RuPaul’s Drag Race airs tonight!
Share your comments on the show (and Untucked) tonight, and I’ll be back with the full recap tomorrow!
The queens gather after the previous runway. Coco realizes that she needs to start focusing. Vivienne admits that she almost threw up during the judges’ critique. She knows she didn’t stand out during the Barnyard Bunch sketch, but blames that on Roxxy being an attention whore.
We see the She-Mail. “Once you go black swan, you never go back,” girl RuPaul tells them. It’s obviously going to be a dancing challenge.
Boy RuPaul enters, wearing a huge afro wig. We get a clear shot of the New Attitude Wigs sign, as the pit crew brings in more afros. The queens get into quick drag and the mini-challenge dance-off begins!
It’s a soul-train type challenge to “Don’t Be Jealous of My Boogie.” It’s great fun. Alaska flails wildly. Even the pit crew and RuPaul join in. Jinkx wins by doing an impressive split, becoming a team captain for the main challenge.
Coco is the other winner. She picks first and gets a record-scratch sound effect by choosing Alyssa. After several quick shots of everyone looking shocked, Coco picks Detox, and Honey.
Jinkx starts by picking Ivy, Lineysha and Alaska. The final three are Roxxy, Jade, and Vivienne. Coco picks Roxxy, pissing of her new BFF Jade, who is picked by Jinkx. Vivienne is left and goes to Coco by default.
The main challenge is to dance a ballet about RuPaul’s life. Travis Wall and Nick Lazzarini will choreograph the piece. Jinkx and Coco receive synopses of their acts and assign parts.
Jinkx decides to cast Alaska as RuPaul’s mom, Ernestine. This means that Alaska, who cannot dance, has to start the ballet by herself. We get many talking heads by Alaska cracking jokes about how terrible she is.
Coco, meanwhile, casts herself and Alyssa as Good Ru and Bad Ru. That, at least, is a good use of their personal “drama.” Vivienne is upset to be picked last, and to be on the same team as Roxxy. She’ll be overshadowed again by the attention whore! Or, as Vivienne puts it, “I don’t like her energy.”
RuPaul checks in with the teams. The most interesting things about Jinkx’s team are that Alaska plans to make up for her dancing by giving face, and that Lineysha doesn’t know anything about Diana Ross. Moving on!
Coco tells RuPaul that she chose Alyssa first because she plays to win. Vivienne tells Ru that she’s playing “America’s Next Superstar,” and Roxxy snaps that it’s only in the sketch. Ooo, girl!
RuPaul announces that Travis and Chaz Bono will be judges. “I live for Chaz Bono,” Alaska drawls, “Chaz Bono came out of Cher’s vagina.”
Jade turns all a-flutter when cute dancers Travis and Nick meet to help them with the choreography. She says the queens are all like cats in heat. Alaska’s only dance move is the Macarena, but even Ivy has trouble picking up the choreography that Travis throws at them.
When Team Jinkx returns to the Werk Room, the other team tries to psyche them out by doing group movement that Alyssa taught them. It seems to work.
On the runway, Travis and Nick choreography a lift between Coco and Alyssa. That touches on their trust issues, and, predictably, it’s very awkward. Nick notes that Roxxy and Vivienne are the weakest dancers on the team. Unfortunately, they have the last scene, which will mean a poor ending to the ballet.
Afterwards, we get a minute of personal history from Honey. Her parents discovered a picture of her in drag while she was in college. They immediately sent her to Africa to get away from bad influences.
Then thirty seconds of drama. Coco reaches out to Jade about not picking her. Jade calmly replies that she likes her team and that it’s all good. “God, I just don’t need this right now!” Coco wails. Everyone else mocks Alyssa, who is practicing her faces in the mirror.
RuPaul walks the runway, wearing more red ruffles than should be legal. But she looks fabulous. All the other judges are in black-and-white. She announces the ballet, No RuPaulogies: An American Dance-olgoy or “The Greatest Story Ever Told!”
Act One is presented by Team Jinkx. Alaska does a solo as RuPaul’s mother. She’s not graceful, but she is effective. Lineysha, as Diana Ross, inspires young RuPaul (Jade) to take up drag. Jinkx as RuPaul, and Ivy, as Lady Bunny, finish the act with an impressive pas de deux.
Act Two begins with a death dance between Good Ru (Coco) and Bad Ru (Alyssa). Alyssa is great, expressing the black swan with every bit of her body. Diana Ross (Honey) returns to work with RuPaul (Detox). Michelle makes a face at Honey’s dancing. Detox comments that their section felt dead. The last scene is RuPaul (Roxxy) crowning America’s Next Superstar (Vivienne), which is even deader.
The ballet ends with both teams onstage. Alaska gets a final laugh by appearing as the ghost of RuPaul’s mom.
This leaves no time for the actual runway, so we get quick shots of each queen’s outfit. Ivy stands out by wearing Victor/Victoria realness.
Jinkx, Ivy, and Alyssa are the top three queens this week. Alyssa is the obvious winner. Jinkx needs to present more glamor to the judges to excel. Ivy is praised for her impressive design skills.
The bottom queens are Vivienne, Roxxy, and Honey. Santino critiques Roxxy’s lack of curves in her runway outfit. MIchelle tells Vivienne that she fades into the woodwork. Honey displeases the judges because she always wears kaftans, which is a lazy drag choice.
Roxxy cries a little when she is called safe. Vivienne and Honey lip-sync to “Oops… I Did It Again,” by Britney Spears. Usually, I look to see who the judges are watching — that’s going to be the winner. This week, RuPaul’s eyes bounce from Vivienne to Honey and back again. Despite the usual tough talk, neither queen really attacks the song and it’s a little disconcerting.
“Vivienne, Honey… ” RuPaul pauses, then delivers her judgment: “You are both going home.” There are no kind words to soften the blow. They both sashay into the werk room to write their farewell messages. RuPaul warns the remaining queens, “I will tolerate no half-stepping. Bring me your best!”