The Bachelor — Season 18, Episode 1802 — Live Blog and Discussion (Josh Krajcik Video)

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For our dose of drama tonight, the women team up with JP for a photo shoot to benefit something called Models n Mutts, “an organization of compassionate models dedicated to raising money and awareness to the many animal charities in need of support.” Finally, the bachelorette who has no other credentials than “dog lover” will have the advantage.

Each bachelorette will have a photo taken with her assigned rescue dog and JP, perhaps to raise money and awareness to the many single men in need of support. However, reports an overwrought abc.com, two of the women are horrified to learn they must wear sexy bathing suits for the shoot–after all, the dogs will be stark naked–which indicates that they either did not watch the series in previous seasons or were feeling bloated this week.  The specter of showing the viewing audience a few cubic inches more flesh than they did last week results in tears, angry reproachments, and extra camera time for these lucky gals.

JP apparently has his own second thoughts during the course of the show, telling Us Magazine that he considered leaving “phew! A couple of times. Yeah, a couple of times.” But then his attorney hot-glued a copy of his contract with the production company to his windshield. “I don’t like hurting people, and it gets tough as you start getting to know people better,” he explained, emotionally dropping “t”s and eliding “l”s. It got particularly difficult after he was forced to read the free spirit’s blog about the dangers of fracking.

8:00! And by the way, James Brolin guest stars on Castle, next. The shows opens with a bunch of women gibbering at each other in the villa. Clare, the hairstylist,has the first solo date with JP. She tells us she doesn’t go to bars or on dates, for that matter, so this is promising. By “this,” I mean, appearing on national television to vie with a couple of dozen strangers for the attention of a man she has never met before. Much more promising than match.com. He blindfolds her, which is not promising, unless she’s into S&M. The date card said, “Let’s chill,” so maybe he’s going to lock her in an abandoned refrigerator.

They arrive somewhere snowy and JP has Clare jump on his back so he can carry her. They’re going sledding!  “This is unreal,” rhapsodizes Clare. No wonder she never goes on dates, she won’t settle for dinner and a movie.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Lucy is swimming topless. She forgot to pack her bikini top, and it’s not like any of the other girls or the wardrobe department can lend her one.

JP thinks Clare is very cute and fun, while she hasn’t felt this alive with a man in a long time. Someone is going to be let down. They go ice skating, foreshadowing the iciness he will show her before long.

The next date card arrives at the house, and it’s for Kat. He writes, “I can feel the electricity.” He wants her to bring her vibrator.

The snowy evening ends, of course, in a hot tub. Where did they change, behind an evergreen? Clare tells JP how perfect her now-dead father was, which explains why she doesn’t date much. She does properly use the word “ironic” in describing herself as having turned into an ice queen since the dad died. JP just can’t wait to get to the making out part. He also wouldn’t mind free hairstyling, so he gives her a rose.  “I can’t wait to see what comes next,” she says. I think that will be Juan Pablo in the hot tub.

They scurry across the snow to where some dude, cross-promoted from X-Factor, serenades them with a guitar. They dance while she clutches the rose against JP’s naked back. Ouch! It starts snowing. Someone is going to get pneumonia. Clare exclaims over and over at how fantastic it all is and JP is. She better slow down or she’s going to run out of superlatives to describe the second date.

X Factor alum, Josh Krajcik, performs

Medical sales rep Kat squees pre-date next. No insecurities or romantic dreaminess for her, it’s all business. She dresses casually in white short-shorts, and they drive to an airport to board a private jet. Aren’t they setting the standards kind of high at the outset?  Post-show, it’ll be back to his five-year-old car and impulsive trips to the Kroger. JP hands her a neon-colored running outfit with LED lights all over it to change into. They land in. . .Salt Lake City? I’d throw that date card right in his face.

They’re there for the Electric Run, some kind of weird race with a million screaming people and loud dance music. Not exactly an intimate date, and they have to yell at each other to be heard. Nevertheless, he’s all handsy right off the bat.

Another date card arrives at the house for a whole bunch of the girls. “Say cheese,” it says. Mixed reactions abound, especially for the dreariness of the copywriters.

