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Amy Salgado, 23 Seattle WA (left): She has a six-year old son. Her husband thinks auditioning is a waste of time. He is right, of course. But honestly, I do not enjoy watching truly delusional auditioners having their dreams crushed by the judges. It’s neither fun nor funny.
Darwin Reedy, 27 Seattle WA (left): Mom comes along. Mom and Daughter are an odd pair who look alike with matching bangs and glasses. Darwin sings “Doncha” by the Pussycat Dolls. It’s dreadful. Why am I picturing the early sixties at Sarah Lawrence College? Maybe it’s a huge joke, and these two are really performance artists. My word for Darwin? Playtex. It lifts and separates.
Thomas Daniels, 21 Troutdale, OR: 30 minutes into the broadcast, we finally hear a talented singer. Tommy quit his job as a gas attendant. He slept next to some trash cans waiting to audition. This is his third Idol audition. He auditioned two years ago in Las Vegas and then three years ago in Los Angeles. He says that Idol is his elevator to the top…this way he doesn’t have to bust his butt…let’s go America, vote for me. It’s refreshing that he admits this. Regardless, dude is good. He sings “Arms of a Woman” by Amos Lee with a sweet, warm tone. Very nice. The judges put him through unanimously. Oh, he had the cutest little pet chiuaua.
Blake Lewis, 25  Bothell WA (left): He’s a champion beatboxer. He demonstrates the skill, and it comes off a bit gimmicky. He does a nice job with Seal’s “Crazy”, even though he throws in a few too many embellishments. Simon says “You’re good, but you’re very over the top…I don’t know if you’re as good as you think you are.” Blake has the audacity to say he’s never been discovered because he’s from Seattle and not LA. Uh huh. Paula loves him. Simon says yes, reluctantly. Blake is the second contestant tonight put through to Hollywood. Watch this one.
Shyamali Malakar, 19 Lacey WA: She performs a pleasant version of “Summertime”.  She lacks power, but she’s a’ight. Simon says she’s nothing unique (I agree) but Randy and Paula really like her.
Nicholas Zitzmann, 27 Midvale UT (left): Nick is a software engineer. That’s supposed to be significant somehow. Because, you know, computer geeks are weird, y’all. He says that his co-workers encouraged him to try out. Come to think of it, if I announced to my co-workers that I was trying out for American Idol, they’d encourage me too. The snark would never stop.  Trouble is, like all of the “bad” contestants so far, Nick’s endless, dire version of “Unchained Melody” is terrible in a way we veteran Idol watchers have heard many, many times before. The thrill is just sooo gone. My word for Nick? Murine.
Rudy Cardenas 28, North Hollywood, CA (left): Rudy is the last contestant of the day. He sings “Open Arms” (HATE this song) by Journey. Rudy has a decent voice, with some power on the high notes. But he’s not knock-your-socks-off great Simon looks bored and says no. Paula says to Simon, “Are you kidding me? 100% YES!” Randy says yes. Rudy advances to Hollywood. Check this one out, sez I.
Retread Part 2: Let’s play SAT analogies!  Eric Chapman is to Taylor Hicks, Season 6 as Michael Sandecki is to Clay Aiken, Season 5. Remember Michael? His wonderfully candid moment when Clay Aiken surprised him on stage during last year’s season finale was a highlight. However, Michael’s Clay Aiken schtick at the Boston auditions last year was aggressively unfunny. Eric, the gray-haired hairdresser is also untalented and unfunny. Except when he tries to put some hair goop on Simon and the security guards nearly wrestle him to the ground. Now, that would have been funny…
Anna Kearns, 20 Wichita, KS (left): Anna’s backstory is that she’s 6′ 7″ in high heels. She towers over Ryan. The producers must think tallness = an awesome backstory, ’cause Anna’s shouty version of Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” earns her a ticket to Hollywood.
Jordin Sparks, 16 Glendale AZ: She sings “Because You Love Me” by Celine Dion. Jordan has a very Kat Mcphee-like tendency to lose it on the high notes. Randy and Paula love her, Simon has reservations, but he puts her through. Methinks Jordan is another undevloped teenager who will choke at some point during the competition. It’s just a matter of when. Sidenote: Her dad is Felipe Sparks, who played in the NFL for 9 years.
Steven “Red” Thoen, 27 Seattle WA: This year’s contestant who most resembles a mass-murderer. He sings “Bohemian Rhapsody” in a high-pitched whine. Last word for Red: Invisaline.
