The Bachelorette – Season 10, Episode 10 – Live Blog & Discussion

Tonight the men and Andi tell all in a special episode that cost far less to shoot, and which gives the season’s participants a forum to present their unvarnished opinions of each other, assess controversies, and reveal their general disgust with their experience. So basically it repeats everything in the comment section here.

In other news, people still think Andi is pregnant, and she still insists “it’s so far from the truth.” That may not be the most accurate way to characterize the situation, since the farthest you can be from pregnant is virginal, and we know she’s not that. Rumors also abound, at least among agriculture-fetishists, random bloggers, and likely his PR firm, that Chris may be tapped to be the next Bachelor. E-I-E-I-ooooh! That’s a barn-burner! I’ll consult his almanac anytime. Yeah, you know I want to cover that.

Chris welcomes us jovially. He’s in a good mood because for once he gets more than three minutes of camera time. He first introduces one of America’s favorite couples from the show, Ashley and JP. She’s hugely pregnant, and her implants have grown to basketball-like proportions.  Chris tells her, “In front of everybody, congratulations,” as if we were gravely disappointed to have missed it when he said it privately. We are assured that she has had an easy pregnancy. What a relief. With the current violent Mideast conflict and that plane being shot down by the Russians, I was really worried about Ashley’s morning sickness.

The couple announce they are moving to Miami, which elicits an open-mouthed look of shock from one audience member. She should watch some news channels once in a while. Wait’ll she hears what’s next: a live ultrasound to determine the baby’s gender! How apt, as this show feels as enjoyable as a Pap smear every week.

We return from commercial to find a scrubs-wearing technician character pretending to ready his ultrasound equipment. He spreads the goop on Ashley’s abdomen as she sits on the sofa. I would need a referral from my primary care actor before my insurance would cover this procedure. Asked if he wants a boy or girl, JP assures Chris, “Just a healthy baby.” Everybody claps approvingly. Of course, they would have applauded if he said he was hoping for a rare roast beef. An image appears on the big screen–it’s a picture of Chris. Another argument in favor of reproductive rights. Let’s get serious. Now there is the fetus. There’s an ear, there’s the thumb, there’s its contract with ABC. It’s a boy! Everyone oohs and ahhs to see the miracle of The Bachelor 2039 in utero.

Next is a sneak peek –if a peek can last longer than it takes to make a bag of microwave popcorn–of Bachelor in Paradise, which looks like a cross between Big Brother and Naked and Afraid. It’s in Mexico, where everyone keeps leaping into bodies of water in between crying and running from upsetting encounters. The audience cheers in anticipation. The sponsors cheer for the cheers.

Now we welcome back all the Season 10 guys. They are all wearing scarves. Do they read here? Chris asks Chris what stuck out about Andi, besides her cleavage. The pro-golfer was embarrassed that his body didn’t measure up to the other guys. You’d think he’d have had some therapy for that by now. They all recall Craig getting drunk that one time, and some of the other guys being variously obnoxious. It’s like those bull sessions we used to have in the late-night hours at summer camp, just without the zodiac symbol nightshirts and diet Dr. Pepper. They didn’t accomplish anything, either.

Marquel, who is wearing a cookie lapel pin, is asked about the disturbing incident wherein Andrew was accused by JJ of using an inappropriate term to describe him. There’s a tense few seconds after Andrew refers to Ron, the only other black guy, as having handled it well. Chris dramatically threatens an irate Andrew, who insists he never uttered the declamatory sentence, that they have the moment on camera. But it turns out they don’t have the audio, so without the producers hiring a lip-reader when they contracted the ultrasound technician, showing it was was pointless. JJ stands behind his presumption that Andrew said the terrible thing, which, because it is so terrible, we never find out exactly what it is. This kind of confused miscommunication is what drove many episodes of Three’s Company. Inexcusable!

