwalk is quite an ominous sight. Kinda got me right in the gut. James is moved too, noting the US flag at the top of the roller coaster as a sign of hope.
After the break, Des & James meet a middle-aged couple, Manny & Jan, married 38 years, whose house was destroyed by Sandy. The house is stripped to the studs and gutted. “It just takes 1 second of a bad thing to destroy all the good things you have had”, said the husband. Quite the philosophical statement for The Bach.
The couple had to miss their anniversary dinner to spend it at a Red Cross shelter instead when Sandy struck. Des & James decide to give Manny & Jan their fancy Bach Atlantic City date and get fast food instead. [Is this another Bach first? Giving up your entire date? WOW.] Maybe it was a producer-driven scripted move, but it was entirely appropriate. Unless Manny & Jan are actors. Who knows. Who cares. It still worked!
James realizes that sacrificing together actually bonds a couple. Cue scenes of James & Des bonding.
Coming back from break, James admits to Des, over pizza & beer, that he cheated on a 5 1/2 year relationship during his freshman year of college. Des is disappointed but appreciates his honesty and regret.
ROSEWISE THOUGHTS: Not sure why this guy’s being judged for something he did during his HS/college days, but w/e. Those are the days when you are supposed to make mistakes and learn, right? Our frontal lobes don’t finish developing till we are ~23YO. When it comes to Relationships, everyone should get a clean slate once they graduate college.
Manny & Jan look through their long-lost wedding album over their high-end dinner. This couple has been wedded for 38 years and says they will cherish this album forever.
ROSEWISE FACT: In my early adulthood, I was able to rescue photo negatives and the wedding photo album of my inlaws before their house burnt to the ground in a wildfire. They were extremely grateful and said those photos were the only things they had regretted possibly losing.
[Said in the style of Carrie in Sex & The City...] In an age where all photos are online & digitized, are there any across-the-board must-save items anymore in a disaster?
(Sorry… Back to The Bach.)
Back from commercial break, Des & James join Manny & Jan at the tail end of dinner to tell our couple “guess what, there’s more!”. They get to enjoy DARIUS RUCKER in a private concert, performing “True Believers”.
ROSEWISE MOMENT: I remember enjoying Hootie and the Blowfish’s “frat-rock” in the mid-’90s. Though he sings country music now, Mr Rucker’s voice has not changed. at. all!
Des gives James a Rose – they are so cute together! I think James is getting the F3 “Friend” edit – the good guy with the good heart who Des feels comfortable with, and a possible contender for next season’s Bachelor lead.
James & Des also get a chance to slow-dance to Darius’s music. Cue James falling for Des’s “beautiful soul”.
Cutting to break, Bryden teases that he might NOT be all that into Des. So Brooks challenges him to pack his bags and leave. Boo Bryden! Yay Brooks!
Back from break, it’s time for The Cocktail Hour (TM). Desiree’s strapless dress is high maintenance, as she has to keep pulling it up to keep it from falling. Not the best fit or cut for her frame, either. Where’s the
Mike G plays a variation on Jeopardy letter-flipping game…
D = down to earth
E = easy to talk to
S = (too busy typing to catch this)
G = wouldn’t it be Great if things worked out with us?
Seattle Chris learns that Desiree came from a modest background, knows how to fend for herself, and is very independent. Chris realizes he is now in The Friend Zone but is trying to convince himself otherwise.
Good luck with that, Chris. :/
Bryden then takes Des aside to talk about how the feelings between them are getting less intense. Desiree fears that Bryden won’t give The Process a chance and will take himself out of the running.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
Juan Pablo (she asks him in Spanish/Portuguese if he’ll accept the rose)
Michael (the first one to hug & kiss her back after getting the rose)
Ben (Des does not make eye contact when she offers him the rose)
Casey (brief hug, then quick pull-away)
[Bryden pauses, the music changes, oh the suspense...]
The Final Rose (TM) goes to…
Mikey! (“You make me sweat!”, he romances Des. Ewww.)
SAYING GOODBYE this week… Just one guy is being let go at this weeks’ RC…
“I’m not ready to go home yet. Rejection is not fun. It’s hard to swallow. Something you think is so great is actually not great.” Quoting Jerry Macguire, “Without true love, you’re not complete.”
And now the Travelogue begins. They are off to Europe! Leiderhosen! Munich Germany!
Zak W. Just missed out on all that free travel to faraway lands. Sucks to be you.
Previews for next week…
James is angling for he next Bachelor lead, and he’s telling the guys he can hook them up with other women.
Ben, again, is being touted as the villain. Bored now.
THE END CREDITS -
The World Famous Pageant Coach is teaching our gents how to strut the runway, including incorporating the personality-move at the end of the walkway.
“I can’t wait to do this in a bathing suit!”
Until next week! :D