I’ll be live blogging the 64th annual Prime Time Emmy awards tonight. Here are your categories. Watch for my updates. Does the list look short? That’s because most of the awards were handed out last Saturday at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards. You can check out a list of those winners HERE.

The Emmy Awards will air on ABC and be hosted by Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel crying in the girls bathroom because he’s had too much Botox. The best comedy actresses join in the hi-jinx. So do the best reality show hosts! Ellen Degeneres gives Jimmy her pants. I guess you had to be there.

Cat Deeley shout out! If Betty White wins best reality host, I’m going to CUT A BITCH.

“Being a republican in Hollywood is like being a Chik Fil A sandwich on the Glee craft table.” Jimmy’s jokes are pretty funny tonight

And now we see the year in COMEDY. Amy Poehler and Louis CK present Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series. WHICH MODERN FAMILY ACTOR WILL WIN? Eric Stonestreet! Eric throws love to his co-star Jesse Tyler Ferguson and is proud to play one half of a loving gay couple.

Jim Parsons and Zooey Deschanel – Zooey’s dress is so pretty! They present Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series. The little clip interviewing the writers was cut. The winner? Louis CK.

The Breaking Bad show as…The Andy Griffith Show. Hm. OMG. They shot Don Knotts!

Jon Cryer and Kat Dennings present Best Supporting Comedy Actress to WHICH ACTRESS FROM MODERN FAMILY? Julie Bowen of course! She’s obsessed with NIPPLE COVERS.

Matthew Perry takes the stage to announce the winners of the Best Comedy guest actress and actor. These awards were handed out last Saturday at the Creative Arts Emmys. And the winners were: Kathy Bates and Jimmy Fallon.

They take the stage to present the next award. The present Best Comedy Direction. Who makes the best comedy directors. JEWS! (Interviews with the nominees). The Emmy goes to…Steve Levitan for Modern Family. How shocking. Not.

Now, we get to see Lily, the little kid on Modern Family, behave predictably precocious in a taped bit.

Mindy Kaling and Melissa McCarthy take the stage to present Best Lead Actor in a Comedy Series to Jon Cryer for 2 1/2 Men. He had zero chance in the supporting category. Moving to lead was a smart move!  Melissa comes on to all the nominees.

Steven Colbert takes the stage to present the Emmy for Best Actress in a Comedy Series to Julia Louis Dreyfus. Women are wonderful says Steven! For the most part. Some women are awful.  Ha ha ha! The actresses are doing a bit. Amy runs up to the stage so Julia can dry her fake tears.  ”Isn’t it a shame Amy Poehler didn’t win.” Well, actually. YES.

Comedy wraps up. NOW IT’S TIME FOR REALITY!  The packaged clip features X Factor, The Voice, So You Think You Can Dance and AMERICAN IDOL HI PHILLIP AND JESSICA.

James Vanderbeek present Best Competition Reality Show to The Amazing Race. WHAT???? THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. Yawn.

Big Bang Theory Bit as they watch the Emmys! Nerds.  Ha ha. They introduce the CPAs. Clever.

Seth McFarland presents Best Reality Show Host. He hits the wrong mic first. That’s why we leave this to the professionals! BRIAN DUNKLEMAN JOKE. Tom Bergeron from DWTS wins! I’m OK with that. Totally. He thanks Jeff Probst for NOT being nominated. Har.

DRAMA is next. Let’s check out the year in Drama

 Claire Danes takes the stage. She presents Best Supporting Drama Actor to Aaron Paul for Breaking Bad

Jimmy Kimmel is pulling the prank he’s been talking about. Tracy Morgan is on stage. Jimmy is asking us to tweet “OMG Tracy Moran just passed out on the Emmys” I’m not going to do that, BTW. Tracy lays down on the stage. Jimmy tells him to lie there for ten minutes or so. Hm.

Connie Britton and Hayden Panetiere (stars of Nashville!) take the stage.  They wonder if Tracy is going to be fine? Oh yeah. He will. They run a clip of the drama writers talking about writers block. Homeland wins. Best Supporting Actress in a Drama is Maggie Smith Downton Abby. She’s MIA.

Tracy Morgan continues to lay on the floor throughout the commercial break as crew members step around him.  They’ dragged Tracy off the stage when back from the break.

