PLEASE KILL ME NOW

UPDATE:Â   Just added some screen caps. Â  Click on the jump…

Ok, now that I’ve got that off my chest–tonight’s show was  definitely an improvement over last night’s craptastic premier.  The Hollywood contestants featured in Seattle were MUCH better than those advanced in Minneapolis.  Unfortunately again, the good auditions were few and far  between.   To get to the good stuff, one had to suffer through the interminable.   Seriously, I think the TPTB have  run out of schtick.   Practically everything they did tonight was a rip-off of prior bits.   How many new ways can a singer sing a song badly?   After 5 seasons it’s all been done, done, done, DONE  to death.   There are 6 more nights of auditions to endure.   I am not looking forward to the next few weeks.

On with the re-crap. (not a typo, peeps) Sigh.

It’s raining in Seattle.   Well, that probably made the producers happy.   A sunny day in Seattle would have just  ruined the script.  

Brandon Groves, 26  Wheeling WV (left):   Remember the “I Shot the Sheriff” guy from last year?   He’s back, inexplicably.   Even crazier:   The producers put him through again.   This year, he’s dressed like the Apollo Creed dude from last night, but his hat is even stupider.   He sings “God Bless America”.   It’s not an improvement on last year.

  

  

Jennifer “The Hotness” Chapton, 23 Seattle WA:  Ãƒâ€š   She is not hot.   Two words:   Cover Girl.  Ãƒâ€š  Or maybe Maybelline.

Amy Salgado, 23 Seattle WA (left):   She has a six-year old son.   Her husband thinks auditioning is a waste of time.   He is right, of course.   But honestly, I do not enjoy watching truly delusional auditioners having their dreams crushed by the judges.   It’s neither fun nor funny.

  

  

Darwin Reedy, 27 Seattle WA  (left):  Mom comes along.   Mom and Daughter are an odd pair who look alike with matching bangs and glasses.  Darwin sings “Doncha” by the Pussycat Dolls.  It’s dreadful. Why am I picturing the early sixties at Sarah Lawrence College?   Maybe it’s a huge joke, and these two are really performance artists.   My word for Darwin?   Playtex. It lifts and separates.

  

Thomas Daniels, 21  Troutdale, OR: 30 minutes into the broadcast, we finally hear a talented singer.   Tommy quit his job as a gas attendant. He slept next to some trash cans waiting to audition. This is his third Idol audition.   He auditioned two years ago in Las Vegas and then three years ago in Los Angeles.   He says that Idol is his elevator to the top…this way he doesn’t have to bust his butt…let’s go America, vote for me.   It’s refreshing that he admits this. Regardless, dude is good.   He sings “Arms of a Woman” by Amos Lee with a sweet, warm tone. Very nice.  The judges put him through unanimously.   Oh, he had the cutest little pet chiuaua.

Melissa Stravros,  22 Seattle WA:   She brought her dog too.  She butchers Christina Aguilera. At least she knows it.   I think the pooch would have sung it  better.  Ãƒâ€š  My word for Melissa:  Coppertone.

Blake Lewis, 25  Ãƒâ€š  Bothell WA (left): He’s a champion beatboxer.   He demonstrates the skill, and it comes off a bit gimmicky. He  does a nice job with Seal’s “Crazy”, even though  he throws in a few too many embellishments.   Simon says “You’re good, but you’re very over the top…I don’t know if you’re as good as you think you are.”   Blake has the audacity to say he’s never been discovered because he’s from Seattle and not LA.   Uh huh. Paula loves him.   Simon says yes, reluctantly.   Blake is the second contestant tonight put through to Hollywood.   Watch this one.

After the break comes a  string of bad auditions that are so boring and predictable,  they aren’t worth mentioning.   And anyway, I’m feeling lazy tonight.

Next up:  A  brother and sister who come to the audition together, but audition separately.   Their dad is a  classical Indian musician.  Ãƒâ€š  Sibling rivalry is definitely part of the script.

Shyamali Malakar, 19 Lacey WA:   She performs a pleasant version of “Summertime”.  Ãƒâ€š   She lacks power, but she’s a’ight.   Simon says she’s nothing unique (I agree) but Randy and Paula really like her.

Sanjaya Malakar, 17 Lacey WA:   Stevie Wonder  is his Idol.   He sings “Signed Sealed and Delivered”.   He is better than his sister, but young and undeveloped.   Simon says he’s a lot better than his sister. Randy thinks so too.

Pay attention to these two.   Think Leah and Brooke Barrettsmith from last year…

The Power of Bauer!   Just thought I’d throw that in.

Nicholas Zitzmann,  27 Midvale UT (left):   Nick is a software engineer.   That’s supposed to be significant somehow.  Because, you know, computer geeks are weird, y’all.   He says that his co-workers encouraged him to try out.   Come to think of it, if I announced to my co-workers that I was trying out for American Idol, they’d encourage me too.  The snark would never stop.  Ãƒâ€š  Trouble is, like all of the “bad” contestants so far,  Nick’s  endless, dire version of “Unchained Melody” is terrible in a way we veteran Idol watchers have heard many, many times before.  The thrill is just sooo gone.  My word for Nick?   Murine.