Chris the Farmer weighs in next, accusing JJ of meddling and purposely making trouble, like telling everyone about Andrew getting another girl’s phone number. Everyone claps, in support of either Chris’ masterful leadership skills or his fabulous new tan. Chris the Host brings it back to Marquel, because a racist comment is far more ratings-worthy. Someone wishes Andrew would just say he’s sorry that Marquel felt bad hearing about the supposed incident, instead of trying to deflect blame. The show has now devolved into a CSPAN panel discussion on race relations, only more boring and with suits that are not off the rack. Come on, we watch this for shots of oiled abs and man-tears. Meanwhile, Andrew just wants to be friends again, and not have people spamming his Facebook page with death threats. Everyone claps because the sign lit up telling them to.

Suddenly, JJ speaks up to defend himself. His peach-colored bow tie is enough indictment. He stands by what he said about Andrew, then adds that ultimately he doesn’t care what anybody thinks, which makes Brian scoff. Chris brushes JJ off like so much pants lint. He has a show to keep on schedule, and the segment where they talk about JJ is over now. It’s time for Marquel to join him on the Elevated Sofa of Special Attention.

We see Marquel’s journey on the show, which being so brief, is more like a jaunt. He says it made him a believer in love again, which seems an odd response to getting dumped in favor of a dozen other guys.  Chris asks about his getting stuck in the friend zone, and why he didn’t just kiss Andi. It seems he didn’t know the other guys had done that. Is that how he decides to go in for the move? But he gets another chance to pretend to be straight in Paradise.

Next up is Marcus, who fell in love more quickly than anyone else, and got his heart broken the worst. How do they measure that kind of thing? Do the guys all fill out forms afterwards? Marcus looks pained watching the footage of Andi rejecting him, or maybe just his stubble is itchy. The audience coos in sympathy as the clip ends.  Marcus matured a lot knowing Andi, although he is still struggling with why she chose three other guys over him. Apparently he is not struggling with the concept of competing with three other guys to get her. “If you love somebody, tell them every day,” Marcus instructs knowingly, because he regrets he didn’t tell Andi sooner. He’s going to be on Paradise, too, so he has the chance to tell a number of girls that he loves them in Cabo.

It’s Chris and Chris talking now. America has fallen in love with the handsome farmer from the sticks. Ha, take that, Andi! Women in the audience shake their heads disgustedly when Chris the Host reminds us that Andi was not interested in a life in flyover country. We have to watch that painful scene where she blubbers about it being Iowa, then not being Iowa. Everyone in the audience is bereft. Even the hogs back home are desolate, but that might have more to do with the current popularity of bacon.

What will Chris do now? As he mouths platitudes about being the best person he can be, a lady in the crowd pipes up.  Ketra, from small-town Canada, joins them in a surely unrehearsed moment to ask if Chris thinks he will be able to meet someone in Podunksville. She’s right there for the taking! They will have a speed-date during the commercial. Her agent will leverage this into a spot on an ad for allergy medication. We return to see Ketra giving Chris her number on a Post-It note. I bet he can line the entire length of fence around the north 40 with all the numbers on Post-It notes he has.

Now it’s time to hear from Andi, who appears in a sequined dress the approximate size of a dish towel. Chris asks her first about what changed her mind about him after the successful hometown visit to the Joads. She says nothing different from what she told him during the goodbye scene. As she’s thanking him for his kindness, he sneers in a gentlemanly fashion. Marcus gets to waste his breath next, wanting to know why it didn’t work out for them. She babbles some mindless stuff at him about opening up. These guys are only encouraging more people to break up by text message. Cody regrets her not seeing the real him. I think the issue is that she did. Marquel wonders why they never left the friend-zone, a question which kind of answers itself. Some other boob complains about how nervous everyone is in that situation, as if she could control it. But now we must break up the substantive content to shill Paradise again.

Next Chris gleefully brings up the is-Andi-pregnant report. She repeats that she is not. The ultrasound guy looks disappointed. Next Chris hauls out the lie-detector results that she tore up during the show. We are reminded that three men told no lies: JJ–why not use that information when addressing Marquelgate?–Chris, and someone else. The three that did lie: Marcus, Dylan, and Josh. That’ll serve Andi right. Marcus claiming he has slept with fewer than 20 women was a lie! So that’s how he keeps that fabulous bod in shape. Dylan does not prefer brunettes, apparently, and is, in fact, not ready for marriage. So finally, someone who really wasn’t on the show for the right reasons.