Giancarlo Esposito announces the winners of the Best Drama Guest Actor and Actress. They were handed out at the Creative Emmy Awards last week. Jeremy Davies and Martha Plimpton won. They present the next award.

Are the Best Directing nominees Dramatic People? That’s the question the video package asks. Best Drama Director is Tim Van Patten for Boardwalk Empire. He is MIA.

Josh Groban sings “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful” in memoriam to a VERY LIVING Jimmy Kimmel.

Julianna Marguiles presents Best Actor in a Drama Series to Damien Lewis from Homeland “I’m one of those pesky Brits,” he says.

Tina Fey and Jon Hamm take the stage. They present Best Actress in a Drama series. The bit has Tina unable to read the teleprompter because she forgot her glasses. They are kinda adorable together.  Claire Danes wins for Homeland. Jon doesn’t sound very thrilled… Very eloquent speech from Claire. She manages to get a lot of thank yous in without being played off.

It’s time for Variety!  Will The Daily Show WIN AGAIN?

Aziz Ansari and Jane Levy present Outstanding Writing for Variety Special. Aziz hilarious fake British accent! They present the award to Louis C.K. for his comedy special!

Ricky Gervais takes the stage. YAY. “So much better than the Golden Globes ‘in’t it? So nice and attentive…wishing it was the Golden Globes so you could have a beer.” He presents Best Director for a Variety Special. The Tony Awards win. Yeah. He’s accepting his award in the Emmys Directors booth where he is…directing.  He directs his crew to play him off as he continues talking. HE COULD HAVE TALKED AS LONG AS HE WANTED! Ricky says sorry to Louis CK. The GREATEST COMIC IN THE WORLD

The Best Variety Special award goes to “NOT AGAIN” groans Ricky – The Daily Show for the TENTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR. HOLY CRAP. This has to be embarrassing by now. “Free sandwich after 10!” Lulz. He congratulates all of the other nominees.  I HEART JON STEWART. That IS ALL.

Jimmy’s “mom and dad” are in the audience. Guess what mom and dad! You told me I could win an Emmy, but I didn’t!  Tracy Morgan wags his finger at the fake Mr. and Mrs. Kimmel who are escorted out of the theater by security.

The Mini-Series and Movies category is Next.

Steve Buscemi takes the stage.  He presents Best Supporting Actress in a Mini-Series or Movie to Jessica Lange for American Horror Story. Oh look. Ryan Murphy has a winner.  Jessica looks FANTASTIC.

Bruce Rosenbloom (Boss of the Emmys) and Ellen Deneneres take the stage. She’s not wearing any pants (Remember the bit at the beginning).  You can watch old TV Shows at the Emmys website.

Kerry Washington presents Best Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series or Movie to Tom Berenger for Hatfields and McCoy. Yakety Yak. He totally got played off.

Time for In Memorium.  Ron Howard takes the stage to honor the late Andy Griffith. AW. The rest of In Memoriam plays. “The Way We Were”. Marvin Hamlisch is first. AW DAVY JONES SNIFF. Dick Clark was last.

Lucy Lui and Keifer Sutherland present Best Writing and Best Actress for a Mini-Series or Movie. Game Change wins both. Julianne Moore wins. Oh. Sarah Palin had given her a “big thumbs down.”

Jon Stewart is running around the audience. Jimmy informs the viewers that he caught him throwing his Emmy out backstage. REMEMBER THAT VOTERS.

Ginnifer Goodwin and Emily Van Camp present Best Directing for a Mini-Series or Movie. Game Change wins! (And is cleaning up)  And, they present Best Actor for a Mini-Series or Movie to Kevin Costner for Hatfields and McCoys.

The three big awards are left!

Andre Brauer present Best Mini-Series of Movie to Game Change. Producer, Tom Hanks, accepts the award.

Julianne Moore presents Best Drama Series to Homeland. It’s Showtime’s first Best Series award ever. Hm. If Mad Man had won, it would have broken a record winning 5 years in a row.

Jimmy introduces Michael J. Fox as “everyone’s least favorite person.” LOL. He gets a standing ovation. “Steady as a rock!” says Michael. He presents Best Comedy Series to Modern Family. Of course.  Ha ha. Steve Levitan totally gets played off.