Back in SLC, Kat and JP are called on stage. She’s thrilled to see a rose there. How does he even know he likes her? Then again, he may like women who wear what he says, let him manhandle them, and  are satisfied on dates where he doesn’t have to listen to them.

Next, the 13 girls listed on the last date card go off in the limo, throwing back liquor. JP is waiting to meet them in some skeevy warehouse district. He can’t possibly tie them all up and hang them from meat hooks. They enter a huge photo studio, and JP welcomes his turquoise-bearded creative director to introduce the dogs. They’re the most natural-looking ones on the show.

As the creative director shows the girls their costumes, JP leers at the bikinis. Elise is showed just two cardboard signs attached to hangers. She isn’t happy. Andi, the ADA, gets only one sign. “Being naked is not in my comfort zone,” she says. Being stripped of her dignity to appear on a reality show is right up her alley, though.

Elise explains that she’s a school teacher and wants to be a role model. Creative Director brushes her off, claiming her nakedness is not the thing, what matters is the cause it’s promoting. This is why teachers are sleeping with their students all the time–it’s not the sex, it’s the nurturing the relationship provides. Lucy offers to switch her hydrant costume with Elise, then strolls outside naked with her dog. She’s more of a lewd spirit than a free one.

Cassandra gets a date-scene photo with JP and her dog, who gets meatballs. I think the dog made out better. Renee also gets a romantic scene, which troubles the girls wearing silly costumes, as they seem to believe pretending to date someone for the camera is the equivalent of the real thing. Oh, wait.

Meanwhile, Andi continues to agonize wretchedly over the nudity required for her photo. She must be really effective at closing arguments. JP tells her he’ll be naked in their shot, too, and he’s not afraid. I bet not. “He was uncomfortable, too,” she says happily, which makes her feel better.  He failed to mention Clothes-Free Spirit Lucy would be in the shot, too.

At the end of the day, they all go to a rooftop pool to drink some more and wear huge dangly earrings. Cassandra tells us she has a son whom she must tell JP about, a prospect apparently as daunting as having to tell him she used to be a man. Why was this child a secret before? Is he Damien or did the PR people only want to mention one single mom in the initial press releases? She and JP go off alone, crowded out of the space by her Bratz Doll eyelashes, so she can finally admit she’s had sex at least once before.

Next to go off onto the Terrace of Intimacy is Renee, whose eyelashes are pretty stumpy. She discusses how she didn’t quite kiss him. She should have admitted to having another kid.

JP carries Nikki to a sofa. She holds a pillow protectively over her midsection and tells him how she loves her job. He seems puzzled at the concept of working.

Visibly drunk Victoria staggers around, talking about straddling people when you perform the Heimlich maneuver, which I believe she may have confused with another physical interaction between two frenetic people. She appears in her soaking wet bikini in view of Nikki and JP, who shake their heads sadly and voice pity for her. She flees to the bathroom and locks herself in, sobbing pathetically but loudly enough for the boom mike guy to capture it. Renee comes in to comfort her. They sit on the bathroom floor as Victoria first shrieks her dismay, then stalks away, insisting she’s going home. A crew member stops her, insisting she needs her shoes before he’ll let her on the elevator. “I’m done, done, done, done,” she tells him articulately. Finally, in frustration, she runs back to the bathroom and slams a stall door behind her. I wonder how many takes all that required.

The other bachelorettes express disapproval of Victoria’s behavior. A grinning Lucy comes to tell JP about her. He goes into the bathroom–the ladies room? Shocking!– and follows the sounds of the sobs. She refuses to talk to him. We see a great toilet-paper-dispener’s-eye-view shot of her huddled by the toilet. JP gives up, but is the picture of understanding fatherliness as he tells the other girls he feels bad for her. More importantly, he has a rose for Kelly, apparently because she happily dressed as a bulldog. She’ll get something even better if she dresses as a French maid.

Next day, the girls, in varying states of undress, are still fussing over Victoria, who has been hustled off to some hotel. JP visits her there and she apologizes. Very clever, Victoria–you finally got one-on-one time on your own terms. She tells him she feels everything very intensely, wink wink, nudge nudge. JP tells her it’s hard to see a scene like she threw last night because he’s a father and his daughter snXkd;a$@mf!l–sorry, I feel asleep. Anyway, he jettisons her, because just picture that chick with PMS.

