iluvai , you also make reference to why some women stay in an abusive relationship. They cannot afford to leave. Add children, and being independent is even more difficult. I am glad Mary had a career to fall back on. Many women don’t.

End result? He sputtered, threatened ‘“ and backed the fuck off. He knew I’d hit back, you see (we took karate together). Know what my friend did? She ran after him asking him not to be mad at her. The very next week he put her in the hospital. I found out through some other friends. She’d dropped me, you see. I’d ‘upset her boyfriend’ ‘“ and he’d ordered her to not see me any more ‘“ so she ended the friendship. You know – I didn’t get it back then ‘“ why she clung to him. In many ways I still don’t ‘“ but I try not to judge. Perhaps that’s all she felt she deserved. God knows I came out of my childhood with a boatload of issues (many of which I still deal with). I do still step in when I see any kind of abuse, BTW. Someone has too. Far too many do what the rest of my friends did ‘“ turn a blind eye. I may get told to go to hell ‘“ but at least I step up to the plate. No one helped me as a child. I’m damned if I’ll ever allow that to happen if there’s anything I can do to stop it. So good on Mary for changing her life! Thank god she got out (whatever the reason). Abusers are like child molesters, you know ‘“ they never, ever change their stripes.

I’m just kind of annoyed with celebrities sharing their hardships. Try making a living on minimum wage and over coming life’s hardships. Maybe People should put on their cover regular women.

Mary has a great job. A great opportunity. A million in one opportunity.
Good for her. I don’t see her as a role model for regular struggling women.

rockvixen
October 14, 2009 at 11:30 pm

Alright so Mary won’t mention his name but his picture is on the cover?

Not knowing if Mary had anything to do with the cover, I’d still say that if so, it shows her fear. If not her, I do know that this kind of thing causes a bunch of women fear. My scenario is “Well I’m not dead or even half so. Why would anybody even believe me?” I’m totally fucked.” Maybe he will beat the shit out of me. Will anybody care then?” No, why would anybody care about me.”

Maybe (as I fear you might be intimating) that she’s full of shit, but if not her, believe me, it happens to women. Maybe the name is too piercing to her still. I just can’t judge. Nor can I say without certain that it did happen to her. But it does happen. I know from horrible experience. Nobody deserves the kind of treatment portrayed here…nobody.

I will never get annoyed with her screeching again…

No. That is not true at all. Most women stay in abusive relationships out of fear. Fear that if they leave, their abuser will finally kill them like he’s been saying all along. And, since most women who die in domestic violence relationships do in fact meet that end after they’ve found the courage to leave, the fear is very real.

Just happened here in Mpls a few weeks ago. The woman did everything by the book to get out of the relationship and now she’s dead after 22 years of abuse.
http://www.startribune.com/local/north/63253237.html?elr=KArksUUUoDEy3LGDiO7aiU

Hopefully the courts will start to consider “lethality” like it is suggested in the article.

No. That is not true at all. Most women stay in abusive relationships out of fear. Fear that if they leave, their abuser will finally kill them like he’s been saying all along. And, since most women who die in domestic violence relationships do in fact meet that end after they’ve found the courage to leave, the fear is very real.

I didn’t mean that ALL women stay until another woman comes into the picture. It’s true that Fear is the number one reason they stay, but SOME women DO suffer the abuse and fear and humiliation, but the other woman is the last straw in their minds. They have been beaten so low mentally that that seems to be the only thing that finally makes them leave. I have seen it first hand.

Right. Really likely. Apart from the sheer incompassionate nature of that, it seems like one more barrier for a woman to come forth and get out of such a situation. Gah.

And one more reason her husband’s going to beat the shit out of her tonight.

The only way to stop the violence is to get out. But to do that, these women understand that they’re taking a chance with their life. It’s a difficult and couragous decision made by a woman who’s already mentally beaten down. What those women need is support, not judgement.

One of my friends from college who now lives in Tulsa posted that spousal abuse is considered a pre-existing condition in Oklahoma. I had a fight with some dude on facebook about this because he seemed to think that was valid and the husband should pay. Right. Really likely. Apart from the sheer incompassionate nature of that, it seems like one more barrier for a woman to come forth and get out of such a situation. Gah.

No. That is not true at all. Most women stay in abusive relationships out of fear. Fear that if they leave, their abuser will finally kill them like he’s been saying all along. And, since most women who die in domestic violence relationships do in fact meet that end after they’ve found the courage to leave, the fear is very real.

This is absolutely true and so, so tragic. Leaving or attempts at leaving is what in the vast majority of cases escalates the violence and murder ends up being the end result all too often. I’m so glad she got out of the horrific situation and was able to rebuild her life.