***

Outstanding Reality – Competition Program
The Amazing Race – Winner (Zzzzz)
Dancing With the Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef
The Voice

Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program:
The Amazing Race: Phil Keoghan
American Idol: Ryan Seacrest
Betty White: Betty White’s Off Their Rockers
Dancing With the Stars: Tom Bergeron – WINNER!!!!
So You Think You Can Dance: Cat Deeley

Outstanding Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Game Of Thrones
Homeland – WINNER
Mad Men

Outstanding Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Girls
Modern Family – WINNER
30 Rock
Veep

Outstanding Miniseries or Movie
American Horror Story
Game Change – WINNER
Hatfields & McCoys
Hemingway & Gellhorn
Luther
Sherlock: A Scandal In Belgravia (Masterpiece)

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series
Lena Dunham, Girls
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep – Winner

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Louis C.K., Louie
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men – Winner

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory
Kathryn Joosten, Desperate Housewives
Julie Bowen, Modern Family – Winner
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family  - Winner
Max Greenfield, New Girl
Bill Hader, Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Directing For A Comedy Series
Curb Your Enthusiasm, Palestinian Chicken
Girls, She Did
Louie, Duckling
Modern Family, Virgin Territory
Modern Family, Baby On Board  - Steve Levitan – Winner
New Girl, Pilot

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series
Community, Remedial Chaos Theory
Girls, Pilot
Louie, Pregnant – Louis CK – WINNER
Parks and Recreation, The Debate
Parks And Recreation, Win, Lose, Or Draw

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
Glenn Close, Damages
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Kathy Bates, Harry’s Law
Claire Danes, Homeland – WINNER
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey
Damian Lewis, Homeland – WINNER
Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey – WINNER
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad – WINNER
Giancarlo Esposito, Breaking Bad
Brendan Coyle, Downton Abbey
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Jared Harris, Mad Men

Outstanding Directing For A Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire, To The Lost – Winner
Breaking Bad, Face Off
Downton Abbey, Episode 7
Homeland, Pilot
Mad Men, The Other Woman

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series
Downton Abbey, Episode 7
Homeland, Pilot - WINNER
Mad Men, The Other Woman
Mad Men, Commissions And Fees
Mad Men, Far Away Places

Outstanding Variety Series
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart – WINNER
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Directing For A Variety Special
84th Annual Academy Awards
The 54th Annual Grammy Awards
Louis C.K. Live At The Beacon Theatre
New York City Ballet George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker (Live From Lincoln Center)
65th Annual Tony Awards – WINNER

Outstanding Writing For A Variety Special
84th Annual Academy Awards
Betty White’s 90th Birthday: A Tribute To America’s Golden Girl
The Kennedy Center Honors
Louis C.K. Live At The Beacon Theatre – WINNER
65th Annual Tony Awards

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Connie Britton, American Horror Story
Julianne Moore, Game Change – WINNER
Nicole Kidman, Hemingway & Gellhorn
Ashley Judd, Missing
Emma Thompson, The Song of Lunch (Masterpiece)

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Woody Harrelson, Game Change
Kevin Costner, Hatfield & McCoys – WINNER
Bill Paxton, Hatfield & McCoys
Clive Owen, Hemingway & Gellhorn
Idris Elba, Luther
Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia (Masterpiece)

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or A Movie
Frances Conroy, American Horror Story
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story – WINNER
Sarah Paulson, Game Change
Mare Winningham, Hatfields & McCoys
Judy Davis, Page Eight (Masterpiece)

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Denis O’Hare, American Horror Story
Ed Harris, Game Change
Tom Berenger, Hatfields & McCoys – WINNER
David Strathairn, Hemingway & Gellhorn
Martin Freeman, Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia (Masterpiece)

Outstanding Directing For A Miniseries, Movie Or A Dramatic Special
Game Change – WINNER
Hatfields & McCoys
Hemingway & Gellhorn
Luther
Sherlock: A Scandal In Belgravia (Masterpiece)

Outstanding Writing for a Miniseries, Movie or a Dramatic Special
Game Change - WINNER
Hatfields & McCoys
The Hour
Luther
Sherlock: A Scandal In Belgravia (Masterpiece)