In advance of the Rose Ceremony, the girls talk of the “uncertainty” of what happened with Victoria, as if she were disappeared by the CIA. JP calls Amy L. to the couch. She’s a reporter, so she conducts a TV interview of him. This doesn’t seem like a productive tactic, but she thinks they had a good conversation while she brandished a pretend microphone and spoke to the camera.

Now it’s time for Sharleen, the First Impression Rose lady. She apologizes for being ungracious when he gave it to her. She finds it “weirdly nervewracking” to talk to him. Another win in the intimate conversation category. But at least her boobs are properly hanging out this time.

Next we see as Cassandra, who is all worked up  about missing her son, even though last week she made no mention of him. She is also comforted by Renee, who is either very nurturing or is secretly undermining her competitors through psychological means. They leave the room and perch on the edge of a bathtub to talk more. JP follows, possibly hoping for a threesome in the tub. Cassandra asks the question that has boggled philosophers for an eternity: “Why am I here?” I’m asking the same thing on behalf of my remote control channel selector right now.

Chris arrives and I find I didn’t miss him. JP reports, “Oof! It’s been a great week.” Cassandra gets the first rose. For her, crying paid off. It’s a fine line. Nikki gets one next. Andi follows, then Elise. Why do only half of these faces look familiar? Sharleen, Renee–then who? Lanuel? It’s his accent, damn. Lucy, well, who doesn’t like naked. Alison, I didn’t realize there was an Alison, Chelsie, Lauren. And the final rose goes to Christy. Chantel and Amy L. are out. That interviewing gimmick was very ill-advised. And Chantel never had a one-on-one, did she?

JP preaches to his remaining minions about the difficulty of weeding them out of the crowd, and they toast each other. Here’s to contrived competitions for the affections of a media-hyped television character! L’chaim!

Next Week:

 
  • Murghala

    Juan Pablo! Juan Pablo!

  • Zapple

    ooo first date jitters!

  • Murghala

    And she’s smelling him already.

  • Murghala

    “This is unreal,” she says. Well, yeah.

  • Zapple

    Hah! News flash honey, it NOT real.

  • Zapple

    Oh the fake laughter and squealing! That’s a lot of work.

  • Murghala

    she wants to open herself up to him.

    Juan Pablo: “Check!”

  • Zapple

    I don’t remember anything about any of the girls except for Lucy the flower child.

  • Murghala

    She just happened to bring a bikini along on her date?

  • Murghala

    I remember the opera singer who wasn’t impressed with Juan Pablo. But not this one. Or is shethe one with the fake baby bump?

  • Zapple

    Too much daddy talk. Big turn off.

  • Murghala

    And yet all that nuzzling. I do n’t think JP is turned off…

  • Zapple

    Probably required to have it on your person at all times! You never know when you’ll be required to strip down.

  • lola

    I don’t think he can stand Claire. Gave her a pity rose. :-) She ain’t the one!!!

  • Zapple

    After he meets the next one he’ll forget about daddy’s girl. He’ll never measure to her dad.

  • Zapple

    I agree. She’s not going to handle rejection well.

  • lola

    Oh, the guy from X-factor…or was it the Voice? Yeah, this is a REAL date!!!

  • Zapple

    Oh Josh Krajik!

  • Murghala

    The Voice is NBC, so it must be XFactor.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    THIS IS IDIOTIC

  • Murghala

    Well, yeah. But hold on. Any minute now one of the girls will be on the bathroom floor screaming “I WISH YOU WOULD DIE, JUAN PABLO!” I’ve been living for the moment all week.

  • lola

    Oooo can’t wait!.. drunken lady coming up next! Must be the one on the bathroom floor the previews keep showing.

  • lola

    Always liked him. Glad to see he’s still in the biz. :-)

  • lola

    Ain’t that the truth.

  • Amy Beth

    But this is ABC. They should have gotten whoever won the show Kelly Clarkson was on.