  

Rudy Cardenas  28, North Hollywood, CA (left): Rudy is the last contestant of the day.   He sings “Open Arms” (HATE this song) by Journey.  Rudy has a  decent  voice, with some power on the high notes. But he’s not knock-your-socks-off great   Simon looks bored and says no.   Paula says to Simon, “Are you kidding me? 100% YES!” Randy says yes.   Rudy advances  to Hollywood.   Check this one out, sez I.

“Bad Day” is the soundtrack for a montage of the day’s catastrophes.   And it’s time for a break.   But not before a preview of Day 2, which looks to be the Freaks and Geeks portion of tonight’s broadcast.

Can I stop now?   No?   I have to finish the re-crap?   Sigh.

Retread Part 1: Remember Dirk and Kirk,  or whatever the hell they were called from Season 4?   The contestants who met on line and became BFF?  You know, the guys who got to meet their hero (!!!) David Hasselhoff at the finale?   Well, the producers  must have thought  that bit was  awesome (it wasn’t),  ’cause  they bring it back every season.

This years version is Kenneth Briggs, 23 Bothell WA and Jonathan Jayne, 20 Renton WA.  Ãƒâ€š  Question:  At least one of these guys is actually mentally challenged.   I mean what the hell?   When did American Idol turn into South Park?   Bleah.

Retread Part 2: Let’s play SAT analogies!  Ãƒâ€š  Eric Chapman  is to Taylor Hicks, Season 6 as  Michael Sandecki  is to Clay Aiken, Season 5.   Remember Michael?   His wonderfully candid moment when Clay Aiken surprised him on stage during  last year’s  season finale was a highlight.  However, Michael’s Clay Aiken schtick at the Boston auditions last year was aggressively  unfunny. Eric, the gray-haired hairdresser is also untalented and unfunny.   Except when he tries to put some hair goop on Simon and the security guards nearly wrestle him to the ground.   Now, that would have been funny…

  

Anna Kearns, 20 Wichita, KS (left):  Anna’s backstory is that she’s 6′ 7″ in high heels.   She towers over Ryan.   The producers must think tallness = an awesome backstory, ’cause Anna’s shouty version of  Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” earns her a ticket to  Hollywood.

  

  

  

Jordin Sparks, 16 Glendale AZ: She sings “Because You Love Me” by Celine Dion.   Jordan has a very Kat Mcphee-like tendency to lose it on the high notes.   Randy and Paula love her, Simon has reservations, but he puts her through.   Methinks Jordan is another undevloped teenager who will choke at some point during the competition.   It’s just a matter of when.   Sidenote: Her dad is Felipe Sparks, who played in the NFL for 9 years.

  

  

Steven “Red”  Thoen, 27 Seattle WA: This year’s contestant who most resembles a mass-murderer. He sings “Bohemian Rhapsody” in a high-pitched whine.   Last word for Red:   Invisaline.

  

And thank Jeebus, it’s over.   Three more weeks of this.   Damn.

The Stats:   9,000 came out to audition in Seattle.   14 contestants are advanced to Hollywood–Seven on the first day, Seven on the second.

Tuesday audition city:Â   Memphis TN.

 
  • hcpoirot

    I think that each auditions should be better if it made into one hour than two hours. Or if they made it into two hours per auditions, they should at least made it equal time between the ones who pass to Hollywood round and the ones who suck real bad. For about 2 hour auditions, we got only about 30 to 40 minutes of people who actually made it to Hollywood and the rest the producer showing us all the worst auditions. :(

    Anywhoo, from 7 people I saw today in Seattle auditions, maybe 2 or 3 people can made it to top 24.

    My prediction:

    1. Jordin. The girl had good voices, young only 16 and pretty. What else can you ask for? Except she blow it very bad in Hollywood round, she is a shoo in to top 24.

    2. Thomas. He had quite a good voice. And he had unique hair styles.

    3. One of the sister and brother. Shymali or Sanjaya. Maybe both of them will made it to top 40 or 36. And the judges will call two of them together to meet them. One will move to top 24 and one will fail. It will made a good show. Cause will the one made it through rejoices or consoled her/his siblings who did not made it to top 24?

    But of course this prediction made without me seeing the other 7 people who made it to Hollywood round. (sigh) Again and again, there will be top 24 contestants who fail to made to top 12 due to lack of airtime unless he/she had very talented voice like Elliott.

  • MaryR

    Did anyone watch The View today? Rosieà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã¢â€ž ¢s rant about how America doesnà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã¢â€ž ¢t want or need to watch Simon and company mock peopleà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬ ¦.well, it just made me mad, a bit guilty for watching (and liking it). But arenà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã¢â€ž ¢t the numbers up from previous years? So clearly America does like ità ¢Ã¢â€š ¬ ¦

    ———

    Rosie’s only claim to fame anymore is trash talking other people. I guess the Donald fight has run its course, so now she’s hoping Simon will fight back. Boring.

