- American Idol
- Amazing Race
- America’s Got Talent
- Celebrity Apprentice
- Dancing with the Stars
- Glee Spoilers
- The Glee Project
- Ru Paul’s Drag Race
- So You Think You Can Dance
- The Voice
- X Factor
- X Factor UK
- Adam Lambert
- Blake Lewis
- Bo Bice
- Brooke White
- Carrie Underwood
- Casey James
- Chris Daughtry
- Clay Aiken
- Crystal Bowersox
- Danny Gokey
- David Archuleta
- David Cook
- Elliott Yamin
- Haley Reinhart
- James Durbin
- Jennifer Hudson
- Jessica Sanchez
- Jordin Sparks
- Justin Guarini
- Katharine McPhee
- Kellie Pickler
- Kelly Clarkson
- Kris Allen
- Lauren Alaina
- Lee Dewyze
- Pia Toscano
- Phillip Phillips
- Scotty McCreery
- Taylor Hicks
- American Idol 12 Recaps
PLEASE KILL ME NOW
UPDATE:Ãƒâ€š Just added some screen caps. Ãƒâ€š Click on the jump…
Ok, now that I’ve got that off my chest–tonight’s show wasÃƒâ€š definitely an improvement over last night’s craptastic premier.Ãƒâ€š The Hollywood contestants featured in Seattle were MUCH better than those advanced in Minneapolis.Ãƒâ€š Unfortunately again, the good auditions were few and farÃƒâ€š between.Ãƒâ€š To get to the good stuff, one had to suffer through the interminable. Ãƒâ€š Seriously, I think the TPTB haveÃƒâ€š run out of schtick.Ãƒâ€š Practically everything they did tonight was a rip-off of prior bits.Ãƒâ€š How many new ways can a singer sing a song badly?Ãƒâ€š After 5 seasons it’s all been done, done, done, DONEÃƒâ€š to death.Ãƒâ€š There are 6 more nights of auditions to endure.Ãƒâ€š I am not looking forward to the next few weeks.
On with the re-crap. (not a typo, peeps) Sigh.
It’s raining in Seattle.Ãƒâ€š Well, that probably made the producers happy.Ãƒâ€š A sunny day in Seattle would have justÃƒâ€š ruined the script.Ãƒâ€š
Brandon Groves, 26Ãƒâ€š Wheeling WV (left):Ãƒâ€š Remember the “I Shot the Sheriff” guy from last year?Ãƒâ€š He’s back, inexplicably.Ãƒâ€š Even crazier:Ãƒâ€š The producers put him through again.Ãƒâ€š This year, he’s dressed like the Apollo Creed dude from last night, but his hat is even stupider.Ãƒâ€š He sings “God Bless America”.Ãƒâ€š It’s not an improvement on last year.
Jennifer “The Hotness” Chapton, 23 Seattle WA:Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š She is not hot.Ãƒâ€š Two words:Ãƒâ€š Cover Girl.Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š Or maybe Maybelline.
Amy Salgado, 23 Seattle WA (left):Ãƒâ€š She has a six-year old son.Ãƒâ€š Her husband thinks auditioning is a waste of time.Ãƒâ€š He is right, of course.Ãƒâ€š But honestly, I do not enjoy watching truly delusional auditioners having their dreams crushed by the judges.Ãƒâ€š It’s neither fun nor funny.
Darwin Reedy, 27 Seattle WAÃƒâ€š (left):Ãƒâ€š Mom comes along.Ãƒâ€š Mom and Daughter are an odd pair who look alike with matching bangs and glasses.Ãƒâ€š Darwin sings “Doncha” by the Pussycat Dolls.Ãƒâ€š It’s dreadful. Why am I picturing the early sixties at Sarah Lawrence College?Ãƒâ€š Maybe it’s a huge joke, and these two are really performance artists.Ãƒâ€š My word for Darwin?Ãƒâ€š Playtex. It lifts and separates.
Thomas Daniels, 21Ãƒâ€š Troutdale, OR: 30 minutes into the broadcast, we finally hear a talented singer.Ãƒâ€š Tommy quit his job as a gas attendant. He slept next to some trash cans waiting to audition. This is his third Idol audition.Ãƒâ€š He auditioned two years ago in Las Vegas and then three years ago in Los Angeles.Ãƒâ€š He says that Idol is his elevator to the top…this way he doesn’t have to bust his butt…let’s go America, vote for me.Ãƒâ€š It’s refreshing that he admits this. Regardless, dude is good.Ãƒâ€š He sings “Arms of a Woman” by Amos Lee with a sweet, warm tone. Very nice.Ãƒâ€š The judges put him through unanimously.Ãƒâ€š Oh, he had the cutest little pet chiuaua.