    ETA: Duets?

  • Zapple

    Do you think that will be this week? We need a little drama, this Schmoopie stuff is getting cloying.

  • lola

    haha was going to say the same thing. They usually leave us with a cliff hanger.

  • Zapple

    Yes, finally! A good date.

  • Murghala

    What? No blindfold?

  • lola

    Best thing about this whole show is the little doggy!!!
    I hate those daisy duke shorts those girls wear.

  • Zapple

    Yeah, I liked him too. He sounded good!

  • lola

    Oh no….a rave.

  • Zapple

    How else are they going to innocently show ass cheek?

  • lola

    A “run”. I kinda like it! Salt Lake City. Wonder what the cause is?

  • Murghala

    Running on a first date? How embarrassing for the physically unfit.

  • Zapple

    Yeah that’s what I’d like to do on a first date, run, get sweaty and turn bright red in the face.

  • Amy Beth

    Is this an actual pre-existing event?

  • Zapple

    Some of these girls have been starving themselves for months for the show! They barely have the energy to sashay let alone run.

  • Murghala

    No whispered conversations and canoodling on this date.

  • Zapple

    oo, the crier is a brunette!

  • Zapple

    It must be! Never heard of it myself!

  • lola

    Googled it…yes it is

    http://electricrun.com/saltlakecity/

  • lola

    lol!

  • Amy Beth

    I know she said “horror” show, but I heard “whore” show.

  • lola

    That photographer forgot to wipe the cotton candy off his chin.

  • Zapple

    haha! Prophetic!

  • lola

    Best Friends animal society is one of the best in the US. Maybe the world. They took in all the Michael Vick dogs and rehabilitated most of them. They give the un-adoptables a lifetime home there.

    You would think free spirit would be “liking” dogs more. Even their poop & pee.

  • Zapple

    I bet the naked girl is the crier!

  • Murghala

    Just say no? JP will respect you for it. I mean he LOVED the frumpy gray dress.

  • lola

    Excellent point. Can’t remember the previews if she actually did it. Will see…after the commercial!

  • Zapple

    WWFDD. What would frumpy dress do?

  • Murghala

    Which is worse? Having to be naked in the photo shoot, or dress up as a fire hydrant?

  • Zapple

    Maybe he’ll feel compelled to pee on her……

  • lola

    This will be a re-occuring question this whole season or as long as FD (frumpy dress) lasts. Thank you!!!

  • Amy Beth

    Naked photo shoot seems shady. Even professional models wear pasties and flesh-colored cover-ups.

  • lola

    Wouldn’t be surprised if he jokes about doing that.

  • Zapple

    HAH!I hope she lasts until the bitter end and then says no.

  • Murghala

    Smart! Get Crazy Lucy to do naked.

  • lola

    Oh…a swapper-oo. Smart.

  • Sybill Trelawney

    I cannot believe this woman left a job as a PROSECUTOR to go on the Bachelor, and then is SHOCKED, SHOCKED that there is semi-nudity involved.

  • Zapple

    Of course she feels good, she gettin’ a little fresh air. wink, wink

  • Zapple

    No kidding, have they never watched the show??!

  • lola

    Silly group date…except for the dogs. Hope they get adopted.

  • lola

    I thought they’d be wearing those signs.

  • Murghala

    Only one rose for 13 girls?

  • lola

    Drunky girl just wants her 15minules of fame.

  • chloe18

    I haven’t watched this since that one guy ended up picking no one but was flipping channels and saw some it. I can’t believe how dismissive that director guy was when the girl did not want to get naked. I know the whole thing might be fake and played up for drama but I didn’t like at all how the girls were pressured into getting naked and were treated like they should do it b/c it’s for charity. If they stated they didn’t want to do it they should have been respected and given a different wardrobe option as soon as they voiced concerns.

  • Zapple

    HAHAHAH,! ‘That’s what life is about, straddling people”!

  • Zapple

    I did seem a little skeevy to me too!

  • Sybill Trelawney

    This is the first time I have ever watched a group date episode of the Bachelor/Bachelorette. Previously I’ve only watched an “arrivals” episode or the finale.