Now for Josh. Does Andi want to know what he lied about? She says no. She will trust the process. I bet the IRS is interested, though.

Time for bloopers. Lots of people slipping and spilling things, camera guys knocking things over, and Josh in a cowboy outfit, sans pants, riding a rocking horse. That’s more informative than the lie detector results.

Next week, we will learn if Andi has found the man of her dreams. The first choice is Josh. We review their journey, and are reminded of how smarmy and slick he is. He says “I love you” like Clint Eastwood asks a punk if he feels lucky. Then there is Nick, who is glib and banal. They have a once-in-a-lifetime thing, Andi says. Well, except for Josh. When he tells her he loves her, it’s more like a 10-year-old remarking on his feelings for ice cream cones. Next week will be heartwrenching.

The live event will come to an emotional end, Chris enthuses. Maybe neither one will propose! Maybe Iowa will suddenly seem appealing! Maybe there will be a nationwide power outage and we will be spared the whole fiasco! Like Andi, we can dream.

  • Zapple

    Okay, so I’ve never seen this show before this season, so I don’t care about these people.

  • Murghala

    She’s due October 7th? She’s huge.

  • chillj

    Live ultrasound??? Ew. Maybe I need to move on over to antiques Roadshow.

  • Murghala

    Ultrasound? Did she just drink a gallon of water? Is she going to pee live on TV too?

  • chillj

    You wouldn’t care about them even if you had seen the show before this season, so don’t worry.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    The people who produce this need intensive therapy.

  • chillj

    Really. Who wants to see an ultrasound when they have had one?

  • chillj

    I shed a tiny tear for you Schnugs, when the raven haired beauty made her way on stage to seal your farmer man.

  • Zapple

    HAHAH! Thank you!

  • Murghala

    At least it’s not a transvaginal ultrasound.

  • Zapple

    This is bad enough!

  • Zapple

    So what makes Chris think he’s going to find a farm wife in Paradise?

  • Murghala

    There’s an awful lot of crying in Paradise.

  • Murghala

    Is Chris onBIP?!

  • Zapple

    I noticed that. More crazy drunk women.

  • Murghala

    But will there be cheeseburgers?

  • Zapple

    I thought they showed a brief snippet of him.

  • Zapple

    Maybe some beefcake in paradise.

  • Murghala

    This’ll kill our Shnugs.

  • chillj

    Paradise looks pretty grim. It looks like Bachelor Pad on the water.

  • Murghala

    Hahah!

  • Zapple

    He probably just needed a vacation from baling hay. From what I saw, he looked tan and happy and pretty damn gorgeous.

  • http://www.mjsbigblog.com/ mjsbigblog

    I love when the husband “learns” he’s having a son he doesn’t even try to hide his relief. “a girl would be nice but…” smh

  • Murghala

    Haha, scarves!

  • chillj

    I saw a harp. They didn’t want to say it on television, but they are actually having a harp.

  • Zapple

    Wow! Even they seem to be making fun of the scarves.

  • Zapple

    hahah!

  • Murghala

    Why am I not surprised that The Pantsapraneur is wearing big bow tie?

  • Zapple

    Marquel is wearing a chocolate chip cookie! Awwwww!

  • Murghala

    Now I want a cookie.

  • Murghala

    I’d rather watch another ultrasound…

  • chillj

    That is exactly what I dropped in to say. A little too much reality in our frivolous reality television.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Chris Harrison is no Bill Moyers.

  • Murghala

    And the whole discussion, if you can it that, was based on conjecture. Soooo…..drop it!

  • chillj

    No Graham Norton, either.

  • chillj

    Yah, you would think. Life is hard enough when you get insulted by things you actually hear.

  • Murghala

    More like Jerry Springer.

  • Zapple

    OMG can we move on please! Guys are whiny.

  • chillj

    I get embarrassed for Chris Harrison. Hw can he ever tell his kid what he does for a living? Maybe he can dress it up and say he is a pimp or something.

  • Murghala

    We want to hear about the sex, for gosh sakes.

  • chillj

    Only muscle bound stud puppies with too much time on their hands..