Melissa Stravros,Ãƒâ€š 22 Seattle WA:Ãƒâ€š She brought her dog too.Ãƒâ€š She butchers Christina Aguilera. At least she knows it. Ãƒâ€š I think the pooch would have sung itÃƒâ€š better.Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š My word for Melissa:Ãƒâ€š Coppertone.
Blake Lewis, 25Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š Bothell WA (left): He’s a champion beatboxer.Ãƒâ€š He demonstrates the skill, and it comes off a bit gimmicky. HeÃƒâ€š does a nice job with Seal’s “Crazy”, even thoughÃƒâ€š he throws in a few too many embellishments.Ãƒâ€š Simon says “You’re good, but you’re very over the top…I don’t know if you’re as good as you think you are.”Ãƒâ€š Blake has the audacity to say he’s never been discovered because he’s from Seattle and not LA.Ãƒâ€š Uh huh. Paula loves him.Ãƒâ€š Simon says yes, reluctantly.Ãƒâ€š Blake is the second contestant tonight put through to Hollywood.Ãƒâ€š Watch this one.
After the break comes aÃƒâ€š string of bad auditions that are so boring and predictable,Ãƒâ€š they aren’t worth mentioning.Ãƒâ€š And anyway, I’m feeling lazy tonight.
Next up:Ãƒâ€š AÃƒâ€š brother and sister who come to the audition together, but audition separately.Ãƒâ€š Their dad is aÃƒâ€š classical Indian musician.Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š Sibling rivalry is definitely part of the script.
Shyamali Malakar, 19 Lacey WA:Ãƒâ€š She performs a pleasant version of “Summertime”.Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š She lacks power, but she’s a’ight.Ãƒâ€š Simon says she’s nothing unique (I agree) but Randy and Paula really like her.
Sanjaya Malakar, 17 Lacey WA:Ãƒâ€š Stevie WonderÃƒâ€š is his Idol.Ãƒâ€š He sings “Signed Sealed and Delivered”.Ãƒâ€š He is better than his sister, but young and undeveloped.Ãƒâ€š Simon says he’s a lot better than his sister. Randy thinks so too.
Pay attention to these two.Ãƒâ€š Think Leah and Brooke Barrettsmith from last year…
The Power of Bauer!Ãƒâ€š Just thought I’d throw that in.
Nicholas Zitzmann,Ãƒâ€š 27 Midvale UT (left):Ãƒâ€š Nick is a software engineer.Ãƒâ€š That’s supposed to be significant somehow.Ãƒâ€š Because, you know, computer geeks are weird, y’all.Ãƒâ€š He says that his co-workers encouraged him to try out.Ãƒâ€š Come to think of it, if I announced to my co-workers that I was trying out for American Idol, they’d encourage me too.Ãƒâ€š The snark would never stop.Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š Trouble is, like all of the “bad” contestants so far,Ãƒâ€š Nick’sÃƒâ€š endless, dire version of “Unchained Melody” is terrible in a way we veteran Idol watchers have heard many, many times before.Ãƒâ€š The thrill is just sooo gone.Ãƒâ€š My word for Nick?Ãƒâ€š Murine.
Rudy CardenasÃƒâ€š 28, North Hollywood, CA (left): Rudy is the last contestant of the day.Ãƒâ€š He sings “Open Arms” (HATE this song) by Journey.Ãƒâ€š Rudy has aÃƒâ€š decentÃƒâ€š voice, with some power on the high notes. But he’s not knock-your-socks-off greatÃƒâ€š Simon looks bored and says no.Ãƒâ€š Paula says to Simon, “Are you kidding me? 100% YES!” Randy says yes.Ãƒâ€š Rudy advancesÃƒâ€š to Hollywood.Ãƒâ€š Check this one out, sez I.
“Bad Day” is the soundtrack for a montage of the day’s catastrophes.Ãƒâ€š And it’s time for a break.Ãƒâ€š But not before a preview of Day 2, which looks to be the Freaks and Geeks portion of tonight’s broadcast.
Can I stop now?Ãƒâ€š No?Ãƒâ€š I have to finish the re-crap?Ãƒâ€š Sigh.
Retread Part 1: Remember Dirk and Kirk,Ãƒâ€š or whatever the hell they were called from Season 4?Ãƒâ€š The contestants who met on line and became BFF?Ãƒâ€š You know, the guys who got to meet their hero (!!!) David Hasselhoff at the finale?Ãƒâ€š Well, the producersÃƒâ€š must have thoughtÃƒâ€š that bit wasÃƒâ€š awesome (it wasn’t),Ãƒâ€š ’causeÃƒâ€š they bring it back every season.