    I am so horrified that I can’t even think of anything snarky to say. Watching these women makes me embarrassed for my entire gender. Maybe the equivalent Bachelorette group date episodes are just as bad, but that doesn’t make it any less cringeworthy.

  • Zapple

    Too bad it’ll be on the floor of a public bathroom, hahah

  • Zapple

    I think that girl has crawled under a bathroom door or two before. That was smooth!

  • chloe18

    yeah it really bothered me seeing the way they were treated. The one girl who volunteered to do it seemed fine with it so I don’t have a problem with the concept or her doing it, but I don’t like seeing women pressured into doing something they clearly don’t want to.

  • Murghala

    I just hope and pray there will be no on-camera vomiting.

  • lola

    Yes, it is sad but this unfortunately is common with this age group. VH1, MTV, spring break shows IMO. The boys are just as bad. There are much better and fun group dates. This is just one of those train wreck ones. And actually most of these girls seem pretty nice on this date. it’s that idiot that spoils it.

  • lola

    Of course!

  • Murghala

    So she’s getting her one on one time in the toilet…

  • Amy Beth

    Behind the scenes guy is tweeting. Hilarious. His handle is @theyearofelan

  • Sybill Trelawney

    Well, Victoria may not be getting one on one time, but at least she’s the subject of a group pity session led by Juan Pablo.

  • Zapple

    Clever girl :)

  • Zapple

    Okay, so the girl that got the rose….what did she do so great this episode to earn that rose. I forget already.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    She dressed as a bulldog.

  • Amy Beth

    She’s a dog lover.

  • Zapple

    Ah, the bulldog of course! THX

  • Zapple

    This girl is clearly used to being the center of attention. No wonder she’s pissed hah.

  • Sybill Trelawney

    “I guess I probably could have been a little more adult.” #understatement

  • Zapple

    Okay, now I really like Juan Pablo. Buh-bye Vicki.

  • Sybill Trelawney

    “I’m trying to decide whether it is worth it to be away from my son for weeks and months while I compete with 15 other women for the attentions of a man. I mean, how else could I possibly meet someone?”

  • Murghala

    Bullshit interview. Bad move, Amy. JP likes to be sincere and heart-felt.

  • Murghala

    Frumpy Gray Dress Girl is showing cleavage!

  • Zapple

    That was lame. Way to waste your valuable one-on-one time.

  • lola

    Frumpy Gray Dress has another frumpy gray dress.

  • Amy Beth

    She likes gray dresses, not frumpy dresses.

  • Zapple

    She has every neckline in gray.

  • Zapple

    BIG time cleavage. What will his daughter think?

  • Murghala

    I hope Juan Pablo appreciates how understanding Renee is, just like him!

  • Zapple

    Is Renee Frumpy Gray? She’s very mature. He likes that.

  • Murghala

    No, Renee is I Have An Eight Year Old Son lady who also scooted under the bathroom door to be understanding to Drunky.

  • Zapple

    He needs to whittle them down so I can start remembering names.

  • Zapple

    I thought he made himself clear earlier. Crying jags are not going to cut it it.

  • Amy Beth

    Cassandra is killing me with the “likes”.

  • Murghala

    Facebook generation.

  • Amy Beth

    Valley girl speak.

  • Zapple

    Is this show always 2 hours??

  • http://mj Shnugs

    I think until they boil down the numbers.

  • Zapple

    Boil away!

  • Murghala

    Lucy, again???

  • lola

    I read somewhere some of these rose ceremonies last all night…hours and hours. It’s just edited way down for tv.

  • lola

    I don’t get it.

  • Amy Beth

    Producer’s pick.

  • Zapple

    She bared it all! She earned it for at least one more week.

  • helo23

    Lol she’s the youngest girl I think. 21.

    For a second I thought Willa Holland from Arrow took a break from acting to be on The Bachelor. Cassandra looks a lot like her.

  • Amy Beth

    I would have ignored it until she said “I have like a son.”

  • ladymctech

    I wouldn’t be in this thread at all if I hadn’t seen that Josh was performing on the show. I enjoyed his performance. Watching the “snow date”…not so much.