  • http://handicappingai6.blogspot.com RenaRF

    IdolByStander – Your daughter is lovely. :-)

    As a long-time watcher, I do believe the pre-show (audition, Hollywood round) coverage sets early favorites. Perhaps you can suggest to her that she do something within her comfort zone as well as her personality that sets her apart during Hollywood Week?

    CONGRATULATIONS and best of luck to you! I’ll be watching for her.

  • Dov Cohen

    Overnight Ratings: Idol Mania Continues
    By Rebecca Stropoli — Broadcasting & Cable, 1/18/2007 1:03:00 PM

    American Idol reigned yet again Wednesday night, but Nielsen’s early numbers were down a bit from Tuesday’s sixth-season premiere. Two hours of Idol on Fox scored a 15.4 rating/36 share in the key 18-49 demo. Tuesday’s final numbers were 15.8/36.

    CBS was a distant second with a 3.1/7 for Armed & Famous, Criminal Minds and CSI: NY (its highest-rated show at a 4.0/11). Cop show Armed & Famous was down from last week’s debut, when it didn’t have to compete with Idol; it earned a 1.9/5 to last week’s 2.9/8.

    NBC was third with a 2.2/5 for a rerun of Friday Night Lights, Deal or No Deal and Medium.

    In fourth place, ABC notched a 2.1/5. The numbers for Knights of Prosperity were not rich: the show was fourth in the 9-9:30 time slot with a 1.4/3. And In Case of Emergency is in need of emergency care: it was also fourth in its 9:30-10 slot, earning a 1.4/3 as well.

    The CW earned a 1.2/3 for Beauty & the Geek and One Tree Hill.

  • http://handicappingai6.blogspot.com RenaRF

    Dov Cohen – Thanks for the numbers. I think if they have some really good auditions that they showcase next week they’ll do better. People invest in American Idol and in so doing, they invest in a particular contestant or a smallish group of contestants. While there were a few standouts from Tuesday and Wednesday night, I haven’t yet seen the person who is going to make me watch and root and vote. But they don’t have to worry about me – I’m hooked. :-)

  • Dov Cohen

    15.4/36
    compared to
    3.1/7

    Talk about a slaughter!

    This means that out of the 112 million homes in America with TVs, 15.4% of those homes were tuned to AI, (that’s 17,248,000 homes in America) and 36% of all TVs that were on in the US at that moment were tuned to AI. Crazy.

  • http://handicappingai6.blogspot.com RenaRF

    MaryR – I didn’t see the view (I’m at work), but I caught a mention of it in a little piece they did on CNN, which I listen to on Sirius radio.

    I’m generally Rosie-neutral. I don’t know what she said about Simon making fun, but my initial thoughts are this:

    1. She’s one to talk. Although I thought it was hilarious when she flipped her hair into a comb-over and aped Donald Trump, isn’t that precisely the type of behavior she is seeming to condemn, mocking another for their appearance? Hypocrisy, anyone?
    2. The audition process on American Idol is well known. Audition at your own risk, I think.

    Cheers!

  • Dov Cohen

    Rena: Yeah, I agree. As a die-hard fanatic since season one, and with friends connected to the show (and new friends of friends connected to the show) my obsession has grown larger as each season goes by, and as I get more info that I never had in previous seasons. It may also be aided by the larger audience, and the new excitement in the eyes of the people who have never watched before. It’s fun watching them enjoy it too :.) Finding MJs blog has also been EXTREMELY fun. I first found her around November-ish of 2005, and have been reading religiously since then, and been posting off and on, more so recently as all my emails come in. I used to exclusively read Foxesonidol.com, but now mjsbigblog.com is a daily staple. I can’t live without my staples!

  • MrsTrep

    Unfortunately if IdolbyStander’s daughter wanted to set herself apart for Hollywood week she would have had to have done it in November, which is when they went to Hollywood if memory serves me right and I’m preggers so it probably doesn’t.

    Idol and fair are rarely used in the same sentence unless there’s a ‘not’ in it. I have to say that I don’t usually pick my favorite until the top 24. I just watch the first couple of weeks for amusement so my husband will watch the rest of the season with me. Some people do pick their fav’s in the Hollywood round, but I don’t because you just don’t see all there is to offer, some come into the top 24 having never been seen on tv!! There’s that Idol not fair thing again :)

  • Allison

    I saw most of Minneapolis, so I could only stomach bits and pieces of Seattle. I caught some perfiormers when switching over when Beauty and the Geek or Friday Night Lights went to commercial.
    Whenever I did watch, it seemed like the period spent before the judges was excruiatingly long. Too much waiting for the judges to speak, then long waits in between, and pointless questions from Randy. It just was too slow and booooorrrrringgg!

  • bean99

    Idolbystander, congrats to your daughter. She’s quite pretty.

    I don’t think Rosie has a corner on calling them mean. It’s been on every show I’ve watched the last couple of days.

  • Grammie Kari

    MJ, I found your analysis of the first two shows to be right on! I would like to see all who make the Top 24 BEFORE they actually get to that round! As mentioned, AI is not fair to all of it’s contestants!

    Good luck to IdolbyStanderà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã¢â€ž ¢s daughter!

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