  • Zapple

    And he heard it second hand from guys that would like to send each other home for any reason.

  • Zapple

    So does Andi show up on this episode at all? Or is it all about they guys?

  • Murghala

    ding ding ding!!

  • Murghala

    It showed her showing up in the coming attractions.

  • Zapple

    HEY, no fair, I want a cookie.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    She gets an ultrasound, too!

  • Amy Beth

    To prove she’s not pregnant?

  • Murghala

    Oh. Marcus. The one who is not a doctor.

  • Zapple

    heheheh!

  • Zapple

    Oh, I see, this is one big promo for Bachelor in Paradise.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    This is such an ego trip for Andi. Everyone loved her like they have never loved anyone before. Jackpot!

  • Murghala

    Somehow it’s hard to believe in heartbroken sincere Marcus, when he also becomes Bachelor in Paradise Marcus .

  • chillj

    He is a doctor to me. I will have to not watch Birds in Paradise if I want to continue liking this guy.

  • chillj

    Snap. He’s ovah it.

  • chillj

    Happens to me all the time. It is so tiresome.

  • Zapple

    Maybe they could have morphed this show into Brother Husbands! She could have kept them all!

  • chillj

    Now there is a concept. Call ABC.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    He’s getting back on the horse. And riding it.

  • Amy Beth

    Alternate working title for TheBachelor/ette–Stockholm Syndrome in Action

  • Murghala

    P.S. A bowtie on Chris is AOK.

  • Zapple

    I think it was that second game of hide and seek that did Chris in.

  • Murghala

    Why she’d rather shtup that little pisher Nick, rather than Chris….it’s the question all of America is asking!

  • Zapple

    I know! Chris took the rejection like a man. No blubbering and whining. If it ain’t meant to be it ain’t meant to be!

  • Zapple

    All they other girls in audience are kicking themselves for not doing that!

  • chillj

    Covah your eyes, Schnugs.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    That was totally believable.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    What a hussy.

  • chillj

    She is too flashy for Chris. Her shoes are too revealing.

  • Murghala

    I think the answer to the question is yes. Yes, she got a boob job.

  • Zapple

    Plus she wore her bathing suit to the show.

  • Zapple

    SNORT!

  • chillj

    Andi’s best skill is that she says the right thing to make these guys feel better every single time. She is suave.

  • chillj

    Nice legs though. Can you imagine how often someone like that checks her outfit before she goes to the show?

  • Zapple

    Slick as snot.

  • chillj

    Yup. I don’t trust her. (But they do.)

  • Zapple

    The new Chris guy looks like Gerard Butler!

  • Murghala

    well that was a pretty sad blooper reel.

  • Zapple

    I must have blinked and missed it.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Let’s guess what Josh lied about. I say he slept with 573 women, and prefers redheads.

  • Murghala

    He really hates sports.

  • chillj

    My little buddy Marcus has been quite the busy bee.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    No wonder he has no time to shave.

  • chillj

    Andi, gurlll, Josh is a walking cliche. Who wants to date a guy that calls you the “whole package”?

  • Murghala

    But that leaves….Nick….ick.

  • Amy Beth

    Are those your real teeth?

  • Zapple

    She knows he’s her type and has been down that road before. The problem the road less traveled in Nick.

  • chillj

    I would take the road less traveled. For sure.

  • chillj

    Designer grin. Oddly, that is his least favorite feature to me. Doesn’t look sincere.

  • Amy Beth

    Where was the gratuitous mention of the untimely death of Eric Hill?

  • MissMyEm

    I don’t quite know why I even watch this show. I can’t tell you how many times I rolled my eyes last night. I certainly didn’t care about the sex of Ashley”s baby. I cringed every time she made that “YEAH” thing with her hands. She’s always gotten on my nerves with a voice alone. She’s so childlike. I also could care less about the fan who wanted to date Chris. He’s not a bad looking guy but that hairdo has to go. And how JJ went on and on after the break trying to defend himself. Who knows what was said by Andrew? Let it go already. Yeah if JJ told the truth then it is offensive. But don’t take 40 minutes to discuss it.

    The only interesting part of the show was finding out Marcus lied about sleeping with less than 20 women.