This years version is Kenneth Briggs, 23 Bothell WA and Jonathan Jayne, 20 Renton WA.Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š Question:Ãƒâ€š At least one of these guys is actually mentally challenged.Ãƒâ€š I mean what the hell?Ãƒâ€š When did American Idol turn into South Park?Ãƒâ€š Bleah.
Retread Part 2: Let’s play SAT analogies!Ãƒâ€š Ãƒâ€š Eric ChapmanÃƒâ€š is to Taylor Hicks, Season 6 asÃƒâ€š Michael SandeckiÃƒâ€š is to Clay Aiken, Season 5.Ãƒâ€š Remember Michael?Ãƒâ€š His wonderfully candid moment when Clay Aiken surprised him on stage duringÃƒâ€š last year’sÃƒâ€š season finale was a highlight.Ãƒâ€š However, Michael’s Clay Aiken schtick at the Boston auditions last year was aggressivelyÃƒâ€š unfunny. Eric, the gray-haired hairdresser is also untalented and unfunny.Ãƒâ€š Except when he tries to put some hair goop on Simon and the security guards nearly wrestle him to the ground.Ãƒâ€š Now, that would have been funny…
Anna Kearns, 20 Wichita, KS (left):Ãƒâ€š Anna’s backstory is that she’s 6′ 7″ in high heels.Ãƒâ€š She towers over Ryan.Ãƒâ€š The producers must think tallness = an awesome backstory, ’cause Anna’s shouty version ofÃƒâ€š Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” earns her a ticket toÃƒâ€š Hollywood.
Jordin Sparks, 16 Glendale AZ: She sings “Because You Love Me” by Celine Dion.Ãƒâ€š Jordan has a very Kat Mcphee-like tendency to lose it on the high notes.Ãƒâ€š Randy and Paula love her, Simon has reservations, but he puts her through.Ãƒâ€š Methinks Jordan is another undevloped teenager who will choke at some point during the competition.Ãƒâ€š It’s just a matter of when.Ãƒâ€š Sidenote: Her dad is Felipe Sparks, who played in the NFL for 9 years.
Steven “Red”Ãƒâ€š Thoen, 27 Seattle WA: This year’s contestant who most resembles a mass-murderer. He sings “Bohemian Rhapsody” in a high-pitched whine.Ãƒâ€š Last word for Red:Ãƒâ€š Invisaline.
And thank Jeebus, it’s over.Ãƒâ€š Three more weeks of this.Ãƒâ€š Damn.
The Stats:Ãƒâ€š 9,000 came out to audition in Seattle.Ãƒâ€š 14 contestants are advanced to Hollywood–Seven on the first day, Seven on the second.
Tuesday audition city:Ãƒâ€š Memphis TN.
- Powered by Disqus
- Blake Shelton Oklahoma Relief Benefit Concert to Air Live on NBC May 29
- 2012 Season Ratings: The Voice Beats American Idol in the Demo
- Mariah Carey GMA Wardrobe Malfunction (VIDEO)
- Jennifer Hudson Negotiating to Judge American Idol (UPDATED)
- Idol Headlines for 5/25/13
- Billboard – Chart Date 06/01/13
- Carrie Underwood Donates $1 Million In Tour Proceeds To Red Cross Disaster Relief Efforts
- Simon Cowell: “I’m Bored By Millionaires Bickering Amongst Themselves”
- American Idol 11 Alums, Elise Testone and Deandre Brackensick Get Ready to Release New Music
- Kelly Clarkson Won’t Be Judging American Idol 13
- Ratings: 2012 Season Saw Major Year to Year Declines
- Idol Headlines for 5/23/13
- Glee Star Lea Michele Signs a Book Deal
- DWTS Zendaya and Val Perform “Hip Hop Malfunction” on Live with Kelly and Michael (VIDEO)
- York Couple Arrested After Stabbing Incident Over American Idol Finale
- X Factor UK: Lucy Spraggan Debuts “Lighthouse”
- Idols In Concert – Stats – 05/23/13
- ‘Nashville’ Episode 21 – Season Finale – Recap & Discussion Post (VIDEO)
- Idol Headlines for 5/22/13 – The Evening Edition
- Maroon 5 “Love Somebody” Music Video Debut
- Dancing With The Stars To Undergo Shakeup, Including New Judges (Report)
- Critics’ Choice Television Awards Nominations Announced
- X Factor UK: Judges Confirmed, Double Auditions
- First Wave of Teen Choice Nominations Announced
- Tuesday Ratings: DWTS Finale Lowest in History, The Voice Hits Tuesday Season Low